Early tantrumming

[Sally]

Hi
My daughter is 14 months old and has lately started with monster tantrums, throwing toys around the room and slapping mum and other kids when she doesn't get her way. I was expecting this behaviour but not until she's closer to two, does anyone else have experience of younger kids having temper/ frustration fits? I feel like I'm the only one, in my mum's group all the other kids sit playing like cherubs while my little monkey acts up - is she just going through the 'terrible two's' early? I have conflicting advice of ignoring the behaviour or saying no - what has worked for others?
Thanks

[Baby Girl]

Hi Sally,

My daughter (now 24 months) started throwing tantrums at about 15 months. It seemed that she would be triggered by anything, although she was worse when she was tired. One of the best things I found was to take her away from everyone else (kids and adults) and wait quietly until she had calmed down enough to "talk" to mummy (sometimes 2 minutes, sometimes 20!). I would explain in very basic words why she shouldn't yell at someone, hit someone, or snatch someone's toy etc. As she got older I could explain things in more detail (especially as she started to use more words herself). Now she very rarely throws a tantrum and she will quite often walk away from a situation and calm herself if she starts to get frustrated. I have also noticed she now tries to tell other kids why they should not hurt her or take her things (without hitting them or snatching toys back). I am glad she can stand up for her self assertively (not aggressively) at her age. It was worth the time spent waiting for her to calm down and "talk" about her behaviour.

I also tried telling her "no" and ignoring her bad behaviour. She retaliated by screaming "no" right back at me more times than one and if I ignored her behaviour she would just move so she was right under my nose so she would re-gain my attention.

Good Luck, I hope your little one settles for you soon. ;)

[Sally]

thanks for your reply, that's reassuring to know. Funnily enough some of the other kids are starting to do the same things and it makes me feel so much better to know that other kids are all doing the same things!

[Elfin]

My two daughters started this pretty early as well mostly when tired, windy or frustrated. It is pretty normal, you aren't alone, it is probably just a personality thing. The 'terrible twos' start early for some children. My elder daughter is almost three now and rarely throws tantrums anymore. My younger one, 19 months is still doing it. Oh well :rolleyes:

[Mother Duck]

Hello All

I realise that this may sound a bit odd - my beautiful little love showed signs of anger right from day dot.

Not that it was tantrums but it wasn't just crying either.

Definate leg stamping (single leg jerking) and incredible ear piercing screams.

She had a rough time with reflux and colic in the first six months, this probably didn't help, but this was different too.

Well she is almost six months now and about a month ago had her first 'tanty' - it was because she had been put where she didn't want to be (not being held). First day I just thought she was sore in the tummy etc but second day it was really easy to see that she was just getting very angry over not much. Third day I clapped my hands very loudly and said "that's enough. Startled her and seemed to work OK.

It was really full on at one stage - put a note on her cot for myself "A STRONG SPIRIT IS A GIFT TO THE TENACIOUS. TO BE MASTERED AND NOT BROKEN"

Perservered at not picking her up when she was like this but sitting her up and reassuring vocally.

Finally it just sort of subsided.

Every now and then though she just gets angry and has a little hissy fit.

While I love her spirit and alert mind I am frightened of when she is the same age as your little ones.

Thus REALLY appreciate the opportunity to take part in this forum.

Warmest regards
Jessie

[our little treasures]

Its good to hear that I'm not alone my daughter is 13mnths and the last 2mnths has been doing the same stuff. I took the approach no smacks even though two of her cousins that age get a light tap I wanted to try a differenyt approach.
so I spoke to gp who said time out is the best thing so having tryed no no don't, I have tryed time out and it wasn't working that well so I finally went back to no and when she did stop I rewarded her with good girl and now kiss the child and cuddle sorry, then more praise and it worked she occasionally gets rough and we do the same routine. Thank goodness because it is very embarassing..
:)

[jomias]

Hi Sally,

I also have a fourteen month old little girl. She is doing exactly what you are describing your daughter doing. When I am in the company of children the same age I have to intercept her. I thought it may have something to do with my three and four year old but I really don't know. Every day she is becoming more aware of what no means. My only thoughts are that they are so young and obviously have strong personalities, so try to bear with it and ride it out.

Goodluck.
Lisa.

[Lachlan's Mum]

Hi Jessie

I think our bub's were seperated at birth!! I've just been reading and have posted on the threads for reflux and cc.

I must add my two bits worth here too!

I am also afraid of what my little darling (80% of the time), my little devil (20%) will be like as a toddler :eek:

He is 10 mths and has also had a temper from day dot...and now has tanties....from stiffening to stop me putting him in the car/highchair/pram etc to kicking, throwing himself around and biting!

I know this makes him sound awful and he is not....just very determined and strong willed! And sooo cute he can get away with it!

Just wanted to compare notes!

[Mother Duck]

Hi there Melanie

Yes it would seem our little love's share the same spirit.

I was just reading another response from you with interest - the one where the baby whisperer said about his determination.

Like you I know lots of other bubbies can be challenging but you just know when you have one that is determined to the 'nth' degree.

I love that she is - I think it will serve her well - but I am already seeking some good methods to use so I can teach her self control etc.

If anyone had any ideas - I am all ears!

Hmm we will see

T'rah
Jessie

[pauline]

i have a three year old and she started her tantrums when she was about 14 months old she doesn't through them as much but when she gets frustated her temper comes out and it is not a pretty site. i just walk away and ignore her now as i found it to be the best thing that works or get her mind on something else so she forgets what she was cracking about.

[Lucybelle]

Oh Joy at reading this!

Jessie, my son was the same with the temper, but also the colic/relflux stuff. Mitchell still isn't the best sleeper (4 teeth coming at once now) and I know alot of the tanty stuff is due to him being tired - but boy is this kid strong!!
I really love what you wrote to put on bubs cot - I'm going to do the same if you don't mind. I refuse to box my boy in, and I love his spirit most of all. I know it will serve him well as my 12 year old daughter is amazing and was always a very independent, determined baby too.

[Mother Duck]

Hello there you ellusive one!

(I wrote a personal message to you a while ago - check your messages!)

Yes you are most welcome to use my little saying.

Words are a gift meant for sharing.

My little love and I have just come back from the in-laws, they are great people, love her to pieces - and jump when she says boo.

So now I have a new "I want attention" noise to get on top of!

Oh well, it is all good in the long run. Funny you know - it has just been her and I at home for all of one morning and she already knows that she won't get away with it. Clever little chick!

T'rah for now
Jessie

[mumof2girls]

I must admit neither of my children never threw temper tantrums ever! but it sounds like these children are strong - willed and know what they want but being so young they can't verbalise what they want and are probably frustrated by this.

And for the couple of people who said they were embarassed by their children throwing temper tantrums while they were out (I'm assuming out in public). I respect a parent more for standing their ground then giving into their child, just for the sake of what others may think!

I think the more they learn to talk the less tantrums they will throw (hopefully)

[Chickadee]

Oh yay! What a relief. I couldn't believe when tantrums started so early. I could see from the start it was a mixture of frustration at not being able to do something, not being able to communicate, wanting to be independent and being tired, but that doesn't help much. She pushes my hands off the shopping cart handle, throws toys and blocks if they don't fit, hits, stamps her feet. Now at 16 months her latest trick is to sit down in the middle of the sidewalk because she doesn't want to hold my hand as we walk. Oh dear, I can't wait till she's two.

I haven't really figured out how to deal with it yet, other than being patient and counting to 10. I know it sounds corny but I do it out loud, slowly, and it calms us both down. Chloe will often stop yelling, or at least yell more quietly, to listen and seems to understand that I'm trying to fix whatever she's yelling about. I also try to always say "no thank you" instead of just "no". I picked it up from a friend who got it from her dd's daycare. It's much harder (though not impossible) to yell "no thank you" than No, so also helps keep me calm.

She's a handful, but fiercly independent and I can't wait to see her character grow!

[Mother Duck]

Dear Martha

Welcome!

And congratulations on your patience, a great tip the 'No thank you' thing. I am just at the stage where I am really starting to use my words with Mickayla so it is a good time for me to get into some good habits.

How awful - those tanty's! I will be interested to hear some of the other responses to you from those with older bubs than mine.

Bye for now
Jessie

[Sally]

Hi again
Isn't it nice to know that other people have similar problems, in the back of my head I know that Sophie isn't the only kid to have tantrums but it sure feels that way sometimes, I don't think mum's talk enough about the hard side of kids, they like to portray that their kid is a little angel all the time - so it really does help to read about other people's experiences!
Soph is still being very assertive, she knows what she wants and doesn't want and will let me know about it. The thing I really worry about is that she slaps me in a very deliberate, contrived way when she is upset about something, she has recently started slapping other kids as well. I have started to put her in a 'time out' situation now when she does it, it's not making any difference though - hopefully we'll start to see some progress soon. I saw a preview for 'SuperNanny' next week and they showed a three year old who was really quite violent towards her mum and now I'm stressing that this will be Soph, I think I need to chill out and think about now rather than what things could be like in the future. I have a great supportive partner and we are very consistent in guiding her in what we think is right and wrong so hopefully she'll stop the slapping - I'm sure that she is always going to be assertive though which is not a bad thing if channeled the right way!

[yummmmy_mummy]

i thought id add and maybe u ladys and gents (i know theres a few of u out there) will get a laugh out of it.

my daughter is 9 months old and beautiful and usually really good but when shes in a bad mood and chucks a tantrum she lies down on the floor and starts licking it now i know this is un hygenic but it is rather amusing to watch. she also hits herself in the head with her toys if she thinks no ones paying attention to her. this some what concerns me but im hopeing shell grow out of it

i have to feel sorry for the kid shes got my temper and she just a stubourn


i would also like to add that a close family friend of mine had a baby about a month after me and ever since he was born he has pinched her and left bruses so it can start at birth

[Mother Duck]

Yes indeed it can start from birth! - Which amazed me!

I must say yummy-mummy - I do find your lick the floor story amusing, as for unhygenic, I think she will get that plus more into that little mouth between now and then! I personally think a few good germs here and there doesn't hurt (within reason of course!) - helps them build natural immunity. I am not one to oversteralize!

Sally - This is an especially interesting point, I have seen another toddler do the same thing.
Pray tell - what do you do to deter this? Slapping back doesn't sound good but then again, what on earth works?? It really is very naughty and deliberate (I mean the one that I saw doing it) - and yes other kids cop it at the day centre etc

Will be interested to hear more!
Jessie

[Lucybelle]

Me again!
What do you do? Mitchell is nearly 10 months now, and he is getting to be quite the bully. When very tired and frustrated he pinches and hits out quite hard. He also has a Very effective head-butt. I'm surprised he hasn't broken his dads nose yet. The paradox is that for the rest of the time he is the happiest baby alive.

We really can't let this go on if possible but we are unsure what to do. I will not raise my voice to a baby, atm I just pull a cross face and sit him down.

Any ideas??

[Chickadee]

Oh yes please, some suggestions on how to discourage the hitting, pinching etc.

DD hits. She smiles sweetly at me and then smacks me in the face. She started it around 11 months and I thought it was something she'd grow out of. I'd catch her hand and tell her no (no thank you) sternly. She must have decided it's a game. So how do I change her mind? I've tried to ignore it and not give any reaction, thinking she'll get bored by the game but she just keeps smacking. I think anything under 2 years is too young for "time outs", at least right now I know she wouldn't associate being sat down alone with the hitting.

To put the floor licking in perspective, the US EPA estimates people probably consume between 100 to 200 mg of soil each day, with kids at the high end and adults the lower. So by the time they reach the age of 10 kids may have eaten up to a kg of dirt. I don't think the dust or crumbs from licking the floor are going to amount to much considering the handful of mud DD put in her mouth last week!

[mirella]

Hi all im a newy to this just letting you know some info about me and my family,

i am 33 years old and have two children, aboy matthew 4½ and a girl Lisa 2½. both kids are pretty good most of the time. im having problems with lisa at the moment, she falls asleep in the lonuge everynight on her fold out sofa kids bed and then we carry her off to her new bed. she sleeps in her room for about 2-3 hours and then she comes to call my husband and they go off to the lounge. where she goes straight back to sleep once again on her little lounge. and my poor husband has to sleep on the lounge. we have tried moving the little lounge to her room but even that dosent work. has anyone out there got any ideas of what we can do. she is avery stubborn little one ....


:)

[Sally]

Hi
I'm afraid I haven't any solutions for the slapping, every time she does it, I tell her no, we don't slap. If she does it again I put her on the floor and ignore her, she has a tantrum, when she calms down I tell her that we can do things again as long as she doesn't slap. I don't know how much of this she understands but we are consistent in the way we deal with it. To be honest, it's not working and I need some new ideas to try, she has started going up to total strangers in the supermarket just to hit them - I think that I have been quite firm with her, and wonder what I have done wrong!
If anyone has been through this and come through the other side, please give us your hints!

[yummmmy_mummy]

my family friend who has the baby that pinches her and has been since he was about 2 months old ....... the doctors have now told her that he has a behavioural and learning problems, the baby is only 8 months i dont understand how they can diagnose a child that young with problems like this can someone please explain

[our little treasures]

Oh my its amazing how alike all the bubs are like but in unique ways, my dd still throws tanties and yes she does hit punch and pull my hair on purpose which althoguh i have tried not too I do react (i scream in pain when its my hair) although if i pretyend to cry she cuddles me.

SALLY, I too seen previews then actually watched super nanny and hubby and I botrh said the same bout dd.

My dd licks the floor as well but this is when she tips her water out or pick her sandwhiches apart and puts the meat on the ground and yes like a cat she eats it of the floor, much to our disgrace(although it is funny). At the moment when our dd is about to knock her head we say watch your head, depending the mood she then puts a frown on (as if to say this is gonna hurt) and bangs her head against the object. How do you stop that? :confused:

[Lucybelle]

that is SO crap Yummmy. Your friend should tell the docs to get lost, how DARE they label a baby like that. I'm really angry GGRRRRR.