How much help do you get

[immarni]

Not sure if this is in the right spot.....but i'm just wondering how much help do you get from family and friends and most importantly...hubby. My parents live overseas and my husbands family lives in sydney so i get no help from them. My husband has never bathed DD, fed her twice (she has been bottlefed since 2 weeks) and has changed three nappies. She is now a bit over 4 months and i have done it basically all on my own. He doesnt even want to do those things...even though thats when you get the most interaction out of her.... He has his cuddles but it probably amounts to maybe an half an hour a day. My friends are all around my age or younger and don't have kids....and if they do they are a handful so its hard to have anyone to help. Not sure if i'm expecting too much but should i expect more out of my husband? or is it just my duty to do every single thing for our child......would like some opinions.

[Littletreasures]

i dont get alot of help from family dad is always to busy and mum lives away and we dont talk to DH side of the family.... but i do have my sister and she will babysit if i need her 2 and i also look after her 2 girls.....

DH is great he has being since day one and it meant that i could go back to work when DS was only 4 weeks cause DH worked nights so was able to look after DS during the day and he would also sometimes get up to him in the middle of the night.... DH changed his first pooey nappy and helped with washing bottles and putting to sleep duties..... He really is great...

i don't think that you are expecting to much from your DH to want a little bit of help maybe try and encourage him to bath her or get up to her in the night or even help with the house work...

[natasha]

None, none, none and none.:rolleyes:

[FourAngelKisses]

Heaps from hubby (he even does night feeds), but none from family and friends.

[the_original_duchess]

:hugs: i get heaps of help, and i feel so badly that you dont. my hubby is great. he wasnt always tho. we actually seperated for a little while because he didnt. now he helps with the kids all the time, housework on the otherhand is another story. he doesnt have any choice in the matter atm, as im heavily preggers, but we'll see how it goes after bubs is born.
also most of my family live on the same street as my so im pretty lucky with that too. mum sis and bro are number 50, nan is 56 and we are 58. and my dad takes the kids once a month for the weekend.
grants family would help if they lived near us, but live in lismore and brisbane so cant really help.
i hope that you get the help you deserve soon, and that your hubby realises that you were not alone in making a baby, so you shouldnt be left alone in taking care of one.
:fingerscrossed: it happens soon

[M~T~J~M]

Help?? Well, DH had maybe changed a total of 10 nappies in the 4 and a bit years we have had children - we have three! He doesn't do feeds, doesn't do solids, doesn't do baths, doesn't do housework....

Family - his side may look after the kids once in a while, and my mum and sister are great! Will look after them if I need, and will ocassionaly help around the house if they are here and things are hectic.

I understand how you feel. I hope he gets better though. I thought that DH was a little unsure with our first and that was why he left it all to me, but then along came no. 2, then no. 3 all with no change!
He is moving interstate next week though, and has been spending a little more time with them lately, but still not offering me any more help.

[iluvmeboyz]

dp helps me when he is home but my mil is awsome my mum would help but she is in melb

[Amused]

As for my family, they are interstate but would help if they could. My husband's family don't do anything. My husband on the other hand is brilliant. Tries to get home for the bath. Will get up in the night (if he hears him or I wake him), is totally supportive, cooks if necessary, has even gotten over himself enough to change nappies. I wouldn't swap him for the world!!

I'd be asking for help - if your partner was happy to make the baby, IMO he should help take care of the "responisbility." I'm so grateful for my DH!

[Natsmummy]

I get very little help from family. They love him to death but are pretty busy and not the types to drop everything just to help me out. DH's mum works full-time and lives on the other side of Sydney and his retired Dad lives close by but is a drunk.
My DH changes nappies but has never given DS a bath and has only fed him a few times. I don't get much help with anything at home. I'll admit though that DH has spent more time with DS as he has gotten a bit older and more robust, and has started to show his little personality. Whereas my feelings towards to DS have been full on since the beginning I think their relationship has strengthened a lot of over time. So this might be what happens with your husband and child.

[Kizmet]

my husband helps me out all the time! whether it be sterilising bottles, washing nappies, feeding DD or just looking after her so i can have some me time he is great! He actually doesnt see it as helping me out and neither do i to be honest. I dont see a reason why he wouldnt do things. This is an equal relationship and an equal parentship (:laughing: ) so why wouldn't he do anything! We dont have gender specific ideals set on each other :D

[faery]

my dp does everything but breastfeed. (and even then ds tries to latch on to his nipple occasonally) I'm home with ds during the day but dp gets to be home alot as well and does everything. pooey nappies, bathing, dressing, taking for walks, making dinner. you name it he does it. i do it too. we have worked out a nice rhythm in things, like if i cook dinner, he cleans up, that tye of thing. and bath time has always been daddy time since day one. he also is very aware that i am up most nights boobing our little one, so he takes him off my hands when he can during the day so i get a break.
my family is in canada and his is in NSW so we get no help from that end, except financial.
i'm a bit surprised that your hubby doesn't want to do more. it's all bonding, even cleaning poo. I wouldn't be asking - i'd be demanding some help. it's his child too and not your entire responsibility to raise them.

[Tabby]

my husband helps me out all the time! whether it be sterilising bottles, washing nappies, feeding DD or just looking after her so i can have some me time he is great! He actually doesnt see it as helping me out and neither do i to be honest. I dont see a reason why he wouldnt do things. This is an equal relationship and an equal parentship (:laughing: ) so why wouldn't he do anything! We dont have gender specific ideals set on each other :D

Exactly the same for us

[*Sparkles*]

My DH is great with bubs and does everything that I do but not as often as he works longs hours. He helps with the night time feed and we change pooey nappies together. Makes it easier if 1 of us is holding bubs legs out of the way as he has a tendancy to put his feet in the middle of all the mess :eek: :laughing:

My family live overseas too but recently my parents were here for 6 weeks and helped us heaps. DH's family live fairly close but we don't get any help from them at all :thumbsdown:

[theycallmemum]

Nada, zilch! No-one is even interested that our baby has arrived and he's 9 months old!

Dh helps a bit but he won't get up at night, even if I'm really sick. Has made the odd bottle and changed the odd nappy.

[shed]

I used to do everything to do with the baby and DP would do everything else, housework cooking etc.

Then I decided to get a job so DP took a week off to look after DS so I could go to work without worrying about DS starting daycare at the same time.

He did everything, washed him, dressed him, fed him, everything.

Now he does something if I ask him to, otherwise if I am home I am still the first port of call in all baby things. He does way more housework than me though so I don't mind in the slightest.

I often ask him to mind him so I can sit and knit or relax, and he does it without complaint.

As the baby gets older things will even up more. They are changing all the time

[immarni]

I really dont mind that he doesnt do the feeds because really if i was breastfeeding he wouldnt be able to help much in that department. DH does not wake up when DD wakes up at night....he has never gotten up during the night to feed....ever!! I had mastitis after DD wouldnt attach properly and i stopped breastfeeding. I had a temp of 39, had the rigors and was vomiting and DH just went and slept in the other room so he wouldnt get woken up. I don't consider looking after DD a job, cause i love it and i want to do everything i can for her....but just a little bit of help would be nice so i can have 10minutes to myself....which doesnt involve squeezing in time fora shower, sterilising bottles and cleaning the house. Ah well...i hope he gets better as DD gets older.....when she starts swimming lessons i've told DH that he is doing it....i think it will be good bonding time.

[mum2bubba]

Grant helps out as much as he can (even if I have to TELL him to do something 50 million times :rolleyes: ) my SIL has been a Godsend with looking after Hayley if/when I need a break.

[tootiredtosleep]

Since we moved my Mum is 1/2 hour away and looks after DD once a week when we are both at work, and also some weekends when we want to see a movie. My brother also lives close and would help if I needed him to.

DH is good with DD. He baths her each night, but I have to lay out her clothes and dress her while he gets the bottle ready.

He will feed DD, but I often have to remind him, and again get it all ready and clean up the mess afterwards.

Housework is a problem right now. He does none, not even putting dishes in the dishwasher. I shouldn't have let him slack off when I was on maternity leave because now he is just lazy.

[Percy]

The amount of help i have been getting recently has blown me away. Although i do think in the really tough times you find out who your true friends are.

People that i never would have expected have been turning up on my doorstep with cooked meals and offers of babysitting, yet my so called 'friends' are no where to be found. What really hurts is the one person i really expected to help just hasnt been:gloomy:

On the up side though, i have a fantastic husband who would move the earth for me, and have made some lovely new friends who have just been so delightful. You guys all know who you are.:hugs:

[whatwasithinking]

Hubby - absolutely nothing!! Zilch, zip, not a thing.

My FIL - EVERYTHING with the kids when he comes to visit.

My family - SOMETIMES but not much.

[jojojonsey]

I'm really shocked that so many of you ladies don't have husbands who help!!

My DP does as much as me. Everything except breastfeeding. It takes two people to make a baby and that means IMO it take two people to look after one as well and I wouldn't be with someone who didn't want to be equally involved in raising their children. I would find it insulting and there would be much yelling and stamping of feet until the situation changed. We are equals in this relationship in everyway.

It wasn't always this way. i had to teach himhow to do a heap of stuff around the house (he has a very lovey but very indulgant mother) and I am very specific if I need him to do things because sometimes it just doesn't occur to him what needs to be done. So instead of just saying "can you do some washing" I will say.."honey there is a load of washing in the basket in the laundry - can you put it in the washing machine - cold water and use the cuddly".

I have to be specific with him and I learnt this the hard way after I once asked him to chop an onion for dinner - which he did but he left the skin on!!!! He did not know how to cut an onion and I wasn't specific enough to say peel it first!!

But he's much better now.

[juzzy]

Nothing! I get no help...

DP doesnt help me even when i demand it like i have been all day today, hed rather sit in front of the tv than bond with his own daughter and then he complains when she cries all the time we he does get around to holding her... hmmmm maybe that it because she has no idea who you are????

As for other members of the family... i live 3 or so hours away from my mum and sister and DPs family is only interested for cuddles and nothing else... as soon as she makes a noise i end up getting her back.

It is really frustrating as DP keeps promising me that he will help me more but it never happens.

[Shellfish]

Our families are both overseas, so we don't get any physical assistance from them (although we get advice and emotional support).

My hubby is my rock, I don't know what I would do without him - he does more than his fair share and luckily as he often minds ds (at the weekends as he works during the week) he knows just how much works goes into child care and so is that much more sympathetic. I would never have married and started a family with a man who didn't support me 100% - with the house, children, marriage etc and so it's not luck, I would never accept anything less for myself.

[mum33]

DP works away alot. DP's parents live an hour away, my mum works long hours, dad works alot too and stepdad has a terminal illness. so no-one to help really. but when Dp is here he does help sort of....but not as much as i'd like him too. :no: