Help

[Brasha]

i posted this in another thread but i think it really belongs here.

I am totally lost. Everyones so understanding..... but no one really understands

Hi all,

Been a while since i visited.... haven't had the best time. Sorry to vent it all here but don't know where else to go.

Gizmo, please take me off the list for October. We are no longer expecting.:gloomy:
Hope everyone else is doing ok and all is well. Some wonderful pics of ultrasounds for you all. im jealous... so selfish..ggrr

Went for my nt scan last thursday should have been 11w 3 days, found only to be 8w 2 d and no heartbeat. Miscarried on Sat night, and it was not as i was expecting as i had previously had. Full Labour contractions for 12 hours, and it was to say the least hirrendous..(cant spell either). Still sore muscle wise and throat from the tube in surgery. I don't think i have ever felt so low. Everyone is so nice about it, but im so tired of hearing its for the best and you can try again. It happens for a reason. I am a reasonable person and i know all of this.. but right now, it doesn't help. I want my baby.

I don't know how everyone tries again. Some have this many times over... HOW? I am so scared.

Thanks for listening all.
For the baby i never even got to name..:angel: im

[Mum&bubs]

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss hun. I suffered a M/C last year and it was so hard to try again but we did and in the end it brought us our beautiful Taliyah. So I see it as things happen for a reason.

Look after yourself sweety, Big hugs your way :hugs: :hugs:

If you ever need someone to talk to about this, please PM me :)

[stompy]

Hi, I am so sorry for your loss. It does take time to heal, and you are right to feel all the things that you are feeling. I hated hearing people say stupid things like "it's for the best" or "you can always try again", so I can completely understand what you mean. People like that made me want to scream, but in hindsight I think that they were just really unsure about what to say to me. Actually I'm not sure what was worse, people saying insensitive things, or people who acted as though nothing had happened at all, and didn't even mention the loss of my precious one.

Sorry to ramble. :hugs: to you, and please take care of yourself.

[keenansmummy]

I am so sorry for your loss but also that you had to feel such physical pain as well as the mental...

I had a miscarriage 4 1/2 weeks ago so I understand what you are going through - I too am sick of the "wasnt meant to be's and the your young you can do it again..."

it takes alot out of you ttc'ing and then as soon as you take that positive test your whole outlook changes for the next 9 months no matter if you have children our not.

please take it easy:hugs: , and give yourself enough time to come to terms with what has happened

[jess_live_die]

:hugs::hugs: Aww hunni im so sorry for your loss ive never lost a child so i cnt even began to imagine what you are going through but i would be the same how can people say you can just tried again it dosent seem so easy in my books but im so here for you and i pray ur little angel comes to you asap :hugs::hugs:

[bigglet]

Big :hugs: to you...... but it's true somewhat - you are not alone.

I was about 11 weeks when I suddenly started bleeding - I was just at the point when I was announcing my pregnancy to friends and family!

Then suddenly it happened and I bled and bled and lost the baby. An internal ultrasound showed the foetus to be about 6-7 weeks with no heartbeat (the doctors kept asking whether I had my dates correct but I KNEW I should be 11 weeks) and then later that week I had full contractions like you did and ended up in hospital bleeding out for 6 hours with contraction pain. (although was in and out of hospital emergency over 2 days)

Had a D&C the following week and I was an emotional wreck thereafter especially when you come on the hub and all you hear is people having babies or people in your "expected" due date month getting estatic over their progress...... it is hard and avoid going to those threads if possible.

But over time it does get better and you'll get your baby - I didn't want to believe it either but nature's way is often the best way.

After you physically heal let your emotions out - the emotionally healing is often more important and you'll get there eventually - Promise.

:hugs:

[Brasha]

Thanks everyone.

Having a little better day today.. but all i seem to want to do is cry. My DF has no children and no experience with any of this so he puts on the happy face and tells me to do the same, move forward it will all be fine, get on with life etc. I know he is just saying what he can, he doesn't know how else to cope, but all i want to do is cry, for the baby i will never feel, or hold. Will never get to name, I have no idea whether it was a boy or girl. All the plans we had made, gone.....what do you do with that? I know people plant things in memory but i am no good at keeping them alive...doesn't seem appropriate. Anyone have any other idea of keeping them close to my heart. I can never hug them or kiss them. I feel i have lost so much and nobody else around me gets it. They say its better it was early.. etc as if it makes a differnece to my love and connection. I don't know that, that is true. They say its ok at least you have 3. It then makes me feel selfish, maybe i shouldnt want this so bad.
Does anyone know about the results after a miscarriage. I know they seemed to take some "clots" etc away all a bit blurry and the docs office told me the results from the D & C would take about 8 dys. i had no idea tests were done and on what? i bled like crazy how would they have kept such important bits..

Supposed to go to work on Monday.. how on earth do others do it... i cry at the drop of a hat. A baby on tv, a pregnant woman in the street. Talking here is easier, talking face to face is sooo hard.i just bawl.
Thanks for listening all.

[SorenLorensen]

if you need to talk pm me.

i was due on the 11th of october.
last wednesday i found out bub was not growing and had no heart beat.
on friday i ended up in hospital becasue i hemoraged and needed to be rushed in for an op.

its hard and i dont really want to post about me here, so if you neet to talk to someone who is right now understanding what is going on with you please pm me.

[Melissa1983]

Hi

I know excatly what you mean when people say its happen for a reason, and you can try again...

I miscarried only on Wednesday (would have been due early Nov) and i am feeling really lost. Its easy for people to say it, but its not as easy as they say. We had a little baby inside of us.

If you wanna chat please PM me.. :hugs:

[hailse75]

Hi Brasha,
I'm so sorry for your loss. A similar thing happened to me several months ago and I felt exactly the same way as you. Don't let anyone marginalise the way you feel, maybe it is nature's way, or for the best but it doesn't change the way you feel. From the moment you find out you're pregnant, you start to plan your future with that baby, and a miscarriage is totally devastating. Let yourself be sad or angry and don't apologise for it. Everyone copes in different ways and the one thing I have learnt is that its really important to find someone who understands, to talk to about how you feel. In regards to doing something to remember your child (I'm hopeless with plants too) it was suggested to me that we name our child, if you don't know what sex you could use a unisex name. Or choosing a piece of jewellry that you can wear when you want. There are fantastic support services available if you need them, they have helped me a lot. Big hugs to you.

[xpectant]

Hi!

I am so sorry for both your losses. I have experienced a m/c myself and what really got me was when people say "it's natures way of getting rid of a child who would have been handicapped/disabled..." It's like, what about all those people who have children with a disability - what does that mean!! It takes time to grieve - I found that talking to others who've been through a m/c really helped. Some people write a poem or make a memory box for their lost babies - you need to find something that suits you - personally I didn't do anything. Here's a hug :hugs:

[Blessed Mummy of 2]

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: To You Brasha

I understand your feelings totally and rest assured no feeling or emotion is the wrong one at the moment.

I found the worst part being I looked the same on the outside but on the inside I felt different and wanted to scream at strangers in the shop "how can you be smiling, don't you know my baby died". Not exactly rationale but that feeling is passing now and I just want to honour my baby girl:angel: . I do this by talking about her a lot. I also have scrapbooked all my medical stuff from the pregnancy, her ultrasound pictures and lots of poems and letters I have written for her. I live in SA and in the cemetery they have an area called "The Garden of Angels" specifically for miscarried babies. You can purchase a plaque with your babies details and it is placed in this garden. Maybe you could check to see if their is one in your area (just a thought).

As for the tests you were asking about, I don't know if you had the same but they did chromsone testing for me to check if my baby had anything like down syndrome or spina bifida. If this is the test they did you may also be able to find out your baby's sex (not always the case though, so don't get your hopes up). Not sure if this is what they tested for but it is the only one I can think of right now.

I wish I could give you the words or advice that would make you feel better but sorry I don't know them. Just know that you are in the thoughts of many and your beautiful angel will be playing with all the babies that were just to precious for this earth.

Take care.