My fault?

[Gloominous]

Having a bit of a downer today. Found out that a previously undianosed medical condition I have that when untreated during pregnancy can cause Developmental delay, Intellectual impairment or delay, birth defects. etc.

I feel soo bad that it's probably the reason DD is the way she is (mentally and developmentally delayed) and I guess DD #2 will be heading down the same road.

thanks for the winge, just wanted to get it out.

[RoarsomeMum]

oh hon :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: You did not know.. you could not have done anything. Its not your fault.

[threepigs]

No, no, no! It's NOT your fault. You didn't know. More concerning is that your ob/gp/midwife didn't pick anything up. If they didn't, then it would be very hard for you to.

Give your kids the best shot in life by releasing yourself from guilt and enjoying who they are :hugs:

[gremily]

I'm sure if you knew you would have done everything possible to change the situation.
It's hard not to blame yourself, I used to wonder if it was me or DF that made dd2 the way she is, but there's nothing we can change.
All you can do is love your children unconditionally, no matter what challenges there are.:)

[theycallmemum]

Oh honey. No no no no no!!! Do not blame yourself! I know it's easier said than done but honestly these things happen.

I sometimes look back and think why didn't I push the stupid doctors to deliver my baby a week earlier when he was clearly in distress on the monitors? Why did I say they knew better and let them wait 5 days to induce me because their wasn't a spot open before that? Why didn't I stand up and scream? Why? Because I didn't know what was going to happen. Hindsight is always 20/20 but unfortunately we can't turn back time.

You will just drive yourself crazy by blaming yourself. You just have to look forward now.

[kiwibird27]

I think your just going through the natural grieving process and when u come out the other side u will feel better. There are many reasons that a child can have issues, and often none of them are certain.

Each time a found out something different about my daughters condition I would go through the whole grieving process again, just please don't get caught up in guilt!!!!!

[MamaRabbit]

Hi Gloominous, I'm so sorry you are feeling down today, I know how you must be feeling, I've been through it many times over and have had one of those down weeks this week... I agree with Kiwibird, it is part of the grieving. I started in denial, then blame, then grief and now 2 years later I am in a fairly good place most of the time, but I still have my days. The next several years are going to be a learning curve. 2 years down the track we are still receiving information, having tests done, talking about the future and it all throws me back to Day 1, it is very painful, the questions and what-if's start, I beat myself up....My DH gives me a couple of days to process it all then I get back on the horse and focus on my son and making sure he is having a grand and happy time each and every day.

Did you read that poem on one of these bubhub threads about your child being like a tapestry with all the curly, confusing threads on the underside, but if you turn it over you have a beautiful picture, a piece of art to enjoy. That thought reminds me of the bright future ahead. I try to think about that whenever guilt or my what-ifs start.

I also really value coming in here and talking to a great bunch of people who understand my feelings much better than anyone else does (aside from DH of course), it's so soothing to get things off your chest.

So it's okay to have your down days (in fact I think we need them from time to time) but when you are ready, chin up, onward and upward, because tomorrow is a new day :thumbsup:

[marcelsmum]

It's not your fault,

You weren't to know...
:hugs: :hugs:

don't play the blame game. It is nobodys fault..

Just love your children,
the only important thing they got from you is a mothers love... nothing else matters...

[mummyof5]

Oh, Gloominous, have been there too, can sympathise with how you are feeling...
You didn't know, so you couldn't have changed anything.
Chin up, and remember you are welcome to whinge/vent anytime, we know sometimes you just need to!
:hugs: for you and your little girl.

[gremily]

tapestry (http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/showthread.php?t=76377&highlight=tapestry)
The above thread has the tapestry phrase. Absolutely beautiful:)

[Gloominous]

Thanks for the uplifting stuff ladies, just couldnt shake the "what ifs" for the last couple days but obviously as you all know recall it's not a unique feeling, the tapestry thing is lovely thanks.