View Full Version : 8Year old too lazy to use toilet.
Hi all,
I have a 8year old near 9, that hold herself instead of using the toilet.
All her underwear is just about ready for the bin, as ive had to soak them in bleach to get the stains out. Now her bed and bath towel are getting stained too.
We have taken her to the doctor cause she says it hurts coming out, so the doc gave her something to help.
Now its soft enough (sorry about the details) she is still doing it and making a big mess, even at school (she smells quite badly).
I dont know what else to do with her ive even told her that she WILL do herself damage but thats not working either.
Just wondering has anyone else got a lazy one like my daughter and what did you do about it.
Any help or advice would be helpfull as i done eveything else to help her i think its just lazyness now.
Kez
jess_live_die
02-04-2007, 20:53
my daughter is nearly 4 and shes lazy she would rather wet herself. i told her that all the kids at school would tease her and sence them shes been ok at school at night time shes great but due the day at home she used to do it for attention the last few weeks shes been tring really hard i tried to ingore it for a while and that helped a bit.
sorry im not much help.
good luck
Shanaynay
02-04-2007, 20:55
Do you really think it's lazyness?
Is she upset at all by doing it in her underwear? If so I doubt it's laziness.....
Do you mean poos? She might have heammeroids (sp?) or something....... if she says it hurts it probably does?
Does she do this at school and home equally? Is she so involved with what she is doing she forgets? Is she afraid of the toilets at school or are they yukky that she holds on till too late? I know my son doesn't like the school toilets as they get pretty dirty.
Have you tried to reward her when she does go? Sorry I know there are lots of questions but am just trying to think through why she may not like the toilet.
It is a really tough one and hope something works out.
Do you really think it's lazyness?
Is she upset at all by doing it in her underwear? If so I doubt it's laziness.....
Do you mean poos? She might have heammeroids (sp?) or something....... if she says it hurts it probably does?
Yes its lazyness...been going on for far to long and no she doesnt seem to care how much she stinks.(yes poos) Not just once during the day 5-6times.
Not roids i know what there are my DH had them cut out a couple of years ago.
Its almost like water now it couldnt hurt....i think she doesnt want to miss out on playing to come inside and go to the toilet.
Does she do this at school and home equally? Is she so involved with what she is doing she forgets? Is she afraid of the toilets at school or are they yukky that she holds on till too late? I know my son doesn't like the school toilets as they get pretty dirty.
Have you tried to reward her when she does go? Sorry I know there are lots of questions but am just trying to think through why she may not like the toilet.
It is a really tough one and hope something works out.
yes equally at school and home. But at home she keeps coming inside and changing herself and hiding the dirty mess in the bathroom.
When she feels the need to go she will stand there and hold herself not even an attempt to run to the toilet (even at home). So i dont believe its the toilet at school.
Shanaynay
02-04-2007, 21:18
Hi again Kez.....
I hope I don't offend you, but it's just that this really doesn't sound like laziness - she's 8 years old and surely she doesn't enjoy sitting in soiled pants - especially if then she is hiding the mess in the bathroom?
Does she use the toilet for wees, or is she wetting herself too?
It really sounds like she has some issues here - if not physically, the psychologically. It doesn't sound normal for a little girl her age :(
Maybe could you ask your GP for a referral to a Psychologist?
If all it is is laziness, surely she would use the toilet all day if you promised her a treat/present at the end of the day?
SalTheGal
02-04-2007, 21:19
I am definitely no expert but have you thought about getting her to see a psychologist? I just wonder if there is a psychological issue that is stopping her from going IYKWIM
:hugs: for you and her- it must be exhausting for you, and it would have to be distressing for her.
misskittyfantastico
02-04-2007, 21:23
I have a friend whos son does this...it is causing so much heartache and frustration for all involved. I'd urge you not to call it laziness, rather to seek every bit of information and help that is available. There is an underlying issue here.
I hope you can find answers:hugs:
Hi again Kez.....
I hope I don't offend you, but it's just that this really doesn't sound like laziness - she's 8 years old and surely she doesn't enjoy sitting in soiled pants - especially if then she is hiding the mess in the bathroom?
Does she use the toilet for wees, or is she wetting herself too?
It really sounds like she has some issues here - if not physically, the psychologically. It doesn't sound normal for a little girl her age :(
Maybe could you ask your GP for a referral to a Psychologist?
If all it is is laziness, surely she would use the toilet all day if you promised her a treat/present at the end of the day?
Im going to see doc tomorrow i will put that to her and see what she says. She used to say it hurt cause it was so big, so we did something about it. Yes she uses the toilet for wees, so why not for the other too.
No you havent offended me but come on she has been doing this for atleast 12months now. Ive tryed talking with her privately without the other kids around and telling her about the dangers of what she is doing to her body and what might happen later in life, now its the doc turn.:banghead:
Shanaynay
02-04-2007, 21:35
Kez, you must be really frustrated - it would be hard for you as well as her - I guess she probably can sense also how frustrated you are, so it makes it even harder for her iykwim?
Sounds like it's time to really push for a referral and get a psychologist onto it. Hopefully then the issue can be sorted out quickly as it musn't be nice for DD.
Good luck at the doctors tomorrow
xx
Kez, you must be really frustrated - it would be hard for you as well as her - I guess she probably can sense also how frustrated you are, so it makes it even harder for her iykwim?
Sounds like it's time to really push for a referral and get a psychologist onto it. Hopefully then the issue can be sorted out quickly as it musn't be nice for DD.
Good luck at the doctors tomorrow
xx
Frustration isnt the half of it........ive had enough.
Got to get this sorted once and for all... got another baby coming into the house in nov and the smell every morning makes me want to:barf: . :fingerscrossed: at the doc tomorrow.
Kez
raisingwhirlwinds
02-04-2007, 21:41
This must be really stressful for you. I don't have older children myself, but one of my friends has a son with the same problem so I have done some research for her. Ultimately, while one of the reasons the problem may start is due to being too busy to go to the toilet, the result is likely constipation. This means that rather than being lazy she may actually be constipated where the soiling comes from liquid faeces forcing its way past the blockage. If this is the case, she would have no control and may not even feel it coming out. There's more info on the children's hospital website and another article that I found in a google search (addresses below).
The articles refer to getting help to deal with the problem which may take some time to address, so I would highly recommend seeing a paediatrician who can help you.
Maybe she doesn't show it, but it is probably highly distressing for your daughter as well, so I hope this info helps to get you both down a path towards solving the problem and reducing stress in your family.
The children's hopsital website is www.chw.edu.au/parents/factsheets/constipj.htm and the other website is mindspring.com/~drwarren/encopres.htm, you'll also find heaps of other info if you google 'fecal soiling'.
All the best,
D
Shanaynay
02-04-2007, 21:45
That must be so fustrating for you, I know it would be for me.
I am a nanny for a 5 year old that is like that for wees and he stinks all the time especially when I pick him up from school, like he has wee'd and then his short have dried and wee'd again. :barf: But I am so sure his is lazyness as he has been to specialists that many times and had so many tests and they just keep telling his parents there is absolutely nothing wrong with him.
Things like that are often the result of stress :yes:
This must be really stressful for you. I don't have older children myself, but one of my friends has a son with the same problem so I have done some research for her. Ultimately, while one of the reasons the problem may start is due to being too busy to go to the toilet, the result is likely constipation. This means that rather than being lazy she may actually be constipated where the soiling comes from liquid faeces forcing its way past the blockage. If this is the case, she would have no control and may not even feel it coming out. There's more info on the children's hospital website and another article that I found in a google search (addresses below).
The articles refer to getting help to deal with the problem which may take some time to address, so I would highly recommend seeing a paediatrician who can help you.
Maybe she doesn't show it, but it is probably highly distressing for your daughter as well, so I hope this info helps to get you both down a path towards solving the problem and reducing stress in your family.
The children's hopsital website is www.chw.edu.au/parents/factsheets/constipj.htm (http://www.chw.edu.au/parents/factsheets/constipj.htm) and the other website is mindspring.com/~drwarren/encopres.htm, you'll also find heaps of other info if you google 'fecal soiling'.
All the best,
D
She knows when its coming out she stands there and holds it in.:yes:
The problem also is that she is like her dad a fussy eater, wont eat anything that is good for.
thanks for all replys im going to see the doc tomorrow something has to be done. :banghead:
It must be horrible for both you and your daughter. I am sure she isn't lazy and doesn't do this on purpose. I too would be looking into it more, maybe psych's, specialists etc.
I hope you get to the bottom of it... (no pun intended, sorry)
Hi again Kez.....
I hope I don't offend you, but it's just that this really doesn't sound like laziness - she's 8 years old and surely she doesn't enjoy sitting in soiled pants - especially if then she is hiding the mess in the bathroom?
Does she use the toilet for wees, or is she wetting herself too?
It really sounds like she has some issues here - if not physically, the psychologically. It doesn't sound normal for a little girl her age :(
Maybe could you ask your GP for a referral to a Psychologist?
If all it is is laziness, surely she would use the toilet all day if you promised her a treat/present at the end of the day?
I agree 100%.
My cousin who I am very close with, went through the same thing when his parents divorced. Something is worrying her; she may not even know what it is.
Also it has probably gotten to the point where the poo is so huge that she is afraid to push it out especially if she has had a painful poo before.
You may be past the point that she can pass it herself. You may have to get her an enema (sp).
I know you would be p!ssed off…. but this is medical no one does this for fun.
I bet after she gets this waste out you will see a happier more energetic little girl. She will need your support though and it may happen again until whatever the underlying problem is…is resolved.
raisingwhirlwinds
03-04-2007, 18:14
Hey Kez,
How'd it go at the doctors?
D
:rolleyes:
Hey Kez,
How'd it go at the doctors?
D
:rolleyes:
Doc seems to think this is quite normal in some kids, have to take her with me in school holidays to see doc to fix problem, she said might take 6-12months to get her on the toilet.
No psycho appointment needed.
Kez
raisingwhirlwinds
03-04-2007, 21:28
how are you feeling about it all now? You've been on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster ride which I guess isn't over yet
how are you feeling about it all now? You've been on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster ride which I guess isn't over yet
Just want to get her fixed before kids at school start tessing her:yes: , also before baby number 5 gets here.
Looks like its going to be a long road ahead.
Kez
PinkBinkie
03-04-2007, 21:44
Hi Kez
I put my mum through a similar thing when I was about 7 years old (though not as extreme). I must have had a painful experience so would refuse to go to the toliet. My mum tried everything! Metamucil did help. I too had the runny poo come out and I remember I had no control over it. I still remember how embarrassed I was about this. It eventually resolved itself, once I got over the fear I guess. 2 children I have babysat in the past also experienced this. The nearly 4 year old was scared to do poos and would hold on for dear life, crying in pain. She was forever washing her own dirty undies out! Her mum found punishment rather than reward worked best in her case (ie. no tv, certain toy taken etc). Anyway, I hope you and your daughter reach a solution soon. She must be hurting because of it.
raisingwhirlwinds
03-04-2007, 21:59
Just want to get her fixed before kids at school start tessing her:yes: , also before baby number 5 gets here.
Looks like its going to be a long road ahead.
Kez
A long road yes. At least you are on the path now and hopefully things will be sorted as you say before she gets teased.
I wish you all the best for your next doctor visit in the hols and hope that your daughter finds comfort in knowing there's a solution too.
D
sugar n spice
03-04-2007, 23:03
my son is 51/2 and soils himself but since seeing an incontinence nurse at our local hospital i am slowly seeing an improvement. Its so frustrating i know:hugs:
daddaddad
04-04-2007, 00:05
We went through the same sort of thing when DD1 was about five years old. We tried a hundred things but never really got the answer, it just seemed to fade with time. I think making times (and you might need some help from the teachers) or a schedule at which the child tries to go to the toilet might help.
You may find that a external party, such as a teacher, may get a better result. Maybe she likes the attention in some way that we don't understand.
It sounds like you've discounted a fischer or other physical reasons. I dare say you GP suggested Parachoc or something similar to soften the stool... I think we all wish our kids would eat broccoli or high fibre food, that'd be wonderful.
I know the feeling of wanting/needing a quick fix and the frustration of the inability to communicate over this issue that we take for granted.
Hope you find an answer for your situation.
ThreePinkFaireez
04-04-2007, 06:26
:hugs: for you.. I know how frustrating it is! my DD is 4, and still sometimes has to be prompted to do a poo as she stands there and holds it in! She's always done this since she was toilet trained because for a while, as your DD, she said it hurt too much and in fact her poos were huge (yes I looked!)!! She used to poo herself alot, and still does occasionally! I guess some kids just don't like the feeling of it!
She is 8, she must have some sort of reasoning behind it, whether she's going to tell you or someone else, like a friend or another family member. I guess all you can do is sit her down, explain to her that if she eats certain foods, that it's going to help her go to the toilet and help stop it hurting. Teach her that drinking plenty of water will also help. She might not take it on board straight away but eventually she might. Is it normal for a child to be pooing 5-6 times a day!??
As someone suggested earlier, scheduling a time (with yourself only, dont' tell her IMO) to try get her to go to the toilet. Making it same time every day to try get a regular pattern in place. Maybe make it before school every day, and leave her there for atleast 5 minutes, giving her a book or magazine to help her relax. Persist with it for a while, and you never know... just an idea!
I just explained to DD that no one else pood themselves, and it's not very nice and can make her a bit smelly and some ppl will tease her about it. She didn't like that idea, but still holds it in occasionally when she would rather play then go to the toilet.
I hope for yours and her sake it's all over soon. :hugs:
Have you thought about getting a referral to a paediatrician? They would be more specialized in this area.
Also, my dd1 (same age as your dd, almost 9) who was toilet trained early, started wetting the bed at night almost 1 yr ago. We had urine tests done but came back with nothing. We are now trying an osteopath thinking that maybe she has pressure on her bladder. It seems to be working. Instead of wetting 5-6 times a week she's now 3-4 times a week.
Kez,
Not sure if I missed this when reading through this thread but, has she always done this, or is it something that has just started recently?
Kez,
Not sure if I missed this when reading through this thread but, has she always done this, or is it something that has just started recently?
I think she said it's been going on for about 12 mths.
taragirl
04-04-2007, 15:29
Hi,
A friend of mine had a similar issue with her DD. SHe was around 8yrs. They eventually worked out she had a food allergy that was causing her problems. They took her off wheat and dairy and noticed an almost immediate improvement. It also helped that they explained to her that this was the reason for it so their DD believed it would be fixed too. They also created a star chart (equivalent) and started to create habits with her of going to the toilet when she got up, before she left for school, lunch time (timed to her school breaks) and at 300pm, 600pm and before she went to bed. Even if she only did a No.1 she was praised. Eventually, just by sitting on the loo, she found she 'needed' to go.
Just some ideas, anyway.
Goodluck!
I have spoken to my gp she said its quiet common in young kids. Now just have to make an appointment with gp now i have my car back, hubby has been taking it to work and leaving me carless with 4kids hasnt been fun.
She also said its going to take 6-12months to fix her problem :fingerscrossed: it wont take that long.
Thanks for all replys and pms, will let everyone know what we have to do to fix her problem.
Kez
Hi all,
Been to the doctors she has been diagnosed with Encopresis it is the involuntary passage of stool into the underwear on a regular basis in a child over 4years of age. About 1-2children in 100 have the problem and it is 3times commoner in boys than girls.(yeah thats my luck)
There are many causes mostly due to a poor diet (yes she is a very fussy eater, just like her dad, and he had Hemorrhoids)
She needs a major clean out, her bowels are full so we need laxatives. When she comes home from school she now has to have something to eat, then take some parrachoc and 30 minutes later she has to sit on the toilet until she goes to train her bowels again.
Ive given her class teacher a note and some reading material on her problem so we wont have any problems with the teacher not letting her go to the toilet in class time.
Just hope this works im really sick of cleaning smelly underwear evey day, not helping with morning sickness making it worse.:barf:
Kez
Kez I am glad you finally got some answers, best of luck with it all and hope the problem is fixed quickly:)
Shanaynay
11-05-2007, 19:15
That's great to hear it seems to be something treatable:fingerscrossed:
Fantastic news Kez!!!:yelclap:
sugar n spice
11-05-2007, 19:33
Hi all,
Been to the doctors she has been diagnosed with Encopresis it is the involuntary passage of stool into the underwear on a regular basis in a child over 4years of age. About 1-2children in 100 have the problem and it is 3times commoner in boys than girls.(yeah thats my luck)
There are many causes mostly due to a poor diet (yes she is a very fussy eater, just like her dad, and he had Hemorrhoids)
She needs a major clean out, her bowels are full so we need laxatives. When she comes home from school she now has to have something to eat, then take some parrachoc and 30 minutes later she has to sit on the toilet until she goes to train her bowels again.
Ive given her class teacher a note and some reading material on her problem so we wont have any problems with the teacher not letting her go to the toilet in class time.
Just hope this works im really sick of cleaning smelly underwear evey day, not helping with morning sickness making it worse.:barf:
Kez
that is exactly what my dr said about my 5yr old son. i gave him the parachoc and everything and it didnt work. in the end the parrafin in the laxative was just leaking out into his pants.
i too him to see our contincence nurse at the local hospital who he has seen regulary ( he is his coach for the sneaky pooh) and amazingly all they are doing is a chart and talking and he is now going to the toilet all the time without me even asking. im amazed as i had done all this but i guess coming from someone else helped.
i hope the parachoc worked for you as it only made it worse for us:fingerscrossed:
that is exactly what my dr said about my 5yr old son. i gave him the parachoc and everything and it didnt work. in the end the parrafin in the laxative was just leaking out into his pants.
i too him to see our contincence nurse at the local hospital who he has seen regulary ( he is his coach for the sneaky pooh) and amazingly all they are doing is a chart and talking and he is now going to the toilet all the time without me even asking. im amazed as i had done all this but i guess coming from someone else helped.
i hope the parachoc worked for you as it only made it worse for us:fingerscrossed:
So far its not working......:no: going to see the doctor again today, her biggest problem is when she needs to go she is to busy playing. :banghead: .
Kez
sugar n spice
25-05-2007, 09:19
that is what i think was the main problem for us my son was just to lazy to stop playing and go to the toilet. Seeing the contience nurse at the hospital helped as he was like his sneaky poo coach. He has now realised its quicker to go to the toilet then have to wait to be changed and be uncomfortable. Haven't had any accidents in a month now. YAY:smiliedance:
if its kinda laziness i would see about seeing a continence nurse at your local hospital. They dont do much its just talking and listening to the child etc. i thought i was wasting my time until after our 4th appt he stopped doing it in his pants. i was shocked its like it just clicked. i think not having the pressure from us and encouragement trying to please someone else must have helped. he is so proud of himself and so are we. one less bum to change:laughing: :smiliedance:
hope things get better. i know how frustrating it is
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