Cant Leave Vic With Sascha

[charli06]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhh......
i hate the law, snif. ok so i decided to leave dh, rang legal aide and found out that i cant leave the state with sascha. As dh can go to court and then have him relocated back here if i take him to nsw. And that looks bad during court. ohh no why did i move here??????? I will also get less money as dh can say that he is paying the morgage and therefore deserves more money. I hate this...snif, snif , snif. Yet I am a mum and leftwork for sascha, this isnt fair

[lukaelmo]

Does DH know you are leaving? Will he want to share in the care of Sascha?

[whatwasithinking]

OMG - Do you have family in NSW. I always was led to believe that you could move interstate to be near family in this type of situation.

This means if I was to leave my hubby I would be in the same position?!?

[moonblossom]

The reasons for not being able to leave are very clear,. Could you imagine if your partner could just up and go with your child to any state this wish?

[whatwasithinking]

I can understand that people shouldn't be able to take their kids to any state they want to for the hell of it but if you have no family or friends in the current state you are living in with the "partner you are leaving" (like in Saschas (I gather from reading her posts/threads) and my situation) and all your family support networks are in another state you should be able to take the child to that state for help.

Sometimes the laws just are plain stupid (could say worse but BUBHUB police are not on strike today ;) )

[moonblossom]

Lol your "police" comment LOL

Yes I understand the dillema, but i still think the law is there to protect the child and not isolate the parent. It is a very difficult situation, and it has happened to a few of my friends, but they have had to compromise, and its worked out ok.

Its horrid to feel alone at times like these, and my heart does go out to sachasmum.

[whatwasithinking]

and my heart does go out to sachasmum.
I know it does sweet sweet moonblossom :) .

[charli06]

ok ive done the washing and calmed down:
well dh knows that i will leave if he doesnt pull his act together soon and he knows that ive had counseling etc BUT he doesnt know im making plans to go now. I rang legal aide for advice about the house, as dh got nasty and said I OWE HIM, half the morgage etc, which he knows i cant afford. LEgal aide said, if i take sascha, ANd he got nasty (or nastier, which is inevitable) he can demand sascha be brought back and even have me arrested if i refuse to comply. Even later on if he decides he has had enough, he can do that (and he would). SO i cant take him unless i get out an AVO and have an emergency court hearing. That would mean going now and if by chance they dont grant it (because i dont have proof about his behaviour) then well im stuffed and he will get worse. He would then try to take sascha from me, i know it, i couldnt bear it , i would die. I have no family, like one new friend and no support. NOT DOING WELL

[JanetF]

The burden of proof for an AVO is totally different from that in a criminal case. Since most DV occurs in private, the word of the woman (and you've sought outside help so you do have proof of that) is normally taken. It's not recorded as a conviction against the perpetrator. They're not perfect but they're better than no protection at all. I'd get one if I were you.

[Nickster]

saschasmum,

I don't know what advice to give, except this, don't worry too much about your DH's threats. Believe me, my DH was dragged through the mud as far as his divorce and custody went - and his wife left because she was "bored". She ended up with pretty much everything - custody of two children ensured that. So, really, your DH is the one that OWES you!

I'm sure everything will work out. Just make sure you have a safe place to go to if you need to get out quickly.

[JellyBean06]

I'm not totally up to date with this but I'll give my 2c anyway -

Your safety and the safety of your child is the absolute most important thing in the world. Always keep that as your focus and if that means going interstate or into emergency accommodation so be it.

Get the AVO. Get any records together of counselling etc. Also, birth certificates, passports etc. You don't want him getting those!

Speak with the Housing Trust (or equivalent) in VIC. In SA, the SAHT has emergency accommodation for people in exactly your position. The sooner you speak to them, the sooner they can find you something. Also, speak with Centrelink - you'll be amazed at what financial support is available.

Why did you move to VIC? Did he do that and you were force/coerced (sp) into following? You may be able to use that as an argument, that he has deliberately isolated you from your support network in order to have greater control.

You may loose the house but consider what you really want - half a house and him lurking or him gone? My FIL's first wife walked out on him. He had to take out a second mortgage to keep the house but he didn't want to have anything to do with her so in the long run it was hard but worth it (haven't seen her for 20 years now).

Here's something I found - You can contact the Women's Domestic Violence Crisis Service to find free and safe place for you and your children to stay (Victoria) Ph. (03) 9373 0123 or 1800 015 188 (toll free). There are 27 women's refuges across Victoria that provide crisis accommodation and support. Workers are available at the refuges to help you and your children. To keep all residents safe, most Women's Refuges cannot be contacted directly. You can get help or accommodation by ringing Women's Domestic Violence Crisis Service, (03) 9373 0123 or 1800 015 188.

We will all be here to support you no matter what happens! :o

[charli06]

hi guys, well talked to a few ppl and it seems that i will have a friends place to go to for a couple of weeks til i get my own place. dh has been good this arvo, but its kinda hard to enjoy it as he goes up and down. I am just going to wait out xmas. To make things worse the hours at work have dried up as they are forcing everyone to sign these awa agreements and ppl are freaking out. n e way thanks for all the great advice. I know i will stay in victoria as i couldnt face court with dh but at least i know that i have to make plans here. we also have a house full of stuff which i brought so wont have to do that again. I WILL BE OK! HORAY
Thankyou so much for all the support
ps i ring centrelink like advised and i am actually a lot better off. lol , even working part time and i could stay with sascha a bit longer which is what i always wanted.