Selfish?!

[defaipe]

heya's.:wave: i've just recently had my third baby girl and would happily have more.. just not yet haha (have to convince hubby first!!) anyway just curious if yous have had any comments about the number of kids you have. in my opinion 3 is not a large family but was told by a complete stranger in a checkout queue that i am "selfish" to consider having more (as i was talking to the checkout lady where i shop every week and have talked to regularly since preg with dd#2!) anyway she has 3 young ones and i was saying i'd love to have a 4th in a couple of years so the lady behind butted in.
she made a point of saying 'her grandkids' do dancing & gymnastics and swimming and have travelled for competitions yadda yadda yadda.. and how expensive it is and how i should be trying to give the girls a good start and focus on them not having more..
i was SO peeved!! she doesnt know me.. she doesnt know that my hubby works his *** off 6days a week. my girls have never gone without anything. AND more importantly than money is family.. im one of 4 and would easily take my siblings over any amount of money.. i loved growing up with them.
why is it that money is everything these days?! im lucky that dp earns a good wage so i dont need to work but even if he didnt we would make do as i dont plan on working till my youngest is at school.
who says that just coz my girls are 1 of 3 that we wont be giving them the same opportunities as other kids with less siblings?! its pathetic.

ok sorry vent over.. hehe

[EskimoMumma]

Oh I hear you! I cop it too and it's really starting to annoy me!

Let us :banghead: together!

:laughing:


Chin up, just ignore what they say and shrug it off and remember we are all fantastic and our children love each other and what we are doing makes us all a happy family. :yes: :hugs:


P.S- Congrats on the arrival of your baby girl!

[PunkyDiva]

:laughing: Can you imagine what some people must say about me, mustn't have an unselfish bone left in my body and of course my kids are unfed ferals dressed in rags.
I have to laugh or I'd take my rolling pin to people like that. Just tell them to get a life or better still do your civil duty and help populate the world like our gov has requested.
You could say that it takes 4 baby bonus to pay for a boob job these days, but that would be a bit smarty pants like.
:hugs:

[V8]

You could say that it takes 4 baby bonus to pay for a boob job these days, but that would be a bit smarty pants like.
:hugs:

:laughing: :laughing: That's classic!

[JATS]

My MIL is forever 'bringing up' people she knows with 4+ kids and going on and on about how stupid anyone would have to be to have more than 3. Every time I see her or talk to her she finds a way to work it into conversation.

This is because she knows we plan on 4-6. Made the mistake of blabing it when we were first engaged and she's talked about nothing but contraception ever since.

Her fav 'stupid' person to talk about is DH's ex who has 4 boys in her home and wants another child. Ohhhh god forbid anyone do anything YOU consider stupid MIL! :thumbsdown: God forbid anyone could actually ENJOY being a mother!

NOT a good idea to go on about how stupid someone would have to be to want a big family to someone going through infertility and every day grieving for the family we don't have yet.:banghead:

Sick of everyone else telling us it's great to see a couple not popping out babies every 12 months when they ask if #2 is on the way yet and we say no, "Wonderful to see you guys are taking time to enjoy their first". If it were up to us we'd have had 3 kids by now! Who said you can't enjoy kids when you have more then one?:mad:

[defaipe]

You could say that it takes 4 baby bonus to pay for a boob job these days, but that would be a bit smarty pants like.
:hugs:
:laughing: damn wish i thought of that one at the time!

only being 23 i just cant imagine saying i will never be preg again.. seems crazy..

[the_queen]

Selfish - pffft - what a ridiculous notion. I think what is selfish is having one child so that you can afford to give them 16 different types of lessons and classes! I'd rather have 6 loved and down-to-earth children than 1 spoilt brat!!

I have great respect for mothers-of-many. If life was perfect, I'd be on my way to having 6 or 7.

[defaipe]

P.S- Congrats on the arrival of your baby girl!

thankyou :D :hugs:

[defaipe]

Selfish - pffft - what a ridiculous notion. I think what is selfish is having one child so that you can afford to give them 16 different types of lessons and classes! I'd rather have 6 loved and down-to-earth children than 1 spoilt brat!!

exactly!:thumbsup: :thumbsup:

[veve]

ooh tsk tsk :shame: remember .. some people CHOOSE to have one kid for good reasons :p (some hubbers in fact!!!)

I do have to agree though - I mentioned at one stage that we might have three (gasp .. yes THREE) children ... and my parents were ADAMENT (sp?) that .. three would be stupid ..

sigh

if we have three .. they will have to cope :p

xx
JEn

[the_queen]

I meant no offence to single-child families :hugs: Come on, this is me we're talking about, as if I would ever offend anyone *shifty eyes* :p


Before my marriage ended, people made assumptions that we were "done" having children because we now had a boy and a girl :rolleyes: That used to make me mad.

[defaipe]

i took from that comment not that its selfish to have one child but to have one child so you can make them into a spoilt brat! :yes:
there are many amazing parents who choose to stop at one and raise an amazing child. its just the whole being told to not have anymore to be able to give the child everything on tap that is pathetic.

[dhdmum]

Hi i know what you mean my MIL, FIL and mum have all made comments about how mad we must be to want no.3. At easter lunch my FIL spent 10 minutes telling us how one child is all you need and he only ever wanted one (his second was an accident) I was so angry i told him i think that 4-5 is what we now think we might have. What is really annoying is that MIL annd FIL have never once babysat or helped in anyway with our kids and my parents only occassionally , we do not ask any of them to help raise our kids so why do they feel they can tell us how many to have.

dhdmum 29
dh 31
dd 14.06.02
dd 29.06.04
ttc #3

[Roopee]

Oh dear...... why oh why do strangers think that they have advice that we simply MUST hear! I have just had my fourth and when i have them out all i hear is negatives
"oh you must be so busy"- well yes of course im busy but i like it like that.
"oh, dont you know what causes it"- well yes, lots and lots of sex but my husband and i cant seem to keep our hands off each other.
"i hope your not having anymore"- well we will see how the application for a loan goes, if the bank refuse us again we might have to have another one or two.

I find if i use sacrcasm alot, then they dont say any more and im happy. PLUS im not too keen on my children hearing negative comments regarding their existence!:no:

[MyFab4]

Yes I get sick of peoples comments too. I have 4 kids ( 2 of each). MIL said the other day she probably won't get anymore grandkids after SIL has her bub in September. I said you never know, more meaning they might have more, it will only be there 2nd bub. And she told me I've already got more than my fair share. WTF, like ther's only a certain amount of kids to be had and I've taken someone else's share. I don't even know if she meant anything by it, we usually get along fine but I was really hurt by her comment. Just because her and DH's dad chose to have 2 children doesn't mean their sons should only have 2 each.
Kind of makes me want to go and have another one.:laughing:

[MummyCharmzy]

I havent been told I'm selfish but have been told I'm crazy by many people because 'we can't afford our 'one or two'' children so we dont know how you can afford FOUR... and also the 'we can't cope with our one or two so we dont know how you cope with 4'

etc etc

and the answer is the same: its our life, its our choice, we are TTC #5 this year and if I could physically I'd want a #6,7,8 and so on lol
I was made to be a mummy!

I can also relate to feeling like this can't be the last... I had my 3rd (our 4th) when I was 20 and if all goes to plan I'll be 22 when our 5th is born... theres no way I can say 'thats it'.. sooo many more years of baby making to go!

[MummyCharmzy]

Yes I get sick of peoples comments too. I have 4 kids ( 2 of each). MIL said the other day she probably won't get anymore grandkids after SIL has her bub in September. I said you never know, more meaning they might have more, it will only be there 2nd bub. And she told me I've already got more than my fair share. WTF, like ther's only a certain amount of kids to be had and I've taken someone else's share. I don't even know if she meant anything by it, we usually get along fine but I was really hurt by her comment. Just because her and DH's dad chose to have 2 children doesn't mean their sons should only have 2 each.
Kind of makes me want to go and have another one.:laughing:

ohhh so I'm not alone in being told 'you've got enough already you won't have anymore' not a question but a statement by people... I LOVE being able to say... actually we are TTC this year!!!! Its none of there business, how dare they say things like that!! grrrr makes me so angry! :mad:

[mumo5]

I had my 5th bub this january. I was so embarrassed about getting preg (i hadn't planned him) because everyone since my last bub (4 and half years earlier) has been saying "is that all now?" and "you're not having anymore are you?". I was so nervous about what everyone's reaction was going to be that I didn't even tell my brother, who lived down the road, till november. (he was born 8 weeks later). I didn't get to enjoy my brilliant little boy growing inside of me. (I love being pregnant. I just grow.. that's all that happens in my pregnancies.) And when people would talk about my pregnancy (when I eventually told them) I pretended that it was the worse thing that could have happened and I think I started to believe it. Although no one can help but think he's the best thing since sliced bread when they finally met him. They just made my life living hell until then. And by the way... I love my little man so so much and couldn't imagine my life without any of little rug rats. And I'd love to have one more but our house just wouldn't fit any more people in it. As it is we had to make a bedroom in the garage ( the garage is attached to the house). :smiliedance:

[punkbaby]

My MIL is dissappointed we are having number 4...more so as DH has a 14yo from a previous relationship and we have to think that one day we may have to take him in (its looking that way anyhow)
She goes on about how will we feed them, school them etc etc, i come from a family of 6, i told her they will all go to public school and if it come to that i would move in with her and let them feed them LOL she soon stopped!

I do think its rude though when people judge you for how many kids you have and i also think its rude to judge people for having one child too!

[mumo5]

my2 oldest kids were in a catholic school (as we are catholics and it's the same school and myself and my dp went to) and it got to the stage where I just couldn't afford the fees anymore and it was such a hard decision for me to change schools (as it was a good school and i always said that i didn't care if i had to sell my kidney to give them a good education) We eventually realised they had to go to a public school and it's the best thing I ever did. (that's not to say it will work for everyone but my kids thrived) there was no bullying as alot of the kids in the school were from financially difficult families aswell so everyone was equal. Now if I didn't have "SO MANY" kids, then my children would not be having a "FRIENDLY AND EDUCATIONAL" education. :yelclap:

[neostudded]

When I fell pg with Julius I had a "freind" ask how many I will have, I said This wont be my last.

She blunty said "well iam having ONE spoiled child who get's whatever they want!"

I hate her the cow! She's so cold when her brother's and sister's went in to foster care all she could talk about is how it's like she's an only child, and how she's been getting SO much money spent on her and she's getting her peace and quiet, ect ect..:mad:

She though I was so jealous she's so blind!

ILL have LOTS of kid's and all of them WILL be SPOILED:kiss: (But not with money :D)

[damien's mum]

All that matters hun, is that you and your family are happy, safe and healthy, don't listen to ANYONE else

Chin up babe :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[defaipe]

I find if i use sacrcasm alot, then they dont say any more and im happy. PLUS im not too keen on my children hearing negative comments regarding their existence!:no:

yes. i dont suppose people think of that when they open their mouths! if i had my 3yrold with me at the time i wouldve bitten back more without a doubt. reading everyones replies atleast i know its not just me! hehe.

[kymmy]

I hear you!
It seems money is more important than family generally. People with more money than us say they can't afford more than 2. Well you can, it just depends what is important to you and what do you want to spend your money on. I love my kids and that is most important to me and hubby. We aren't extravagant and we spend all our money on living and the kids.
Its interesting how ppl want to plan out my life. "Have the pigeon pair 18 months apart" Hmm not for me. :no:
Doesn't matter what you do someone will think you are being selfish.

[dreamer80]

Some people just cant put themselves in another person’s shoes.:shame: How many kids is entirely a personal choice and the factors that influences how many children may be religious, money, own values, your family size etc

If you want or can afford three, four or more than don’t let anyone tell you shouldn't or that you are selfish!!:shame:

[kelpat]

My DH and I have 5 kids between us and would love to have another. But it is my mothers response that I am most worried about. She's think I'd be crazy to try for another. She got cranky when I had my last one so I can only imagine what she will say next.She thinks I should put them all in daycare and get a career.

[dylanmum]

Hi all. I have four kids and I wouldn't have done it any other way. Love my kids to bits and they are definately not disadvantaged.... we aren't rich in assets but we all love each other very much! IMHO it's a case of each to their own - some people want 1 child and others want more.

[Cordelia]

I've only just had my first but my DH and I are planning at least another 2 and MIL is completely against it. Always making comments about being able to afford kids.. I think you can afford them if you want to? You budget and you work hard. And besides that, who is she to think she can dictate our important life decisions... She should be thankful for every grandchild brought into her life. Family is so much more important than driving the best car and eating at the best restaurants.

(btw I get really frustrated that she goes on about looking after your money yet I can't believe the amount she wastes on the pokies and lotto)

[cackleberry]

:banghead: Stranger's comments are just so uncalled for! My MIL said after I fell pregnant with our DS#3 that having four would be crazy and don't even think about having another one. I was so worried about telling her about being pregnant with our fourth, that I chickened out and got my DS#1 to tell her 'mummy is having another baby' :laughing: She was thrilled and admitted that she would have loved to have had four children. I think you just have to do what you think is best in life and ignore what everyone else thinks.

[Mumof6]

When you have a larger than 'normal' family ... you eventually develop a thick skin.

When I go out with the kids... you can feel the eyes counting, and sometimes judging. Often people will comment... and TELL you that you cant have any more... even strangers...

I have some great come backs now... but it does still occasionally upset me.

1 man told #5 child that she should get sold off, or eaten, as there was too many... WTF is with that??

I also think other people feel they couldn't cope/ afford a large family, and try and verbally place their insecurities onto you.

My mum cries each time I tell her we are expecting, she cant understand why I'm apparently wreaking my life... But for all the negativity others can place on our choices... the positives we gain from our children make it water off a ducks back.

[V8]

I truly realise how lucky i am with my mum, she would never comment like that to me, if a stranger said something i wouldn't care, but when it's your own family thats terrible. My mum said i could have 12 children and she wouldn't mind, she'd love to have 12grandkids! I love my mum! :hugs: Oh, and we do plan on having 4. :D

[defaipe]

I truly realise how lucky i am with my mum, she would never comment like that to me, if a stranger said something i wouldn't care, but when it's your own family thats terrible. My mum said i could have 12 children and she wouldn't mind, she'd love to have 12grandkids! I love my mum! :hugs: Oh, and we do plan on having 4. :D

sounds like my mum too :D

[V8]

sounds like my mum too :D

It's nice to have such proud grandparents :)

[Dannii79]

My mum cries each time I tell her we are expecting, she cant understand why I'm apparently wreaking my life... But for all the negativity others can place on our choices... the positives we gain from our children make it water off a ducks back.
My Mum was p*ssed right off with me when I fell pregnant with DS1. It wasn't until around the 18 week mark when we were told that he could be down syndrome that she came around and decided to support us! He doesn't have D/S by the way. She was also was upset that I fell pregnant with DS2 when DS1 turned 1. It was too soon as far as she was concerned and wasn't fair on DS1 to have a sibling close in age.....pffft best thing I ever did. So when I fell pregnant with DD I was dreading the phone call to tell her I was pregnant again. She blew me out of the water and was all excited this time. However my Grandmother was p*ssed this time. Her exact words when I told her were "Well that is a good way to f**k up a perfectly good Sunday" OUCH!!!:eek:

Anyway I would LOVE to have #4 but I'm too worried about upsetting my family because according to them I can't handle the 3 I have already and I really don't know if I could take comments from complete strangers like some of you said that you have gotten.

Why can't people bugger off and mind their own bloody business? If I want 10 kids that should be my business and no-one elses......but it never is huh?:thumbsdown:

[mysonroger]

99% of my mothers' group were slagging me off behind my back when i fell pregnant with No. 2 when DS was just 6mths old.....apparently i was being very unfair to DS. like, hellllllooooooooo! and then when there was talk of TTC No. 3, SIL suggested it was selfish to No. 2 even though she would have been a very normal 2yo by the time No. 3 could have been born., so No. 3 was unfair on No.2 who was unfair on No. 1 and on and on it goes - already sounds like a Dr. suess book

one word - IDIOTS

then one day a complete stranger (oh yes, don't we love them) said to me with all seriousness, that there is actually not enough love for three children.....that we (humans) don't have that much love in us. Okkkkkkaaaaayyyyy.........

[pookiesossige]

99% of my mothers' group were slagging me off behind my back when i fell pregnant with No. 2 when DS was just 6mths old.....apparently i was being very unfair to DS. like, hellllllooooooooo! and then when there was talk of TTC No. 3, SIL suggested it was selfish to No. 2 even though she would have been a very normal 2yo by the time No. 3 could have been born., so No. 3 was unfair on No.2 who was unfair on No. 1 and on and on it goes - already sounds like a Dr. suess book

one word - IDIOTS

then one day a complete stranger (oh yes, don't we love them) said to me with all seriousness, that there is actually not enough love for three children.....that we (humans) don't have that much love in us. Okkkkkkaaaaayyyyy.........

I only have 2 children but I have read this entire thread and can't belive you guys have to put up with so much freaking rubbish!! Especially you, mysonroger, I am totally appalled at the 'not enough love' comment you recieved!!! It's not fair that any of you should have listen to this judgemental blabber from old Joe down at the shops, let alone deal with it when it comes from family. NOT on.

[DoubleDelight]

This thread has actually made me feel better. I have 2 children from my 1st marriage and then twins with my partner, he has 1 daughter from a previous relationship. The number of people who assume that our babies were unplanned and an inconvenience is staggering. I was actually asked whether I was planning to terminate :eek: The other great assumption is that because our twins were g/b that our family was automatically complete. Well the jury is still out on that one :p

We may not be rolling in money but our house is always filled with love.

[Dannii79]

The number of people who assume that our babies were unplanned and an inconvenience is staggering.
We had one particular family member ask how could we have been so silly to let "whoopsie #2" happen after already having a "whoopsie" beforehand. :mad: She was told that not one of my kids have ever been "whoopsies" all 3 of them have been planned and very much wanted!:hugs: :kiss: I was offended to say the least.

[chickebabe]

Well this is my first post on this forum & Im SHOCKED to hear that people are questioning your decisions to have a 'large' family & your saying child no 2 & 3!!! What on earth are they thinking?? What business is it of theirs?? Do they have to raise them?? Do they have to do the washing & cooking & cleaning & dishes??
As far as my thinking goes your 3 & 4 child families are a normal size & a large family is more up in 7,8,9+.. so I'm hating thinking of what people are going to say about me when Im pregnant with number 8 & 9!!! MIL & FIL wont care because they are the proud parents of 9 children themselves. (((Thats not meant to sound rude by the way)))
From what Im reading about children born close together get along better with their siblings then those born further apart so yeh!! Go have 3 kids in 3 yrs.. Let it be serene chaos for a few years. Think about the benefits in the future.

DH is the oldest of 9 & I've had experiences with other LARGE families (7,8,9 & 10) & all they display is love & joy towards each other. Children dont miss out because they have so many other siblings to play with & talk with.

But most of all.. I say... Dont let the negatives of other insecure persons dictate how many children you should or shouldn't have... Because it is YOU that will regret your decisions...

Ooops didnt mean to ramble on so much.. A topic that runs close to my heart.

[moonblossom]

Yup I'm selfish. Giving up years of sleep, giving my children what they need before myself. Scraping every cent to sent them to private school. The years of holding sad children when they are ill, even tho i am exhausted. The years of worry because you so want to be the best mother you can be. Yet through it all, loving every minute.

YES I'M SELFISH and wouldn't change one damn thing :thumbsup: