How much does your hubby do?

[heymamma]

Hi ladies,

I would just like to know if my hubby is lazy or if it is alot of men are that way.
How much does ur hubby help you?
We have 3 kids 5yr old girl 18mth old boy & 7& half mth old boy... I have no family here on the gold coast nore any friends..they are all in syd.
He works 5days a week as most do....but when he gets home wants to sit down & watch TV... I get dinner on the table but ethan & phoenix are always screaming & carrying on as kids do... sometimes dh will get up & help but most of the time i have to ask him to do everything... When the weekend comes round he sits down watchs tv or goes on PC, & i said to him " i've noticed that you get a weekend from work, How come i dont?" He said what do u mean.... I said well on sat sun..you sit & relax but do i ...no i do washing take care of kids fold washing etc...mums work... he does help with the kids & some stuff but not much...& if he does i have always had to nag at him to do it.
E.g We finished dinner last night...he helped clear the table but instead of helping with the dishes went & layed down on the lounge room floor!!! I said "what are you doing?" he replies " im just relaxing for a bit" now i was like What!!!! .. well geee how i would love too do that also..but im afraid we have 3 kids to get ready for bed dishes to be done bottles to be made etc.
Then all i get is a filthy look!!!
Am i wrong here...do i ask to much??
Do u think i was to harsh there?

[Pixie]

I have to say I do it all and always have done. Even when I worked full time
In fact we had a bit of a fight yesterday as we had a cold lunch he finished last and didn't bother to put anything away, 1/2 hour later I saw it all sitting there, his answer..I knew you would do it :mad:

Anyway after a lot of tears and F yous on my part I think he got the message to actually do the right thing :D he isn't normally like that BTW lol

I don't mind doing it all I enjoy housework and all that stuff. he spoils me rotten but sheer laziness is another thing!!!

[heymamma]

I think what bother's me most is that when im running around cleaning or somthing like that that's time i'm not getting with the kids... I find that the father's get to have all the fun playing & stuff where i just clean up after them or feed them...i never seem to get playtime cuz im busy picking up after him also.
I want playtime & cuddle's time to.:(

[sugar n spice]

No you are not alone, my dh works hard and when he is home he spends alot of time working on the computer doing more work. I know he has to that is what he is paid for but at the same time i would love some help around the house, he does bath the kids at night and gets them into bed though i am expected to do everything else and if i do ask if he can take the garbage out he winges and asks why does he have to do it. So i seem to be nagging all the time but im not asking him to do major stuff and when he does do somethings its like a couple of hrs later. ggggrrrrrrr. It must be a man thing, there born lazy. lol.

[Sarie]

I do 90% of the house work, but I'm a SAHM so I feel it's part of my job. However my hubby is great he comes home from work and gets straight into play time with the kids, or if I haven't started on tea he will do that.
He also cleans up the kitchen before we go to bed and a lot of mornings he puts the washing on before he goes to work.
He knows that having two little kiddies isn't an easy job, so he helps me out where he can.

[OM]

I find that the father's get to have all the fun playing & stuff where i just clean up after them(

Ditto in our household Kelharris!

[Pixie]

it's a hard situation isn't it.
when you are the one to be home all day you do, do so much so when they come home they don't want to do anything, which is fair enough if I was out working my *** off and came home and was expected to do a heap of stuff I wouldn't be very happy. But it's finding an even balance.

I wonder how things are going to be once I have the baby lol especially the first few weeks.

maybe talk to your hubby Kell tell him how you feel?

[giggles]

It's an awkward situation isn't it.

My DH does help out if I ask, but it's the fact that you have to ask for it that is a pain. And then you are made to feel like they are doing you a favour. Grrr!

He isn't very organised though whereas I am anal about absolutley everything so generally get peeved when he doesn't do something the way I would.

No win really.

[melfunction]

Sounds like I'm one of the lucky ones...

Dh works crap hours, but he always helps me around the house if I need him too. He feeds and baths K at night and puts him to bed. He will then get dinner ready if I haven't had a chance too.

We usually share everything so it makes life a lot easier.

In saying that, I always have to clean the bathroom :p

[Shazbutt]

Mine is exactly like yours, comes home and plays with the girls or lays and watches TV.....doesn't wash up, do washing, clean...nothing...:mad:

I'm a SAHM so i feel its my job, and i'm not complaining, but some time off to enjoy the kids and DH would be nice....

[Sarie]

kick him in the bum Shannon, he needs it;)
He's lucky to have a wonderful wife like you, you're a far better wife than I am :D

[My3kids]

My DH works 5 1/2 days week, But he does not mind coming home to a house that's messed as long as the Kids and i are happy he's happy. (I do Vacume floor daily though and atleast 1 load of washing) Saturday is our clean up day (FULL HOUSE CLEAN I MEAN) he usually puts the washing on and between both of us we some how get it hung up. I cook he washes dishes every night, He usually cleans Bathroom & Toilet. While i put washing away (Everything has to be put back where i like it) But otherwise i think he does alot more than me, I should also add when he get's home he plays with the children while i cook our dinner, we eat at 5:30 than once we have finshed dinner i BAth the 3 kids while he does the dishes, We rotate between who reads to my DD or DS's than there in bed by 7:30 than he has his own time and i have my own. It seems to work in this house hold.

[Shazbutt]

you're a far better wife than I am

Ha ! Thanks for the compliment mate! But i don't think so....

[Sarie]

There is no way I could handle him being away as much as you do. I would have packed up and moved closer to my family by now!!
:D
Yahoo??

[H&B'sMum]

I must say my DH is one of the best. He does most things around the house that I do. He organises work so he has every Thurs off to be home with Harry. When he is home on Thurs he does the grocery shopping, pays the bills, rent, all the running around I ask him to do. He does the washing, ironing (I'm aalergic to ironing), Vaccuuming, puts away all the clothes, makes dinner, fixes Harry's breakfast so I get an extra 10mins sleep. He gets up to Harry in the mornings, he mows the lawn, puts out the rubbish bins, tidys up around the house. Puts Harry's cloth nappies onto wash, picks Harry up from Day care when I can't and even drops off in the mornings I need to start work early. Even makes his own lunch, washed the cars (actually enjoys this!!!!!!!)
He does so much for me and Harry and I'm sooooo glad that his mother trained him to be like this. That's why I'm starting young with Harry, he already brings out his wash box to the laundry and puts all his clothes into the machine and then puts his wash box away in the right place. I also encourage Harry to pack up all his toys before bath time. Now it's part of our routine. Harry even packed up all his toys this morning when he saw I had gotten the vaccuum cleaner out.
I have fanastic boys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY

[W & T's sleepy mummy]

Kelharris, I know exactly how you feel. My little bubs is 8 and a half months old, and my DH has not once gotten up to him in the night. In his defence, he says he can't hear him, but who can't hear the caterwauling of an upset bub? I mean the neighbours ask me if he is ok! He has never bathed him either, nor washed any of his clothes. We have talked about it, but nothing ever changes, and I'm about to explode.

This is my first post - huzzah, now I feel lots better. I've read some of the forums and you all seem to be such a great support for one another - I hope to become the same.:)

[Harmony83]

I wouldn't mind doing all the housework so much (he doesn't do it right anyway!) if my DF picked up after himself!! He comes home from work, dumps his dirty clothes in the middle of the loungeroom, gets something to eat, leaves wrappers and cups and spoons and whatever else in the middle of the lounge room - grrrr! If I 'nag' enough he'll help out, but what I would really love is for him to mow the lawn more than 1 a month or 1 every 2nd month, he also neva weeds any of the gardens, so again once every 3 months or so he'll get the weed kill and spray it and thats it for another 3 months - our lawns and gardens are beyond feral! He even leaves rubbish lying around out there from his car!

[reAllytee]

Well my partner does cook our meals every nite now as he worked out that as im trying to get bubs ready for bath & bed at around the time dinner should be put on so it meant we werent eating till 9pm he figured he could do this, he also puts the bins out on garbage nite but i have to nag him to clear out the recycling & kitchen tidy regularily even when he has just tried to squish one more item into its over flowing contents this really gets my back up ! I had a box i used for all the recycling that way on bin nite he could just empty that but oh no he made a fuss about how annoying it was etc so he got rid of it & said i will clear it out daily pfffft yeah right ! All i feel like i do is nag !! doesnt do much mind you *sigh*
He has never bathed bubs but i have to be fair on that as his back is so bad especially now he isnt physically able to but nor did he even help with any nite feeds back when bubs was a newborn & even my morning off usually sunday i actually have to wake him as he never hears him which means i often have to almost push him out of bed after 10mins of trying otherwise i get all shirty & just get up & do it myself. He then gets shirty if i end up waking him after this to make him get up & give bubs brekky so i can go back to bed & stay there till lunchtime ! I deserve that break damnit !!!!!!
I wash all the clothes, wash up all dirty dishes, clean the bathrooms, dust the house, mop all the floors, look after the gardens & animals & tidy the entire house. He cooks dinner & puts bins out. Hrmmmz slight advantage he has me thinks ! Yet he needs more time to "relax" !!!!!!! ggggrrrrrr :mad:
Fair enough im a SAHM but we do deserve the right to some time off !!!!
Ive already told him he will have to pick up the slack if we are going to have another bubs but who knows if even then it will change :rolleyes:

[redbaby]

Woah,..then I think Harry's Mum and I have the best hubbies in the world,. Mine does all the washing and cleaning, the majority of the cooking and washing up, all the grocery shopping (apparently I spend too much money!),... makes brekkie every weekend,..and fresh coffee,...... mows the lawns and cleans up the garden,.....does Squidgy's bath,....and brought me flowers last night!

[Mamaduke]

My DH works at least 6 days a week, 12 hours a day. He does afternoon shift so I am responsible for dinner and washing up every night. When he gets up the following day he empties the dishwasher (I HATE doing that!), he'll put a load of laundry on, tidy up the playroom, makes the bed and gives the place a vac before he goes to work. He also mows the lawns, puts the bins out, hangs washing, brings it in, takes care of the bill paying (being irresponsible with money does have it's perks!!!) and does the weekly grocery shopping (I loathe supermarkets too).

washed the cars (actually enjoys this!!!!!!!)
Mine too...aren't they strange?!!!
Actually now I'm writing all of this I'm starting to wonder what the hell am I doing:( ? Bubhub of course :rolleyes: - the only things he won't do are cooking and ironing.
Last night he said he wanted some 'me time'!!!! I told him to go over to the neighbour's house (where we have stashed the huge tramp with enclosure for Christmas) and have his 'me time' whilst putting up the tramp! He was back about half an hour later - "good luck with that!" was all he said:confused: . I went over and built the tramp myself - ending up finishing at 12.30am:p !!! Oh, that's another thing I do - I build everything!
We are a great team - I build it - he lifts and moves it (he's good at that!!LOL)

[whatwasithinking]

My DH is the same as everyone else - I don't even need to write anything - it's ALL been covered! :rolleyes:

[Mrs Little]

I have been reading this thread for some time and have contemplated adding to it.

My husband is fantastic....he helps out as much as he can. He even changed jobs before the baby was born so that he wouldn't be home too late every night.

Sometimes we argue over who is doing what, because we both want to do it.

My hubby loves to bath our son....he says it's his precious one on one time with him.

He supports me with my routines, by helping me figure out how everything will work when we go out ( ie. getting the bottle organised, having his pram ready, etc.)

We love being a family.

Mrs Little & Son.

[whatwasithinking]

Mrs Little - YOU HOLD ON TO HIM!!! DON'T LET HIM GO OR WE WILL ALL SNAFFLE HIM UP! :D

Does he have a twin :p

[Mrs Little]

LOL...

i think i'm pretty lucky too.

He aint going anywhere...!

Mrs Little & Son.

[whatwasithinking]

Lol........

[Maxs_MumMy]

I have to say my partner is on the same path as yours Mrs Little...He helps with pretty much everything...I may have to turn to Natzi partner once in a blue moon to get him to do something but hardly ever....(( Though He was in training before Max's time...lol))

[JenNT]

I look at it this way.........
If I had to work 40hr weeks for 45 years to provide for my family I'd be enjoying a bit of relax time too.

I usually do work part time but since having 3 kids and a hubby who has a fantastic stable job I can finally afford to be a sahm and look after my little family. My hubby does alot more around the house now though and spends alot of time with the kids and its great. Sometimes I start get cranky when he doesn't but I have to stop and think about his role in life too. Whilst he has a great job, its stressful for him and he needs to be able to unwind and leave work behind for a few hours :D

[Mamaduke]

Whilst he has a great job, its stressful for him and he needs to be able to unwind and leave work behind for a few hours
That is so true! I sometimes forget that DH works really hard in a physically demanding job and that he needs to relax a little too!

[mumworkingoverseas]

I think as long as the SAHP is actually doing a decent amount of work (childcare and house work) during the day then when the working parent comes home they should help out. I have been the stay at home, working whilst DH stayed home and both worked, so I have seen it from all perspectives. I did not come home and expect to relax/wind-down (when DH was SAHP) and I wouldn't expect DH to do so when I was at home. Obviously there can be exceptions - bad headache, really bad day, but every day? That is IMO is very slack.
Everyone needs a break. When I was a SAHP (for example) DH spent time with DD each Sat morning so I could go to Pilates and do whatever else I needed to get done on my own. When DH was the SAHP, I minded DD every Sat morning so he could play rugby and do any errands he wanted to do on his own.
These days we are both back at work but take turns getting DD up, dressed and fed in the mornings. In the evenings we both have play time with her and one of us cooks dinner while the other baths DD and gets her ready for bed. We have domestic help at the moment but when we did not, we shared the chores. Men can iron, cook, do dishes and clean!!! IMO men get lazy when their partners allow them to get away with it. My DH really values his close relationship with DD and he wouldn't have a close relationship if he sat on his butt all weekend watching TV or playing x-box. Oops sorry, I meant "relaxing".
Your partner may not realise it but he is cheating himself out of a great family life (by breeding resentment with his partner) and a close relationship with his children.

[Mother Duck]

My DH passes with flying colours!

He is great around the house when needed and even better with M

The biggest gripe I have is for him to be home more often - he works way too hard - leaves at 5:30am and not usually home before 6:15pm, sometimes even later - He also goes most weekends one day same hours to our property - which he loves - great for him but a bit too much mummy only time for me

I know he is working hard for us but I feel strongly that he needs to be a dad too

He has been alot better lately but whoah it was hard work to get him to this point!

Wrt house stuff - he will not do the dishes but will help out in other areas if I need him to - he has particularly got the hang of evening time being his time with M

[Fraggle]

Well I have to say, my DH is Amazing. As with some of the other Mum's, he cooks, cleans, does the washing, gets up to Thomas in the mornings (that's his special time), showers/baths Thomas, prepares his bottles, let's me have whatever I want (within reason), does the lawns, washes the cars (finds this relaxing for some reason), works a 45 hour week, buys the groceries, takes care of the finances (I get approx. $150 spending money every week to do what I want with :D ). And on top of all that, he is my best friend, my lover and my soul mate.

I do work nights which takes it out of me a bit, especially in the morning. I sometimes get the poops when he is playing computer games for hours or he takes the stuff out of the dishwasher but doesn't put it in the cupboard above the bench :confused: , but then I think of everything he does do for me and shrug my shoulders and get over it pretty quickly when I realise how lucky I am.

To those mum's who's husbands don't do anything - try not cooking them dinner for a night and not cleaning the place, then saying "Oh, sorry. I just needed some relax time" hehehe :p

[caro224]

Well, I just read through this thread and obviously there are 2 types of men. I have the x-box-relaxing-version, which drives me mad sometimes, but he has a hard job aswell, works all through the night sometimes. I'm doing all the household chores. He sometimes cooks on the weekend, but I have to clean up the kitchen afterwards. Lucky me, at least he cooked for us...
If I don't cook he just doesn't eat. Who needs food anyway?? And if I complain he just reminds me of where I am (we recently moved to Australia into a cute Queenslander..) and how lucky I am with what I've got .. (car, house, money, ...)
So, how can you tell from the start what kind of man you have? (For most of us bubhub mums it's too late anyway.) But I think it's all about the childhood. Have a look at what his Dad does at home and you'll probably know... But who does that when he is madly n love?

I'd be so happy if my DP enjoyed his time with DD a bit more. Forget the house hold stuff, he's just missing the best part of her, and all I can do is tell him "see...!!" afterwards... :(

[Fraggle]

Your right about looking at the parents Caro224. Unfortunatly I never got to meet my DH's father as he had passed away a few years before DH and I met, but I have been told a lot about this wonderful man.

DH's mother does NOTHING, she plays the pokies and that's about it. When DH was young, she would drop him off at a hotel to use their pool, while she went to the casino (in the next suburb) and played pokies. From what I can gather DH's father did EVERYTHING, and DH had a great relationship with his dad, so I am hoping that has influenced the way DH is with DS.

DH's father owned a few chinese restaurants over the years and I put that down to why DH is such a good cook. He used to go into the restaurants and work with his dad from a young age, and DH actually enjoys it, which suits me fine as from 4 to 7 in our house is the witching hours :eek: LOL.

I really wish that I could have gotten to meet his father, it saddens me sometimes. But I guess there would have to be alot of him in my DH, so in a way I have already met him.

Also, it's not that I do nothing, DH just usually beats me to it! the other day I put DS in his swing and actually had to slip in between DH's arms and the mower so that I could do the mowing while DH played with DS in his swing :) .

[zenifa]

Interesting theory ladies about there being two types of men, I do agree and I am very blessed to have a husband who does more than I do.
We share most chores like washing, ironing, cooking, cleaning, looking after DD but he does car washing, mowing, gardening as well, so I guess I don't resent his internet/music/x-box time as much (admittedly he hasn't had as much time to play with his toys since DD arrived 4 months ago). I do the grocery shopping, pay bills/finances, remembering birthdays/getting presents (never been his strong point, but he's never forgotten our anniversary or my birthday!!) and social organiser.

Interesting though - my MIL is SAHM and she does everything for my FIL (recently she had an operation on her ankle and was out of action for 14 weeks, but luckily church friends provided home cooked meals every night, did the cleaning etc, so FIL was very lucky!!) and did everything for my DH - luckily I trained him early on in our relationship and now have an amazing husband who has turned into a wonderful involved father - changing nappies, feeding EBM and bathing DD.
I think if you can get the man young enough and train him up, there is hope, even if he's been spoilt by a mother who did everything for him!!

I do feel for the other mums out there that don't get any help, I certainly feel lucky with my man!!

[whatwasithinking]

All I want to know is what shop are all these good hubbies from? I want one ;)

[kimmy]

Me too, me too, my DP just asked where he can get one of those partner's that give him a bite every night lol.:D

[whatwasithinking]

my DP just asked where he can get one of those partner's that give him a bite every night lol.:D
If you mean what I think you mean then yep my DH says that all the time too :D . I tell him if I wasn't tired from doing everything ...........

[kimmy]

Yeah i now how you feel, males they only think with there thingies some times lol

[Jaileth]

I fear that I have one of the x-box men. (Although mine is more into Computers than the xbox). I have to poke and prod a bit to get him to do stuff. I honestly have come to believe in domestic blindness! :eek:

Although he is getting better. I can't carry the washing up and down the stairs any more (pg tummy gets in the way - he's scared that cause I can't see past the washing and my tummy that I'll fall down the stairs - such a sweetie! :p ) so he'll carry it up and down for me if I leave it near them. I used to have to ask for days and days for him to do something, and now it's only once or twice - so there is hope!!!

When asked, he takes the rubbish out, will occasionally do the dishes and cook, cleans the cats tray out for me, cleans his fish tank out (think that's cause I won't though), vaccume, etc.

I do the dishes, the cooking, the washing and usually the vaccuming and mopping. I'm usually the one to clean the car and sweep up outside. Thankfully we don't have a lawn - but I refuse to mow anyway. :D When we did have a back yard, we'd get the Jim's mowing type people in to do it for us! :o

[bubbles28]

My hubby is FANTASTIC.
He helps out soooo much. He is one of those persons who can't sit infront of the telly or sit still for a moment, so he always doing something around the house or with our DS.
My Ds cooks dinner every night and washes the dishes. He vacumes, does half of the washing, I don't let him was DS clothes as he just throws everything in together! Mowes the lawn, pays the bills, organises all the finances, washes and fills my car up with petrol, cleans the bathroom. Spends heaps of time playing with and looking after DS.
MY DH is Italian so it was a nice surprise to see him do so much as a lot of Italian boys are use to there muma's doing everything!
I am sooo lucky and sometimes take my DH for granted.

[Naggy]

My DH is lazy but improving. When we first started going out - check this out for the definition of laziness - I did a load of washing and hung it out to dry, the day before I left on an interstate posting for three months. When I came home after three months, yes, three months, the same washing was still on the line!!!!!

He tried to explain it away by saying that it was a new load, but I pointed out that it included my bras and undies...mmm....

Anyway, chores are our main source of arguments. I sit there fuming until I just explode. However, now it's getting better.

I - do the finances/pay the bills, put most of the washing on, hang most of it out, bring most of it in, and definitely fold it all up and put it away, do some of the cooking, always empty the dishwasher.

DH - does most of the cooking, always cleans up after dinner, sometimes puts a load of washing on, sometimes brings it in, always makes DS's lunch for the next day.

We seem to share the bathing and feeding of DS very evenly.

If DS is getting slack, I just don't wash anything of his, and only cook for DS and me! I never iron anything of his. Sounds mean, but these are the things that i) have the most impact on him and ii) the least impact on the overall look of mess in the house!!

Naggy

[Ffrenchknickers]

My DH is great with helping out but I feel bad if he does too much as i feelit is my job and I like having things all done for him and the kdis.:)