nat161304
27-03-2007, 10:54 PM
I'm going to post my birth story in here as Ive never written it down or dealt with all the emotions and since I'm new to this site i don't know anyone that will read it.
I warn you it will be a long one as it was not a trouble free pregnancy!!
OK my story starts at 20 weeks pregnant, I had just settled down for the night and put my 4 yr old daughter down to bed. On my way back to the lounge-room I coughed!!
I felt like I may have wet myself so walked off to the bathroom to change and see what on earth was going on as that had never happened before, as I pulled down my pants a great rush of blood poured down my legs and started to puddle at my feet.
At this point I was sure I was losing the baby but remained strangely calm as I called for my partner to help clean up.
We called the hospital and was told to come right in and as my partner had no licence i grabbed a towel and drove myself there. When I arrived I was taken down a long hall and left sitting on a bed with no idea what was going on, almost 4 hrs passed before i heard my baby's heart beat and was told all was fine now go home!!
So rough night, weird thing to happen, no more signs of blood all was fine?? Next morning getting into the shower the blood started again and I mean flowing/pouring blood so i clean up grab my daughter and go back to the hospital.
In the hours that follow my daughter is picked up by a friend, I am told I have something called Vasa-previa and will be transferred to another hospital about 1 hr from home, before I am able to call my partner I'm off into a ambulance and on my way!!
I am given steroids for the baby but told at 20 weeks there is not a lot of hope and even with the vasa-previa I shouldn't be bleeding like that. I'm sure they thought the volume of blood I described was a lie. Proved them wrong when my next big bleed happened in my bed.
During the next 3 months I am told many different things, I am alone in a hospital only able to see my daughter once a week and as my partner didn't have a licence and a full time job I saw him once a week also.
Everyday brings no answer to the bleeding which continues to happen every 2/3 days and no one can tell me for sure if the baby will make it, I had always know he was a boy and had been unsure about my feeling of having a boy and now I suddenly needed a boy in my arms.
Towards the end of my 3 month hospital visit a new doctor comes to look at my case. I am fine the baby is fine go home you have 8 weeks till your due!!
What??? I have spent the last almost 3 months in hospital away from family and friends, my daughter, my partner trying to deal with maybe not having a baby and now I'm fine??
OK so I'm home for one day, The next day go back to my local hospital for a check up and suddenly I am re-admitted so quickly I still have my little girl with me and my car in the car-park.
This time I am very upset, I don't want to be away from home Ive had enough and cant do it anymore.
3 days later, still very upset I grab my car keys and sneak out of the hospital and go home for a few hours, no one is there I just needed to go home, As I leave home to return to the hospital I walk into the baby's room to see it has all been put together and finished for me.
I fall asleep when I return to the hospital and am woken by a nurse.
Suddenly I am bleeding again this time its more pink then red, the nurse starts yelling for a doctor, a doctor starts yelling for a theater all I hear is code blue, code blue. I'm not in any pain? Whats the fuss? I am suddenly in a bed with a man pushing it, running down hallways no one is paying attention when I say I am fine, I use my phone to call my partner who says he will get a lift and be there asap.
I get a needle and fall asleep.
I wake up to the sound of a nurse saying my name, my partner holding a photo, we have a boy 4pounds 5oz I go back to sleep with a smile, its all OK.
Next morning I go see my son, whats wrong with him? there's a big dent in his chest? Nothing I am told, He is just fine and the nurse rolls him over so I cant see his chest.
I go shower and return to my son who still has no name, this time he is grunting and his head is inside a clear plastic box, I call another nurse and lie to her, I said the other nurse called the doctor, where is the doctor?
She calls for the doctor and he starts talking very fast and asking me to get my partner back to the hospital, Our son needs to be transferred and placed on life support and he has to go alone there is no room for me at the other hospital, he might not make it through the next few hours this is urgent.
OMG he has no name? The N.E.T.S team arrive and my partner and I are asked to leave while they do their thing, we go down stairs and name him.
His name is Cameron and he will be OK.
The time seems to be flying but also slow, it passes midnight and my partner has to leave I watch him say goodbye to our son. Its then I realize whats happening.
My partner leaves, then its time for Cameron to leave I walk through the hospital in the dark with the N.E.T.S team and my son. I cant go with them.
It suddenly hits me as I watch them continue towards the ambulance without me, I finally break, Its enough I cant say goodbye I breakdown.
The ambulance drives away.
I am alone and crying so hard my body hurts more than it has ever hurt before.
I sneak out of the hospital at first light and grab a taxi to go see my son, I am not allowed to be doing this but at this point nothing will stop me from being with him.
I arrive to be told they know I ran away from the other hospital and need to be seen by a doctor, OK OK just hurry I tell them, I get a telling off by the doctor and get taken to my boy.
He is so tiny, covered in wires and sedated but his still here!! I touch him, I talk to him, I need him. Withing a few hours there is a small improvement not big but its there!! He knows I'm here and he needs me too.
Within 48hrs he is taken off life support, I am there to see him open his eyes, my partner is there to see his eyes and my daughter meets her brother for the first time, I am crying again and I look at my son again to see he has my daughters eyes.
After everything his OK and he will be coming home with us, He gets transferred back to our hospital.
4 weeks later the day comes when I can take him home with me, I chose to do this alone, I don't know why I just need to walk out of that hospital alone with my son, I cant explain it but I needed that time with him.
He is a great boy, he is now 3 and healthy and happy and very much loved.
At the end of all this there are no answers to explain the bleeding or why his lungs started to fail to the point of needing life support or as to what the vasa-previa had to do with anything.
But its over and I have Cameron and his big sister Kaitlyn to love for the rest of my days.
Even though it was the hardest time of my life so far and a type of loneliness I never hope to feel again in my future, I don't think I would change a second of it if I could, because what if I changed one single moment?
Would I have him here with me now????
I warn you it will be a long one as it was not a trouble free pregnancy!!
OK my story starts at 20 weeks pregnant, I had just settled down for the night and put my 4 yr old daughter down to bed. On my way back to the lounge-room I coughed!!
I felt like I may have wet myself so walked off to the bathroom to change and see what on earth was going on as that had never happened before, as I pulled down my pants a great rush of blood poured down my legs and started to puddle at my feet.
At this point I was sure I was losing the baby but remained strangely calm as I called for my partner to help clean up.
We called the hospital and was told to come right in and as my partner had no licence i grabbed a towel and drove myself there. When I arrived I was taken down a long hall and left sitting on a bed with no idea what was going on, almost 4 hrs passed before i heard my baby's heart beat and was told all was fine now go home!!
So rough night, weird thing to happen, no more signs of blood all was fine?? Next morning getting into the shower the blood started again and I mean flowing/pouring blood so i clean up grab my daughter and go back to the hospital.
In the hours that follow my daughter is picked up by a friend, I am told I have something called Vasa-previa and will be transferred to another hospital about 1 hr from home, before I am able to call my partner I'm off into a ambulance and on my way!!
I am given steroids for the baby but told at 20 weeks there is not a lot of hope and even with the vasa-previa I shouldn't be bleeding like that. I'm sure they thought the volume of blood I described was a lie. Proved them wrong when my next big bleed happened in my bed.
During the next 3 months I am told many different things, I am alone in a hospital only able to see my daughter once a week and as my partner didn't have a licence and a full time job I saw him once a week also.
Everyday brings no answer to the bleeding which continues to happen every 2/3 days and no one can tell me for sure if the baby will make it, I had always know he was a boy and had been unsure about my feeling of having a boy and now I suddenly needed a boy in my arms.
Towards the end of my 3 month hospital visit a new doctor comes to look at my case. I am fine the baby is fine go home you have 8 weeks till your due!!
What??? I have spent the last almost 3 months in hospital away from family and friends, my daughter, my partner trying to deal with maybe not having a baby and now I'm fine??
OK so I'm home for one day, The next day go back to my local hospital for a check up and suddenly I am re-admitted so quickly I still have my little girl with me and my car in the car-park.
This time I am very upset, I don't want to be away from home Ive had enough and cant do it anymore.
3 days later, still very upset I grab my car keys and sneak out of the hospital and go home for a few hours, no one is there I just needed to go home, As I leave home to return to the hospital I walk into the baby's room to see it has all been put together and finished for me.
I fall asleep when I return to the hospital and am woken by a nurse.
Suddenly I am bleeding again this time its more pink then red, the nurse starts yelling for a doctor, a doctor starts yelling for a theater all I hear is code blue, code blue. I'm not in any pain? Whats the fuss? I am suddenly in a bed with a man pushing it, running down hallways no one is paying attention when I say I am fine, I use my phone to call my partner who says he will get a lift and be there asap.
I get a needle and fall asleep.
I wake up to the sound of a nurse saying my name, my partner holding a photo, we have a boy 4pounds 5oz I go back to sleep with a smile, its all OK.
Next morning I go see my son, whats wrong with him? there's a big dent in his chest? Nothing I am told, He is just fine and the nurse rolls him over so I cant see his chest.
I go shower and return to my son who still has no name, this time he is grunting and his head is inside a clear plastic box, I call another nurse and lie to her, I said the other nurse called the doctor, where is the doctor?
She calls for the doctor and he starts talking very fast and asking me to get my partner back to the hospital, Our son needs to be transferred and placed on life support and he has to go alone there is no room for me at the other hospital, he might not make it through the next few hours this is urgent.
OMG he has no name? The N.E.T.S team arrive and my partner and I are asked to leave while they do their thing, we go down stairs and name him.
His name is Cameron and he will be OK.
The time seems to be flying but also slow, it passes midnight and my partner has to leave I watch him say goodbye to our son. Its then I realize whats happening.
My partner leaves, then its time for Cameron to leave I walk through the hospital in the dark with the N.E.T.S team and my son. I cant go with them.
It suddenly hits me as I watch them continue towards the ambulance without me, I finally break, Its enough I cant say goodbye I breakdown.
The ambulance drives away.
I am alone and crying so hard my body hurts more than it has ever hurt before.
I sneak out of the hospital at first light and grab a taxi to go see my son, I am not allowed to be doing this but at this point nothing will stop me from being with him.
I arrive to be told they know I ran away from the other hospital and need to be seen by a doctor, OK OK just hurry I tell them, I get a telling off by the doctor and get taken to my boy.
He is so tiny, covered in wires and sedated but his still here!! I touch him, I talk to him, I need him. Withing a few hours there is a small improvement not big but its there!! He knows I'm here and he needs me too.
Within 48hrs he is taken off life support, I am there to see him open his eyes, my partner is there to see his eyes and my daughter meets her brother for the first time, I am crying again and I look at my son again to see he has my daughters eyes.
After everything his OK and he will be coming home with us, He gets transferred back to our hospital.
4 weeks later the day comes when I can take him home with me, I chose to do this alone, I don't know why I just need to walk out of that hospital alone with my son, I cant explain it but I needed that time with him.
He is a great boy, he is now 3 and healthy and happy and very much loved.
At the end of all this there are no answers to explain the bleeding or why his lungs started to fail to the point of needing life support or as to what the vasa-previa had to do with anything.
But its over and I have Cameron and his big sister Kaitlyn to love for the rest of my days.
Even though it was the hardest time of my life so far and a type of loneliness I never hope to feel again in my future, I don't think I would change a second of it if I could, because what if I changed one single moment?
Would I have him here with me now????