Help Me Please... I'm all out of tears [Archive] - Bub Hub Pregnancy & Parenting Forum

Mummabear

13-12-2005, 12:18

Okay - here is our night last night - which is becoming increasingly normal.....

He slept well during the day (usually has 3 sleeps totalling between 4 and 4.5 hours). Once bedtime came (7pm), even though he was tired it took me over an hour to get him to sleep. He won't settle himself in his cot - I have to rock him to sleep. We have a bedtime routine that is the same every night and always at the same time. After finally getting him to sleep, wrapped in a cot sheet, he woke at 10.30pm and wouldn't settle. I was up with him for 3 hours, wrapping, re-wrapping, un-wrapping, rocking, feeding, soothing - nothing would work. In the end I was on the hallway floor in hysterical tears because I just couldn't take anymore. It is the same every night (although the sleepless period is usually in the early hour of the morning). Eventually I changed him into his sleeping bag and wrapped his arms down and he went to sleep. He vaires between this method and the cot sheet swaddling method - he'll just change his preference in the middle of the night, no warning. If I leave him unwrapped (which would be my preference so he could be comfortable all night) he totally freaks out, flailing his arms about in mid air and screaming. Even trying to soothe him in his cot won't work - he goes straight for his face and rubs and pulls on his face until he wakes further, making himself more hysterical, so then he rubs his face more, and hence the cycle continues.

He has never slept through the night. He has dropped a feed overnight in the last couple of weeks, and he's not hungry when he wakes (I've tried feeding him just in case and he isn't interested in it).

I just don't know what to do. I was on the hall floor sobbing uncontrollably last night with thoughts of just getting in the car and driving off a cliff. I'm totally at my wits end. I love my little cherub so so much, and I don't get angry with him - he's just a baby and can't express his needs - but I don't know how to help him properly - I know he's just as frustrated as me at this cycle, and as his Mummy I should be able to do something to make this all better, but I just don't know what to do. I've tried controlled crying, but I know I didn't do it properly because I just can't listen to my baby cry - I can't and won't do it. I feel like if he cries, it's my job as his Mummy to go to him and soothe him. I don't like to be left alone to cry when I know someone else is around who could help me, so I won't do it to him.

I have made an appointment with a "Sleep Doctor" for January, but a friend went to him and just got given controlled crying advice. Everything I search on the net or in all the books I have are all about controlled cyring - surely there is something else I can do to help him self settle and self soothe other than letting him cry :confused: We can't co-sleep because A) DH won't have it, and B) we have a water bed so it's not safe.

Please, please - if anyone can offer any advice that is not about controlled crying I would be so greatful. I'm so exhausted.

Thanks for listening (sorry it was such a long post)

poshBecks

13-12-2005, 12:28

Larissa I'm sorry you have had such an aweful night!!!

I did (& do ) cc with ds & it has been successful for us. In saying that though I know what you mean about hearing them cry... it's just aweful!!

I found that cc was my last resort.... ds had to learn to go to sleep on his own!! This is what I did... I hope it helps you some :o

I would let him cry for 3 mins to start with... I'd put a timer on coz 3 mins seems like a long time! Then I turn up the tele or radio so I cant hear the crying!! Then when the timer goes off I go in and give a cuddle & let him settle down a bit. Then back into bed & increase the time to 4 mins, then go in do the same thing & increase the time by another minute or two.
I just kept on doing that until he fell asleep. And trust me, although it's hard it only took a few days!! He very quickly learnt that I was going to let him cry to sleep!!

I actually think that it is more traumatic for us to hear them cry than it is for them!!

Good luck!!

Harmony83

13-12-2005, 12:48

Oh *hugs* to you... I know how you feel, DS and I have gone through one sleep problem after another, sometimes he will have a really good spurt though! It is so fustratrating, there have been countless numbers of times where I have just wanted to drive of a cliff, run away, scream you name it... I know what you mean with cc I can't do it, and I know it will put more stress on me and bubs. I dont really have any advice, but I am sure you will get alot from the bubhub family. I know that there are a few 'No Cry Sleep Solution' books out there, that might be of some help, I have never read them personally though. Good luck with your little one, and hopefully you will get some great advice.

Chickadee

13-12-2005, 12:55

Larissa, hugs to you. I don't really have any good suggestions but wanted you to know you're not alone. Nearly every mum on here has, I think, gone through at least one period of wanting to tear their hair out over bubs sleeping. Usually it seems to be a phase our little ones go through and will pass in a few weeks. Sometimes the phase is associated with teething, being a bit ill or introducing new foods. Sometimes not.

As far as listening to crying - I didn't really use CC but would let DD grizzle (not all out cry). I found the shower to be a nice refuge, soothing to me and the water noise blocked out any crying. A 2 minute shower for me and I could face going back to resettle her better.

I hope the sleep doctor, or someone else, can give you some useful suggestions. Hang in there, and make sure you & DH take care of YOUR needs at this stressful time, as well as your sons

Peaceangels

13-12-2005, 13:04

Larissa, sorry to hear about your night, it is very distressing when our bubs are upset and even more so when we are at our wits end and lacking sleep.

I have to say also that c.c worked for us too.

I know it is hard to hear your bub cry, but please remember that if you can dismiss all the obvious signs for crying (not hungry, has a clean nappy, not sick etc), then it most definately would be tiredness (especially the times you have mentioned).

The crying at this point is because they are tired and cannot go to sleep on their own, they are used to being rocked to sleep, patted etc and they are crying because they have not yet learnt how to go to sleep on their own.

C.c helps them to learn how to go to sleep on their own.

It doesn't work for everyone, so I am not saying it is the only way, but it is worth a try (as I always say "whatever works for you").

Becky gave you some good advice re a technique,if hearing him cry is an issue, ask DP to take hold for a while (I used to go for a walk so I couldn't hear the crying and my DH took over).

May you find a solution to your distress soon.

Sarie

13-12-2005, 13:49

Larissa, my heart goes out to you!
I gather you're not really into CC, but we did it and it worked very well for us.
I haven't really got any non cc suggestions for you. Just know that there are plenty of us here to chat to if you need to
Best of luck
Sarie

Imogensmum

13-12-2005, 14:01

(((hugs)))) there is nothing worse than a crying baby in the early hours! It pushes those buttons- even when you know deep down it's not their fault.

I wish i had an as\nswer for you, but unfortunately i am no good with CC- i give in to easy! But maybe try a matteress on his floor for a few night- that way DP isn't disturbed (god forbid :p ) and it is safe for you and bub! I don't know if it will work?? Also brauers makes an insomnia-ish herbal mix called "CALM" i find if Imy gets really restless and over tired a few mils of that help???

Lots of sleepy thoughts for you both!

valleymum

13-12-2005, 14:35

Dear Larissa,

My son was born on the 25th July 2005 so I have a baby the same age. This is my second child though and I couldnt stand to her my daughter cry the first time.

I had late nights with Sarah pacing the floor. I would feed, burp, wrap and settle then she would wake up. This could go on for hours. Now when I look back, it was all wind with her. She seemed to fight me and cry.

With Jack, I was very aware of the signs and I made sure if he had wind that I kept him upright until he got rid of it all. Sometimes this would take an hour but I always new if he was finished burping, because he would fall into such a deep sleep.

Now, at the end of the day Jack can sometimes still have wind and he can sometimes just want to have a cry to wind down. At this age, if he was to wake at 10.30 I would put dummy in and re-settle, try burping then settle. But at his age I know that he shouldnt be hungry unless he hasnt had all his usual milk feeds for the day and I generally wouldnt feed him.

The face and hair pulling might be a belly-ache? I guess it is all trial and error unfortunately. When you find something that works, stick to it! He might like to fall asleep on his side, then roll him back onto his back once asleep.

I introduced something of comfort for both my children, so if they woke during the night they had it with them. For both I used dummies and I swear by them but I know that it is not always the option with some mums. Sarah and Jack both have a blanket with a satin edge that they liked to feel. At first it wont work instantly, but if you are continuous with anything that you do they will be comforted by what you have introduced.

The control crying is good for babies that are'nt screaming hysterically. I have heard that it shouldnt be introduced until six months but that could have changed.
I wish you lots of luck and I wish I could come and give you a night off. Just that extra pair of hands to hold him really helps.

From Valleymum

Mamaduke

13-12-2005, 14:38

Hi Larissa,
I really haven't got any advice - I'm one of the lucky ones who's babies sleep (but you don't want to hear about that) - I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and hope that you and Oscar both get some well deserved rest soon.
One of my friends had the same problem and ended up going to 'sleep school' at our local private hospital - I don't know if this is an option for you or not - she said the first thing they did was take baby, make her a cup of tea and said to have a sleep - she needed to be rested for night ahead. I'm pretty sure she stayed for 3 nights and managed to sort out the sleeping problems.
Have you told Oscar that Santa is coming soon and he needs to be on his best behaviour? ;)
Sending you hugs and if you ever want to chat pm me - I'm up till all hours!
Carly

cosmic

13-12-2005, 14:46

Larissa, my heart goes out to you. Obviously I haven't been in your situation so I can only imagine how distressing it is. As for him never sleeping through the night, I think that's just luck of the draw. Bummer for you though!

As Imogensmum said, a mattress on the floor might help? I know a lot of mums have raved about co-sleeping and said it's the best sleep mum and bub have ever had.

I have a few articles that might help to give you some ideas or even a bit of encouragement... if you can sit down and relax with a cup of tea and read them when he is getting some day time sleep, maybe it will help give you some inspiration to make the night easier.

http://askdrsears.com/html/7/T070200.asp
http://www.naturalchild.com/jan_hunt/sleep.html
http://www.pinky-mychild.com/features/baby/sleep.html
http://www.mothering.com/sections/experts/hunt-archive.html#cry-it-out
http://www.kathydettwyler.org/detsleepthrough.html

Good luck! Remember, it's not forever.... this too shall pass. ;)

Manxie

13-12-2005, 15:42

Hey Larissa

No answers here, just big big hugs. Did you look into Torrens House? Valleymums post re wind really struck a cord as Lucy will now scream her head off if she has any wind its like shes telling me dont you dare put me down while I've got this tummy pain-lets hope its something as simple as that with Oscar.

My only thought is to have a go at a form of settling that doesnt involve leaving him to cry, maybe one of the ones where you stay in the room, perhaps someone here can point you in the right direction. You really do need support though through this, I couldnt have done it with DH. Do you ever ask you DH to go into Oscar? I find sometimes that if I get DH to go into Lucy she'll settle straight away whereas I just seem to wind her up.

Call me if you need a chat :D

Mummabear

13-12-2005, 16:07

Hi girls,

Thank you so much for your words of support. Every person that I have ever spoken to that has done CC properly has had wonderful success with it - but I just don't think I'm strong enough to do it, and DH is of no support in the late night matters :( . Even when he doesn't have work the next day he won't help out overnight, and I know I'm not strong enough to do it on my own. I called our local CYH and tried to get into a day service with the hope of a referral to Torrens House (their clinic for everything baby related), but they gave me the run around and blew me off :mad: I was so upset as I have only ever had good experiences with them up until now.

We use a dummy, but I think that is part of the problem - he spits it out when he gets into a deep sleep and then when the next cycle of light sleep comes around he wakes up crying because he doesn't have his dummy.

I know that this won't last forever (hopefully :eek: ), but I'd really like some sleep before he's 2.

I might have to contact our local hospitals and find out if they have sleep clinics - if CC is the way to go, I'm going to need people there to support me that know what they're doing.

The main problem I've found with CC is that he doesn't just sob or whinge, he full on screams hysterically and then gets so wound up that he vomits. I just don't see how that is beneficial for him in any way.

Thanks again girls. He didn't sleep well today so I think I'm in for another rough night. He's got a really husky voice and is coughing so I think he may have a cold, which isn't helping the issue. I just wish he could tell me what's wrong (don't we all!!).

mo3

13-12-2005, 16:40

Hi Larissa

I too had the same night last night, even ending in tears in the hallway. My ds has slept through hit and miss so I know he can do it. Last night I started the controlled comforting method as reccomended by my child health nurse. The DVD is called 'It's time to sleep' by Maree Viotto. DS settled well early in the night but woke a couple of times for a comfort feed, comforted him off to sleep a couple of times (aprox 40mins each time).... and a huge show down from 3am to 5am ( 4.30 got him out of bed for a roll around on the floor and a feed, settled by 5am).

But today the results are starting to shine through. Both times today I followed the same routine as last night, and he has dropped off to sleep within 5 mins both times. You really need to have some good support when doing this as it is heart wrenching to hear your baby cry, but with this method you can comfort your baby to sleep in the cot, and I doesn't seem as bad as cc.

The DVD was great and the method makes sense which helped me to listen to his cry. I will drop you another email tomorrow morning to let you know how tonight goes.

Good Luck for tonight

Remember it is never a bad thing to cuddle your baby when mother or baby are in upset. This advice has helped me through many bad nights.

:) Mel
DS Will 18 May 2005

jonesso

13-12-2005, 18:08

{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

We're thinking of you and Ozzy.

Shannan recommended Brauer's - great suggestion. It's miracle stuff.

Have you got a mobile or anything for Ozzy in his cot? Does he sleep in his cot during the day at all?

I understand the biggest issue you have is him rewaking and then not being able to resettle. A couple of ideas... do you have a fan in his room? I have a really old loud clunky fan in Nath's room and I keep it on all night, it creates a constant hum for him. If it gets cooler, I just add more blankets, but the fan stays on. I know we're in sunner QLD and you're probably freezing your butt of in SA, but might be worth a shot. Also, phone books. Put 2 in the middle of Ozzy's cot (under the mattress, obviously!!) to create a slight slope - Nath settled great on a slight angle - who knows why though!! But worth a shot surely.

gnIh bg6hhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyt6666666666 66666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666

that was nathan typing code to Ozzy

Oh and CD's. Nathan has the same CD on every night (not those scarey noise ones that you got before!!) and if he stirs in the night and is a bit unsettled I just chuck the CD on again and he settles right down. I think it's all about routine and rhythm, well for nath it is... although I'm sure you've tried pretty much everything in the book by this stage.

We love you and hope you can get something sorted soon.

xoxo Sonia and Nath xoxo

mo3

14-12-2005, 07:17

Hey Larissa

Just a quick note to make sure you survived the night, and to let you know that ds slept the night through. I know we aren't out of the woods yet, but it is a start.

I hope the info helps.

Hugs to you both

Mel & Will

draught

14-12-2005, 07:42

Larissa
I hope that you had a better night.
Controlled comforting might be better for you than controlled crying - it involves patting them or rocking them in their bed for 2 minutes then leaving for 2, patting or comforting for 4, leaving for 4, etc - so you are not "just leaving them to cry" which CC often feels like. Hope that something works for you soon.

rush

14-12-2005, 07:49

Hey sweetie

Its terrible and heart wrenching when they cry and you can't find the answer for it. You just want to cuddle them and make everything all better again.
I was just thinking that maybe bub is picking up on your stress, which in turn is stressing her out.

Try giving bub a bath just before putting them to bed and either burn lavender essence in the bathroom or put a little in a warm bath.
There is also a product you can buy from a chemist or supermarket called 'Medic'. It is made by the same people who make lemsip, and it is a roomspray that helps encourage sleep. mum used it on me and I used it on both of mine and it helps settle them.

I hope all works out for you. *hugs*

Shay

Crazy Monkey

14-12-2005, 07:54

Hi Larissa,

Sorry to hear you have had a hard time of late... I hope last night was better for you..

DS was fairly good to settle in the middle of the night, it was the day and evening sleeps that he struggled with, I found that when I had done everything for DS to help him settle and nothing had worked, to wrap him up tight and put a CD on in his room, usually Matchbox 20 or anything with a real beat, and turn it up semi loud, so it drowns out the crying... I found that within a couple of seconds the crying had stopped and within about 5-10 minutes he would either drift of to sleep or I would then be able to go in and help him off to sleep... I also gave me a break away to calm down and have the patience to go back and help him.. I could never do the CC...

I hope this could be of some help and you can get some sleep.. It does get better and easier...

cosmic

14-12-2005, 07:55

Mel,
Great to hear you had a better night!! :) Let's hope Larissa has some good news too.

tickle

14-12-2005, 08:29

Hi there,
I honestly believe that cc isn't for every child. My DS was like yours and got absolutely hysterical when we tried it. And we also tried the controlled comforting and he was also hysterical when we did that. To overcome our sleep deprivation we co-slept for a couple of months. We then weaned him onto co-sleeping to get to sleep and then putting him into his cot when he was asleep. And now he has a 'big boy bed' in our bedroom and goes straight to sleep in it by himself. :D
It has taken a while but he felt secure and we all got some sleep.
I think my DS's problem was he is very scared of the dark. He would sleep like a dream during the day in his room but at night he was petrified.
I know that cc does work for some children, there are many mums here who have had great success, but I don't think it is for everyone. :)
Good luck!

Manxie

14-12-2005, 09:10

Hey Larissa how was you night??

Let us know how your getting on, looks like you've got some great advice here I hope you had a better night

Peaceangels

14-12-2005, 11:27

Larissa - have you tried a night light in bub's room?

I found this really helped with DS2 as he was frightened of the dark.

Re the dummy falling out or getting lost, have you tried a dummy clip attached to his pj's?

I found a very small clip and replaced the plastic chain with a piece of ribbon (so no hard bits) and it meant if DS2 woke up looking for dummy he would always find it himself........just a thought!

Sarie

14-12-2005, 13:06

CC is not easy and I don't think it's something you should try if you don't have the support from your partner.
Nat developed a fear of the dark as well, so we got him a night light. He also has his 'Nemo man' - the nemo story on CD, which he used to have to listen to every night and day time sleep. No he's not so dependent on Nemo Man because I put the radio on in their room, more because PJ is a restless sleeper and it helps to block out his noises.
I hope you find the right path for you!
Best wishes
Sarie

My3kids

14-12-2005, 13:55

Hi Larissa,

Hope you can catch up on some sleep during the day, I use Infant's Friend (you can get it from a chemist for under $10). They have a website www.infantsfriend.com.au i sure there other brands around but most of my friends with children swear by this, It will relieve Colic, wind and will produce natural quiet sleep. You can use it for a few other things. That my suggestion. I hope that helps.

Thinking of you

Kim

Mummabear

14-12-2005, 19:21

Hi guys,

Well, last night was better - I only had to get up to him 5 times, and no more than 10 - 15 minutes at a time. Yes, sadly that is very good for us :(

I've been using Infants Friend since he was 1 month old. We also have Brauers stuff, but none of that stuff seems to work, don't know why.

He used to have a CD going in his room all night, but it seemed to disturb him as he now sleeps a little better without it on. As part of his bedtime routine he has a bath with lavendar in it, gets wrapped and then has his feed, burped and then to bed. As far as I know I've pretty much tried everthing on the market other than burning oils in his room, but I don't think that's a very safe option, although I've been told that mandarin oil is very good for soothing babies, so I might have to get some and put it on a swab under his sheet or something - see how that goes!!!

The Sleep Doc called today and they have a cancellation for tomorrow at 3.30pm so I snapped it up. I so hope that he can offer me something other than CC. I know that it would work if we did it properly, and could calm Ozzy enough to settle, but DH simply won't help me overnight, even when he's on holidays. I'm hoping that perhaps this Doc can recommend a sleep clinic - I know I'm going to need support to nut this out and DH won't give me any :(

I think the controlled comforting sounds a little better - although it usually doesn't make much difference whether I'm outside the room or standing over his cot soothing - he is hysterical until I'm cuddling him.

Thanks for all your support girls. I'll let you all know how we go with this Sleep Doc - fingers crossed!

tickle

14-12-2005, 19:25

I think the controlled comforting sounds a little better - although it usually doesn't make much difference whether I'm outside the room or standing over his cot soothing - he is hysterical until I'm cuddling him.

You have my DS!!! He is exactly the same.
Let us know what the Doc says, I'm sure that there are many here who will love to hear what he had to say!
Good luck!
:)

cosmic

14-12-2005, 19:38

Larissa, speaking of oils, you can get one from Perfect Potion called 'Hush Baby Blend' or something like that. It is really lovely. My friend gave me some for after bub is born but I have already started to use it. ooopps!! Might help YOU to relax if nothing else!

Crazy Monkey

14-12-2005, 21:22

All the best at the sleep clinic Larissa..
I hope they are able to help you and you get everything out of it that you need..

Let us know how you go

Manxie

15-12-2005, 10:55

Hi Larissa

Glad you had a bit better night - good luck at the Sleep Doctor lets hope he comes up with some good suggestions or a referral. Its sounds like you have a great routine with Oscar at night and remember your a fantastic mum and we love ya :D

Mummabear

15-12-2005, 20:21

Hi girls,

Thanks for your support (again!). Well, we went to the sleep doctor and he said exactly what I thought he would - only harsher. I said that I couldn't do controlled crying and he said to do uncontrolled crying :eek: . I was in tears in the consulting room just at the thought of it. The good thing though was that I made DH come with me and the Dr told him that he had to help me and he had to be my rock as he explained to DH how a baby's cry affects a mother - so much differently to a father (usually). He suggested that I leave the house when this is all happening and that DH do the hard stuff. I was/am sceptical but DH thinks we should do it and he is prepared to the hard stuff. The doc also said that we should stop wrapping him and that we should start him on solids. So much new stuff all at once :confused:, but he is adamant that it is the way to go.

So we put Ozzy to bed after his dinner feed, dressed in his sleeping bag. He had his teddy in the cot and a clean spew rag as he seems very attached to them for some strange reason! He started crying within about 2 minutes, and so did I. But whatever the Doc said must have hit home with DH as he came and gave me a hug and told me to go for a walk. So I took the umbrella and walked over to the supermarket to get some stuff for dinner. Half way there DH called me and said that my little cherub was fast asleep. I started crying again (I'm so pathetic). He cried for about half an hour, which I guess is good as the Doc said we could expect anything up to 1.5 hours on the first night. He told us that we could expect Oscar to be sleeping through the night by Saturday night. I'll believe that when I see it. The really hard test is going to be overnight as he said not to go in when he cries (he said to go in once he's asleep and check that everything is okay). Hmm - this is going to be really, really hard - and I feel like the absolute worst mother in the entire world - but I guess when you've explored every other option what else can you do? So long as DH stays true to his word and does the hard stuff with me (or for me) then I might just survive.

Anyway - I'll let you all know tomorrow how he went overnight, and how many hours I spent in tears overnight too.

Thanks again girls.

Manxie

15-12-2005, 20:26

Hey Larrissa

Well done on tonight - I was sitting here wondering how you were getting on:D , and good on DH for following it through. I'll be keeping everything crossed and hoping that all goes well in the night - be brave and strong and make sure you wake up DH to give you a cuddle if it gets tough in the night.

Be thinking of you

Hugs

Mamaduke

15-12-2005, 20:28

Oh Larissa,
I'm sooo glad your DH is helping you - isn't it wonderful the way they respond to strangers (husbands that is).
I do hope you guys stick to this - and it will be hard - but Oscar needs a mummy who is rested and pleasant to be around - and imagine how much better he'll feel having a good night's sleep.
I really hope this works for you all - I'm sure it will.
There's no turning back now - onward and upward!!!!!
God bless
Carly

jonesso

16-12-2005, 09:09

that is great news larissa, so glad DH is helping you, you cannot do this alone and besides, he is Ozzy's daddy too. hopefully you have a good few nights and a great weekend - here's to some much-deserved rest for both you and ozzy!

oxox sonia and nathan xoxo

rynosmum

16-12-2005, 16:14

Hi Larissa,

How did you go through the night ?

We did CC on (more controlled comforting) on Ry when he was about 3 months old. DH had to be my rock - I cried more than Ry did I think ! One thing the boys don't understand - it's not that we girls are weak it's just that our entire purpose with our babies is to keep them settled, happy and healthy. When the baby cries, I can't focus on anything else - it is my innate role to calm his crying. That's why CC seems so wrong ! But....it teaches our babes how to go to sleep themselves, gives them some type of independence and calmness of their own.

We moved house this week and had to go through it all again so I really feel for you. Night 1 - Ry cried for 25 minutes - I even went in there and took him out of his cot (smack for me as this just confused him more), eventually I left the room and let him cry to sleep :( , the second night we were down to about 7 minutes, the 3rd night - he ran to his room, pointed to his bed and said 'nigh nigh !' (no crying).

It's tough but it is effective. He doesn't love me any less for doing it and is happier within himself as he's getting a full night sleep.

You're doing well !

K:)

moonblossom

16-12-2005, 16:20

i'm sure lots will disagree with me but with mine they have slept in my room for the first six months, and whenever they cried or wanted a feed I would take them into my bed, and most of the time fall asleep.

I think this is a no no these days, i'm not sure but i will be doing the same thing with my next one. I've never had children who were bad sleepers, and when it was time to put them in their own room, never had any problems about separation anxiety. Maybe i've been luck.

lil monkey

16-12-2005, 16:45

How did your last night go??

cosmic

16-12-2005, 16:58

i'm sure lots will disagree with me but with mine they have slept in my room for the first six months, and whenever they cried or wanted a feed I would take them into my bed, and most of the time fall asleep.

Not a no-no at all Moonblossom. I plan to do the same thing with mine! It's unfortunate for Larissa that she can't share a bed with bub (waterbed :() because I've heard many mums say that the sleep/crying problems disappeared when the co-sleeping started!

lil monkey

16-12-2005, 17:02

We've been co-sleeping and she still cries and kicks madly!! : (

cosmic

16-12-2005, 17:29

oh no! Poor you Taylasmum. An exception to every rule! :o

Mummabear

17-12-2005, 11:27

Hi girls......

DH has been in charge of the new sleeping routine for Oscar because I simply can't do it. I told him he could use whichever method was best for him seeing as he was the one doing it. So the Doc said that the ' crying it out' option was better for babies as they didn't get confused with you going in and then leaving all the time, and it was also quicker. So that's the one DH chose. First night he went down at 7pm and cried until aroujnd 7.30pm (I had to leave the house and go for a walk cause I couldn't listen to it, it was doing my head in and breaking my heart). Then I gave him his 10pm rollover feed and he went straight back down, then he woke at 3.30am (which is when he used to get his next feed so I figure that makes sense - he was looking for his tucker). I changed his bum as he had done a poo (he NEVER poos overnight!!), and then put him back down - he cried for about half an hour again and then woke at 6am. DH did all of the sleeps and feeds yesterday as I was out all day and by the end of the day he was putting Ozzy to bed awake and he was putting himself to sleep. Last night he went to bed at 7pm and we didn't hear a peep until 9.30pm when he cried for not even 2 minutes. Then I gave him his rollover feed at 10pm and he went straight back to sleep. He woke again at 3.30am (his old feed time again) and cried for around 20 mins, and then woke again at 4.45am and cried for around 20 mins again. He then woke for the day at 6.30am. I put him in his cot awake for his first morning sleep and he didn't make a peep until 1.5 hours later when he woke up!!!!! I just put him down again then and he cried for about 5 minutes but is asleep now. So, I guess it's working - it's just heartbreaking to hear him cry. I was sure that he was going to hate me now - but he still seems to love his Mummy.

DH was out this morning so I had to do it. It was by far the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.

Mamaduke

17-12-2005, 11:33

Well done!!!!;)
There's no going back now!
I know how heartbreaking it is to listen to your baby cry, but put it this way - they're going to blame us for everything that's wrong in their lives eventually lol!!!
Don't you just love guilt:rolleyes: - it plays tricks with your mind - don't worry, he won't hate you!!!

sasholi

17-12-2005, 12:06

Congratulations.
You are doing the right thing. Please don't feel guilty. As mums wherever we turn we are made to feel guilty for something! If you feel this is right for you then it is... Good luck and keep going. I am so so so glad your hubby is helping out. It is really important!!

It seems like his sleeps are slowly sorting out.
Please keep us posted!

Mummabear

17-12-2005, 17:03

Hi everyone,

I'd like you all to meet my new son Oscar. He looks the same as the last model, but there have been some upgrades :p . This clever little boy now gets put into his bed wide awake, has his dummy, his fave teddy, his fave chuck rug (clean :eek: ) and off he goes. A few grizzles here and there sometimes (not all the time). Oh - and for the icing on the cake - he's totally unwrapped!!!!!!!!!!

The Doc told us to expect him to sleep through on Saturday night, so tonight is the test to see how good this Doc is.

I'll keep you posted.

I also want to say a BIG THANK YOU to all of you wonderful gals. What an awesome support you have been to me. You've given me some fabulous advice, and although we seem to have followed a different path I hope that some other Mum who might be going through something similar comes into this thread and sees your awesome support and advice. You girls are the best. You've kept me sane yet again.

Well, I'm off to do some baking :eek: - first time since he's been born, I hope I remember how to use the oven!!!

draught

17-12-2005, 17:08

Well done!!!

tickle

17-12-2005, 17:09

Congratulations Larissa, glad everything is going so well!!!
That is great!
Please keep us updated on how he goes tonight!:)

rynosmum

17-12-2005, 20:45

Fantastic news Larissa !:D

Mamaduke

17-12-2005, 22:32

Ok, I knew I'd hex myself!!!!!:mad:
I knew as soon as I posted "I'm lucky enough that both boys never had a problem sleeping" it would come back to bite me in the a*se!!!!
I'm now sitting here at 11.26p.m listening to Lucas cry - he did it last night too but I thought it was a one off thing - I say "sitting here listening to Lucas cry" because to be honest, he's my second, so I've been 'broken in' in regards to letting baby's cry a bit!!!
It might be teeth so I'd better go and give him a cuddle I 'spose - he has 16 already - how many more could he get!!!!
By the way, good job on the 'upgraded model' - I'm starting to think I need to trade up too!
Carly

Crazy Monkey

17-12-2005, 22:47

Congratulations Larissa... thats fantastic...

aidan's_my_boy

17-12-2005, 23:26

My son sleeps on his stomach cause he freaks on his back.
In the first few weeks we brought our bundle home, I had him sleeping in the porta-cot in the lounge (to keep an eye on him and to get used to noises so they didn't startle him).
When I gave him 'tummy time' he'd fall asleep, but at night it was his back.
Inoticed that when he awoke in this position, he pushed up (very stong boy), and moved hs head from side to side.
On his 6 week check-up I spoke to our Dr about this, and that I'd like to put him on his back at night. Ever since then he sleeps all night.
If I do have trouble initially getting him off to sleep, his dad takes him for a quik shower, then a top-up feed and he's off.
Also, try and play with him during the day before his feeds. theis uses up more energy, gets him interacting with you more and works up a good appetite.
Anyway, that's what I do. But I do sympathise with the on the floor crying. Don't ever let yourself feel so helpless. I breast feed, but have formular just incase. You can get single serve sachets from the supermarket.
Do what I did today when I needed to get house work done. Ask his daddy to take him out. It does you the world of good for abit of away time.
But don't get me wrong, I missed him every second he was away!!

I hope this has helped you, or anyone else with a similar problem.... From Rianon:D :D
ps keep kool:cool:

Mummabear

20-12-2005, 19:25

Hi girls,

You thought I'd abandoned you didn't you. Or taken my newly rested body to another planet!!!!

Update.....

My new, sooper dooper upgraded model of a gorgeous little man HAS to be in a sleeping bag overnight or everything falls apart (geez boy, first the wrapping and now the sleeping bags.....:p ). Okay, as of my last post on Saturday evening, he woke that night at 3.30am again (his old feed time), and then at 5.45am and then basically on and off until I got him up at 6.30am. I'm still struggling a bit with the day sleeps, but I think that is more me than him. I think I'm still trying to get the timing of his sleeps just right in relation to his tired signals. Sunday was DH surprise party (went off with a bang!!!) so Ozzy was a little unsettled because there were so many people around. I had him in our room during the day because it is further away from the yard and hence less noise. He did a lot of crying for that sleep and I must admit that I sneaked in and soothed him, but I figure it was an out of the ordinary day for him all around. That night he went to bed as usual and slept through until 5am. DH made me let him cry until 5.30am, when I negotiated with him that if Ozzy wakes any time from 5am onwards I'm allowed to go in and feed him and put him back down (can't believe I have to negotiate on caring for my baby, LOL :rolleyes: ). He slept again until 7.15am. Monday night he slept through until 5.30am when I went in and fed him and he went back to bed again, but last night was just awful. His sleeping bag wasn't dry when we put him to bed so I put him down with covers on. When he woke during the night I ended up defying DH and going in to check on him because his cries sounded different (something only a mother would know I guess :eek: ) and he had squashed his head up against the railings of the cot and was totally uncovered. So I put him back in the right position and he went back to sleep. He then woke at 5.30am so I got his feed ready and went in there and he was up the head of the cot with his head squished against the headboard and his legs through the railings. I fed him and put him in his sleeping bag and he slept until 8am. I rushed out today and bought 2 extra sleeping bags!!!!

I have to confess that I put Oz down for a nap at around 5.30pm tonight (rather late I know, but we were out all day and he just couldn't hang on until bed time). Anyway, we have aircon in our bedroom so I put the snuggle bed on our bed (it works okay on the waterbed as it is waveless) and he cried and cried and cried. DH was outside playing with his birthday pressie (new mountain bike) and it was hot and I couldn't listen to Oz cry anymore so I went in there and took him out of his snuggle bed and cuddled him on our bed and we had a nap together. I don't think I did too much damage to the program as he just went straight down to bed on his own afterwards.

We still have to work on the day sleeps, but the Doc did say that they would be the last things to get better.

Yay for Oscar, what a clever boy. Yay for DH for being such a stand up Daddy and taking control when Mummy fell apart!!! Yay for the BubHub girls for keeping Mummy from driving off that cliff!!!!

P.S. Carly - that's hilarious. Don't you just hate when they make total liars out of you!!! Oscar does that to me all the time! How's Lucas doing now? Was it his teeth?? The Doc tried to tell me that teething doesn't hurt, I say pft to that - I'm always in oodles of pain when my wisdom teeth move around (about every 18 months). I must say there was a lot of um... crap.... that I took with a pinch of salt from this Doc. But he seems pretty on the money with the sleeping.

Mamaduke

20-12-2005, 22:22

P.S. Carly - that's hilarious. Don't you just hate when they make total liars out of you!!! Oscar does that to me all the time! How's Lucas doing now? Was it his teeth?? The Doc tried to tell me that teething doesn't hurt, I say pft to that - I'm always in oodles of pain when my wisdom teeth move around (about every 18 months). I must say there was a lot of um... crap.... that I took with a pinch of salt from this Doc. But he seems pretty on the money with the sleeping.
Hi Larissa,
Yes, he's fine now - used my magical teething elixir and it's all good - the only thing is when the elixir kicks in, if he's wide awake - he's feeling good and ready to boogy!!! He starts rocking his cot, signing the 'Thomas' and 'Bob the builder' songs, then he virtually stands on his head, looks through his legs, waves (at I don't know what!) and says "helllooooo, helllooooo, hellloooo" over and over again - and because I'm a mum, even though he's not crying, if I can hear him, I can't go to sleep!!! It's only funny until about 4am...then I march into his room and as soon as he sees me he flops on his lambswool and does a snoring sound! He's quite a character!
Teething doesn't hurt - bullsh*t (sorry for the language)!!!!
As for Oscar not going to sleep without a sleeping bag - I'm 32 and if I don't have my body pillow, I can't sleep - even took it to hospital with me!!! I couldn't take it on holidays to Queensland this year so I called reception and got three extra pillows so I could fashion a body pillow!!
Like the song goes..."Whatever gets you through the night...it's alright!"
Merry Christmas darl!
Carly

Mummabear

21-12-2005, 16:48

ROTFLMAO - Carly you crack me up. What is in that elixr my dear girl - he sounds like me when I'm ****ed :p . I love the bit at the end where he throws himself down and pretends to be asleep - hilarious.

Mamaduke

21-12-2005, 16:51

It's this special stuff a chemist makes up for you in Watsonia - it's a Godsend!!!
But again, because I was saying how good he was he woke up last night - and stayed up until 3.30am!!! Then Jesse got up to tell me Lucas was awake, then DH came home from work - it was all a big bloody shambles - not feeling too chipper today!!!

reAllytee

21-12-2005, 23:35

Oh yes the joys of children ! :rolleyes:
I almost had Harry out in his pram Tuesday with a sign saying "Free To Good Home" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :p

JenNT

22-12-2005, 00:30

Hey Rissa, Still here, havn't had much time to email, I'm currently under the employ of Santa and he's keeping me EXTREMLY BUSY :p and he doesn't pay overtime :mad:
Hope all is going well with Oscar and his nocturnal habits!
Take care,
xJen

Mummabear

22-12-2005, 10:04

Thanks Jen. We'll catch up once all this crazy business is over (I still have shopping to do :rolleyes: )

I almost had Harry out in his pram Tuesday with a sign saying "Free To Good Home" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :p

That's hilarious. PMSL. Yep, I know that feeling well - but we'd be out the front every 5 seconds checking on them while we're waiting for that 'good home' wouldn't we! :p

cherrymaria

11-01-2006, 23:09

Thoughts arewith you Larissa, hope things have improved for you. Just wondering if you had any medical advice. it sounds like this has been going on for a long time. Of course it may just mean that babe hasn't differentiated between night and day yet. The other thing that strikes me is that your babe is actually getting a fair bit of sleep through the day, and perhaps that is interfering with settling at night. My heart goes out to you with the cc issue - although i did it with my first three who are now teenagers and i seem to recall success, i cannot do it with my 12 month old, i just can't, so i choose to feed him to sleep day and night,and three or four times through the night. Good luck. Let us know what the sleep doc says please.

Goosie22

12-01-2006, 07:52

Edited - Positive support for parents is encouraged, not condemnations

http://www.awareparenting.com/comfort.htm

My hands were busy through the day; I didn’t have much time to play
The little games you asked me to, I didn’t have time for you.

I’d wash your clothes, I’d sew and cook, but when you’d bring your picture book,
And ask me to please share your fun; I’d say “a little later, Hun.”

I’d tuck you in all safe at night, hear your prayers, and turn out the light.
Then tiptoe softly to the door. I wish I had stayed a minute more.

For life is short, and years rush past. A little child grows up so fast.
No longer are they at your side, their precious secrets to confide.

The picture books are put away; there are no children’s games to play.
No goodnight kiss, no thoughts to hear, that all belongs to yesteryear.

My hands once busy now lie still. The days are long and hard to fill.
I wish I might go back and do the little things you asked me to.

Anonymous