Emotional neverending rollercoaster

[marble]

Hi guys

I am sort of a part time Bubhub forum member, I seem to rely on reading other members comments when things are going badly and they always pick me up. So thank you to all the members that make my bad days better. :hugs:

So I just thought I would post my story in hope that anyone else that had gone through the same thing as me can give me some hope to keep going.

Basically we have been TTC since Nov 05. Last yr we did 4 natural IUI cycles and I fell pregnant on the 4th, but miscarried at 8weeks:gloomy: . At the time I seemed to cope really well, but after the D&C i didn't get back to regular cycles, so after 3months I went back to the DR to be told I have PCOS :gloomy: . I didn't have any signs of it before the miscarriage and therefore think that the stress of everything may have brought it on. Anyway this year have again done another 2 IUI, first natural but did not even ovulate and the second with FSH. I just found out on Monday that it didn't take again. :gloomy:

I feel like I have just had enough of everything. My DR still wantes to try the FSH IUI cycles rather than IVF coz he thought the past results were good and thinks he can make it happen again, but I am just sick of the rollercoaster.

I don't want to take a break because I feel like I would just be wasting time, but also don't want to go to IVF coz if that doesn't work I will be devastated. I am also worried that all the stress is making things worse.

I would appreciate anyones thoughts on what I should do and if anyone else has had any luck in perservering with IUI cycles.

[marcelsmum]

Hi Marble,,

I haven't tried IUI's, but I definitely understand the rollercoaster.. It is a horrible ride isn't it.

All I can say is do what you feel will work best for you. I am sure you are subconciously leaning in one direction or the other... Listen to your inner voice.

Be positive, the chances are there that either option will work for you...

sorry to be so wishy washy with my answer... Just know there is support and friendship here if/when you need it..

Good luck with what ever decissions you make...

[nicoleE]

Your rollercoaster will end... on a high and believe me you will almost forget about all those hard times :hugs:

I know all our stories are different and some have a harder time than others but we all experiance those same emotions and fears in different levels.

In just a short time we were fed up with Clomid & FSh (I have PCOS and dont O without drugs) and we signed up for IVF. Would have been doing egg pick up right about now actually but thankfully we conceived on our last FSH cycle we were going to do. I figured IVF wasnt a big jump for us $$ wise and it had more of a chance than FSH (we didnt do IUI). Dont let fear of the unknown get in your way but then again if you are not ready for the extra emotional side of IVF then continue on with FSH for a little while.

While we were TTC I felt like I was so hard done by. I was off the pill for 12 months and never Od by myself until I started the drugs. That was probably the worst bit for me... I spent most of my time wishing to O, actually conceiving was another hurdle but we had to get past the first one yet! However now looking back, I do remember how hard it was BUT I also feel blessed. My time TTC felt so long (and to many it would have been) but I know for many others it was quick.

Sorry for all my :ecomcity: I just wanted to say there will be a light at the end of your tunnel and I know its hard but let these challenges make you stronger, you will appreciate life so much more. Talk about the issues you had/are having with friends to make the TTC subject less taboo.. a friend may just take notice and realise they too have some PCOS symptoms and not feel so alone... more people go through fertility treatment than you think, just many dont talk about it like it is something to be ashamed or embarrrased of.
I pass a child screaming in the supermarket and think how lucky the parent is... others will pass by and feel like telling the parent to shut their kid up! :rolleyes:

[Femme la Phoenix]

Now isn’t the time to give up! Now is the time you need to dig deep from within and keep going. Nothing that is worthwhile is easy to come by, certainly hasn’t ever being the case for me. True test of strength and character don’t happen when things are – cruisy – they happen when things are tough, hard and your almost at the end of your teether.

I am so sorry to hear that you have had a miscarriage, it isn’t your fault and there is nothing that you could have done, that’s the hardest thing about them…..they aren’t ever easy to go through. I hope that your now feeling a bit stronger, and have grieved for this loss.

It’s unfortunate but miscarriages are so common, almost 4 out of 5 pregnancies. They are pretty tough stats, and it’s no wonder the medical profession are kind-of clinical about them….because they are so common.

I would be always searching for the ‘positive’ even in negative situations. The positive here is that you were pregnant!
Your body can do it, all you need is the right egg and the right sperm. Most commonly sometimes the chromosomes don’t align themselves properly, this causes a lot of early miscarriages. That certainly doesn’t mean you’ll never succeed….just that sometimes our bodies need a trial run. The rehersal to make sure everything is perfect for opening night!!

Sometimes our bodies change after 'major events' like puberty, pregnancy, birth and menopause.
Same too can be said after miscarriage. Your body has gone through major trauma, first adjusting to pregnancy, then some data misinturpreted and it halts and miscarries then it has to re-adjust only sometimes it's never quiet the same because of what it's gone through.
Maybe this is why you've now being diagnosed with PCOS.

Put your faith, trust and investment into a professional FS who can look at your situation and work with you to acheive the results your aiming for.....a perfect follicle, ovulation and then conception which results in a viable pregnancy which then results in a healthy baby born 38-40 weeks afterwards :D

Good luck hun,
I am with you and going through this very thing myself and it's not always easy.....
LJ
xxxx

[marble]

Thank you lovely ladies, you guys have been wonderful and I appreciate all your support. :hugs:

In some ways I do think I know what I want to do, it is just having the courage to continue on with the chance of rejection again. I think I will do one more FSH IUI cycle and then try IVF.

I am 100% that the M/C caused my PCOS, because I had O every month prior to it and the first 4 IUIs had confirmed that through BT and U/S. I think that makes it all a little harder though because apart from the loss it also makes everything from now on more difficult.

Well the only thing to do now is move forward and keep trying. I know it will all happen when its ready, just :fingerscrossed: that is sometime soon.

Thank you again

[Bethwyn]

:kiss:
I am 100% that the M/C caused my PCOS, because I had O every month prior to it and the first 4 IUIs had confirmed that through BT and U/S. I think that makes it all a little harder though because apart from the loss it also makes everything from now on more difficult.

Miscarriage might have set it in motion, but the PCOS was more than likely lying dormant in your body waiting for a trigger. You don't just 'get' PCOS unfortuantly, and research has shown that it's hereditory to some extent. For me, my trigger was going off the pill when I was in my teens, but I know that in my case it was definatly inherited because both my mum and my grandma on my dad's side suffered from it.

I'm sorry you are having such a tough time. It took us two years to concieve DS and I was pretty damn sure that it would never happen for me. I rarely ovulated or even got my period on my own. Sometimes I would be waiting for up to 6 months for AF to show up. When I did ovulate and get a BFP it would end in miscarriage.

The thing that helped me SO much and what I really think helped me get pregnant and stay pregnant is starting Metformin and staying on it until the second trimester. With PCOS your hormones are way unstable and out of whack, which in some cysters stops ovulation all together and in a lot of others creates poor ovulation and weak egg quality. PCOS also raises your miscarriage rate by up to 60%, which is pretty high. Metformin works to stabilise the hormones, which in turn promotes better ovulation and healthier eggs, as well as help keep your hormones stable while you are pregnant to help the bean stay stuck and grow. It has also been shown to reduce the miscarriage rate in cysters. Some cysters do still need an ovulation stimulator though (I did), but there seems to be a good sucess rate using a Met/Clomid combo. Metformin is NOT a fertility drug, but it can help you concieve.

I really recommend checking out SoulCysters.com and doing some research on Metformin as a PCOS treatment. Good luck and don't give up

[Razzy 75]

Marble,

All I can say is hang in there sister, LJ Harmony has some great advice. We have to just keep trying and believe a bubba will choose us as parents soon.

I can only imagine what you're going through, I'm about to start my first cycle of IUI myself after TTC for more than 18 mths so was really interested to hear your story.

You have given me heart, the fact that you conceived is so great, the other ladies are right - you just need to do it again and I'm sure it will be fine this time, your body is probably ready and raring to go.

Good luck and make sure you let us know when you get that BFP.:thumbsup: