Why wasnt I told this EARLIER???

[MummyCharmzy]

For 4.5 years I have wondered was it REALLY necessary for DS to be born 9 weeks early, I knew the basics - he wasn't growing properly - but they still thought I'd go to term, I had pe, I knew that, I knew it got bad the afternoon of his birth but it wasnt 'that' bad (not as bad as with my daughter) ...

and I've asked before and just been brushed off so I have been thinking for a long time that just maybe it wasn't needed.... and for that perhaps unecessary intervention DS has not had an easy start to life and still has premmie issues now...

but at my pre-conception appt on thursday I got told how serious it was, my surgeon showed me my medical history, showed me the graphs and doctors scribbles.... apparently he was dying, and dying fast.

so why wasnt I told?

it is written in my file that they gave him 24 hours to live inside of me about 6 hours before he was born.. so why didnt they do the op faster???

Why has it taken 4.5 years for me to be told this?

I am so upset that I was never told this, he is my child, I had a right to know!! Of course it makes me glad he WAS born when he was but I just don't understand why they couldn't have told me this at the time.

My surgeons suggestion was 'I would have been too young to understand' what RUBBISH, yes I was barely 17 but I was not stupid and deserved to know.

I just need to vent about this and hope that someone might have some answers as to why they may not have told me this at the time? I just cannot understand it and its really getting to me!!

[allysophia]

Thats very unfair, and very irresponsible of the surgons!

Your child, your body, you're the one making the choices, not them, you were ENTITLED to all the avaliable information. I'm angry for you.

:hugs:

Hope things work out, sounds like you've got a lot on.

[borntobemummy]

that's shocking that they didn't tell you that:eek: I'm so glad they acted quickly anyway and he is alive and well today:hugs:

[Melo]

Goodness, that is wrong... :hugs:

[Tam-I-Am]

I wonder, Charmzy, if its possible they didn't tell you because it would have stressed you out too much? From what I understand PE is an illness that already affects your blood pressure - I don't know for sure (I'm no doctor!) but I wonder if you had become so stressed that your blood pressure had sky rocketed, that that might have accelerated your son's health decline?

I dunno.....It SEEMS really wrong for them NOT to have told you - but I also kinda think there must have been a good reason, or at least a seemingly good reason (to them at least) at the time.

Thank god he's okay! I can't imagine it was easy hearing what you did today :hugs:

[Beany]

^ what she said.

While they probably should have told you after the fact, I can understand why they didn't beforehand.

I'm so glad it all turned out well.

[mum2my4]

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: I have a similar story. This isn't the place to tell it, but my son was born at 28wks.

Having a baby so early can wreak havoc with your emotions and I found I wanted to know every detail about why he was born when he was, even thought I know why I still question it.

If I were you I would be really angry and upset too. Every mother has a right to know what's going on with her baby. 17 is old enough to understand.

Did they tell you anything before they delivered him, or did they just rush you off to theatre?

I can only agree with what the other's have said about why they didn't tell you anything, and that maybe they were so arrogant they did think you were too young to understand. But none of this makes it right.

Glad to hear your son is doing well

[angel_one]

MummyCharmzy - i think its stupid (i sound so childish - i know lol) but i had a similar experience with my last baby, (well the communications side of things anyway), i was admitted to hospital at 29 weeks having contractions,a high fever, dehydrated and an infection of some sort! - it was a kindney infection i was told, and yes i believe them, but what got to me was after spending a week in hospital on bed rest (they didnt want to get contractions going again!) i was put on the high risk list, was told to have all these blood tests and U/s - liver function tests !! - i was never told we think you may have something wrong with your liver!. and then at my 31 week checkup (was on fortnightly checkups cause of the liver thing) the doctor left us alone in the room while she ran out to get something, and i happen to have looked at my file, and there in big bold letters was +GBS ---- i was like , well nobody told me that, i didnt think to much of it then and left it be, my water then decided to break at 32 weeks, resulting in the birth of my baby.
i wasnt untill just recently that i have discovered that the +gbs may have weaken my amniotic sack resulting in the pPROM! - grrrrrrr and i wasnt told any of this!!!!!

kinda ticks you off a bit dont it! - im studying nursing at the moment, and these doctors and nurses are taught how to communicate with people, so why are they not communicating with us?????

[MummyCharmzy]

thanks for the replies and sorry for the delay - havent been over at dads place as much lately to use the internet

I am still fuming that they didn't tell me. All I was told before he was born was 'your bp is getting too high you have to have an emerg csect now'

but thats the other thing, from my file my bp only got to 140/90 the day he was delivered so that was certainly not the reason, that was a GOOD bp for me in my pregnancys after that, with Isobella they said the same thing when my bp was 225/165 and delivered her straight away.. AND RIGHTLY so... but 140/90 isn't even high for me during pregnancy...

I'm still confused... is there any way for me to get answers to my questions further? I'd love to have full access to my own medical records so I can see every little thing. I want to know exactly what happened previously before I 'commit' to another pregnancy!!

What do I do to access my medical records, can anyone point me in the right direction? thanks :)

[bootiful]

I agree with the girls above that they prob didnt tell you due to increasing your stress levels...but they should of told you before you left the hospital :shame:

As far as accessing your medical records, Im not sure if we have any rights to them. Some stupid legal reasons. But if you want to look into it further I would ring your doctor, first ask them for them. Then if you get no answers ring legal aid type places.

Good Luck..

[mum2my4]

You are absolutely allowed to have a copy of your entire medical record. You need to contact the medical records dept of the hospital and generally you need to supply identification and pay a fee I think around $30-$50.

I was so unhappy with my birth experience that I ended up making an appointment with the NUM of the birthing suite to go through my record with her. If you are getting messed around contact the social work dept of the hospital.

You are not alone, many mums of prems I ave spoken to go through the same thing. I hope you get the answers you need.:hugs:

[Aquamarine]

I would be extremely annoyed about it too.

However, I believe certain things happen for a reason and I guess you could look at it like 'maybe if I knew something could have gone wrong,

I do agree 4.5 years is WAY too long to learn this.

Try not to think about it too much as it may be hard to move on without anger and you don't want to think of that special time as anything negative.

Hope this helps.

[Nickyps]

If I was in your position, I probably would have been thankful I wasn't told at the time. My son was prem and if I had known he was dying inside of me, I would have been an absolute wreck! :(

I think they should have told you about his condition after he was born though. I can't see any reason for them to withhold the information for 4 years. :no:

Good luck finding answers you are after. :)