"Friends"

[Pixie]

OK long, long whinge coming up, friends related, seems to be the thing lately we all have friend problems!

“Friend” been my friend for 3 years Canadian lived here went back 1 year ago, we were very, very close she use to come over here practically every weekend to spend with us despite having a BF of 4 years he rarely came hung out with his mates, she complained non stop about him, I got sick of her whinging and told her if it was that bad do something etc. so she did and she left the country lol.

I was ever the listening ear shoulder to cry on etc, as I hope that I am a good friend, I dropped everything one day when she rang me in tears and went straight over.


Now I am pregnant when I first told her she was angry that she wasn’t the first person to know, but there again she did get told when I was 8 weeks so still early if you ask me. After a few weeks of not hearing from here which was unusual I contacted her and she said she was sorry she hadn’t e-mailed me as she was finding my pregnancy hard to deal with as it meant things would change between us, and I would no longer be there for her?? Anyway I was like well of course I will still be here etc. then she said “well I don’t want to hear about the baby much OK and we have to make a pact that this won’t change our friendship” I really didn’t know what to say, I was just stunned! I said eventually that sorry she seem to think our friendship would change, but I’d thought she’d be happy for us etc and things will change, as that is the course of life and nature etc. weeks went by nothing so again I mailed her asking if she was OK etc.

Now I continue to be the one to make first contact as I am that kinda person, but the past say 5-6 weeks have thought excuse my French F**K it I am not going to run after you any more, you are just to dam selfish and I don’t need it.

So she has written to some of our joint friends telling them she is coming over for the birth of my baby, but she hasn’t told me this, and I have made it quite clear from the start that the only person in the room with me is my DB and midwife and for the following 2 weeks we are having no visitors apart from the midwife!! What the hell is she up too! So I told our joint friends well hope she has a good time, as I am not giving in, am I being mean?

I am at the point where I just don’t want to be her friend! As she isn’t being a very good one, I am honest with her to a certain extent, but do I need to be blunt now to get my message across? What would you do or say???

Eghh nightmare!!

Congrats if you read this far!

[Shelly68]

Hi,

I so get you with the friend thing.

I fell p/g back in March this year (would be due this Saturday evening, happy new years to me!!)

Told a friend of about 3 years, 2 weeks later she falls p/g, 1 day later I m/c.

She disappears off the face of the earth, I ring, make all the moves etc.

In the end I gave up and she finally rang me the other week and we caught up again. I don't know what the problem with her was but it's all solved now.

Anyway back to you, is there jealousy there, has the friend had a m/c that you don't know about??? (just surmising).

Perhaps the visit back is meant to be a surprise, sorry I can't be of more help.

[Pixie]

No she hasn't had any pregnancies doesn't really want kids apparently, she did mention coming back, but I quite clearly said what my plan was.

Friends are hard work eh

Sorry to hear about your loss, will be a tuff NYE for you :( here's to a better new year though!

order of nightmares

family
friends

he he he :D

[Rockett]

Wow,she's got a bit of a hide assuming she'll be there for the birth hasn't she!
Friendship works both ways,if she can't be bothered contacting you,I wouldn't bother with her,it's her loss.
I'm having similar issues with a friend atm,I'm always ringing her to see if she wants to catch up,she says yes,then doesn't bother to ring back to make arrangements!! I'm over it now,I'm not going to do any running around either!

[nemosmum]

Hey DM,

I had a similar experience but with my sister (who used to be my best friend and my closest confidante) Until that is I got preggie.

Every thing changed I suddenly saw just how selfish and egocentric she really was, here I was going through this amazing experience and all she could do was focus on herself etc

After I had O our r'ship really broke down and we no longer talk except at faimily functions and then its just about what O's up to etc.

My advice focus on your bubba, DB and yourself if shes really your friend then she'll be there for you and understand your wishes. That said if she doesnt get it right away just remember she hasnt been in your shoes and cant imagine how it all feels etc.

S

[JATS]

[rant]

Hubby's best friend before I got pregnant was also his buisness partner, we're both 23, been living together 5 yrs, and he's 26 and lives with his overbearing father but won't move out. He's a fair bit overweight, immature and can be very self centered, no girlfriends ever lasted beyond the first date. This is a problem because he's always wanted a family.

When hubby and I got married he made excuses not to come to the wedding, and acted really strangely for a few months after the wedding. Then when we announced my pregnancy he went all weird again, very sullen, very quiet which was unusual for him. Also just seemed to always be in a bad mood. We still invited him to our place for dinner almost every night, took him on holidays with us (which he ruined by being a sour pus)

I used his computer once and he had an msn window open, he had been whinging to a stranger about having to do "all the work" around the shop and going on about what a slob my hubby was. Meanwhile all he did was the book keeping because he couldn't get the hang of anything else, he had half a chicken carcas under his desk for months from red rooster and BO that'd kill a buffallow! That was the last straw, hubby found a new job and walked out of the partnership.

[/end rant]

You don't need that kind of selfishness when you are starting a family, you can make other friends, try to remember the good times you had in the relationship rather than being bitter about it, but let it go. You'd be better off.

[OM]

she said “well I don’t want to hear about the baby much OK and we have to make a pact that this won’t change our friendship”

You are not being mean at all stand your ground and don't let your 'friend' come to the birth etc, do it the way you want! It is your special moment not hers.

I also cannot believe you had to make a deal with her that you wouldn't talk about your baby much, hell I bet when she falls pregnant that is all she will talk about!

[reAllytee]

Yeah i have to say what is it with friends atm is something wrong with the water that we havent been told about ?!?!?!?!?!?!??!
Anyways as Oscar's mum said the birth is YOUR experience not hers & if you dont want her there so be it !! It also sounds to me as though she wants some attention. So i really wouldnt play into her hands with games etc id possibly send her an email saying you spoke with these friends & they told you of her plans. Id pretty much have it out with her then & there saying you dont want her there etc & why. After all we all know how we get guilty etc & can be swayed when we are face to face with someone & trust me your so exhausted after bubs is born you just dont have the energy to fight with anyone so will give in which is what i did in a few ways ! Just dont do it, as i said speak to her now & put your foot down !
Your not being a b**ch your just taking control of your life which she has no right to interfere with especially as she didnt even want much to do with this baby !
Im sick of so called friends taking advantage all the time & expecting others to organise everything for them i have quite a few who i have just pretty much cut off simple even though it hurts ive found myself less stressed since doing so.
Hopefully all goes well for you & you get your message across !

[Pixie]

Thanks everyone, something in the water must be in the air as it's universal most of my "friends" (being english myself) are overseas so defintely the air lol