I am a mess

[mummoss]

HELP I have been trying to get my DH to understand how hard things can be as a mum with no sleep caus the bub is teething trying to be calm and honest and now he is sleeping in the spare room saying we might need abreak from each other saying maybe he wasnt ready to be a dad or a husband but HE PUSHED FOR IT IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!:crying::crying::crying::gloomy: I dont know what to do I am a complete mess

[Ashleigh<3]

HELP I have been trying to get my DH to understand how hard things can be as a mum with no sleep caus the bub is teething trying to be calm and honest and now he is sleeping in the spare room saying we might need abreak from each other saying maybe he wasnt ready to be a dad or a husband but HE PUSHED FOR IT IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!:crying::gloomy: I dont know what to do I am a complete mess

Um, how extremely rude and inconsiderate of him.

Sorry hun, you don't deserve to be treated like you're doing a bad job or that your job is far less work then any thing else!

I'm sorry to come in here with such a negative response but I can't help but feel for you, you are not doing anything wrong.
There seem to be a lot of men out there that just 'expect', 'assume', 'rely', on their partners to do everything that is considered tough with the baby.

:shame: I wouldn't be able to do everything on my own when it comes to parenting.

As for the teething, :hugs: I hope it speeds along.

[mummoss]

Thanks, I hate feeling so sad all the time I worry my DS can sense something is wrong

[Rissa]

HI Mummoss,
I'm Rissa and this is my very first post at bubhub but I just could not go past your post. While I have never been in your exact circumstances as the mum of three (#4 on the way) I know how overwhelmed and tired you can get but just remember that it will get better!
My first suggestion is take time to look after yourself ( even just having a long shower or sit in the park down the road can help) as if you are not well then junior will know, react and make your life harder. As for your DH he too might be feeling tired and overwhelmed at how life at home has changed , after all we get 9 months of discomfort to prepare for motherhood. Don't get me wrong I am definitely not suggesting he is right just possible frightened . My DH and I got through this by giving him as much responsibility ( I know, men hate that word) and contact with bub as possible, he would bath bub and rock them to sleep so I could take a short break and in turn he was reassured that he was important and needed at least to bub.
I know this isnt much but I hope that the thought that someone out here is thinking of you and knows that you are going through a tough time helps. Take care :thumbsup:

[Ashleigh<3]

I know how it is to be sad, sometimes I've just had to break down in tears, Chloe will either just laugh, or touch my face, pull my hair.

I'm just so glad she is at the age where she can't understand what's 'really' going on.

Maybe try and have a silent talk to you hubby about how depressed and tired you are, maybe suggest when he gets home from work, instead of sitting infront of the tv straight away, he can give her a bath, get her ready for bed etc.
Give him the good ol', if we can't make this work, how do you think ds will feel when he's older?

[mummoss]

Thats the exact talk we were having when he stormed out I was in tears trying to make him understand

[Ashleigh<3]

Thats the exact talk we were having when he stormed out I was in tears trying to make him understand

:hugs: I know how sad it must be to watch him ignore/walk out on you, do you find yourself questioning your marriage?
I would be very sad too. :(

[mummoss]

sorry for be so down I just so need to vent to someone who wont storm out on me

[mummoss]

yep I think we should have waited

[Ashleigh<3]

No need for you to be apologising! This is what we're all here for, to comfort you when you need it most.:hugs:

I would be asking him if this is just a temporary aggressive stage, or will this be sticking for life.
IYKWIM?

[javalava]

Oh honey i so know how you feel right now. Im feeling exactly the same. I dont know what to say except im crying with you.

[mummoss]

Thank you so much you guys are trully helping me keep my head above water right now :hugs: I really needed this you can only cry so much on your own

[Mum2Bug]

I dont know you, but i think you deserve these

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[javalava]

Thank you so much you guys are trully helping me keep my head above water right now :hugs: I really needed this you can only cry so much on your own

If your feeling like me right now your world is crashing and there is no worse a feeling. Its weird cos part of me wants to give you advice but that would mean i need to listen to it and i cant right now. I just dont want to loose my relationship. So i totally understand you right now. This is the hardest feeling to ever deal with. I feel gutted.

[mummoss]

thats so true, I think right now I am going to curl up in my bed and try to get some sleep, thank you all so much for your help I will be on tomorrow mornin to cause my DH is going out with the boys for the day (his first day off in 4 weeks) I might have a clearer head by then

ljd_83 I hope things get better for you too I hope to see you on line tomorrow we can vent together

asheigh<3 Thank you heaps you have been so lovely :hugs: would love to get to know you on a happier note

see you all later night:sleeping:

[mummoss]

And thanks mum2Bug I needed those hugs

[mama kare]

i am so sorry to read this post. you poor hon.. i really feel for you. i will say this much.. it is very easy for people (us) on the outside to be negative towards the situation, as we don't know the person he was/is when you fell inlove with him. but i know this much.. you have every right to be treated as an equal in any relationship. is he forgetting that you both made a baby together? the key word is 'together'. i am speaking from experience here. my ex liked to blame me because he wasnt ready to have a baby - neither was i, but i could never bring myself to abort the pregnancy. so it was all my fault. i ruined his life. once the baby arrived, he fell inlove with her and things were fine for a year or so. but its then that i came to my senses, he didnt love me. he only felt obliged to stay with me so he wouldn't look bad if he walked away. so i left him. it took all of my courage, but i am better for it. the truth is, we only get this one life to give love and be loved. don't waste it if you can't do either or one of them. x

[lachys_mama]

Dp and I went through this a couple of months ago. Dp was given three choices when we fell pregnant as we were going through a rough time he could a) leave us alone all together
b)leave me and have something to do with baby; or c) he could stay and work it out. then he decided that he wasn't ready to be a dad. I just shook my head at him and told him that if he wasn't ready now he never would be, he thought i was talking about his age (almost 30) until i said to him if you're not ready to be a dad when your son is 7 months old i don't think you will ever be ready, he rolled his eyes at me and I said fine leave we don't need you here. He is still here and it actually turned out that he was feeling tired and depressed from work and overwhelmed with a baby and an emotional partner heh... I feel for you hon and hope some light is shed on your situation too

[mummoss]

hey guys just wanted to let you know,
he came in to the room this mornin and said sorry we are going to sit down tonight and talk about what really needs to change and hopefully heal our relationship he even offered to cook dinner :eek: I have heard this before but Im goin to try, I told him I wont put up with this **** anymore I am better then that he seemed to trully take it in :fingerscrossed:

thank you all again for your support you helped me feel strong enough to put my foot down, and it seems to be working.

[Ashleigh<3]

Mummoss, I can't express how relieved I am for you, good luck with the talk tonight, it shows such quality of him initiating the talk.
Well done.

Will be here to talk to you later on if you need it. :):hugs:

[PunkyDiva]

:fingerscrossed: for you both, glad to hear he might have seen the light and potentially how much he has to lose. Some sleep may have done you a world of good too and a dinner you didn't have to cook, what a bonus:hugs: :hugs:

[Mum2Bug]

That is really good news. I hope you can sit down together and work it all out.

[mummoss]

Thanks guys its all good news :smiliedance: we had a great talk He cooked a beautiful Dinner (even cleaned up after himself) and he has promised to step up to the plate more and to top it all off my DS 2nd tooth broke through today and he is finally sleeping one 2 hour nap in the day and only wakes once through the night I feel human:yelclap: :laughing:

Thanks again

[iluvmeboyz]

i ve just read your post that's great that he is doing that all the best

[mama kare]

im glad things are sorting themselves out for you. none of us deserve to be put through so much stress after having a baby.. but unfortunately we do have to deal with the highs and lows of life again. hope things are better for you x