when to talk the "talk"

[Mariposa]

ok ladies, i need some help here please.

DD1 who will be 8 this year, seen a commercial break the other day about 'pads"

she does know what they are used for, but she asked when she will be able to start using them :eek: .

i knew that this day would come, but i dont think im ready for it yet.

I, myself was an early developer, so i would rather her be prepared, then to be totally scared.

but how much does an almost 8yro fully understand?
whats the best way to go about explaining it? (with me my mum had gotten one of my sisters to explain it.

any advice would be great

Thanks

[MrsDribbleDrawers]

I had the discussion with DD (nine next month) about four or five months ago. I gave all the information I could, and she got to a point where enough was enough and started pulling faces... I can't remember what I told her, had a pregnant brain at the time, but I stressed that she could talk to us about anything (which she regularly does anyway) and that no quetsion is dumb. Good luck... I didn't expect to feel nervous about it (we're very open about bodies and their functions), but I was more than a little flustered at the time!!

[Mariposa]

with DD1 she tells me everything (im hoping it also stays this way) im flustered just thinking about it.

certainly know what your saying with the look on their faces. thank you

[Elfin]

I have explained menstration to my 8yo son who saw some clean pads lying around and asked what they were for so I told him. Haven't given him the sex talk yet but whenever he asks any questions I always try to answer them openly and honestly and not give him TMI so it is a bit of a balancing act.

I am thinking of buying him a book to read soon so that might be a launching point into the 'talk'. Never thought this parenting business would be so hard.

[Mariposa]

thanks Elf, might have to go searching for a book also.

she is aware of some things, and whatever questions she does ask, i do explain it to her (to a point).

[gremily]

From day dot dd1 came to the toilet with me so whenever I had my period she saw what I had to do. Maybe tmi for some, but we're quite open with that sort of thing.

To start with she new they were mummy's pads and that sometimes I bled but it didn't hurt, and all mummy's do it.

It's grown over the years to explaining that she too will have this happen when she gets a bit bigger.

I use cloth pads and a menstrual cup and she's really excited about having some funky pads of her own. Unlike many women, I don't think that time of the month is terrible and I don't want dd1 to feel that it's something that should be feared.

I don't think you need to have a massive conversation about it all at once, but little conversations every now and again would probably work better.

[Mariposa]

thanks everyone. i have sat down with her and explained some things. she has already asked me a few different questions, so i will just answer them as they come (for now)

cheers

[GraceUnhearing]

im pretty sure theres a book similar to 'where did i came from' that talks about periods and things..
i cant for the life of me remember what its called though.

[Mariposa]

thanks for that, if you think of it, could you please pm me with it? ta

[Missy75]

I bought DD 'where did I come from?' when she started asking questions when she was about 5. We've read it several times. We do giggle at the pictures together. It doesn't have to be serious.

She asked about the pads and tampons when she was about 6 or 7 and I just explained as simply as possible what it was all about. She still asks about it every now and then and I just remind her and give her any new information as she's old enough to understand it.

I do remember when we had the class in grade 6, they gave the girls a book about how girls develope, and the boys a book about how the boys develope. I might look for one of those for her pretty soon. She's only 9 but she's asking stuff now, and reading a book together does make these conversations much easier.

[cake]

I've been putting off having the same conversation with my eldest DD- she just turned 9 in March. She has the same body structure as me so I think she'll be a late developer, but there are other girls who do get their periods in grade 4 or 5, so she'll be finding out about this at school, so I ought to get on with it! We're very open about things but haven't really chatted about this yet.

Someone recommended the "Where did I come from?" book and another one by the same author, I think its called"what's happening to me" or something like that. They say its good to have a book for the illustrations, to help explain what you're talking about, so I think I'll buy that. With three girls, I'm sure I'll get lots of use out of it!

The only trouble will be getting her alone without her DS4 and DD7 poking their nose in to see whats going on! Although she and DD7 are as close as twins, I don't think my 7 year old needs to know all this yet so would prefer to talk to them one on one, you know?

Anyway, good luck to everyone who's planning on talking "the talk" soon with their daughters!

Don't you agree that our baby girls grow up too quickly? :crying:

x Kate

[mummyof5]

Ladies, we have a great book called "Lets talk about where babies come from", by Walker books. Really good, touches on the usuall sex ed, but also covers some stuff on same sex relationships and mulitple births, ivf, even what kind of touching is appropriate.
Highly recommend it:thumbsup:

[spiritedfamily]

I bought my dd a book called 'ready, set, grow' by Lynda Madaras and its fantastic!!! she takes it out of the bookshelf quite regularly and often asks me a question about some of things the book discusses...

I have never been secret about pads and what there for, I occasionally get a question about it from my children as they come to understand it a little more...so the conversation for us, isn't a matter of hitting them with all the info at once but from the time they talk, they ask questions and each time I answer the question according to their age and little bit by little bit I give them a little more info and as they grow older the info they receive is more complex but they are able to handle it and understand the info better because its a stepping stone form the year before...

[korahblue]

They had a couple of seminars at my sons school last year run by some family group. I cant remember what they were called though. We took my son [6yrs] to the sex one as i was pregnant at the time. He handled it quite well although i had to laugh when the lady said that the man puts his penis in the lady's vagina and DS turned to me in wide-eyed disbelief and said 'is that what he did to you mum?' :laughing:

We are pretty open about it all and answer any questions he has with information we think is age appropriate. He knows where my pads are and has no qualms about getting me one if i forget before i go to the toilet

He also has the book 'where did i come from' and we will probably look for another book when he gets closer to hitting puberty

[blackdog]

I have seven and five year old girls, and, I guess I have just kind of answered questions as they came up, honestly and simply. If they want more details, they ask more questions.

A funny thing that happened the other day.....the girls still bathe together and I heard Miss 7 saying, "and that's where your baby will come out."
I ducked my head into the bathroom and said, "Did I just hear you telling your sister where babies come out?" She nodded. "Okay, well you'd better tell me, so I can check you have your facts straight."
(slight language warning here)
Miss 7 says, "In between your poo-hole and your front bottom."
How could I argue?

But I did tell her it's best not to discuss it anywhere but at home.

[DJWebb]

I have had the talk with my 8 year old DD and 9 year old son. They started asking questions so i told them. I think its important to be honest with your kids, and to answer their questions. And you want to give them the right information before they go and get the wrong information from their friends at school!

[(justme)]

never mind when, how! spoke to my eldest girl about everything else but i just feel so embarassed to explain the mechanisms of how she was born. i was brought up where sex was quite embarassing. keep thinking the school will teach her but feel that it should come from me arrgghhh.:eek:

[Tam-I-Am]

You guys do realise that you don't have to give the WHOLE birds & bees spiel now, don't you? Start off slow and keep it age appropriate. For periods, I think that a good explanation for a younger girl is simply that a baby grows in your tummy, but when there isn't a baby growing in your tummy, you bleed for a week or so, once a month. It doesn't hurt, and almost all ladies (including teenagers after they've started!) do it. Its a little scary to begin with, but its really okay.

If they ask a question, answer it with the most minimal amount of info that will satisfy them - if they ask further questions, answer them in the same way. Always make sure you understand the context of the question (ever heard the cautionary tale of the child who asks what "sex" is, and the parent gives a detailed explanation, only to be told that "mum said dinner will be ready in a couple of them......:"?! :laughing:)

My theory is, if they're old enough to ask a question, then they're old enough to hear an age-appropriate answer - but that doesn't mean they need to know EVERYTHING all at once...

Don't overwhelm yourselves! :hugs:

ETA: Oh, and the puberty book that was mentioned earlier in the thread was "What's Happening To Me?" (http://www.amazon.com/Whats-Happening-Me-guide-puberty/dp/0818403128)

[Mariposa]

wow this posts come back up :D

we ended up having a partial talk about it, explaining a few things, she had a couple of questions, which i easily managed (hurrah) but since then, shes been happy being the little girl that she is.

thanks ladies

[Elfin]

Gosh I am going to have the talk with ds soon:o Hang on a moment I think it is guy thing so I think I will hand that one to daddy:smiliedance:

[studyingECS]

i remember my mum giving me the talk she went through everything and too be honest i didnt take much notice, once kids get into high school or even year 7 they find out everything from friends.

[punkbaby]

i am dreading the talk dd knows about periods but not everything else, she is very freaky around blood so i am sure i will know when she gets hers LOL shes already nearly developed and can tell she isnt far from this all happening, i guess thats why i told her about it all as for the birds and the bees talk i will wait a little while for that and see how she goes, she hasnt got a boyfriend or anything yet so thats good excuse not to bring it up yet LOL

[nuddle]

I heard of someone giving their daughter a special box with pads and or tampons inside, and explaining it with the box, and somehow making it seem special I guess, and that way she has it all in place for when it starts.
I remember when mine started my mother did talk to me about it, however I was in denial, thought if I ignore it it will go away, and was too worried about asking mum for where to get pads from... so think will make a point out of talking about it more to her.

[Mariposa]

Gosh I am going to have the talk with ds soon:o Hang on a moment I think it is guy thing so I think I will hand that one to daddy:smiliedance:

lucky for you elfin. Cris gets out of doing all the talking with the girls, and he's loving that idea.:laughing:

[mum2peanut]

I think the important thing when explaining these things is to be factual and use correct terminolgy. As a teacher that's what we do, it's amazing how many chn are embarrased by the word vagina and penis. Simple, factual explanations are the way to go in my opinion :thumbsup: I think by about Yr 4 they should be starting to hear some information from parents. It's amazing how many of my Yr 6 students knew nothing and sat there wide eyed staring at me in disbelief.

[A Party of Five]

im pretty sure theres a book similar to 'where did i came from' that talks about periods and things..
i cant for the life of me remember what its called though.

:detective: Was it "What's happening to me" or something like that?