How many single parents here? [Archive] - Bub Hub Pregnancy & Parenting Forum

Nina

26-12-2005, 02:27 PM

I didn't think i could do it on my own. Been with their dad for over 8yrs, we split in July. It's hard at times, but i can't go back to him, just doesn't feel right and currently have a lot of emotional crap to sort through. He's not wanting to let go and gets depressed.....

He sees the kids a lot every wk, and is good now. At times i get very low. I'm costantly being hit on by guys who are just after one thing, surely i don't have a sign on my head. I would like to start dating again, hate being alone, but doesn't seem anyone wants to know about it when kids are involved. How are others finding that?

Imogensmum

26-12-2005, 03:02 PM

Hello- I'm a single mummy to a beautiful little girl- have been single the whole way
Apparently my intuition about guys isn't as good as i thought! LOL

But sometimes i think it's easier on my own- no having to comprimise on my beliefs/morals etc!

I'm from the A.C.T

LilShenanigans

26-12-2005, 04:11 PM

Been single about a week before Lillya showed up, got through a messy time with birdbrain and he completely buggered off - support and all. For the best really, he's unstable in life.

Have been curious about dating, a little fearful of it actually. Have friends who are interested but still - is it long term?

And what do you do if your dating someone and your child starts to call them dad??? Bit lost with all that.

Otherwise it's all good, quite happy on my own so far...:)

Kamaikia

27-12-2005, 09:47 PM

My son has seen his father once in 14 months - sometimes I think this is good, other times bad. You know, when he is sick and screaming all night I would pay to have him here helping but most of the time I like doing this on my own. Strange I know but I love the fact that my son is being raised how I want - no fights, what I say goes - no dad saying yes when I have said no etc etc. I see so many relationships where the father does nothing and the mother gets stressed and resents him - you may as well be single (except there is no sex then :rolleyes: ) :)
So far I have stayed clear of men. Yes its lonely but I'm not ready to be in a relationship. And it scares me - what if he gets close to a man then the man leaves - I don't want him to have lots of dads - I don't want to be that sort of mother. Its hard.
And then theres the fact that I don't know when I would have time to date - Between my son, work and friends there isn't much time left. And I can honestly say I am happy - I have never been the sort who needs a man by my side - I suppose if I was I would never have left his father - I would have stayed and been miserable.
I am glad this thread was started though. I remember when I first had my son I was a bit embarrased that I was a single mum. Then I met a friend who is one and she was so proud and it rubbed off on me I guess. Now I will tell people with pride that I am a single mum - I am doing an amazing job of raising my child all alone. I am working hard to make a future for us.
I'm sure there are other single mums that don't have someone to boost them up for the hard work they are doing so this thread could help them.
I'm one of the lucky ones - I have goot support around me. If I need help I only have to pick up the phone and I have got it. I couldn't imagine doing it alone - no family, friends, partner or anything.
Though I would love a night out sometime (I never get a night to myself) but because I am working I feel guilty leaving him any other time.
Ok I will stop rambling now

sugar n spice

27-12-2005, 10:15 PM

Hi i have noticed that guys are funny when you say you have kids. The first thing they ask you is "what do you do" and you say your a mum and they look at you like you have 2 heads.

I think that everything happens for a reason. Maybe you are destined to meet some else. In between that time just put that extra time into your kids and enjoy that free time you will have with them before you meet someone else. When your not worried about meeting someone thats when you will. I think if a guy generally likes you they wont worry if you have kids.

soontobemum

28-12-2005, 06:16 PM

hello, im due on the 20/7/06 with my second baby, im 21 years old and the father of my baby is a 17yr old who doesnt have a job and doesnt really want to be apart of the babies life.
my first baby i had when i was 15 yrs old (my boyfriend at the time raped me), she died 11 months after her birth.
so i have had it rough and ive just moved to perth and i am trying to find some friends who can help me through this....
my parents are there to help but thats all i have over here no friends no boyfriend......

please will someone help me

Nina

28-12-2005, 06:58 PM

Bride83 that's exactly the look you get. I have a guy i'm sort of seeing, long story, but i've tried to not have the kids either awake or here when he comes over, but the few times they've seen him they already like him. And that's the thing, what do you do? This guy says he doesn't want a rel with me cos of certain things one being the kids and he's mum would go nuts at me. But what do you do? They all get along so well, but it will be intresting now cos he's work has taken him few states away for 3 mths!!!

But at same time, i don't think i'm ready to get into anything serious right now, still have lots to sort out with x, who refuses to move on.

As for being proud to be a single mum, not sure how i feel about it all. I get weird looks when i say i'm a single mum. I also don't really have much support. My mum is not nice most of the times, can't rely on her and she plays with my head most times, so only person i have to leave kids with is the ex.

soontobemum - sorry about the loss of your first baby. That would have been hard to deal with and at such a young age. At least you have your parents, it's a great start. If you're moving, then don't worry as there'll be a health centre somewhere near by and you can go there and ask if they have a group for mums to be or young mums and you could join them and make friends.

Sorry i can't be more help, i'm in a mess myself feeling very lost too. Hope things work out for you, i'm sure they will.

Kamaikia

28-12-2005, 09:56 PM

NINA
Sorry but it sounds to me like he is just after a good time - no strings attached - a hard situation when there are kids involved. I think that you have to be careful about what the kids are seeing and hearing - which wil be more than you think - especially when you don't want it to get serious.
Its funny I used to get those looks about being a single mum but now that I have changed my outlook on things I don't notice them anymore - not sure if they were ever even there or if it was just me? I guess in a way I'm lucky - I choose to leave my childs father knowing what I was doing and I have had a long time to adjust. I think getting back into work and life has helped alot, given me alot more confidence in myself.
One thing I learnt the hard way is just because you are single you don't have to be supermum. You need to take a break. Its weird, in the start I felt I had to prove to the world that I had made the right decision, that I could do it all alone but didn't take long to realise you can't do it alone. This job is meant for more than one person.
I understand it must be hard without supprot so heres my suggestion - daycare. Just one or two days a week so you can recharge your batteries. This is nothing to feel guilty about - everyone needs time to themselves. Daycare centres are a safe environment for your child, with age appropriate toys, foods etc. Look into it please.
Just try and keep your head up to - its taken me a full 14 months to be happy about things - give yourself time ok. Always here if you wanna chat ok.

SOONTOBEMUM
I can't even begin to imagine what you have gone through. But I can imagine this pregnancy is full of stress. Not just over the situation with the father but the fear of history repeating.
This is going to take along time for you to sort out. If the father doesn't want to be involved then there is nothing you can do - harsh but true, you need to accept it then move on and decide wether you want to continue the pregnancy. Remember though it would be alot for a 17 year old to take in - maybe he is just scared at the moment and needs time to adjust - give him that space, you never know.
I would strongly advise you speak to a counsellor soon. You've had it pretty rough and could probably benefit from talking to an outsider that will know how to help you. Being a single mum isn't easy - a counsellor would possibly be able to help you with finding services that will help - eg, housing commission, doctors, playgroups, greif support services etc.
I understand though if you choose not to do this.
Feel free to pm me at any time if you need help ok

(Just read this back and realised how much I ramble - the fingers don't keep up with the brain so everything comes out scrambled) :)

soontobemum

28-12-2005, 11:17 PM

thank you for your replies, but he has had 11 weeks to think about this, i have choosen to have the baby as i done like the idea of having an abortion, i have tried talking to counsellors and ppl like that but it never helped......
i think i am just looking for company from other single mothers so that i can realise i am not alone......

but once again thank you all for your replies

Nina

29-12-2005, 08:49 AM

Kamaikia - i also chose to leave the hubby. Took me a long time but finally did it. It's been a journey that's up and down. At times i feel good about it all, and then at times i get worried about things.

I do manage to get some time to me, at the moment it's more, but normally it's not too much. I've learnt to cope with it, but lately the kids are really pushing all the buttons and constantly picking on each other which is driving me nuts. Can't wait for school to go back, having just one home is much easier.

I'd like to get back into work, but don't want to leave the kids elsewhere and the money i'd earn would just go towards that anyway. Well, that's my excuse anyway....

I know this guy is just after a good time, but at same time things were getting deeper. But not to worry, i need to not have him around as it's just making it harder, i waste too much time thinking about him and not me and kids. Makes me feel sick, and i've had enough already.

Thanks for your help.

Mummy+T+C

29-12-2005, 03:32 PM

Hi group, my name is Siobhan I am 21 from Adelaide with a 9 month old son named Tai.

Have been a single mum since Tai was 3 months old, but may as well have been a single mum from the start with the lack of help I got from Tai's dad.

We are still friends and Tai sees him a lot, he still needs an education in the giving me help department though.

I don't have 2 heads, but guys seem to think I do too :D

Kamaikia

29-12-2005, 09:41 PM

I guess the biggest thing to realise and accept is no matter what you do it will never be enough for some. You stay home with your kids on a pension - you are lazy. You work, then you are neglecting your children. You stay single you are denying your child a father - you meet men then you are a ****.
Its hard and always will be so thats where you have to do whatever feels right.
And soontobemum I think its great you have tried talking to people but if it didn't work thats fine. We are always here for anything ok, I really mean that.
I too find it amazing the reaction when guys find you have a child - I'm very straight up about it - if he thinks it strange - then I don't want to know him. If a man wants to get to know me he has to realise from the start that I have a little person attached to me at all times. It will happen when its supposed to. Still get lonely though.

Nina

30-12-2005, 08:03 AM

You stay home with your kids on a pension - you are lazy. You work, then you are neglecting your children. You stay single you are denying your child a father - you meet men then you are a ****.

That's so true, exactly what i've found. My ex is calling me a **** now. Some people think i should be working....

Can't win, and i give up. I feel really low at the moment, i don't know what's making me so low so suddenly.

Mum2Bug

31-12-2005, 12:07 AM

Hi everyone. Are all the single guys in perth against dating single mums? even the male friends i asked about it admit that they find dating mums a whole new ballgame that they would rather not play. what is with that? i've just spent the most amazing christmas with my daughter and although i would've liked to have shared it with someone, im not desperate for a guy to be a father to my girl. she has one already!

Nina

31-12-2005, 12:08 PM

Hi deanne, it seems most guys run when they see kids are involved. They somehow think cos you have a kid that you want something huge from them. Seems to be the way anyway. Some i've talked to and have heard similar, they pretty much think that single mums are after a permanent relationship.

Don't worry, there is still some out there that are not afraid. It's the one that will stick around long enough to see if they like you or not are the ones that have the guts and are usually worth it.

So easy for me to say, now to just convince myself.. :rolleyes:

Mummy+T+C

31-12-2005, 02:03 PM

Don't worry, there is still some out there that are not afraid. It's the one that will stick around long enough to see if they like you or not are the ones that have the guts and are usually worth it.

So cute, and so very true!
The guy who is worth it is the guy who will stick around.

Mum2Lucas

31-12-2005, 09:24 PM

Hi I'm 20 and a single mum from brisbane.

LilShenanigans

31-12-2005, 09:41 PM

I'm sorry for this ladies, but I'm probably not helping the stereotype that all single mothers want long term relationships! lol

I do, I'm so over casual dating, casual, and the 'maybe' dating (maybe we're together, maybe we're not). Blah!

I have talked to a few of my friends, two in particular. Sadly both have just come out of a relationship but they were both involved with single mothers... and they never found anything wrong with it (except one but that was because the daughter had bad manners - but he still loves her)... It's interesting though that one of them gets called 'Dad' and the mother will ultimately ruin his life with the de facto relationship thing (But thats what she is like)... The other is just a good friend, and the kids love him but wouldn't imagine calling him dad.

It's so bizarre. Sadly though, can't say I've ever found anyone who'd be interested in this single mumma :p All good, hard to date when you have a baby hanging from ya nipple! lol:rolleyes:

Mum2Lucas

31-12-2005, 10:00 PM

Have to say that I'm also pretty over casual sex and anything short term. I was seeing my sons father for 3 months when we broke up and i never knew whether we were bf and gf or just sleeping together or what. i've been single since then and am glad of it because i didnt have to compromise over names or anything when it comes to lucas. But he's 4 months old now and I want a longterm relationship. I'm 2o now and i'd like to have another baby when im 24ish so im looking for something serious and may have found just that last week when i met a really nice boy the same age as me and is really good with lucas.

Nina

02-01-2006, 10:14 AM

I'm in that middle ground, just about had enough of casual and just about want to get into serious.

The guy i was with, kids love him, not calling him dad though, i don't think i'd let them call anyone that unless he was here to stay for ever, which might be a while. Plus i don't think dad would think much of it.

It seems all the nice guys end with not nice girls and vice versa.

But it's not only guys that stay away cos of kids, also friends with no kids act all different. I'm not in a prison, i can still do things, just takes a bit longer now and need to plan it, but geeeeee :rolleyes:

polony

03-01-2006, 03:34 PM

I just re-read this thread. I truly thought I was alone in finding it hard to get a guy. Firstly, getting out is dificult. Secondly, telling them you have a kid... well....

But then you get people like my friend who is a single mother (well, sort of) but hasn't been single for longer than a week. She can also seem to have 2 guys at once!! I don;t know how she does it.

Meanwhile, I spent New Years alone, and Xmas was really quiet. But, that still doesn't bother me too much. I have an awesome daughter to hang with. But sometimes that just doesn't seem enough to fill a void that seems to exist. Does that sounds wrong???

Is there any advice to us mothers who would like to meet someone? And where the hell do you meet them? How do you introduce them to the fact you have a baby and that the baby always comes first?! Tell me that! :(

tyler's mum

03-01-2006, 03:37 PM

hello all im a single mum from sydney im 25 and my beauitful little girl turned 4months yesterday,,, feel free to pm if any one wonts to chat

JKsMum

05-01-2006, 12:15 PM

Hi!
I'm 26 and I have a 3yr old son. I have been single since very early in the pregnancy (although it was on-off for a while).
I find it very hard, but very rewarding. I am at Uni, have 2 years left...fingers crossed!!!
My son keeps asking when he is going to get a sister as all of his friends now have at least one younger brother or sister. It's hard, no boyfriend and I'm not looking, sick of getting hurt.

Hope everything gets better for you guys!!:)

JKsMum

05-01-2006, 12:17 PM

The guys I have met don't like having to come second to someone. For us our kids will always come first. Hopefully there are some good ones ut there that won't mind!!:)

Mum2Bug

05-01-2006, 12:59 PM

If you all think that there are some guys still out there who don't mind dating single mums, please send them my way. Shayley is now 10 months old. I've had one relationship which only lasted 3 months and unfortunately was the end of our 13 year friendship. So im never dating guys i already know again. But due to lack of babysitters that she will go to, im not getting the chance to go out and meet anyone. Although after 7 years of living like a homebody i don't even know the best places in perth to go to anymore.

One other thing I have found is that now that I'm a mum all my friends have stopped calling. So guess who spends her free time reading. Atleast my phone bill has gone down. I didn't realise how lonely being a mum is even tho i go to mothers group etc.

BubbleBelly

05-01-2006, 07:13 PM

I too will be a single mum. My little girl is coming into this world on the 20th of Jan.

My fiance left 3 weeks after we found out we were having a baby. He wanted to take drugs and buy a motor bike. I haven't seen or heard from him since. So i've done the whole pg thing by myself and must say as hard as it is it will all be worth it when my little girl arrives.

Charly24

05-01-2006, 08:26 PM

Hi there,
i to am a single mum from brisbane to my little girl Cadey born (01/09/05)would love to chat to other single mothers my e-mail and msn addy is charlenefieldhouse@hotmail.com if there is any of you out there who would like to chat.

manda85

07-01-2006, 01:21 AM

hi im also i single mum would love to chat to other single mums
manda

LilShenanigans

07-01-2006, 01:36 AM

wow, reading the posts I never imagined what a battle I might be putting myself into..

The whole relationship thing, well I don't go out... except to the shops - and who can you pick up whilst shopping with your mother? :p
I did though recently put a profile on a dating page... just for kicks I guess and a boost to see if anyone was interested..
So far am chatting to someone who seems really nice, babysits kids all the time, and wants to talk about DD, but knows I don't want to bring her into the convos just yet.

I dunno, seems odd to want to meet people online, but it also seems my only option to at least get myself back out there and see whats happening..

Mum2Bug

07-01-2006, 05:30 PM

Am off to a friends wedding next weekend and have been told that im seated with a few of the grooms friends. apparently she thought i might meet someone nice by seating me with them. yeah sure, im a 26 yr old single mum and these guys are all 22-24 year old guys who still live at home. i have absolutley nothing in common and she doesn't seem to have taken that into account. a new boyf? not likely!

LilShenanigans

07-01-2006, 05:33 PM

lol it's the thought that counts!:rolleyes:

Mum2Bug

07-01-2006, 08:49 PM

Is it just me or do people not realise that things and priorities change when you have children. I no longer get invites out and when people say that the group went out and i ask why i wasn't invited they tell me they didn't think i'd want to go. like hello, i just need notice to find a babysitter and im there. just not every weekend. sis has agreed that if im serious about wanting to get out to meet someone her and her hubby will have shayley one sat nite a month which i think is great but my friends are like ' oh ok we'll let you know then'

tyler's mum

07-01-2006, 09:16 PM

the idea of starting a relationship is so scary,,, to find a man who will accept that you have a child is one thing but to find a man who will be kind and caring towards the child is another thing,,, im scare of starting something and tyler getting attached and then we break up,,, freaks me out,,

Mum2Bug

08-01-2006, 12:04 AM

Thats what happened to me a couple of months ago. I'll Call him SM. he is an old school friend of mine and we've been in touch over the last 13 yrs on and off. he moved in as my boarder and 2 days later we got together as a couple. he was living here for 6 wks and bub really got used to having him around. then crap hit fan and he moved out. 6 wks after that we completely split. bub spent first couple of weeks looking for him around house and it took a while to get her to stop expecting it to be him at door. a couple of months on she seems to have forgotten him now which is good. pity i haven't tho. next time it'll be ages before i allow any guy in my life to spend too much time with her. i dont want to put her thru that again and shes only 10 months old now.

tyler's mum

08-01-2006, 12:15 AM

its a lose lose situation,, you try to protect your kids as much as you can and in doin that you face being alone

Mum2Bug

08-01-2006, 12:30 AM

the thing is i would really like to be able to settle down with someone. whilst i love being a single mum, especially as i dont see her father much as he lives 700km away, i would really like to be able to share my life with someone who accepts us for who we are. i miss having someone to share bubs milestones with. mum must be so sick of my phone calls.

LilShenanigans

08-01-2006, 01:36 AM

At the moment Im really noticing not sharing milestones with anyone... which I wouldn't exactly expect from anyone I may actually end up dating, but still.
My dad only got to see the other day that DD can roll, my sister gets calls but can rarely talk - otherwise we end up talking about what DD has done, and then what her cat has been doing :o

I have one friend that I've known for quite some time, and he apparently 'isn't over me', the only reason we broke up was because he went O/S basically.
I asked him if he'd accept DD and if anything was to happen with that relationship would he treat her as his own, he said yes.
I still wouldn't know whether to pursue that though??

It's a tough one. It's true, your scared to hurt your children if they get attached, and your scared to be alone...
So can anyone see the good side... Please!? lol

Mum2Bug

08-01-2006, 12:06 PM

MumForOne......You know the guy...do you think he could accept bub? It sounds like the guy still likes you and is willing to make the effort to get to know bub so if you think he might actually be ok about it....i say go for it. i realise from my experiences we have to protect our kids but at the same time we need to start doing things for ourselves as well. protecting them is one thing, but do you really want to be alone? i know i dont. just take it slow and easy. get to know him again first and then let him spend some time with both of u and see how he goes with that.

tyler's mum

09-01-2006, 09:55 PM

hey mummy_johnno,,, sorry to hear you separated from your husband,, and that your not coping,, its hard enuff becoming a new mum,,, and then also having to deal with this,,, i was not with tyler's dad long but i still have some idea of what your going through, i hope everything works out and i wish you the best of luck:)

LilShenanigans

09-01-2006, 10:04 PM

hey mummy johnno, did you know the strongest person in the world is a mother?
Could you imagine a wrestler pushing a bub out... make him weak at the knees and cry for his mumma - coz shes the only one who can make it better.
I so hope I got a giggle out of that.
Basically, try and be strong for your bub as hard as it may be, but never stop yourself from being upset - I do it all the time, cry with a smile on my face and DD doesn't notice so much..
Most of all, hang in there. Everything happens for reason in my books and there is something else waiting out there for you...

Anyway, deanne.. he would accept it, as far as I know. This guy has been chasing me for a year since we broke up. But I made a rule, I'd only be interested if he came and visited at least 10 times (he lives an hour away-figured it was a good way for him to show me?), and he's never visited.
Doesn't matter, I seem to have a few people interested at the moment, this is really bizarre? So I'm not going to bother with any of them lmao if they want it, they come get it :p

Mum2Bug

10-01-2006, 12:38 PM

I can only wish i had any lining up!!!!!

Mummy_Johnno: Hang in there. Ive always been a single parent but I admit it can be hard at times. At the end of the day though, once bub is asleep, i just look at her, smile, cry, melt and just know i made the right decision to go it alone. I grew up in a family where my dad was hardly ever home and when he was my parents did nothing but argue. I remember the relief on mums face when she took us younger kids and left (older ones already out of home). I remember it being a struggle for her to start with but it turned out to be the best life she could have given us. Although some of the others still speak to my father i choose not to as i was old enough to understand what was going on when he was around.

Anyway (sorry about the rambling), the point of it all is that my mum survived and us kids grew up with a mum that loved and protected us instead of staying in a home where we could see our parents didnt love each other and all the arguing and crap.

You can do it and all of us are here to support you, advise you and generally just put in our two cents if we think it might help. Sorry if this doesnt

Mum2Bug

10-01-2006, 12:47 PM

Ok gals. Im going to have to love you and leave you. Time to return computer to my friend. Meany. Cant he just give it to me? hehe! anyway keep in touch as i would love to know how you are all going. email: splatteredfroggie@hotmail.com

Remember: we are all loving, caring protective mums who are doing the best for our children so that they grow up to be just as wonderful and beautiful, inside and out, as all of us

Ciao

Missytia

10-01-2006, 07:47 PM

Hi everyone,
I'm a single mum living in Vic. I've been on my own since my DD was 2.5. I must admit, it has been very tough as I work to pay of my home and I'm also riddled with arthritis. I manage though. I stay strong and everything I do, I have DD in mind.
DD does see her father on a regular basis and I have just finished a long, bitter, twisted custody battle with him, just last week. (his girlfriend caused most of the grief). Hopefully my life will settle down a bit now and become a lot smoother.

When I first separated and I started running wild and seeing different men, DD had no idea that there was any male in the picture. I always did this when she was at her father's place or I had time to myself (I know many of you don't have that luxury.........sorry :( ). I then started seeing someone seriously and it was a few months before the big 'introduction'. DD new that mummy had a boyfriend and she spoke to him on the phone, but I didn't want her to get attached until I knew where the relationship was headed. I also told my bf at the time that she came first before anyone or anything and he would have to accept that because we are a "package deal" LOL. He did. He wasn't really looking for a girl with kids when I found him but he soon grew rather fond of DD. He also knew that I wasn't looking for a "new" daddy for DD.
We've since broken up and he's now realised that he didn't lose just me, but he lost DD as well. Which is rather sweet. We are still very good friends and he would do anything for both of us.

I guess I'm back to the whole dating scene again. Don't know where to start. I think it's time I just concentrated on "girly" time with DD and myself, plus she starts school this year.

Anyway ppls, I've rambled on enough. I wish you all the best.

Kamaikia

10-01-2006, 08:37 PM

Hi I'm just going to jump back in here
I'm happy being single - haven't been with anyone since my sons father - that was over 18 months ago - sad I know but right now I am happy. Yes I get lonely but overall I am happy.
I laugh though wondering about how I would ever have a relationship. I couldn't even get a babysitter to go to the movies once every 6 months. Yes I have family but they help with daycare drop offs and pick ups and the occasional full day while I am at work so asking for more babysitting while I go out is out of the question. There aren't any guys at work that are even close to my age group so thats out of the question. I couldn't even meet a man at the shops as I usually have my son hanging off me - I imagine not a very attractive sight to most guys my age.
Its quite funny I can imagine someone taking me out on a date - me and my son who can't sit still for more than 5 seconds at the moment. :)
Maybe I will just wait till he hits school and do the dating thing during school hours :p

Mum2Bug

10-01-2006, 10:03 PM

Good evening ladies....ok yeah i know im not supposed to be on here. he isnt finishing til 8pm tonite so told me he'll pick computer up tomorrow nite instead. Woohoo! one more night chatting to you all!!!!!!!!!! Went shopping today and looked at computers. think i found the laptop i want so hopefully wont be offline too long.

how was everyones day?

treightonsmum

12-01-2006, 01:38 PM

Hi there, I thought I would jump in and say hi also.

I am a single mum of two, very soon three. My first son's father left me for a 16 year old girl when I was 5 months pregnant at 18. He has not much contact with his son by his choice. I met my husband when I was 21 and he had a daughter also. We had our own little girl when I was 24 and were together for 5 years until we realised we married for the kids and not ourselves. We divorced and are still good friends raising our daughter together but apart. Six months after my husband and I separated I met my soul mate, well thats what I thought any way. We had been together 3 years and almost engaged. I was 8 weeks pregnant with this baby when I found out he was living a total lie. He had major addictions and was a compulsive liar. He had been having numerous affairs and was not the person that I thought I knew and loved so dearly. So here I am almost ready to deliver and finally a very happy, on my own mum. So thats a bit about my story and would love to chat here more often with other single parents. I have had a short career as a hairdresser followed by modelling for promotions agency's just before I fell pregnant with no 3. I hope to be able to study health and fitness and become a personal trainer some day soon after bub is born. I would love to hear too how other single parents have managed their study/career's , still being able to be there for their children. Chat to you all again soon....Kathy.

toddsmum

15-01-2006, 10:05 PM

Hi my name is Alison. Im a thirty year old sole mother of a four year old deaf boy. I am new to Brisbane.:)

duchess

16-01-2006, 09:20 AM

Hi Treightonsmum, Your story intrigued me. You sound very together with what you have been through. Congrats. Good luck with the birth tomorrow. I hope you have some good support people around for you.I am not a single mum, but like many I think, sometimes I am actually a single mum. If you know what I mean. I can't help with the career thing, but I'd love to do it myself someday. Maybe you could inspire me. I have 2 boys, aged 2 1/2 years and 6 months. I help my husband with our home based business, but would really love to study and get away from the kids and start finding myself again. I love them both to bits, but you only get one chance at life and we need to make the most of it and live for ourselves as well as our kids. If we are happy, it will flow through to them.

saara

16-01-2006, 10:11 AM

Hi treightonsmum, the last guy you were seeing sounds a lot like what I have just been through. I found out too late that my x was an addict and compulsive liar (very good at making me believe his stories!) We broke up after I found out about his habits and then 12 weeks later I found out that I was pregnant. That was not a good day! I have come to terms with it now, but it took a while. He keeps telling me that he is going to be there and help out with money etc, but I haven't seen it so far, so I'm not holding my breath! I hope it all goes well for you :)

mummy sam

27-01-2006, 08:21 PM

Hi Nina i'm a single mum also from melbourne. i'm 24 and have 14wk old son. the father was and never will be in the picture and though yes it is hard at times i'm having a blast!! And i certainly wouldnt change it for the world. :)

tyler's mum

28-01-2006, 05:31 PM

hey mummy sam,,, im also a single mum im from syd,,,, tyler will be 5months on the 2nd.... it has gone so fast:eek: .... feels like yesterday i gave birth to her,,,, i love being a mum,,, it does get hard at times but i love every min of it....

JeSsSs1669

04-02-2006, 09:56 PM

Heya Everyone
I�m 19 almost 20... For 6 months i've been a Single mum to beautiful little Zachary who�s 8 months... I�m from Melbourne too

Unfortunately my son's dad isss a deadbeat - turned into an alcoholic and got a 15 year old pregnant (sorry anger burst there)
So i haven't seen him in months but i'm really happy with out him :rolleyes:

Anyway

I'm thinking i may start studying again this month... not sure how i'll go with Zach in child care :confused:

loopi1

05-02-2006, 12:08 AM

Hi Everyone,

I have been a single mum from the day I found out I was pregnant. The father of my son, did a runner the nite I told him. We were friends/housemates and both single, having a good time and I was told I could not have children. I found out I was pregnant when I was 7mths. The father had been seeing his current gf for 6mths. BIG shock to us all, but I didn't think he would react like he did. I didn't want him to marry me or anything, just be in his sons life but he chose not to. We ended up in court and he made us have a DNA test. I tried to keep him informed but after I sent an invitation to him to our sons 1st bday which he didn't show I gave up. I tried for over a year (2mths of pregnacy). Our son is turning 2 soon and his dad has had NO contact whatsoever, his LOSS.

I feel I'm better off but I don't know what I will tell my son when he asks WHY his father didn't want him, as I don't know.

But chin up ladies, we are all doing fine and if we have a bad day get online, where all here to help.

sista_gurl8669

05-02-2006, 02:03 AM

SINGLE MOTHERHOOD I COULD GO ON FOR HOURS!but tryin to keep this as brief as i can.....
hi i am a 18yr old mum of a gorgeous 9month old boy. i no some of you are thinking 18 thats real young, but i never planned it, but wouldn't take it back for the world
the father of my son was there durin the begining of my pregnancy than decided he didn't want anything to do with our son.
what i have learnt is don't wait or want the father to be in your kids if he has made hardley or any effort of your child's life, as you will one day find someone who will want to be a father or role model to your child.
i have support so if i get stressed out someone is there to baby sit but have never asked or needed it but if you don't have the support and need or want it suggest child care get your baby use to other babies. i remember when my lil one was born i thought how hard it is, now i compare my one to my friends new born's and think how easy they have it, but the first thing your child does maybe even using a spoon for the first time(beautiful but very messy) it makes it all worth it and knowing your child is learning all these new things and you eventually think my child don't need a father i'm here as a mum and dad

justtwogirls22

06-02-2006, 11:33 AM

hi
im a newly single mum - though dd's dad does visit on weekends - ive found the hardest thing so far is the nights with no one to talk to - i dont have a phone line yet so am isolated from the internet unless i visit my parents in the next street - im on the sunshine coast so if any other single mums want to meet up let me know

mum_with_2_boys

06-02-2006, 02:40 PM

I am a single mum too...Technically been over a year but in the middle we got back together for 2 months which obviously didnt work.
I love being a single mum but find it hard when my son wants his dad and he wont see him...I dont know what to do to make it easier on him and its breAking my heart....

mum_with_2_boys

06-02-2006, 02:42 PM

Oh and forgot to say that i am in Vic

Mum of one boy

20-02-2006, 03:27 PM

:) :) Hi guys, I'm a 29yr old single, almost divorced mum of one little 21 month old boy. I'm basically a stay at home mum because I want to be and study on fridays when my son is with his dad. I go to several activities a week but would luv to meet some other mums in a similar position. Whether it be at a park, play centre, wherever. Would just luv to chat and for my son to make friends.

Sometimes I think I feel ostracized being a single mum and am hoping that there are other mums out there who feel the same.

Anyway would luv to hear from you on here on my msn jaimeturland@hotmail. Oh by the way I'm in Baulkham hills in syd but have a car and love to travel.

Jaime

loopi1

20-02-2006, 06:03 PM

Hi Jaime

Welcome to bubhub.

Sorry to hear u recently became single. Everything will work out in there own time, in the meantime enjoy this its it is fantastic.

MissBrightside

20-02-2006, 08:47 PM

mt partner and i were together for 8 years have two gorgeous boys 1 and 3 and we split last week im still really emotional, lost and confused by it all. feel really rejected.

goldcoastgirl18

20-02-2006, 08:51 PM

single mummy here too.

he split once he found out-
but we are happy just the too of us there is more than enough love for us.

____________________________________________
louise 19:)
lucas 25-11-2005:D

loopi1

20-02-2006, 09:51 PM

Goldcoastgirl18:

Same here, we were housemates and that very nite he disappeared and wen I was at work he came back and took all his stuff. Didn't c him again until court where he asked for a DNA test.

My DS is nearly 2 and nothing from his father. As u said but we are happy just the too of us there is more than enough love for us.

NicandBensmum: I'm sorry this has happened after 8 yrs, I don't know ur story and don't pretend to but I can only imagine the hurt u will be going thru. Be strong, if not for urself at nite in ur room but infront of ur boys. They will think mums ok so r we. Bubhub members will help out weneva u need them all u need to do is ask.

kadensmummy

21-02-2006, 06:50 PM

Hi all!

Ive been a single mum since finding out i was pregnant when I was 19. Im now 21and my sons 'sperm donor' as I prefer to call him (he certainly doesnt earn the title father!) has no contact whatsoever, my choice, as he was very abusive towards me when we were together. Not only was my life on the line, so was my sons. Anyway, thought I would introduce myself!

Take care!

Jess

MissBrightside

21-02-2006, 07:16 PM

We split a week and a half ago but when i found this site and read other stories i know im not alone which makes me feel better. its not the fact that i have to look after two small kids myself i did that when he lived here. he hardly ever helped so i know i can take care of the boys but its like you said the lonely nights. but ive become a bit of a chat freak over the last week meeting new people over the net as i dont have many friends. tonight is the first night ive spent at home alone with my boys weve been going to mums for tea. but i decided its time to get on with life even though i am still in pain over it all. ive been really good and saved all my tears when my boys arnt around.but its hard and ive had moments where i think things wernt that bad and im going to wake up from a dream. but every1 that knows us both is telling me ill be better off without him cos he didnt care about me or the boys. what gets me the most is he says he loves his boys and would do anything for them, but when he came on Sunday (his birthday) to see them for the first time that week he stayed for an hour and a half kept looking at his watch cos he promised a friend he would go over for a bbq, which he would have stayed at for hours. sorry im writing to much

tyler's mum

21-02-2006, 07:21 PM

write away,,, we are here to listen:) ,,,

loopi1

21-02-2006, 08:53 PM

Hi Jess,

"Sperm Donor" I like it :laughing: , yep I agree they haven't earned the right to be called dad (father).

My DS 'sperm donor' was never violent, he just took off. I tried for a year to get him involved but it was like :banghead: .

You and ur DS are better off without that violent man around, good on u for leaving him, it was the second best thing u did, the 1st being having ur child knowing u will be single.

nicandbensmum: U r not alone but every case is different and though we will try and understand how u feel we can not but we r here to listen and help as much as we can from cyberspace. Never feel u r writing to much wen u have something to say. All of us on this thread have been or going thru our own troubles and I must say this site is great for the caring and helpful people on it. We r here for u always.
:)

kadensmummy

22-02-2006, 12:03 PM

Thanks Lynda,

Kadens 'sperm donor' knows about him as well, but you see he has a 'life' now with his 16 year old girlfriend. Oh and he still lives at home and doesnt work, too bloody lazy. As long as his dole money is still coming in, then he can afford his daily binges on alcohol. So he would be a good example for his son, wouldnt he?

Does your DS pay any support or help out whatsoever? Or are you like me, battling it out on your own??

Take care,

Jess
xo

loopi1

22-02-2006, 12:58 PM

Hi Jess,

I started off totally on my own, because his 'donor' kept dragging the process out. He took us to court when DS was around 3/4mths and demanded a DNA test, which he took 2mths to do and by the time all the paperwork was done with CSA, DS was 8/9mths. But the good thing is he had to backpay to when I first applied which was wen DS was 1mth old. So he only hurt himself financially that way, sweet justice.

I am lucky in a way that he has never contested the maitenance side of things and he does have a good paying job, he needs to he has 2 kids to support. He doesn't see his DD to often either, but at least he tries to see her he wont even acknowledge his DS.

I do feel for mums like urself having to do it all completely on ur own and hope u have a very supportive group around u. U have one on Bubhub.

Take Care Jess
Big Hugs to Kaden :smiliedance:

Will

24-02-2006, 01:30 PM

Hi all,

Am about to be a single mum, i have two weeks and 1 day to go (who's counting) I chose to brake up with bubs dad as i was extremely unhappy. Couldn't go on being controlled and getting into trouble for stupid things and also the constant arguing, so i am doing it alone.

At the moment he seems to be interested, but i think it is more so he has more control over me rather than the fact that he is responsible for a little life now - or will be. He has bought nothing for bub, at all... apart from a photo frame. His excuse is that he doesn't know what to buy, although i have told him a few things, he just doesn't want to listen.

As for the finding a new guy thing... i can't speak from experience, as i have had only had the one partner - apart from school things - and also because i have not yet had bub. But i do know that there are great guys out there that are willing to love not only you, but your children as well. You just have to wait for the right time. And if you can find the right guy, it is worth the wait. All i can suggest is go out and meet people! Go to the park, start a hobby that you can take your kids too... if you don't get out there you won't meet anyone...

Now all i have to do is take my own advice lol...