SAHMs RULE!!!

[justjackie]

I was a stay at home mum for seven years, then began teaching, so was always home when my children were. I know about the frustration and the exhaustion you feel sometimes but I can look back and tell you of the sense of satisfaction and self worth I have when I look at my son and daughter.

Even though my marriage broke down, my children were still my first priority. She is now a medical student, he a happily married naval officer.

I often speak to women of my age (mid fifties) who enjoyed the trappings of the financially secure lives they led but who bitterly, bitterly regret that they spent so few years being "real" mums.

I don't want to offend anyone here, but you can only do one thing brilliantly. Power to the part time mum, part time personal assistant who thinks she is essential to the smooth running of the wheels of commerce. She may have be essential to the boss's world but someone else was essential to her child when he skinned his knee - or just wanted a hug.

You ladies are under constant pressure from a materialist, selfish, short sighted society. Your choices guarantee that we will have solid adults in the future who know the meaning of home and hearth. You are the backbone of an emotionally positive society and you should be recognised and praised - although you don't seek either.

If I could do anything to support you all, I would. I continue to sing the praises of the real mums who is valued by so few and hope that sometime, someone remembers how much they wish their mum hadn't wanted foils, fancy holidays and the acrylic nails.

All kids want is for you to be there. And you ladies are doing just that.

All respect and love,

Jackie

[SAMum]

Nice thoughts but a bit narrow minded, I would love to be a SAHM, but if I want to have a roof over my head and food on the table I have to work part time as I have always been the main breadwinner and DH is unable to work long enough hours to cover our basic costs. I am lucky because my DH looks after our baby while I am at work and vice versa but I still hate missing out on the time with my baby and believe me I definitely don't want or have foils, fancy holidays and acrylic nails.
I used to think everyone had a choice and if you really wanted to be a SAHM you could be but now I know that is simply not true. I guess if I was happy for my family to be in public housing and living off a very small amount of welfare I could but I don't believe that would be best for our family in the short or long term.
I don't think SAHM or working mums are better than the other or do a better job, I believe both can be excellent mothers and there are plenty of SAHMs that are doing a worse job than me in raising their child.
Oh and in reference to this comment "you can only do one thing brilliantly" well I reckon I do both pretty brilliantly actually, I know my boss thinks so and if my 10 month old could talk he would agree!!

[Cordelia]

Jackie, I agree that in an ideal world, a lot of us would be full time stay at home mum's.

I'm in a lucky position that I can be for a year - after that I will probably have to work part time just to pay our mortgage - nothing to do with being materialistic - we have a "humble abode" - nothing fancy ;) We worked our backsides off for the last couple of years just so I could get the one year off.

But I would love to stay at home til they left home and look after their every need - if only housing prices and livign costs weren't so high! Did you see how much groceries have gone up by?

I don't think we can put the blame on working mothers and say that they were selfish and materialistic - quite often they are relucatantly sacrificing time with their children in order to put food on the table. Let's start trying to make it easier for women to stay at home - tax cuts, no interest rate rises.. etc. etc. etc.

[Lastcenturymum]

Yeah everyone's circumstances are different. Some people do have to work just to make ends meet - and it's not for the 'luxury' items Jackie, but if it's low income and in high housing cost areas then there is no choice.

I was very fortunate that I was able to be a SAHM, it was what I wanted for our kids, but we were lucky enough to be able to afford it. We didn't have a family room and heaps of other stuff (one car was a work car) and when the youngest was 3 I worked part time in a low key but rewarding job, that never ate into my family time. I felt it was my duty to help out where needed and also made sure I helped the budget by growing vegies, bottling fruit market shopping etc.

I know what you are saying but I hope no one is offended or misunderstands your point of view. Each to their own.

[razzle]

I don't want to offend anyone here, but you can only do one thing brilliantly. Power to the part time mum, part time personal assistant who thinks she is essential to the smooth running of the wheels of commerce.
I'm offended. And I disagree with you. I'm a "real" mum and I do both brilliantly thankyouverymuch. If I wasn't such a brilliant mother my child would not be so well adjusted, and if I didn't do my job brilliantly, I wouldn't own and run a successful business.


....that sometime, someone remembers how much they wish their mum hadn't wanted foils, fancy holidays and the acrylic nails.Clearly these are the things that are important to you, not to me. I don't have to work, luckily I have that luxury, but I do, because I enjoy providing for my family, and I enjoy what I do.

[our little treasures]

I think it is wonderful that you think us SAHM's are doing a wonderful job!

[Tabby]

Im offended and im a sahm.
I have just re-read 3 times over and still see it as making a working mum feel guilty, which they never ever should. My mother worked to provide little extras for ME and to help the mortgage so there was less strain not for her acrylic nails and hairdos.
never did me any harm.

[littlejoy]

I think it is wonderful that you think us SAHM's are doing a wonderful job!

I agree, however, I feel that this thread will definately offend some people.

I don't believe that I am any more a "real" mum just because I stay at home with my son.. I am 100% sure there are plenty of SAHMs that are not in touch with their childrens needs and that there are plenty of working mums that spend more quality time with their children! Just because you don't work does not mean that you are in the moment and are mindfully present with your children.

I also don't belive that the majority of Mums that work would do it for acrylic nails and holidays!!!

[MrsDribbleDrawers]

and hope that sometime, someone remembers how much they wish their mum hadn't wanted foils, fancy holidays and the acrylic nails.

My mum is probably about your age (mid fifties) and she has three children, five grand children, two dogs and no husband...... because it was the husband that wanted the foils, fancy holidays and acrylic nails... she wanted nothing more than to be at home, part time, with her kids. Because she is enough of a realist to understand that in the "heady" 80's, the days of 18% interest (and yes, I remember them!), she had no choice but to work to help pay the mortgage. Yes, SAHM's do a fantastic job, but working mums do just as well, juggling even more. I've done both, and I'm lucky enough that my DH can earn enough to support us, allowing me to stay at home, but when we finally buy our own house, I'm not so sure it will be enough. The debate will always exist, but I really think it is time that we acknowledged "motherwork" in whatever form it takes, paid employment or SAH.

[~rambox~]

Yes I am A PROUD SAHM BUT i also think that working mums have it just as hard if not harder then us as they dont get as much time with there kids for what ever reason. BUT that in NO way makes us better mums at all we are all equaly good mums and should be treated with the same respect.:yes:

[madreader]

Thank you for acknowledging us sahms.But i take my hat off for those mums who have to work. If i even tried to do half the things that they have to do i would never find enough hours in the day to do it. So you Ladies who work and to us sahm WE ROCK.:thumbsup:

[Aquamarine]

I had to laugh at the foils, nails comment.

I am a SAHM and I have been to the hairdresser once in the last 2 years......

I love being a stay at home mum, and am lucky to have that opportunity.

I am scared to even comment further but thanks for the compliments.

Of course, I respect and admire all mum's working fulltime, partime, whether they have to or not.:yes:

[Snuffys Mum]

A 'brilliant' mum does what is in the best interest of her family. Wether that be working full time, part time, studying or staying home and it will vary greatly from family to family.

No outsider has the right to say which is the better option.

[justjackie]

Oh dear. I have hurt some feelings. I see that there are plenty of working mums who take my comments to heart. I am sorry. Motherhood is a blessing and a joy. I guess we all do our best.

I was prompted to post my thoughts after reading an article in the paper addressing the lack of status enjoyed by SAHMs and felt defensive towards them, I guess I've gone too far the other way!

Of course there are many reasons why mums choose to go to work - or have to. Some feel obliged and for them it's not even a matter of choice. I think I was trying to give support to those who feel that the choice they have made is a tough one - it does get lonely and you do, at times feel less valuable than more "productive" ladies. I also wanted to encourage the mums who would like the slightly greener grass. We shouldn't condemn anyone for giving their children what they feel is the best, but I would just encourage them - if the situation enabled it - to think whether just being there isn't what's best.

[nickalex]

After reading your second post I can see where you are coming from. Sometimes I think parts of society see SAHM's as lazy or not as bright as their working counterparts. It's sort of like everybody else is embracing this "you can have everything" mentality and if your not trying to do 100 things at once then you aren't making the most of your opportunities.
Negative comments which I have recieved are usually based on misconceptions as to what I do all day and of course you can't turn around and say " I am raising my children" because everyone is raising their children just how they see fit. I don't want to be asked "what do you do all day", "aren't you bored","ahh what a life sitting at home all day:laughing: ". I don't want to be ignored after someone asks me how I am employed.
So I'll just say this. I love being a SAHM. Yes I have an education, I even muddied up the university system SO all the better for my kids. Yes I am "lucky" to be a SAHM and I feel for women who need to work but we do cut corners for me to be able to do this. Yes my kids do use the daycare system so I guess I am not the "ideal" SAHM but you know what I have my reasons:laughing:.
I guess I just don't understand why we need the big stereotypes when everybody knows that normally there is a huge spectrum in between. So I'll keep my comments to myself about materialistic, hard, ambitious women who care more for their status and looks than their children And can't even be bothered baking food for daycare open days IF THEY will stop carping on about stepford wifes, earth mummies who waste their education or even worse assume we don't have enough brains to work and being at home is a safe haven from failure in the workplace. ;) :p . Yes we can have it all it just depends what we want short term and longterm.

[our little treasures]

Look I understood where you were coming from but I could see that it was being taken as an insult to workers. Who knows how our children will be in many years to come from how much pressure us women put on ourselfs going to work keeping our houses up to scratch and trying to run here there and everywhere. I would never allow someone to put my position as a SAHM down.

I do think that nickalex has some valid points of how us SAHM feel when people make their comments. I say be strong and never feel your not doing a real job!

[whatwasithinking]

I take great offence at being called "a part time mum".

I hold down a demanding fulltime paid job as well as a demanding fulltime unpaid job (being a mummy). It is bloody hard and tiresome. I have no time for myself. My family and my work are my life!!

My children are well adjusted thankyou very much!

I'm not going to say anymore on this subject - I am absolutley livid!!!!!!!!!

[razzle]

Jackie, are you judging mothers who choose to work? You want to "encourage the mums who would like the slightly greener grass"? And "what they feel is the best"? And "whether just being there isn't what's best"?

You're implying that working mothers don't know what's best for their child, or give their child the best! I find your posts quite condescending actually...

[SweetSerenity]

Okay...

I have been a working mum for the first two years of my sons life... i only just became a SAHM... and i find your first initial post very offensive.

A BRILLIANT mum is a mum who does anything that provides the best life for THEIR child...whether they work or not.

A mothers love for her child can not be measured by whether she chooses to stay at home or work.

Sahms are brilliant mums and are not lazy whatsoever, but working mums are just as brilliant and are no different in my eyes.:no:

Yes, your children have grown up to be wonderful successful adults, but just because you were a SAHM that doesn't mean thats the sole purpose of them becoming what they have.

Look at children who have come from horrible backgrounds and didnt have a positive childhood whatsoever, they use their history as motivation to succeed in life... and they do!

Whether they have working mums or SAHM's, they will achieve their goals if they really want to and are passionate about it.

I say ALL mums rock:yelclap:

[Tam-I-Am]

I actually really wonder why we have to have these never ending debates about who does a better job.

Why can't we all, as many of the women have said here - respect each other for the wonderful job each and every one of us REAL mothers do - I think being a REAL mother has far less to do with how little or much you work, and far more to do with how much you love your child, how much you do with and for your child, and the intent behind that.

We are each other's greatest resource - its a shame we turn on each other instead of using this resource to its fullest advantage.

[our little treasures]

- I think being a REAL mother has far less to do with how little or much you work, and far more to do with how much you love your child, how much you do with and for your child, and the intent behind that.
.

:thumbsup: Too true!