9yo worried about weight

[punkbaby]

Usually during the week i try to at least have lunch one day down the park or attempt to have tea down there once a week too to keep the kids entertained. This week as school holidays started we have gone down a few more times than usual to past the time.
Anyhow not thinking much of it dd who is 9 asked me not to butter her bread. I didnt worry as i figured well sausages down the park sauce etc who needs butter and asked if we were having hamburgers to not put cheese on hers. A few days later dh wasnt home so thought i might let the kids ride to the park and we could have fish n chips, dd asked to walk not ride her scooter plus dd wouldnt eat the fish n chips, said she wasnt hungry but when she got home she was so i cooked her some pasta and vegies.

That night i was sitting there scratching my head wondering why the sudden dislike to food, anyhow the last few weeks at school she was throwing her lunch out, or it was in the bottom of her bag hidden,when i asked he why she didnt eat she said she was sick of sandwiches and wanted to have salad or something! So i do the salad thing giving her some bread to fill her, and letting her have lettuce, tomato, cheese, mushrooms carrot i got some little containers so she could take some dressing with her. All was well she didnt eat the cheese or dressing though after a few days of the salad attempt, figured she didnt like it. Then she didnt eat the bread and was only eating the actual salad part of her lunch. i told her to eat her bread please she will get too hungry.

Tonight it got me thinking why is she doing this. she is rather tall for her age, about up to my shoulders and i am 162cms tall she is rather chubby, but its only puppy fat as we call it, i remember i was the same as a kid then i turned into a rake, in saying that we never mention her weight as i dont think its anything of a concern for her age as she isnt too chubby.

I was cooking dinner tonite making pasta, white sauce mushrooms bacon broccoli, cauli, etc and fettuchini (yum) she asked for no cheese or no sauce i said sorry you eat what you are given I am a little tired of making special meals for you or letting you not eat everything like everyone else and i want your little brother and sister to eat what we all eat and they look up to you so eat it. Harsh yeh maybe but she has eaten it before, loved it, never had complaints so its not like she doesnt like it. She eats it sulking then asks to leave the table.

I let her stew for a while, then went to the bedroom where shes howling, i said whats wrong sweetie you always like your dinner why didnt you want it tonite. Well this is where i nearly fall over...she said i am fat, the girls at school told me that i shouldnt eat cheese and bread as its fattening, i am like what???? I should have clicked earlier but i figured she was growing up and she was looking for something different to eat for lunch as kids do.

Does anyone else have any kids out there this age having the same problem, i am horrified thats all grade 4 and she thinks she is fat and needs to lose weight! I will say something to the school when school goes back though.
Any ideas? I have a 21yo sister whos suffering from bulimia at the moment i dont want her to end up like this (please note that dd does not know about this and hasnt heard it being discussed etc, as i wont allow it to happen so i know this cannot be influencing her)

THanks sorry its so long! I just want to do the right thing and have her enjoying her food not worrying about what she eats at this age!!

[Mariposa]

i havent had to deal with this yet, my dd1 will be 8 this year, and has said a few comments similar to what your dd is saying. i have heard some of the kids myself at school (which i did tell the teacher) teasing another girl who was bigger than themselves.

my dd has also said on a few occasions, that she will not wear a particular item of clothing as it made her look fat.

it seems to me, the kids are growing up far too quickly in this day and age. and i wished they would just slow down.

im sorry that i dont have much advise to give, but if you are overly concerned, it might be best to talk with your gp.

[punkbaby]

I was thinking of the GP but i worry about acknoweldging it if that makes sense, i am concerned it will cause damage i know that sounds silly.
She is aware of how eating can make you sick as when i had jaw surgery a few months back i didnt eat for a few weeks (only liquid food etc) and was a mess, so she saw what happened to me and how run down i got. She is doing the clothing thing too, grrr its driving me mad!

I guess i feel like kicking the butts of the girls teasing her, her freinds are the tall skinny petite girls so yes she does look different but she isnt in the fat group! I hate using that word but thats the only way to put it i guess using her terms.
She is happy to talk to me about it and she was telling me earlier that her dad and her nan (she sees them every few months as her dad and i seperated when she was born) were telling her to not eat this as she was getting big and she should be careful as she will get teased!! I feel like kicking their butts too no idea they have about how saying something like that can affect a child.

DD is also quiet active as well playing a variety of sports and we walk to school and back at least three times a week. I dont feel the weight is a problem as i know myself you grow out of it, as i did and as did my sisters etc

Thankyou though for your views i guess i can just keep an eye on things and can look out for warning signs if it gets any worse and maybe chat to her teacher and see if they can implement something at school, they are usualy good like that.

:D i am just horrified its happening at her age

[SorenLorensen]

how stupid is it that this is what is happening these days..

i last year had a conversation with a 7 year old about the fact that she wanted just salad for lunch and dinner and NO chicken or meat of any kind, becasue she was too fat (far from it) i sat down and explaind to her that she can have meat and she had no reason to loose weight, that i understand if she wants to eat healthy but she was going about it the wrong way.
she woudl not listen to anyone, the only thing that made her eat a propper lunch and dinner was to show her my DDs growth chart in her blue book, once we explaind to her where she sat in the graph and that she was fine the way she was she ate her dinner.
kids are just growing up way to fast

:hugs: to you and i hope you can work it out soon

[Minke]

DD is 6 and tells me all the time how skinny she is and then announces that she is going to do her exercises so she can stay that way... :eek: :( I have never said anything about weight - hers or mine... It is so sad that such littlies are worrying about stupid adult ****.

:hugs: to your DD - I'm not sure what i would do...

:hugs: to you too - is there a school counsellor? or someone you could get info off?

[raisingwhirlwinds]

When I was at the Children's hospital the other day there was a sign about something for kids where they met together on regular basis to discuss healthy lifestlyes, what they could eat and how they might incorporate exercise. Even though it sounds like she's not heaps overweight maybe this could be something that could help her to feel like she has some control without her making bad choices and cutting out the wrong foods and/or eating too little food and heading down the bolemia/anarexia track. I'll see if I can find some info on this and whether they have something near you.

I can totally understand you being horrified by this. Maybe you can talk to a paediatrician or nutritionist without your daughter there to see what they suggest.

[punkbaby]

Thanks everyone...the part that annoys me the most is that we never mention as a family "we cant eat that etc" as we all eat quiet healthy, apart from a take out one night a week. She plays a big part in helping me cook too as she enjoys it so much.

I might see what i can find out in a sneaky way and also get her father to shut his mouth too.

Maybe i need to let her know why her aunty has been in and out of hospital then she will see what really happens and know why i worry...in a less indepth view than i see of course, although shes a very switched on 9yo and mature for her age i guess its something to chat with the GP about and see her view. Fingers crossed when school goes back these girls find something else to chat about :)

[raisingwhirlwinds]

I've been thinking about this issue over night. If she is being bullied which is absolutely awful, it will be on her mind day and night. If she is going to take reducing her food intake etc into her own hands then maybe you could offer to spend time together looking at healthy living. Maybe buy a book to read through together or something, that way she will feel like she is able to have control over her body, but you are reinforcing with her the food pyramid and healthy levels of exercise etc. Perhaps you could ask about a special meal she'd like to cook and go and buy the ingredients together, read the labels etc.

[punkbaby]

hey raisingwhirwinds thankyou...the thing is she knows whats healthy she often helps me cook and we chat about why we have this with this etc, she is a huge vegie fan and we have a healthy pyramid on the fridge where you can move the things around etc its like a where does what go etc and shes often teaching her younger dd and ds about it. I think i need to sort the girls at school out first but honestly i still dont see why a 9yo needs to worry about what they eat...if she was being fed junk i would understand it i guess

thankyou though :)