Duchessa
13-04-2007, 11:45
Excuse the self pitying, indulgent diatribe, but it has to come out and I'm sure dh doesn't want to hear it right now.
I had a d&c yesterday for a suspected hydatidiform mole (molar pregnancy). We made it to 11 weeks and I really thought we were out of the woods :(. It was awful to wake up this morning without a tenant, breasts already deflating and belly a little flatter.
Apart from the stress of waiting for the pathology report and dealing with the physical stuff and the emotional stuff, I am SO DEPRESSED at the thought of getting back on the ttc wagon.
This is my third miscarriage since we began ttcing Jan 06, my fourth over all and the furthest along. I feel totally unprepared to face up to the whole waiting game, compulsory crappy ovulation sex and the stress of waiting to see if a preg is going to be viable. It was such a relief to fall pregnant with this one - which was conceived on the morning of my first appt with the fertility specialist...
And I am sad because, well, because I really wanted this preg to be it - I had booked a family friend midwife to birth the bub at home (difficult cos we are so remote - probably won't be possible to do again), the timing was perfect, dh was so happy when I told him I was preg he openly wept... I keep thinking about that and it makes me so sad (must stop torturing self).
And my dog conceived at exactly the same time - she is walking around like a small tank right now, about to give birth in less than a week I reckon (don't ask me why that is relevant :confused: - it just seems to make my loss more poignant).
I am so rambling. Must be the hang over from the general anaesthetic... Or my dwindling pregnancy hormones making me sound like a waffling crazy woman one last time.
I had a d&c yesterday for a suspected hydatidiform mole (molar pregnancy). We made it to 11 weeks and I really thought we were out of the woods :(. It was awful to wake up this morning without a tenant, breasts already deflating and belly a little flatter.
Apart from the stress of waiting for the pathology report and dealing with the physical stuff and the emotional stuff, I am SO DEPRESSED at the thought of getting back on the ttc wagon.
This is my third miscarriage since we began ttcing Jan 06, my fourth over all and the furthest along. I feel totally unprepared to face up to the whole waiting game, compulsory crappy ovulation sex and the stress of waiting to see if a preg is going to be viable. It was such a relief to fall pregnant with this one - which was conceived on the morning of my first appt with the fertility specialist...
And I am sad because, well, because I really wanted this preg to be it - I had booked a family friend midwife to birth the bub at home (difficult cos we are so remote - probably won't be possible to do again), the timing was perfect, dh was so happy when I told him I was preg he openly wept... I keep thinking about that and it makes me so sad (must stop torturing self).
And my dog conceived at exactly the same time - she is walking around like a small tank right now, about to give birth in less than a week I reckon (don't ask me why that is relevant :confused: - it just seems to make my loss more poignant).
I am so rambling. Must be the hang over from the general anaesthetic... Or my dwindling pregnancy hormones making me sound like a waffling crazy woman one last time.