View Full Version : At my wits end...
My DD has been co-sleeping with us since she was three weeks old, she's now 14mths old. Unfortunately, co-sleeping was becoming an issue for all of us as she would spend most of the night kicking the blankets off, kicking us, hitting us or feeding. So none of us were getting any sleep.
It's been just over a week since we've made the move to putting her in her cot at night (she sleeps in it during the day). So far we've had a couple of nights where she has woken around 1.30am-2am and then again at 4am. But the majority of nights have been where she's been waking up every hour to two hours, and then taking over an hour to resettle. Currently I offer the boob when resettling as she's always been one to fall asleep on it - tut tut I know but that's just how she is.
We've taken to putting a single bed in her room so I can lay down with her but now I think it's just making it worse as I'm still not getting much sleep. It's really starting to get to me and I end up angry with her and very grumpy. It's even worse on the days I have to work.
Most friends say that I have to stop offering the boob at night and let her cry it out but I don't support that view. I'm just wondering if others have had the same issue and whether bubs ever got used to waking up alone and resettling?
I can't really put the cot next to our bed as there isn't room in our bedroom and I don't really want to move it into our room as I think the same thing will happen. Honestly she wasn't getting enough sleep when co-sleeping and I'm doing this to help her get enough sleep - as well as me or else I will be a terrible mummy to be around.
hi,sounds like we are experiencing a similar problem. my ds is 10months old and has always slept with me. im starting to go mad at present as he's waking almost hourly, kicking, groaning, climbing and now only settling with a feed. he was previously only waking twice a night and having a feed one of those times and resettling with a cuddle the other. he sleeps in a cot during the day, but refuses to at night- and also resists sleep at all times!!ive tried relaxing music, baths before bed and massage however none of this has any obvious effect.im a single mother so the lack of sleep without a break is getting too much and while id like to be able to see this as a time which will pass, it feels like my sanity is at risk and im beginning to lose my temper with him and am not enjoying being a mother!!! which no doubt makes the problem worse!i too am against ignoring his needs and letting him cry it out- but surely by this age he should be able to sleep for longer periods??im sorry i cannot offer any advice at this stage, but wanted to let you know you're not alone in this!!
Well, my son is 6 months old but I posted a thread here a while ago about him needing to breastfeed all night, only sleeping with a nipple in his mouth, and it was driving me nuts! We have co-slept since birth (with a 2 week period where he started the night in a bassinette, then we got rid of the bassinette cause it was driving me nuts and useless anyhow)
Firstly I did the Pantley Pull-Off (or PPO as people advised me :D) which worked and meant that he no longer needed to hang off my nipple all night. It's in Elizabeth Pantley's book The No-Cry Sleep Solution. Basically you apply pressure to their chin whilst pulling off, if they cry, you let them hop back on again, then settle, then apply pressure.... and you do it until they stop whinging/crying and settle without the nipple sitting in their mouth. After a week Phoenix started pulling off himself and rolling away from the boob :smiliedance:which made my nipples happy! And meant I got more sleep because I wasn't constantly waking to a whingy baby who was snuffling for my nipple.
Then we set up a sidecar (cot with side taken off pushed up against the bed so it is just an extension of our bed), so I feed him then move him back into his bed (depending on how awake I am and how much I can be bothered!). We set up the sidecar for two reasons:
1)Phoenix now likes to roll over and get a little space to himself when he has done bfing, and he was crying and pushing at us if we were too close
2)Space for me and DP without actually putting Phoenix in a different sleep space- suddenly the bed seems bigger! And it's a bit easier to be intimate IYKWIM:D
But since we put the sidecar on, he has gone from an hourly waker who needs a nipple in his mouth all night to this:
Bed and feed at 8pm
Feed at 11/12pm when I get into bed
Move him into his sidecar
We all sleep till 4am
Feed then sometimes I pop him into the sidecar, sometimes not
Then we all sleep till 8.30am.
Maybe this arrangement would work for you, and I'd suggest trying the PPO. It worked a treat for us. I don't let Phoenix cry at all so I know what it is like to not want your babe to cry it out (which seems cruel to me, the reason they learn to sleep thru controlled crying eventually is that they give up on you attending to them and resign themselves to being alone)- but these methods might work. I know you said the bedroom was too small to have a cot but maybe you could temporarily move out something until your babe is okay in the sidecar, then put the rail on and slowly shift her to her own room?
Hope you get more sleep soon,:hugs: there is a reason they use sleep deprivation as a form of torture! It works!
I wouldn't recommend cutting out the night feeds at the moment. Let her get used to the change in sleeping arangements and see how you feel then.
She's still a little thing, so I'd give her a little more time to get used to this. It can be a big change for a baby!
I would try to create a routine that you do whenever she wakes up in the night (patting her back, soothing, singing etc. Whatever works for you) and hopefully that will ease her into a sleeping pattern.
I would also never choose crying it out because that is just plain cruel - I'm glad that's not an option for you!
Nothing's worse than not enough sleep, PB - at least that's how it seems in the middle of the night when you have to get up heaps ! My 14 mth son sleeps through OK usually but this change of weather has set him off because he kicks off his blankets and then gets cold near morning.
Perhaps you and DH need to have a chat about just how much discomfort you'll put up with to get a routine working that will satisfy you all. At present, you're missing out on intimacy with the single bed or co-sleeping thing so perhaps you're prepared to make some short term sacrifices for long-term gain.
Some suggestions might be :
* No milk at night. Offer bottle / cup of water if thirsty. This means you and DH can take turns at settling him with cuddles, or back or forehead rubs etc
* Don't speak to him (cuddles etc express your love but talking can mean play/wake time)
* Dummy if the sucking motion soothes him (he's probably a bit old but if all else fails ...)
* Make sure that crying is crying (not tired grizzling) by waiting a couple of minutes or so before you go in to him and sooth etc. It might help him learn to settle himself.
* Dress him warmly for bed. After sleeping in with you and your DH's warmth for so long, he might be cool at night now. It won't matter so much if he kicks off his blankets.
I don't agree with letting kids cry for ages, either - and I don't think that it really works. But being firm does. If you have to get up every hour each night for a couple of nights to sooth silently, it'll be painful (for you) in the short term but much easier for all of you in the long run !
Good luck - I have to confess that I've been blessed with kids who generally are good sleepers and they've had their own bassinette in our room (and a dummy) from the start but saying that, my boys have woken more frequently and consistently than my girls, too. I hope it improves for you.:fingerscrossed:
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