Is bottlefeeding a newborn 'personal'?

[Shanaynay]

Hi Hubbers :wave:

I have a friend having a baby shortly :smiliedance:

She is having a cesarean so obviously won't be able to do much for a while and while her partner is at work etc... I've offered to come and help her out with the baby etc...

I've just been wondering, would it be weird for me to feed her baby? Is it something that only the mum does...? I wouldn't want to be looking after the bub and have to wake her up to give her bub a bottle if I could just do it, iykwim? But would it be a bit weird for someone else to bottlefeed your newborn baby?

I know I can just ask her but it's an odd thing to ask... do you think feeding a newborn is a personal thing on the mum should do? Or is it ok for anyone to?

[RedPanda]

Good question Phin. For me it was personal for some time. I had a lot of guilt over bottle-feeding DS, so I was hesitant to pass him over to others. I felt that it was something I was biologically supposed to do for him, so someone else feeding him made me feel awful. However, that feeling didn't last long at all. He needed his milk, and I didn't mind who gave it to him.

[EskimoMumma]

The first few feeds for me were very personal. I always feel a connecction with my kids, even with bottles. Every bottle pretty much, its great :)

Just offer to her that you can do it and are more then happy to and the likes , i know i felt nothing but relief when I see other people feeding DD2. I have to say I quite enjoy sharing the experience with people.


HTH

[stellarella]

well if for some reason i needed to bottle feed i wouldnt want anyone else to do it :no: especially in those early precious days...

but maybe your friend would like you to and she would prefer the rest...you need to ask her..

I find it personal personally (:p ) but some people might be fine with it.

[drewid]

I would feel it was a personal, parental thing to do. But thats just me. On both levels - I wouldn't be comfortable having someone else feed my baby, and I wouldn't feel comfortable feeding someone else's.

I'm sure there are parents out there that would not mind if a friend/relative/carer fed the baby. All you can do is ask if it would be helpful :) I don't think anyone gets offended by an offer of assistance, even if they may not take you up on it :)

There are also all the other ways you could help out around the house, if she wants to feed bub herself. Sometimes its helping with those other chores that *really* lifts the load in those early months.

I think its great that you are offering to help out :yes: :thumbsup:

[Ashleigh<3]

Wow, you are just lovely, I'd definitely express for a Mum and bub in need. The breast is a bit personal but I can't say I wouldn't give it a try, health comes first.

[AM]

I thought you were asking whether or not it would be allright for you to breastfeed her baby!!:laughing:

I don't actually have any experience with bottles, but just thinking about the whole bonding thing, I would not want anyone else feeding my baby at least for the first few weeks... I guess it is something you would need to discuss with your friend though, she may prefer some uninterrupted sleep!:)

[Lunar]

For me, it was very personal. I had a lot of trouble bf, and was very depressed over it. I wouldn't even let DH feed K for a few months. I wanted only me to feed her. I suppose I wanted that bf type relationship where only I could feed my baby.

If someone at that time, was to come over and help me care for bub, and I went for a nap, I would want to be woken for the feed.

I would ask her, definately, she may be fine with it, she may ask you to wake her.

I think if you have a good enough r/ship where you can look after her newborn while she sleeos, you can be open and ask her things like this.

[Nowhere]

i think it is a personal thing think of it as if she was bf then you would wake her KWIM its her time to bond with bub

[Funkychicken]

I would think it would be very personal. At least in those early weeks, if not longer. Maybe you could do all the things right up to the 'giving' of the bottle, such as make it up and then take both the baby and the bottle to her so she can do the actual feeding.
I used to get DH to look after our babies in the lounge while I had a proper rest and as soon as they needed a boobie he would bring them in and lay them next to me, so I didn't have to actually do a lot except put my breast in the baby's mouth. Maybe you could offer the same thing except with a bottle.

[SorenLorensen]

just go with the flow....if she needs you to she will ask.

for me i really loved seeing other people who i was close to feed DD, her first bottle was given by her dad and my mum finished off feeding her that bottle (i was in recovery after my c/s so was not there). but the look on DPs face and my mums even now when they talk about it is pricless

the next day DPs dad gave her a bottle and i knew how much it ment to him to feed his first grandchild, as i said for me i loved it, i loved seeing loved ones connect with her it that way.

so as i said just go with the flow, and if she does not mind you doing it, trust me she will ask

[Lunar]

I would think it would be very personal. At least in those early weeks, if not longer. Maybe you could do all the things right up to the 'giving' of the bottle, such as make it up and then take both the baby and the bottle to her so she can do the actual feeding.
I used to get DH to look after our babies in the lounge while I had a proper rest and as soon as they needed a boobie he would bring them in and lay them next to me, so I didn't have to actually do a lot except put my breast in the baby's mouth. Maybe you could offer the same thing except with a bottle.

Great idea!
DH used to do that too! It was nice.

[~rambox~]

I think yes it is a very personal thing also a bond in FF your new born just as much as BF However if your friend is in need she will ask and wont mind at all :hugs:

[Shanaynay]

Wow, you are just lovely, I'd definitely express for a Mum and bub in need. The breast is a bit personal but I can't say I wouldn't give it a try, health comes first.
No I mean formula in a bottle!! hehe :p I would breastfeed her baby if she wanted me too, but she'd completely flip!!



For me it was personal for some time. I had a lot of guilt over bottle-feeding DS, so I was hesitant to pass him over to others. I felt that it was something I was biologically supposed to do for him, so someone else feeding him made me feel awful.
Awww:hugs: I'm glad that feeling passed quickly. She won't have the guilt feeling or she won't feel depressed about it like you Lunar (:hugs: for you too), so that won't be an issue.....
But I didn't think about the bonding actually.

Funky chicken, good idea, if I get the bottle ready and make it up and everything, then take her the bottle with bub etc... then she may just ask me to do it anyway. Hope so, I like feeding babies :) Weird I know, but I really like how you can feel them sucking on the teat.

[Ashleigh<3]

I have gotten myself all confused I has.

I had more then one person feeding Chloe as soon as she was on the bottle.
I had expressed milk and a family member would feed her too.

I don't think it's interfered with our bonding/connection.

[Beany]

Unfortunately, weird though the questions might seem, it's something that you'll have to ask her.

When I visited my sister-in-law in the hospital after she had my nephew, she thrust a bottle into my hand, turned over and went to sleep :laughing: Poor thing - she'd been in labour for ages, had a breech birth and been inundated with well wishers all morning.

My sister, however, only fed my niece out of sight. She didn't even want anyone else in there with her let alone doing it for her. Not even my mum. That eased off after a few days, though.

There's no way to know which way she'll go unless you ask her. And ask her again after the birth ... she might change her mind.

[No2WhereAreYou]

Hi

Being a nanny I have bottle fed many young ones. The mothers seem to not mind as it gives them time for themselves, but also in saying that if the mother is around, most of the time she will do it if she is there.
Some mothers feel better when the baby feeds more out of the bottle when they do it, its a common thing. I like to reassure mothers its ok, and that they dont need to feel bad as the baby knows its a different feeling to their mum feeding them (yup, they know from a bottle too!)
I bet she will feel better with you doing it as you are a good friend compared to a stranger. Don't feel bad, just reassure her it's ok if she gets down in the dumps, and it wont take the bond away from mum and bub.

[Wivi]

My suggestion would be to just ask her. It's not a weird thing at all but she might be a bit hesitant. Especially as with the caesarean there may be lots of other things she can't do with bub and feeding is something that she can!

As a mum who bottlefed I can honestly tell you that it annoyed me sometimes that everyone just assumed and wanted to feed my baby. DH and I had many arguments about it in the early days. I think that had a lot to do with a number of different things, one being that DS was not a good feeder and we didn't hold him in the usual way to give him a bottle because then he wouldn't drink it! For some reason grandmothers cannot and will not be told stuff like this and so would ignore what we said and try to feed our poor little DS in a position where he was very uncomfortable.

I would take the lead from your friend. I do wnat to say though that you are just lovely helping her through this!

[SamanthaJane]

You really need to sort it with her... because everyone will feel different on the issue.

I loved bottle feeding Charlotte myself, because it was a time i shared just with her, just staring at her, admiring every bit of her.

But at times, i was extremely grateful (that spelling doesn't look right? :sleeping:) when someone offered to feed her. Charlotte's dad would often feed her the early morning feed (about 3-4am) and i appreciated that.

[Snuffys Mum]

I'm going to go against the general concensus and say, I personally, had no issues with my family or close friends feeding ds even while we were still in hospital.

I had a c/s too and he's been FF pretty much since birth. But I had no negative feelings or guilt about having to have a c/s or not being able to BF so I could completely understand why ladies who weren't so content with those issues might feel reluctant to let someone else feed their new baby.

I would just ask her outright how she feels about it. Then you can both know where you stand right from the beginning. I'm sure she'll appreciate you taking her feelings into such strong concideration.

:yelclap: to you for being such a lovely friend!

[shed]

I don't think their is an across the board answer because it would feel different for everyone.

You will have to ask her.

What a nice friend you are.

[punkbaby]

I BF all mine till about 12 months however DS i fed for about 6 weeks...i couldnt stand anyone feeding him BUT in saying that its personal preference, be there for her if she needs help help her...i am sure she will ask...chat to her first everyones different as had been said here :)

[TickledPink]

i had/have real issues with not being able to bf so for me the thought of anyone else (apart from dh) feeding Lily is something i cant deal with.
My mum actually one day grabbed the bottle and shoved it into Lily's mouth and i cried for days about it.

Your friend may be the complete opposite to me and be very grateful that someone else is there to offer help. I say just bring it up with her and go from there.

[please]

I Must be abnormal .... My parents were feeding my DD2 as soon as she was born ..... I couldn't have her near me as she was refusing the bottle due to throwing up at the smell of my milk. In order to feed the poor child I had to wear 4 layers of clothes on top so as to stifle the smell until my milk dried up ....

So no to me it's not personal .... she and I are just as close now as I was with the older two. It was more about convenience and the best for Bub than my personal feelings.

Actually I remember with my DS I had to look after DD1 and he needed a bottle the day we got home from hospital so I handed him over to the first available person .... my brothers girl friend.

I actually think you should sit down with your friend and say "I want to help you as much as I can .... can you tick off on a list the things you would not be offended by" and then produce a list that has "feeding bottle while you REST" in between 'washing sheets' and 'dusting the mantel'

[allysophia]

I'd definatly offer the baby my breast !

And if I couldnt BF I'd be happy for another mum to do it for me! (provided I was aware of her health condition..)

WHO SAYS, in order of best food for bub:

1. Mum boobie
2. Mum expressed boobie.
3. Other mum boobie :D
4. Bottle

[Duchessa]

You are a lovely friend P. I wouldn't have a problem with you feeding my newborn (in fact, when I have one, can I give you a call ;) :D)... whether it was breast or bottle - but I am a weirdy beardy.

[babylover111]

Oh this is such a nice thread! I love the way it shows the closeness that is there while bottle feeding :yes:

For one of the little ones I cared for I bottle fed her even if the mother was around but on some occasions she'd like to do it and that was fine with me! She'd just let me know by saying "I'll feed her this bottle" and I'd prepare some formula for the next feed and pop it in the fridge.

There is such a closeness and love bond when theres bottle feeding but it really depends on the mother and how she feels about the issue. Even when I have bottlefed her I loved it, I loved staring into her eyes, on hot days I'd blow on her face to cool her down. This is starting to make me teary now!!! I'm sad that she now takes the bottle herself :( but she's growing up and it's sooo exciting to watch her develop everyday.

Ok I've babbled on :ecomcity: but definitely ask you friend, if you two are close I'm sure she won't mind you feeding her but each to their own.

[JorBai]

Phineas- I think your offering a lovely thing! Yes it is personal but she may feel different and gladly accept your offer.

Explain to her how you feel and that you wont be offended as you just want to offer help and support.

I would be so thankful of a friend offering that to me if I did actually need it!

:hugs: and :yelclap: to you for being such a nice and caring person!

[charlen49]

I'd go by what the mum wants...I mainly ff bub and i like it , especially when we are in the zone..staring in each others eyes and bub playing with my face with her exposed hand..priceless..but i also love watching dp feed her and bonding with her.

[Widget]

I would suggest letting her do it during the day unless she asks you if you want do it - by night, just let her know that if she needs to rest, you can feed the bub for her...

While I was upset about not BF I was okay with others feeding her - I had to be, she was in SCU... I actually hung out for someone to visit so that someone else could do it - getting her father to do it was more than challenge (still is)... Not because I wanted/needed a break - but because my head was still everywhere - if I could have 15mins to myself I could mentally prepare for the night/day/week ahead of me...