Grandparents rights?

[unhappy]

I am just wondering if people could give me some information about grandparents rights?
I make sure that i send out an email every fortnight with photos and info on what our ds is up to. We also make an effort to see ds's grandparents once a month for half a day. My ds is only 10 months old and i think this is plenty of interaction with his grandparents.
My dh and i are always made to feel like we dont see them enough.
When i was young my grandmother looked after my brother and i alot and it caused huge family wars after a while and my mother and grandmother now no longer speak... havent for years. I do not want this happening with my children and for that reason i dont want my children being looked after by grandparents ever. I am a SAHM and i am more than capable of looking after my child.
So i guess my question is... what rights do grandparents now have? if we are making an effort to see them once a month and always keep them updated... are we doing the right thing? or are they entitled to more legally?
I hope someone can help. i am pregnant and emotional and want to know where i stand.

[catalicious]

If ent to a court or something because they think they deserve more access it probably would go far so long as you dont see them less than this.....

Grandparents auntys uncles all have the same rights which is alot apparently..

They can get access to a child be it for a day or a weekend if they can prove the deserve it and should have it just ike any father or mother could if the other parent took the kids...

But its not like you have said they cant see your child so i dont think this would be an issue for yourself

[oleander]

I remember reading somewhere that grandparents have rights to see their grandchildren and could take legal action if they are being denied seeing them.

Check the family court website.

[Kells]

From your message I gather things are okay between you and the grandparents??

If that is the case, I reckon once a month (depending on the distance you have to travel) probably isnt enough. If I was a grandparent (or even a parent of adult kids) I would want to see them more than this.

This is, of course, providing you dont fight or whatever.

JMO :rolleyes: :o

We see my parents (who live 15 min away so it's easy) once a week.

My kids are really close to them and it is fantastic to have a babysitter if needed (it doesnt need to be a lot or a regular thing - but keep the option open)

My MIL lives interstate, so we only see her about 4 times a year, and the kids are distant with her, but then, she's a weirdo so that could be why!! :laughing: :devil6:

[unhappy]

It is my inlaws that are causing me to feel anxious about it all... things are not great between us. i dont get along with them that well but i do go out of my way to do the right thing for my ds.
I may suggest to Dh that we let them come over once a fortnight for a few hours. we live over an hour away so its not like its just around the corner.
Thanks for your replies so far.

[SassyMummy]

I think Grandparents should have rights providing they won't put your child into any danger or anything. Of course, if they just bad-mouth you or whatever all the time, then I'd be telling them to get stuffed... but if they're just wanting to spend more time with their grandkids... well, I can't see a problem there.

[unhappy]

well i have spoken to dh and we are going to ask them if they would like to come around every secong week to see him. Maybe this will make them happy! doubt it though.
Thanks for your replies.
I have never really been welcomed warmly into the family and my SIL has the nerve to call me all kinds of horrible things behind my back. Dh doesnt really speak with her too often and she is overseas so it doesnt really affect us too much but his parents still mamage to cause some problems when they want to. Everything has to be THEIR way or its not good enough. I am not going to have my life revolve around what they want us to be doing.
So i think every second week sounds like a plan! surely this would be enough time with their grandson???!!!

[Ashleigh<3]

Thats a good idea. Chloe has never met DF's grandparents, but we see DF's parents quite often.
We live with my parents so they see her all the time. My parents are very weary of us moving out for more then one reason, the know they are going to miss her so much and never see her as often.

The thing is, grandparents are old, and they're always thinking about, what happens if i'm not here tomorrow? I want to make the most of my life, see my family the most I can while I'm alive.
My grandparents all live in the states and they are very sad, I do what you do, every two weeks send them an update on whats going on along with photos but I know we're going to have to hop on a plane, I feel sorry for them.

If they are becoming a rude inconvienence, tell them you are not pleased, you call the shots considering this is your child.

When my Aunt passed away, she left behind a 21 year old son, 4 years old twin boys, the twins Dad was really mean and never had much to do with them, until the government contacted him about having rights to their kids money, because their mother was receiving medical treatment for her cancer, the government was putting $2000 into each of their accounts per fortnight, because she died, she had no access to their accounts, my grandparents took him to court, tried to get full time custody, they brang up the issue of the kids money which was $30 000 each, they wanted it to be safe for college, they lost the case. Only see my cousins once a blue moon, are heart broken because they've lost their daughter, and they had to watch the twins father use all of their college money on cars.

:(
I say grandparents do have a right, in certain cases though.

[missie_mack]

Yeah a hour away isnt really around the corner. When I was younger we seen my grandparents probably every weekend but that really is exceptional these days. I would think if you make the effort to see them once a month you are making an effort and if they want to see their grandchild more often they can come to you the other fortnight- I imagine from what you are saying your inlaws are young enough and mobile enough to be able to do that.

[OnceAMereHumanNowAMum]

"Grandparents rights" is designed to protect the rights of the child, not the grandparent.

In fact, as one of the other posters mentioned, it doesn't have to be a grandparent, it can be any relative, or even a close family friend.

The focus of the legislation is that a child has a right to contact with any person who is significant to their development or has an interest in their welfare, so long as the contact is in the best interests of the child.

I think once a month for grandparents who live an hour away is reasonable, especially if it is you that has to do the travelling. Of course, any grandparent would like as much time as possible with their grandkids, so it is kind of you to be willing to increase the visits.

You can find more info by going to the family law website.

If you are being threatened by family with this legislation, seek legal advice and find out where you stand. I should imagine that since you haven't actually denied them access, they would have a difficult case ahead of them.

Good luck!

[mum2bubba]

I think grandparents, aunties, uncles, etc need to earn the right to see their grandkids, nieces, nephews etc. My dad makes more effort to see Hayley then what Grant's parent's do put together, Grant's boss is his mother and she STILL doesn't ask about Hayley or anything, as for Grant's father (his parents are divorced) and he doesn't make much effort either, infact on birthday cards etc he writes "to Hayley.....from (his name) he doesn't put from grandpa or pa or anything like that which I think is strange, tell you what if Grant's parents went for access to get Hayley I would be sooo mad, my dad I don't mind coz at least he makes the effort to see her even if its only once a month or something though I would like Hayley to see him more.

[TeamAwesome]

I think it does depends on the circumstances. but it sounds to me like you're doing what's right for you.

That's all I'll say as I'll probably get jumped on by the people here otherwise.

[Ashleigh<3]

I think it does depends on the circumstances. but it sounds to me like you're doing what's right for you.

That's all I'll say as I'll probably get jumped on by the people here otherwise.

I don't think you will get jumped on for stating you opinion.

Everyones opinion counts 100%.:)

[Leeny]

I live with my parents, so dd has too much interaction with them. Shes even started to call my mother mummy grandma with the encouragement of my mother. It annoys me to hell. I grew up at the other end of things. I seen my grandparents maybe once every year or 2, even though I loved them so much, and there were no problems, we lived so far away from them.

If they are that unhappy, perhaps you could keep going to visit them once a month like you have been, and invite them to come see you a weekend a month..Its double the visits, and if they dont want to make the effort to come, then its on them, not you. The invitation stands ifkwim?

[Ashleigh<3]

You and me both Leeny, my Mum goes through about 15 diapers a day, just because she wants to have something to do with her.

She even says things like, "Awh, My precious little baby", or sometimes, accidentally, "Come to mumma! Ooops, I mean Grandma".

[TeamAwesome]

As far as my kids are concerned right now MY parents have no rights what so ever and if they took it to court I'd be really peeved. My mum has no respect for either my DH or I she will throw a tantrum or cause an argument so she is the centre of attention when it has nothign to do with her and has even tried to make me think bad things about my DH.

She even smoked with 1yoDS and I being pregnant in her car (oh I'd get asked is this ok? but it'd be after she'd lit up and started smoking. i said yes I do mind btw)

My father well... I'm the illegitimate daughter he didn't want and now can barely acknowledge my existance and he has 5 grandkids from the foster kids him and my step mother fostered yet I have his two biological grandkids and they're acknowledged as my two kids? He has met my DS once when he was 6mo and has never made the effort to attempt to keep contact. The last phone call I had from him was when his plane was delayed (ie he was bored) to go help his one foster kids out with their business.

They aren't really parents (there is amuch longer list of why) and therefore haven't earnt the "right" to be grandparents in my eyes to my kids who don't need the sort of things they do and say in their lives.

My in laws are ok though, we don't keep the kids from them though we're a 14 hour drive away so their time together is limited but they're welcome here whenever (within reason)

In my circumstances I believe I have the right to saying no to my kids being disrupted by my parents who only want to see them when it suits them and not really be involved in their lives.

[Leeny]

Asleigh<3: Well, my mums never changed a nappy, I've never asked her to, and shes never offered. Shes fed her, because sometimes im not even allowed to touch gwen when shes arround(:mad: )

And the only time shes really watched her for more then 20 minutes or so, was when i picked dan up from the hospital at about midnight, and she was asleep anyways.

So she doesnt do any of the helpful stuff, only the spoiling, getting her to say "NO MUMMY" if i go to touch her or play with her, almost belittling me when it comes to everything to do with her care.

She never respects my wishes when it comes to gwen :(

[iluvmeboyz]

we live with dps dad but he wil be moving out in a few yrs time ,
i never got along with him as we have the same personalities and they usually clash but i let him near my eldest but my youngest i dunno must be cause he is small maybe but other then that both grandparents are good and so is my mum

[Stretchmark Diva]

I'd be leery of making MORE regular contact if you are unhappy with the current level you have. Because you are setting up a schedule that could easilly become set in stone if they DO decide to be nasty and take you to court.

For example, the Judge could say - well, for the last 6 months, the GP's have had visitation every fortnight. As that is what everyone is used to, I'll make the order that they MUST see DC every fortnight. See what I mean?

How about a more flexible approach? Aim for once a month, but arrange occasional fortnightly visits too - a picnic in the park here, a visit there, etc. But NOT every fortnight, As your lives get busier it becomes impossible to have a strict arrangement in place - eg friend's birthday parties, swimming lessons, sickness, or (heaven forbid!) you wanting to spend time together as a family alone after a busy week.

Have your IL's actually threatened Grandparent's Rights? If I was being blackmailed like that I'd be tempted to cut off all contact and move without leaving a forwarding address. How DARE they dictate to you the way you have to live your life! Especially if they haven't treated you nicely into the bargain.

What does your DH feel about it?

[unhappy]

Thanks for all your replies!
We have decided to tell them that they are welcome to come over to our house every second weekend for a few hours in the morning. Dh and i think this will work out well. Its not like this will be a permanent thing that is always set in stone but for now maybe this will be good for all parties.

[mum2bubba]

My sister and I used to go to our Granparent's every second weekend (Friday night til Sunday evening) and we loved it (it was parents and g/parents joint decision as my step sisters were at their dads at the same time) I think they need to EARN the right to see their grandkids and EARN the right to use the title Granparents imo.

[melfunction]

My siblings and I grew up very close to both sets of grandparents, but mum's parents will always have a special place in my life.

There wasn't a weekend where we would be bored. They took us on bush walks, picnics, cooked sausages on the beach, went gold panning and countless other activities. They earned their right to be grandparents and they weren't even trying.

Now that I have a child and another on the way, I am pretty happy with the fact that we live here and my 'father' lives in NZ. He, in my eyes, doesn't deserve to have the title 'grandparent' and he sure as hell has no rights to K. I would fight to the death to keep him at a distance.

It is sad because I know my mum would have loved my son and would have been the type of grandparent K needs. Someone who would put his needs first, be active with him, enjoy him for the gorgeous little personality that he is - not a drunk with a foul temper and of whom I am still scared of.

I am not having my kids be exposed to any of what I was.

[luckie_me]

In my eyes I dont think they should have any rights, Its ur child and the only two people that have rights over ur child would be u and your childs father!

But thats not how our law systems works for some reason!

We live with Jacksons grandparents (my mum and dad) and somedays it can be the worse thing in the world! Jackson has only ever seen his other grandparents once~ We live 2500kms away! They want us to moved back with them so they get to see Jackson but then my parents wouldnt see him SOOO hard..

Thinking mabye we should move in the middle and they can both come an see us! hehe

[broccoli]

this all sounds familiar to me......! I can only tell you NOT to see them anymore than once a month My husbands parents sent us a solicitors letter wanting more.. It was threatening and inapropriate , I did the legal research the more you give them the more they can take. My children will never have a sleepover OR be left at there house alone..We only see them as a family and as little as possible I usually wait for them to call us then take it from there... My husband still pops in to see them wich I hate but this has nothing to do with our kids. It CAN get mush worse for you stand your ground I did it has never been openly discussed but I am sure they know where I stand now. good luck be strong

[Ange&Seth]

My parents live an hour and a half away and my DS sees them at least 2-3 times a month.

I don't think an hour and a half is too far to drive. I do it quite regularly, sometimes just cos I'm bored and have the fuel - BUT they are MY parents. I'm not sure what I'd do if it was DFs parents. Probably wouldn't make the trip as often but DF would :yes:

Yeah I think if you and DF get along with them civilly enough then you could probably see them more often than just once a month. But why don't you suggest that one fortnight you go to them and the next fortnight they come to you? Make it a standing lunch date or something? Or you could have them watch DS at your place while you and DH go out for lunch?

[Frankie41]

This issue is sitting in the back of my mind too, with the inlaws. They always complain that they never see DS and all the rest of it. We're usually there 2 times a month, but they never come to our place. When they are asked over for dinner or anything they always make excuses. They're very dramatic people and always take everything too far and exaggerate everything, so that does worry me.
The thing is I don't think I could bring myself to leave DS alone with them ever, because they both have anger issues. (FIL once put DP in the bin when he was younger because he wouldn't stop crying). MIL is always saying 'So and so gets to take care of her grandson 3 days a week' (she's been saying this from the day he was born, when neither DS or I were ready to be away from each other at all)
My dad lives 2 hours away and we try to go there once a month to stay for the weekend. Its a big trip for us, packing up the car and travelling over the mountains.
Anyway, I'm hijacking!! I'll stop.