shes 3 and won't use the toilet 4 no 2's

[Ivy-Rose]

I am asking for a friend who doesn't have a computer. But has anyone had the problem of their little 3yr old not using the toilet to Poo. This little girl has only ever once used a potty to do her Poo and her mum has tried everything from reward charts to ignoring leaving her out of things and taking away her most precious posessions and more.
If she has no undies on she will ask for them and then go squat in a spot and do her business. She screams and screams if you put her on the potty or the toilet. She has been put back in nappies and started the hole toiplet process again but this didn't work either. She just started to wet them again too.
She use to tell you after she had done one but now she just keeps on playing.
She turns 4 in June and as you may guess it is extremelly fustrating for her mum.
She can't attend kindy or per-school unless she is trained. There has never been a bad experience with the toilet or the potty not even a fright from it when she was little on or off. She does wee on the toilet.
If anyone has any ideas to help PLEASE HELP. She doesn't care where she is either. She could be at someone elses house or at the shops anywhere. HELP my friend please. She has 3 other older siblings and never had a problem with them.
Emma

[Chana]

I am asking for a friend who doesn't have a computer. But has anyone had the problem of their little 3yr old not using the toilet to Poo. This little girl has only ever once used a potty to do her Poo and her mum has tried everything from reward charts to ignoring leaving her out of things and taking away her most precious posessions and more.
If she has no undies on she will ask for them and then go squat in a spot and do her business. She screams and screams if you put her on the potty or the toilet. She has been put back in nappies and started the hole toiplet process again but this didn't work either. She just started to wet them again too.
She use to tell you after she had done one but now she just keeps on playing.
She turns 4 in June and as you may guess it is extremelly fustrating for her mum.
She can't attend kindy or per-school unless she is trained. There has never been a bad experience with the toilet or the potty not even a fright from it when she was little on or off. She does wee on the toilet.
If anyone has any ideas to help PLEASE HELP. She doesn't care where she is either. She could be at someone elses house or at the shops anywhere. HELP my friend please. She has 3 other older siblings and never had a problem with them.
Emma

Hi Emma,

This sounds almost exactly like when my youngest sister-in-law was toilet training last year (DH is the eldest of 8 kids!!), although my sister-in-law was four, not three!! She would ask to have a nappy put on to go no. 2 - knew that she needed to go, had bowel control to hold it etc, just would not do it in the toilet! Obviously, my mother-in-law had managed to train the previous seven without incident. In the end - this is going to sound incredibly cruel - my MIL locked her in the bathroom one day and she ended up going in the corner on the floor. She was so embarassed (my sister-in-law) that she started using the toilet!

I know this doesn't help you much - and since I don't have my own yet, feel free to ignore all my advice - but I really think it will happen in it's own good time, when she's ready. My MIL also had a kindergarden problem - fortunately the staff there were very supportive about helping this child with her problem, and they did manage to get it sorted.

Just my own two cents (as I said, since I'm not a Mum yet, feel free to ignore my blather) - I would try not to punish the child for not using the toilet any more. This little girl is obviously quite distressed about using the toilet for no. 2 for a reason that feels very real to her, and if she is still resisting it after being left out of things, etc. then it seems to me it is not a matter of having done "the wrong thing" and not understanding that it's "wrong". She needs to feel secure about going to the toilet.

I don't know if this helped, but when Dev (my sister-in-law) was training, we tried to let her watch us go to the bathroom, and spend time in the bathroom/toilet (to show that it was OK, we felt comfortable there). She also took some interest in our underwear (when DH and I kept the kids for a weekend, she was fascinated that my DH's underwear was different to hers!). We talked about going to the toilet, and also about how unpleasant it was to have to clean up a "big girl's" nappy. My MIL - this is going to sound a little gross! - also has a "toilet song" for when going no. 2! If you can possibly get her on the toilet (we found that sometimes distraction was good - talk about something else on your way there as if YOU need to go, then whip down the undies and she's on the seat before she knows it!) try to make it pleasant/distracting while she's there.

As I said, this is mostly second hand information and my own ideas having not had any "first hand" experience, but I hope something in here is helpful. At the very least, you can tell your friend she is not alone!!

Best of luck,
Chana