Help Help Help

[Butterflymumma]

Hey all the single mummies and daddies!!

I havent been on the single forum for so long!! If anyone remembers me i was Excited Mum to be...Well Im now a Mummy of a very beautiful girl who is now 5 weeks old!

I'm just wondering if anyone can offer me any advice on what i should do with a situation. I have let my ex see DD twice now, and instead of actually spending time with her he has been sitting there pressuring me to not get her immunised- I know he has a right to his opinion and all, that is not the point, it is actually that i asked him to please not talk to me about it as i was going to look into it myself and i had had a pretty rough birth (having an e/c and getting a tear from cervix to uterus and losing about 3 bags of blood in the process- leaving me very anemic and weak) and didnt need the stress of arguing with him over it.

Well he totally disregarded my pleas and came over anyway with 30 pages of info on vac's and was basically bullying me for a good hour or two...while i felt like crying because i was so exhausted to fight back and was in such a delicate state of mind.

He is so controlling and very scary when he doesnt get his own way. He ended up calling my sister the other day acting like a raving lunatic about this topic and telling her to change my mind. It is scary and I now have reason to believe he is mentally unstable and i personally feel very emotionally and psychologically harrassed by him because he is telling me i dont have her best interests at heart and suggesting im a bad mother if i get her immunised- asking questions like 'are you going to poison your daughter? i thought you loved her' etc. It is too much to take so i called legal aid because i dont want to put up with this abuse for the rest of my life, and they are getting a solicitor to call me tommorrow.

Now they've told me to have all my q's written ready to ask the solicitor, so i was wondering if anyone has any suggestions on what i should be asking. I am going to ask the basic q's like what is the minimum time he has to visit etc, what is my rights in terms of making decisions for her. but is there anything else?? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!

BTW- I just wanted to say that im not trying to keep her father away from her out of spite or anything like that- The guy has a background of severe drug and alcohol abuse and a childhood of parental inflicted violence. He confided in me once that he was almost diagnosed with skitzophrenia (sp?) but didnt go for further tests. He was playing with knives when i was 1 month pg and pretented to slit my throat- not to mention his extreme controlling nature and severe paranoia regarding the government and society out to kill him and all of us. I did once love this guy, and i knew he had a rough background but the mothering instinct in me just wanted to fix him, heal him and i now see that i cant do that, and i wont let my daughter get ****ed up by him..so that is why i want to minimalise his visitations and make sure they are always in my house etc...PLEASE HELP I really need it!!

[BlueEyedGirl]

Firstly, congratulations on your birth! Your DD looks beautiful, and she has a gorgeous name:smiliedance:

Maybe ask about supervised visits - I think they can organise for someone to be at the visits - just tell them all your concerns about him.

I haven't had to do all this as my ex decided that he didn't want to be a part of DD's life, so not 100% sure what you can and can't ask for.

:hugs: I hope things get better for you :hugs:

[Mummaof2]

Congratulations on the birth of your beautiful baby girl.

As BlueEyedGirl said I would be asking about supervised visits and explain to the solicitor the things he has done in the past.

Im not 100% sure but i think because you are the sole guardian of your DD you make the choice of whether or not she is immunised but check this with the solicitor when they ring you tomorrow.

I hope everything works out for you and your DD. If you ever want someone to chat to feel free to PM. I have only just recently become a single mum as well.

[Cupcake85]

Have no advice... just :hugs: I hope you sort everything out soon for your sake.

[Chanelc]

Congratulations on your new bub!
Tell the solicitor everything from the beginning and then he/ she will guide you on your rights Just make sure you tell them about the drugs (and what type of drugs, how often used) did you get a restraining order, ever called the police etc etc... better to tell them everything and also what he might say - prepared the solicitor for the counter claims if he tries.
As for when he bombard you with information maybe try to say, "thank you can I have some time to review and get back to when I have had a chance to review it"- at least then he will think you are listening... and if he continues on just reinforce you need to consider it and then respond. Don't committ to anything unless you are 100% sure what you want.. You have a lot of decision to make and you will need time to consider what you can comprise on.
Goodluck not the stress you need at this stage. Remember to get some sleep and look after yourself for now as your energy should go into your little one not him

[munchkin05]

congrats on your bubba :smiliedance:

and hugs about everything else :hugs:

i would to be asking for supervised visits and maybe you need to discuss who is primarily responciable for her health etc

sorry my heads not good at the moment ive got mediation going on with my ex

hope you can get some good advice for legal aid

[daddaddad]

Your daughter is gorgeous. I always was a sucker for a lady with a flower in her hair.

Firstly, no one has ever “played” with a knife, he re thought his actions – Yep, he has issues… the very least of which is he abandoned you and his daughter. What is it that you women see in these losers? (no offence Butterfly), I’ve never understood it.

This is a first, I am going to side 100% with ChanelC. You need to get some professional legal advice.

Congratulations, you’ve reached one of the first “biggie” decisions that you get to make in someone else’s life. Immunization is an emotive issue in the best of situations. I personally would be screaming if my ex was NOT getting my kids immunized – but that is my opinion. He is entitled to his own – but if he honestly thinks that the government is out to kill him etc, then his issues may preclude him from any decent input into his child’s health – at this time.

What are his concerns with immunization? Are they valid? Why is he so passionate? You do have to consider these points, just for how long you consider them can be determined by judging the weight of his argument.

I forget, how long ‘til the first shots… weeks isn’t it…. 12? Do you have time to ensure your own health, judge all the information and make your own decision?

Alternatively, loop him out… tell him about the Guthrie Test and how the government has kept his child’s blood to replicate her DNA – ‘cause she’s perfect…. It could be the truth… I’m sure you’d agree.

[Butterflymumma]

Thanks for the advice everyone, It really helps to have support. The solicitor is calling this afternoon so I will tell him/her everything i can remember about him- i have most of it written down.

Daddaddad- No offense taken about the loser comment, your completely right- i ask myself that same q's everyday- what did i see in such a loser. In my defence, i guess it comes down to thinking you can change a person or help them in some way- just a mother trait built in us not just for our children but the men in our lives. The sad thing is as well that i didnt really see most of these things as 'problems' until a) he left me and b) i had a child to protect. When i was with him for some reason (low self esteem i'd put it down to) I just let him walk all over me. Trust me- I AM NOT THAT WOMAN ANYMORE! He hasnt known whats hit him for months now because suddenly I got tough...but unfortunatley he's not easily scared so he keeps on bantering me and bullying me anyway...picking times when im most vulnerable (alone or sick)

Most of His points towards no immunisation are in my opinion- not valid...the government conspiracies for example- give me a break. His data that he has bombarded me with are dated back to the 1800's and the latest being 1982- im not interested in things that happened so long ago- give me recent statistics or im not buying into it. No matter what i throw back at him in regards to my opinon - he says im just not looking at this from an 'intelligent' mind and im buying into the propaganda. Ha! Can i just say why would the government be giving each woman who has a baby 4000 dollars to populate Australia if they were planning to Kill us off??

I have played mister nice guy for too long and im not going to put up with being harrassed every time he comes to visit. I definitley dont want her to be taken away alone with him but even when he visits her in my home he is dictating to us what we should or should not be doing- he even tells my mum off for the type of cheese she eats!!:banghead: (he's a vegetarian)

At the very least hopefully we can get it put in the contract or whatever it is that when he visits he is not to discuss Lillyana's welfare (save that for mediation) and he is not to discuss our living habits with us (which can i just say is perfectly normal!! We eat well, have a clean house, are respectful people etc) infact perhaps we sould just organise for a bit of duck tape to be placed over his mouth each visit because anything he says anyway is a direct jab at me or my lifestyle :laughing: (im not the hippie wannabe that he is and i dont believe that everything is a conspiracy to kill us off- so in his mind there is something wrong with me).

Anyway sorry just needed to vent a little more- thanks for the advice i'll pop back on tonight to tell you all what the solicitor says!

[sarmelie]

:smiliedance: Congratulations on your little girl she is B E A U T I FEWWL!!
This man sounds very paranoid and self righteous doesn't he? Just from what i've read. I wish you strength he sounds like bloody hard work!!!:hugs:

[daddaddad]

Butterfly, sounds like you are plenty strong enough. We all wish you well. I doubt you'll ever get an order that says he has to keep his mouth shut nor will they order you can tape his mouth up - outside that, it's all possible.

[Butterflymumma]

Thanks everyone,

The solicitor couldnt tell me much...because there are no orders in place i can get her immunised but she also said that the government now has a law that its 50/50 with decisions so she said just hold off until we get orders in place. She is sending me out some stuff in the mail including a Domestic Violence order form.

The ex sent me a text last night saying how im a beautiful mother, and he's sorry for being so direct but surely i can appreciate his urgency for getting this information on immunisation to me. He said the world may or may not become aware of these issues but in the end its up to me now.

Its funny how every time i go to seek outside help, to sort this stuff out and stop all the bullying etc, he turns around and is all nice to me again. Im still going to get everything sorted out because i wonder if its just a ploy to get me to agree with him? butter me up a bit because yelling at me wasnt working so he's trying a new tactic.

I dont know....Anyway thanks again everyone for your support your all amazing ppl :thumbsup:

[Jessie Wood]

Congratulations on your birth of your lil gal. She looks beautiful. I wish you well..



Maybe ask about supervised visits - I think they can organise for someone to be at the visits - just tell them all your concerns about him.

i agree.. At least you, yourself will know we've done tha rite fing. And if it makes you feel betta.. Den its worth it!! :thumbsup: