Middle child syndrome?????

[LuvMyKids]

Hi everyone

I was just wanting to bring up the topic of "middle child syndrome".

I am pregnant with my 3rd child. I have a 4yo boy and 21 month old girl. I think by the way the pregnancy is going that I will have another boy.

When announcing this pregnancy I have had a lot of negative comments like "are you mad"..........."why are you having another child".............."you're only creating a middle child"..........."I would have 2 or 4 children, but not 3".............

I grew up in a family of 2 children (I have an older brother). My husband grew up in a family of 3 (he is the youngest). My SIL is a middle child and blames everything in life down to "middle child syndrome" - she is the one with the most negative comments.

Is there such a thing as middle child syndrome? Is there anyone out there who has experienced this with their own children or growing up in a family of 3 children?

Anyone who can share any advice/experiences on this issue would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks
Felicity
mum to Connor (4) and Ella (21 months)

[JellyBean06]

My Cousins are 3 in one family and the middle child (although now around 30) did have a lot of issues growing up.

I have found that it's usually from two things:
a) people tend to 'focus' on a first born and the youngest so the middle child is overlooked or
b) because so much 'focus' is placed on the first and last, the middle child has unfair expectations placed on it.

Both of these happened to my cousin. It did cause issues when he was younger as the youngest (girl) was the little baby who could do no wrong and the eldest (boy) was highly intellectual and became an engineer. When he decided not to go to Uni, the stink that caused! But he did it eventually, just in his own time.

The trick is that all of them need to be treated equally, with equal expectations, discipline etc. I'm sure some other families just ignore the middle child, but honestly I don't believe it should be a lifelong excuse! :o

[Elfin]

I agree with Jellybean . I have three children and they are all wonderful different people. We try to deal with each child equally, try not to compare, take an equal interest in each child, spend one on one time with everyone and be fair. I am sure middle child syndrome does exist but I think it can be overcome with good and sensitive parenting.

I also ensure when they are playing games, everyone is included and have something to say if someone is excluded. Most importantly, I try to build up everyone's self esteem, give them love, support and heaps of positive encouragement.

By the way congratulations on your pregnancy. I have found having three children to be wonderful:)

[mim]

When announcing this pregnancy I have had a lot of negative comments like "are you mad"..........."why are you having another child".............."you're only creating a middle child"..........."I would have 2 or 4 children, but not 3".............

Felicity, sorry to say this but I'm glad I'm not the only one constantly hearing this! but first congratulations on you bub! :)

Please don't anyone take this the wrong way, but I think I would actually prefer a boy this time, so our 'middle child' is the only girl IYKWIM. Though I can't imagine that our DD would ever get 'forgotten'.

Easterlily, you sound like a wonderful mother. I might have to ask you for more advice I think ;)

Mim xxx

[HoopDeeDoo]

I'm the middle child in our family and I personally don't think I have the middle child syndrome. I think my mother was horrible equally to all of us :p
just kidding my mother is a difficult person but thats who she is.

My SIL definately has the middle child syndrome thing happening blameing everything that has gone wrong in her life on being the middle child. Personally i think my DH who is the youngest gets the least amount of attention because he has his life together and is mature enough to take responsibility for his own actions.
I think everyone's personality is different and as long as you do everything you can to make your children feel loved and supported then you've done your job right.

My younger brother has the most issues in my family so I don't think it matters where you come in the line. I am the only girl though so maybe thats why I don't feel like I missed out?

Anyway everyone is different, some people need more attention than others, and no matter how much you give to some people it will never be enough.

Have as many kids as you want, and the fact that you are concerned about this means you will do what you can to avoid any of your kids feeling left out - You are a great mum :D

[Mamaduke]

Most of my closest friends are middle children!! I personally think that middle children are the funniest, wittiest people going 'round! I don't know if it's because they needed to be extra funny to get noticed:rolleyes: , but it seems like I'm drawn to people who are middle children and choose them as my dear friends. I, being the oldest, was/am always griping about the fact that I 'broke my parents in' for my younger brother, he's always griping that he was given too much (being the youngest) and now cannot handle things not going his way, and I've been told middle children gripe about the fact that they missed out on everything while only children gripe that they don't have siblings and were lonely....you just can't win...it doesn't matter where they're placed in the family they're going to eventually blame you (parents) for everything that goes wrong in their lives...that's why therapy is a booming business I guess!:p

[mel04]

I am the middle child in my family. I have an older and younger brother. I don't have any issues from my childhood and don't think i ever missed out on anything. It completely depends on the parenting. Some parents do treat the youngest/oldest differently, so as long as you treat them the same you'll be right! I'm planning on having 3 kids!

[JATS]

I am eldest of 4, after me my mum had identicle twin boys, then another girl, my sis and I got ignored and the twins got all the attention :rolleyes:

Just make an effort to treat the kids equally and you'll be right :D

[nemosmum]

Yep Middle child here LOL and yes I was hard done by :D

Only joking it wasnt that bad, My eldest sis was and still is the Golden child!

My parents are very open and honest about it actually which I think only enhanced the problem, they were constantly comparing us to her etc etc I have a younger brother and he was doted on as he was the only boy after three girls. I was always told by my dad that I was jealous of him coz he was the baby etc "As green as grass" was heard over and over again :rolleyes:

It has made me think carefully about how many children I would like and two is thenumber Im happy with at the moment (we have one so far and we are thinking about ttcing no.2 next year). I think I personally would be happiest to leave it at two but DH who only has one brother would love 4 or 5 children as he missed out on the BIG family experience (I say lucky him :p as I hated being in a large family JMO)

What ever happens though happens, I think the other girls have all said it best. You need to focus on each child as an individual and not play favourites etc to ensure all your children feel loved and wanted JMO :)

Good luck and Im sure all your children will be fine!

[JellyBean06]

Just a quick idea - perhaps create something special between you and each child which only that child shares in - such as a toy, activity or book etc. That way they each will feel they have that special one on one attention and a secret that's only between the two of you. Share everything else. :D

[Elfin]

Thanks so much mim for the lovely compliment, the best I have had for ages. I definitely don't know everything and have learnt a lot from the lovely ladies here. I just try to be positive, build up my kids self esteem, listen to them and try not to strangle them too often:D

[LuvMyKids]

Thanks everyone for your replies and advice. I now have a lot more positive energy flowing my way.

From the limited reading I have done, everything basically says to love each child as an individual and to always include each child in a special task.

I guess now that my SIL has made the message loud and clear about middle child syndrome..........as it has apparently destroyed her life................it definitely won't happen to my beautiful children.

Thanks again

Felicity 31
Steve 37
Connor Oct 01
Ella Mar 04
baby due July 06

[mummycloud]

My second child suffered from Middle child syndrome, so I thought I'd fix it and have another child.
Now I have 2 kids with middle child syndrome...LOL :p

[mummycloud]

On a serious note, they are all individuals and need their individual needs met.
My kids tend to be very competative with each other and if I give one a complement the other gets jealous.

I think that no matter how may kids you have, there is going to be some sort of jealousy to some sort of degree at one stage or another.
It shouldn't stop you from choosing to have three kids though.