DS Dad returning in a few weeks

[sharvs]

6.5 months down, only a few weeks to go!

My partner (if i can still call him that) is returning home in a few weeks time. We've had alot of problems since he has been gone but i am still excited to see him.

My concern is how do I let go of the sole responsibility of parenting? For nearly all of DS life I have been his only parent, and done everything myself. Does anyone have any tips on how to let go (so to speak) but without overwhelming him with too much too soon. I dont want to bombard him with the day-to-day tasks of parenting but I dont want to keep holding all the control. How do i find that middle ground?

[MilkOnTap]

Sharvs - I have no advice but just wanted to pass on my best wishes for when your partner gets home. The first few weeks are bound to be tense and tough and you will be in my prayers!!! :hugs:

[tootiredtosleep]

I want to wish you luck as well. The first few weeks are tough when its just 2 of you, I haven't had to try it now we are 3.

Maybe your partner can bath DS each night to start off with. It's something that my DH loves to do. It's a good chance to make a mess (with water, easy to clean up) and have fun.

Maybe writing DS routine up and sticking it on the fridge might help too.

Hang in there, it must be exciting and terrifying all at once. Waiting is the worst.

[ConcernedParent]

Hey Sharvs,

You have been in my thoughts. That time has come around fast!!

Why not start emailing DS to see how he would feel comfortable contributing. Tell him your schedule and see if there is anything he would like to pick up.

Perhaps he can start by going with you to pick the little one up from daycare or taking to an activity - (swimming lessons on Sat morn for example).

Maybe he can take care of bathtime or read a story for bedtime. Maybe he can take playtime activities while you are cooking dinner.
After all he has put you through, I think he should do hard labour and should have to learn ALL the Wiggles songs and dances straight up!! :laughing:

Another thing you could do, (when you are ready), is dash out for milk on your own, but take your time. Half an hour together will mean that he will have to cope. Learning that he can cope will help to build confidence in his parenting skills. I found this one invaluable with my husband. One time I came back, found him on the lounge with baby asleep on his chest and got, "he cried the whole time you were gone". I said, "look at him now. Looks like you did a great job getting him back down". Made him feel good and willing to try again next time.

It is an awkward time fitting back in. Make sure you take care of your self in the process.

(((hugs)))

[Olismum]

Hi, I always find adjusting back to be hard, lol. It does take time. When my hubby first came back after Olivia was born I felt like I was running around like a chook without a head as now I had to look after hubby as well, lol. It took a couple of weeks to settle into having some help around the house again. It did take some time though as I would constantly take over if hubby was doing something with the baby. Even just giving her a bath I would be standing there telling him how she liked her hair washed etc lol. I even took hubby on a tour of the house and explained to him our routines, lol. Looking back now it was absolutely ridiculous the way I carried on that first time but I had just got into a routine of being a single parent and needing to do absolutely everything. Once I started letting hubby do things on his own, everything fell into place and I started to relax a bit, lol. I had to learn though that my daughter was having just as good a bath while I am cooking tea with her dad that she would have had if I had put dinner off to bath her myself, lol. It takes time, but it does get easier. I think the most important thing that I forgot to realise is that my hubby had missed alot of those first few months and milestones and that he wanted to spend some time getting to know his daughter and letting her get to know him, without me constantly taking over or telling him how to do things. My advice would be to let your partner come home and settle back into family life and everything will fall in to place if you don't force it. Let him do the things he's comfortable doing and if he does something out of the blue, like starts bathing or feeding, playing etc just go with the flow, lol. I hope this makes sense.

[Wish_Bear]

Hey Sharvs,
Wow he's nearly home hey! Bet it's felt as if the day would never come!!
I always find it hard when DH gets back after a loooong deployment. It was even trickier to manage once DD and DS were on the scene. You are in such a solid routine that works well it's hard to relinquish control. It will/may take a few weeks to settle down as you two still have issues to sort out aside from your DS. But I agree with the others, give him a few simple thigs to do with DS to start and then eventually it will all click into place. He will possibly want to be in on all the action anyway as he has missed so much.

Anyway I hope the transition goes well and you can all get back to normal. I'll be thinking of you and if you need a chat I'm around.

:hugs: to you and your little one.