View Full Version : I am so confused.. To stop or not to stop?
I was so sure I wasn't having anymore kids with my 4th 4 and a half years ago. I surprisingly got pregnant with my 5th and gave birth to my 2nd son january this year. I was very depressed after my 3rd and during my 4th which is why I was so worried when I got pregnant with my 5th. After saying that... I am loving my little baby and enjoy having a new baby so much. Maybe because a) I'm not depressed anymore b) There's 4 yrs between my 4th and 5th c) I'm a bit older and wiser now (I had 4 kids before I was 25. I had my 5th when I was 29) If I was to have another I don't want to wait too long but hubby doesn't want any more. He didn't want me to have the last 2. (He loves them to pieces though.. and they are 2 boys and we had 3 girls first) I guess I need some other people's point of view. :ecomcity: I don't stop once I get going... sorry... if anyone can try and make sense of my confusion then I would really appreciate their opinion. (good or bad... don't worry I have quite thick skin lol) I'll just add aswell that we have a 7 seater car so we'd have to upgrade and we have a 3 bedroom house so there'd be a bit of a squash if someone esle comes along. But anyone with a large family knows that that's not too much of a problem. ( the space in the house I mean)
neostudded
16-04-2007, 00:27
I think that if you want another bubba then you should :thumbsup:
It's a pretty hard decision hey. I admire you heaps, you are doing great! I want a big family, originally wanted six, but would be happy with 4 now. :) Goodluck making the decision :)
I originaly wanted 6 kids till I had my 3rd and as you I cried when I got preg with my 5th and I think it had alot to do with what I thought other people would think. I figure, I wanted 6 I'm only one off. We aswell are rarely together in the car as a family due to same circs. Or I'm running late with the baby so dp takes the younger 2 to their footy game and I follow later. I realise that I'm happy with what little treasures I have but I just can't shake the feeling that one more (for me) would be perfect. It would throw a spanner in the works seen as we have a 3 bedroom house and is already cramped but with the garage turning into a couple of bedrooms we should survive. I was made to be a mum but dp is having trouble with more than one at a time. I suppose there really isn't an answer anyone can give me.. it's all based on my feelings but it really is good hearing from other people and sharing their feelings on how their lives are affected by that many children. whether it's that they have them yet or are planning them. THANKS GUYS
:yelclap: :yelclap: :yelclap: :yelclap:
THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME JENNIFER, NEO, V8 AND CHEEKY. I forgot to give you all a round of applause.
No worries hun :) Hope it all works out for the best.
I must admit it's for me to hear someone else with similar thoughts to me. My DH and I also have 5 kids. Started out as a blended family, our first was DH and me his DS and DD and my DS, then we went on to have 2 more together. We are in the process of finishing our 5 bedroom house(went owner builder to save money) and we recently converted one end of the shed into a bedroom/ensuite for our oldest.
As soon as the youngest is out of the baby stage I have a yearning for another. When we had our last, Kitty, we had a Pajero 7 seater, and I said thats it the car is full. Then my husband worked like buggery to upgrade to a landcruiser and kept pointing out the fact it has 8 seats. So here we go again.
I have to go on fertility drugs to fall this time and I pointed out to my husband I may have twins but he didn't seem too concerned.
It does get easier as they get older, Oldest is 18 now and has his own car to get himself to work. DD-14 and DS-11 both catch the bus to school. So I only have to drive DS-5 to school which is good.
I couldn't imagine my life without them. I was never interested in a career. The kids are just so fulfilling and incredible little humans growing and learning in our care. They amaze me all the time.
It is very hard too make the decision no more, Hopefully one of these days I'll reach that decision but I'm just not ready for that choice yet,
My mum will freak if we fall again though she thinks I'm crazy.
I always say when you find what your good at, stick to it. :laughing:
punkbaby
20-04-2007, 22:30
If you want more go for it, i am going through the why are you having number 4 for etc...coming from a family of 6 i wonder why i am even asked that :)
you know whats right in yourself !! I would have a dozen if i could
punk and kel. It's so good to relate to other people. I was starting to think I was being stupid. I hate to say it but I reakon having kids gets addictive. My favourite parts are sitting there feeling and watching bub move in your tum, and the first time you hold the little treasure, and all of their firsts. I especially like the stage we're at now which is when he smiles at me when I look into his cot when he's just woken up. My new one has just turned 3mths. And you gave me a laugh too kel when you said why not stick to what we're good at :laughing: And OMG punkbaby... I got so many comments when I was preggers with my 4th. And some weren't very supportive either. I think that's why I'm so confused about the decision. If people were more supportive it wouldn't feel like such a "naughty" thing. :confused:
punkbaby
21-04-2007, 14:16
Ohh i am over hearing "how will you get around" we have a 5 seater...i have told everyone they can visit me LOL honestly it doesnt bother me about the car thing and DH can follow on his bike if necessary (or i can and he can drive) To me thats just a minor issue...
I just see it as well i am supporting my kids i work damn hard and never ask for any help, if i was leaving my kids with my mum every day (not that there is anything wrong with that) i would understand if she was judging me for number 4. Apparently these days kids shouldnt share rooms i am like what?? There were 6 of us like i said, there were 3 of us in one room at one stage it never hurt us! It makes me laugh when people say that too
I love the whole tummy thing to, the whole loving feeling pregnant thing (when ms goes) the whole smiling and the whole baby smell ohh dont get me started!!
lol you just made me giggle like a little teenage girl that got winked at by a cute boy. oops there I go again he he he he . You so understand. I'm so glad there's other "MAD" people out there that love their family so much that they want to add more of the same to the mixture. Not that there's anything wrong with loving the one's you have and not wanting anymore though. Just... leave us alone if we want something that other people don't understand. It's not like we are making them do it too. :(
Ruby Slippers
21-04-2007, 14:36
My Mum and Dad had 8Children ,
I loved being in a big family ,
I felt so much love ,
I have 5 sisters and 2 brothers ,
i'm the 5th child
sadly my Sister Bronwyn (Bonnie) died in 1997 ,
she got hit by a truck while walking across a road :crying: she was only 15 , :crying:
every christmas we would all line up at the door ,
and then we would see the christmas tree ,
and ALL the presents
it was soooooooo amazing ,
and when we went shopping it was like we brought the whole store :laughing: one trolley full of bread ,
it was soooooo much fun,
one more won't hurt :D
I will add they have 21 grandchildren
14 boys
7 girls
lol. I have old ladies stop me in bi-lo to comment on all the 99cent bread I'm piling onto my trolley. They're so funny. They point to my 3mth old saying "well I didn't think he'd eat all that bread yet" lol It makes me laugh. (If anyone can tell yet, It doesn't take much to make me let out a giggle or two) And that's so sad bout your sister. She would be 25 now. You'll have to have a few drinks for her. Thankyou for sharing that with us sweetie. And it's great to hear that you don't remember all the squabbling you and your siblings did (and if you tell me that you didn't fight then boo to you cause my kids seem to be constantly at each other). The cons of a large family:laughing:
Ruby Slippers
21-04-2007, 14:46
lol. I have old ladies stop me in bi-lo to comment on all the 99cent bread I'm piling onto my trolley. They're so funny. They point to my 3mth old saying "well I didn't think he'd eat all that bread yet" lol It makes me laugh. (If anyone can tell yet, It doesn't take much to make me let out a giggle or two) And that's so sad bout your sister. She would be 25 now. You'll have to have a few drinks for her. Thankyou for sharing that with us sweetie. And it's great to hear that you don't remember all the squabbling you and your siblings did (and if you tell me that you didn't fight then boo to you cause my kids seem to be constantly at each other). The cons of a large family:laughing:
:laughing: fighting LOL It's amazing my mum has hair :laughing:
thank-you for your kind words.:hugs:
[quote=ruby slippers;1366384]My Mum and Dad every christmas we would all line up at the door ,
and then we would see the christmas tree ,
and ALL the presents
it was soooooooo amazing ,
Just a little hint ladies bout christmas time with big families. My kids know that santa (if that's your religious belief) brings them only one present and myself and my dp get the rest. That way if we are having a financially restricted christmas then they still get their big santa pressie that they asked for and you don't have to explain why santa gave them heaps of toys last year and clothes, socks and school stuff this year :o When my kids ask why their cousins get 20 or so pressies off santa and they only get one. I just explained that it's because there is only a couple of kids in their family and the more kids we have the less we get off santa cause he can't afford to give that many to all of us. Hope I didn't confuse you all.
Ruby Slippers
21-04-2007, 14:56
That's a wonderful way :thumbsup:
I really don't know how my mum and dad did it ,
i find it hard at christmas and I only have 3 children.
The secret is, and it's not really a secret, but don't tell anyone lol. I start my shopping in June. I don't get any electrical things off layby until just before chrissy as the warranty starts as soon as you make the last payment. Wait for the christmas laybys to start which is usually round June or july and just pay $10 min a fortnight and it keeps the laybys there but your whittling it down slowly. It doesn't feel like it but I end up spending bout $200 per child (inc santa pressie) on each kid. That includes some clothes too. I just wait for specials and layby the heck out of them. I sometimes have bout 5 layby going at a time. And chrisco really helps out too.
punkbaby
21-04-2007, 15:18
My ds bday is on the 28th Dec, and DD2 is on the 14th Dec, at the moment we are lucky as MIL and FIL will give DD and DS their christmas presents on their bdays we do the christmas presents, when they were first born i was thinkgin grr christmas babies only for the whole present reason i wanted them to feel special on their bday, , thanks to the IL we dont have to buy two lots .
Naturally when they are older we will have to do something else but they have everything they need, i am thinking their bday they will get a small gift and christmas something bigger, or visa versa i do this with older DD now (shes a march baby) when i was a kid all 6 of us used to get a swing set to share or something indiviual but we were always happy :) it never hurt me.
Christmas is over rated i think these days :D
i agree punky but who can deny our darlings the "joy" of the christmas season? :rolleyes:
My kids get up to 4 pressies on their birthdays. And that's only cause I can't help myself. myself, my sis and my bro only got one present for our birthdays when we were kids. (It was usually a barbie doll) And it didn't affect me what so ever. We got a birthday party once every 3 years cause we took it in turns each year. My childhood is full of such good and fun memories and it wasn't because of how many pressies we got. I feel for you having you bubs b'days so close to chrissy, but I'm sure you'll work out a system. I'm lucky my kids are spread all over the year. I've got the 13 jan, 25 feb, 22 march... then there's the 11 aug and 12 sept
Hi Mum05, I know how you feel ,you have 5 kids already and you would love more but i can tell you it gets harder, very hard in fact the more you have , in every way financially, physically, mentally everything, but if you really think that you can keep going then just go for it. Good luck with everything.
jodie 37
husband 42
Rhiannah 17
Biankah 16
Dane 11
Alisha 6
Azminah 5
Zahid 3
Zhakri 2
Khalid 14mths
Azhar born on 7/3/2007.:wave:
christmas is big in our house, absolutely huge, I am a chrissy fanatic. The kids and I start baking a month before and they live off ginger bread :laughing: .
We do the santa stocking thing and all the pressies in their stockings are from santa and all under the tree from us. I do the layby thing too, I love the target toy sale. We try and do lots of cheap activities for the kids, we make our own cards and the kids love making pinatas( they just blow up balloons and cover them newspaper soaked in flour and water, then last layer in chrissy paper and fill them with lollies.)
It's so different to read messages from people that think like me, I just can't get over it.
My DH was talking today that if I do fall pg again we are not telling anyone till I'm too obvious to hide, My mum is going to FREAK. She so ****es me off cause she hardly ever sees them anyway. She never visits, shes always soooo busy. When we had our 4th I had to have an emerg c-sect with complications and had to stay in hospital for a week,my parents had myDS only while ihad my labour and c-sect then handed him straight back to DH like they'd done their duty and that was that. So DH had to care for 3 kids work night shifts( he waited till I came home to take his time off) and put up with my constant crying and bad health. He had to ask his exwife to help out (whos a real cow) . So when I had 5th we asked a friend to care for the kids instead, she was a lifesaver, but my mum sulked for weeks. Then she gave me an expensive family heirloom that she new I wanted, then thought that because she'd given me that great gift that all was forgiven and I was suppossed to kiss her feet or something.
I'd better shutup now, you can tell that I don't get to rant about this stuff very often.
Thank god for my DH ( even though he can be a bugger sometimes he is a man after all :laughing: ) he has given me the best family I could ever want.
Sorry for ranting:ecomcity:
Hi Mum05, I know how you feel ,you have 5 kids already and you would love more but i can tell you it gets harder, very hard in fact the more you have , in every way financially, physically, mentally everything, but if you really think that you can keep going then just go for it. Good luck with everything.
jodie 37
husband 42
Rhiannah 17
Biankah 16
Dane 11
Alisha 6
Azminah 5
Zahid 3
Zhakri 2
Khalid 14mths
Azhar born on 7/3/2007.:wave:
What made you decide to keep going? And I hope this question doesn't come out sounding rude but it is a sincere question. After all you went another 4 times past me. :yelclap: And I take my hat off to your dedication to your family. And I know that you'd never be anything but dedicated but as you said it does get tougher. I just love being a mum to the treasures I have already and every time I have another I feel more and more in love with the fact I have such a wonderful life raising these beautiful people. :confused:
OMG kelpat. I so agree with you. It's so refreshing to be able to communicate with people who understand (almost) everyword you say. I had to add almost cause afterall we are all different at the end of the day. And as your rant goes.. don't worry. I've been known to get on my soap box more than once and if I didn't drag myself down then I'm sure someone else would. :laughing: And as you I LOVE LAYBY!!!!!!!!! It's like having a credit card without the interest AND even better because when you finally finish paying it off your stuff is still brand new :D
Us mothers always seem to find the silver lining don't we.
Hi mumo5, I really dont know why we kept going maybe my age is the main reason, because i dont have many yrs left ( i am 37), but apart from that i cant give you a valid reason, i just love kids. When my last two sons were born when i first heard them cry i cried myself, sobbed in fact:gloomy: the midwives were trying to comfort me, i just felt an overwhelming sense of love Valentinefor them and still do of course. Anyway dont stress about your situation just enjoy your beautiful family.:wave:
Hi mumo5, I really dont know why we kept going maybe my age is the main reason, because i dont have many yrs left ( i am 37), but apart from that i cant give you a valid reason, i just love kids. When my last two sons were born when i first heard them cry i cried myself, sobbed in fact:gloomy: the midwives were trying to comfort me, i just felt an overwhelming sense of love for them and still do of course. Anyway dont stress about your situation just enjoy your beautiful family.
oh that so beautiful. You give me goosies. I'm not stressed though. My last ds is just 3mths old. I've just thrown myself in this turmoil cause there's a four and half year gap between my 4th and 5th. And the reason for that is I wasn't having anymore. My 4th had gotten to the independant 3yr old stage and I was loving it. But I'm enjoying this one so much that I feel that I have so much more to give and yet again maybe I should concentrate on my little ones I've got :ecomcity: Lost myself and started rambling for a second. lol. And I've said it before but I just like to hear other people's stories and feelings on the subject and I suppose I also opened this thread so that other lovely mummies out there could maybe have the strength to "admit" that they're thinking this way too and can't say it out loud due to the fact that other people may look down on them. And there have been a few unfairly tormented mothers out there that have been able to talk about it. And all I can say is even though I'm not sure.. It's good to see we can support each other with these important issues that can haunt us without the right support. Does any of this make sense to any of you out there or am I still rambling :detective: :laughing:
punkbaby
22-04-2007, 22:08
Now you know after number 4 comes i think i will have to have some more :) i figure i have a a good 10 years left in me for babies hehe i hit 31 soon :D maybe even another 15 years hmm .....
After you said there jodie it all comes back to why i want more!! Not just that but thats what makes me melt the most
It not only means the biological clock's ticking but the most important part is doing the active things with our children that we love doing. As much as we will still do it no matter how mature we get.... It's still easier when we have the energy to do it. Not saying to you ladies out there that any of you won't be able to cope but I hope you get my drift without thinking I'm being prosumptuous :)
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