Freaked out & Feeling guilty

[GIZMOE]

:(

Hi Guys,

I have a thing with my boobs and I hate anyone even myself to touch them. They are so sensitive and the thought of breastfeeding my child freaks me right out. No one seems to understand and they all say it's a mental thing!

I think it is a wonderful thing if you can breastfeed and if I didn't have this problem I would love to breastfeed too but the way I am feeling at the moment I am getting to stressed out about it to a point I have had a couple of panic attacks!

The midwives are very pushy and every visit I go to they keep saying that I should just get over it and start playing around with them toughen them up.

I know breast milk is the best for them but I don't think I can do it!

Is their anyone else who feels like this?

Amy

[BJelly]

Hi Amy,

I'm sorry to hear that you have been treated with so little respect and consideration.

I know it's not the same, but my husband has very senstive nipples, and like you, he can't stand to have them touched. I don't think it is in your head, and I think it's terrible that people are making you feel bad about something that's beyond your control.

I hope you stay strong, I was bottle fed and I've been very healthy all my life, it's much more important that you are allowed to bond guilt free with your baby in these early days than have this forced on you.

[bubbles28]

Hi Amy, first of all hugs to you.
I know what you are going through.
I was exactly the same as you and still am in regards to the "booby" thing! However I gave the BF thing ago and am still BF my son 10mths later.
I am a very shy person and don't like people looking at me and touching me etc.
I wanted to give BF ago for the sake of my son. It was hard at first but now I am pleased that got through all my issues with BF.
I'm not trying to say you should BF, but I just wanted to tell you that I was like you and I overcame my fears.
However if you really don't want to give it a try you should just go with what makes you happy and comfortable(bottle feeding).
The midwives should not be so pushy, you need to be direct with them and just tell them what you want to do.
Try not to get too stressed about the situation, it is not worth it. Your health is way too important. There is nothing wrong with bottle feeding your bub, you just have to look at all the beautiful, HEALTHY bottle fed babies.
Please feel free to e-mail me if you want any support or info of how I got through it.
Take care Tina

[melfunction]

Hi Amy,

Due to childhood issues, I detested the thought of breastfeeding.

Ultimately, it is your baby and your body.You have to do what you are most comfortable with because a happy mum equals a happy baby :)

Good luck with your decision.

[nemosmum]

Hey,

Your not alone alot of women feel like this, they just dont voice their fears as they feel guilty...............My sis didnt want to bf for the same reasons as you so she bottle fed her bub. Dont worry about those silly middies its their job to do the best for bub (which is get mums to bf etc)

If you dont like the idea of bf but still want to give your bub the best start in life why not try expressing bm and giving it to bub that way. You can express in a private place and dont have to worry about bub touching your breasts. This option may be a little bit harder then normal bf at first but it can be done and may solve your problem!

[Ky]

I was basically going to say what Sarah (orlandosmum) has said ...

It is more common than you think! There are lots of Mum's who find the idea of breastfeeding intolerable and it is definitley NOT all in your head!

Do give expressing a go ... even if all you manage is the first few days and bub gets the colostrum from you ... at least you have given it a go and bub got a good start!

There is no reason to feel guilty for bottle feeding bub ... sometimes it is much better to go with the method that is going to keep you sane as bub really needs a Mum who is happy and not doing things that really mess her up emotionally etc.

You will come across some people who will try to condemn you for making the choice to bottlefeed ... I guess it is a bit like when it was popular to bottle feed and people thought that breastfeeding was strange! Don't bother making excuses ... it is your decision and none of their business as to why you are bottlefeeding ... all you need to say is that your child is healthy and thriving and that is all that matters to you!

Although formula is not the ideal infant food, it has been manufactured to closely resemble breastmilk and is being refined and updated constantly, making it a fantastic alternative. There is no reason why you and bub can't get along well with formula feeding.

All this said ... give breastfeeding a go ... you may find that you can do it sucessfully after all!

When you are doing the absolute best that you can do for your bub, there is no reason to feel guilty and the absolute best (besides basic care etc) is to provide bub with a happy and sane mum!

[whatwasithinking]

Amy

I felt exactly the same and still do.

I refused to bf DD#1 for those exact reasons (I actually felt repulsed). I was getting so much flack from DH that that stressed me even more.

I tried too bf DD#2 after thinking long and hard about it and I did for about 6wks but stopped because I felt too uncomfortable and I kept stressing which didnt' help me to enjoy being a mum again.

I have no guilt or regrets.

My oldest is a well adjusted 3yr old and my youngest is a well adjusted 3mth old.

I am neither for or against bf - I believe it is an individual choice. Don't let anyone make your mind up for you.

PS On another issue Amy I'm coming up to ACT soon to live so we should meet up one day. I'll PM you later.

[HoopDeeDoo]

These ladies have said it all really, whatever you choose to do don't feel guilty. The most important thing for your baby is having a happy mum.
I felt terrible when I gave up breastfeeding at 4 months, I was in so much pain, I was lob sided all the time, and not happy. As soon as I stopped I felt physically and emotionally so much better. But there was still the guilt that i couldn't do it any longer.
My son is a happy and healthy 13 month old, and no one will be able to tell when he's my age how long he was BF for :)
If you feel comfortable give it a go, you might have a great BF experience, but don't do it because thats what other people tell you is whats best for YOUR baby. You will know when the time comes what you can and cant do.
Hugs to you :p

[JanetF]

I think that carrying around distress about anything is not good for your health and that if you are this distressed about having your breasts touched then for your own sake you would do well to seek counselling. Having a comfortable relationship with your body is part of a happy, healthy life but many women are uncomfortable in their own skins. Rather than depriving your child of optimal nutrition and yourself of valuable natural protection against diabetes, and many forms of cancer, spending the money and time bottlefeeding, get some help. I've seen many women with fears like yours who have overcome them and enhanced their own life, their emotional, physical, spiritual and sexual wellbeing. Whatever you eventually decide about how to nourish your child, getting help with body issues will only help you be a better parent. Good luck with it!

[dee dee]

Hi Amy, as all the other mums have mentioned I think the most important thing is to not feel pressured into doing something that you do not feel comfortable doing. Your happiness, health and mental well being is very important in allowing you to be the best mum that you can be. :)

I began by breastfeeding my bub, and while I was never too sure if it was what I wanted to do I gave it my best shot. But to cut a long story short we had a lot of difficulty, with the result being a very hungry and unsettled bub.

A wonderful, wonderful midwife who held me as I sobbed about this suggested I should try expressing my milk. I know you are not too keen on anyone seeing or touching your boobs, but this can be done in a private and secluded spot.

While I found expressing to be hard work, it helped me to overcome my feelings of guilt about not being able to breastfeed sucessfully.

I expresses for several months and then gradually switched to formula. My little girl is both happy and healthy, and so am I !!!!!!!!!!

Good luck with whatever you decide, I am sure that it will be the right choice for you and bub.

[LittleBoysRock]

Hi Amy,

I felt the same way as you. I really didnt want to breastfeed at all. I was pressured by family, friends, medical staff and even strangers to breastfeed as it is best for baby.

When my DS was born I tried initally but found it painful and I really couldn't relax because I was uncomfortable with the whole thing.

The Midwifes at the hospital wouldn't show me how to attach my baby properly which is why it hurt. It was very frustrating.

5 days after my baby was born I started him on solids. He wasn't getting any milk from me as I couldn't let the milk down due to besing stressed out.

Owen is 4.5 months and very happy and healthy. Do what is best for you and your baby.

If you do decide to use formula, Karicare Gold is great I have found. :)

Goodluck with everything!

[veve]

ok... vent alert.. this is MY opinion... please dont slam me for it!!! :)

It makes me so ANGRY and SAD that women are made to feel this way ...

I LOVE breastfeeding... but only on one side!!! the other side is ABSOLUTE murder (pain wise) - but people are just full of advice on how to cope (ranging from just feed THROUGH the pain!! to go to a lactation consultant/ CHN - both of which I have done.. with little result...although they WERE helpful and lovely ladies) ..

I found it frustrating that often the first question asked when Jack arrived was - so .... are you breastfeeding??? (no pressure!!) ... and when I said yes... I was praised by all... no WONDER mums who struggle with breastfeeding get depressed!!!!

Formula is a realistic option... I was formula feed... as was my DH.. both my nephew... my brother and my SIL... we are all healthy with very minimal health issues.. we ALL know that breastmilk is best for bubs... but why does formula feeding come with this MASSIVE guilt in society??? I actually feel negligent just BUYING the formula.. and that is only for supplimenting him!!!!

I dont have PND - but when Jack cries at night I feel horrid... because I hate him for causing me pain... and that is not fair on him... It is SOOOO much more important that you LOVE and CONNECT with bubs... make sure that when you DO bottle feed that you talk to bubs and cuddle them HEAPS.... and they will turn out just fine!!!

AMY do what makes YOU and BUBS happy... buggar everyone else!!!! when it comes down to it .. YOU are the one holding bubs at 3am... the buck stops with YOU... remember that no one solution works for every baby (every one is different ... vaccinations... circumcisions... formula.. daycare choices... sleeping techniques you are NEVER going to please everyone... so just look after yourself!!)

((massive hugs to you and bubs))

[Melissa1983]

Hi Amy

I'm excalty like you. With DD1 i was determinded not to breastfeed as soon as i found out i was pregnant. and i didn't. The midwives were pushing but i just said its my child and i don't want to breastfeed. I had one midwife that was excellent she fully understood where i was coming from. And my child is a heathly 3 year little girl. With the second i changed my mind and tried to breastfeed but she didn't want it. So i had both of my girls on the bottle.
I know some people say that breastfeeding for the first few days are the best, but if you aint comfortable doing it, don't! as the baby will pick up the tension and will be unsettled.
Good luck, and don't feel like you have to breastfeed if you don't want to

[Ana Gram]

There is no point pushing yourself to the point of panic attacks just to be able to breast feed. That is not healthy for you and won't be good for your baby. I breastfed for just under 6 weeks and hated every second of it. It was absolute agony and now I can't stand my breasts to be touched. You can still bond with your child formula feeding, they will still grow formula feeding and they can be happy formula feeding.

If you really don't want to breast feed, don't and don't let anyone try and guilt you into something you aren't entirely comfortable with.

[reAllytee]

Well & now i will add my bit hehehehe.
I too dont like my breasts being touched nor do i still & some of the reasoning is a lot of it relates to something in my childhood causing the trauma. I also find my breasts too sensitive to touch. JanetF some of us have sought counselling about these things ive let a lot of what has happened go & it no longer rules my life but it is still there & nothing will ever make that go away so due to it creating flashbacks counselling cant always help.
All that being said i did decided in my final week of pg that i would give it a go possibly due to outside pressures im not sure but i thought well for some reason im calmer about it now so if i can do it then great if not well i can always bottle feed.
I bf for approx a week because i couldnt keep it up due to bubs having teeth sitting just below his gums so he would bite me with them drawing blood, he also had a tongue tie which would cut my nipples also. Ouch :(
I also started freaking a bit i think when i look back on it all which im sure he picked up on & why he wasnt happy.
The thing was i was also "topping him up" because he was such a big baby & while my milk hadnt come through properly he would scream even after being on the breast for an hour sometimes. Bubs latched well enough & i had a great midwife on nites at the hospital who even said i had it down pat within the first nite which made me proud as she was suprised it was my first bubs with how well i was bf. But then when he started drawing blood she was also great in spending 20mins with me talking, telling me how i wouldnt be letting bubs down if i were to switch to the bottle. I had gotten upset with myself & was letting what society says is "right" for bubs overwhelm me & make me feel guilty. Yet i was bottle fed due to refusing the breast & im fine :rolleyes:
Do what YOU feel is right.
Because when it comes down to it if your happy then bubs is happy.

[mumof2girls]

I have to agree with the others on this issue, it is your decision and only you can make it. I had 2 terrible pregnancies & labours and as mean as this sounds I was to sick and tired afterwards to worry about bf my girls, they were on the bottle from day one and they are both happy and healthy girls :)

I am all for bf if that is what you want to do but if not then don't. Both my girls would drink 180mls from the day they were born and then sleep 8-10 hours each time so they were never hungry (or tired) they gained plenty of weight and were very happy babies, my hubby was also a little happy as he was able to feed them and have that special time with them (no offence to bf mothers, these were his words)

Weigh up all the options and do what you feel is right for you, if you are stressed and uncomfortable then your baby will feel it. I never felt guilty about bottle feeding my girls and I never look down on any parent that bf or bottlefeeds my theory is as long as they are feeding the baby that's all I care about :)

Good luck :)

[Goosie22]

It is your decision as the others have said. You have to consider all the risks and advantages from both methods.

However since you have asked for other peoples opinions, I will offer mine.

Breastfeeding your baby is worth a go for a lot of reasons(and I mean a real go not just one feed or a couple of weeks). IMO Breastfeeding affords your baby a better chance of avoiding a lot of serious health problems(this is why THE WHO world health organisation recommend exclusive breastfeeding for the first 6 months). Formula dosn't contain enzymes, hormones or living cells that are there to complete your babys digestive system, brain and cental nevous system and immune system. Formula is not designed to cater to your specific baby, Breastmilk changes to suit your babys growing needs. Health Proffessional point out the benifits of breastfeeding, it may seem like they are pushy but they are also pushy with other information like sleeping positions to reduce the risks of sids and smoking during pregnacy! After you have done your reasearch you will see that the list of benifits to your baby and self from breastfeeding are many and isn't your baby worth the effort?

If your interest is sparked I would be more than happy to help you. :)

[JanetF]

Nice info, Goosie. No one hesitates to tell us the dangers of smoking or not putting our babies in car seats, and the risks of not breastfeeding are comparable. If we have counselling and still suffer with flashbacks, the counselling hasn't worked and we need more help. I've had PTSD twice in my life (once from an attempted rape and murder and once from what a hospital did to me in birth) and my flashbacks were cured by bushflower essences and counselling. I would rather have the pain of counselling than deprive my child (and my wallet, and my longterm health) of breastfeeding. Sometimes being a parent means taking on pain and difficulty but if it saves or protects our children, then that's what we have to do. I wouldn't put my own pain before the needs of my child but if we don't have enough support, either emotional or physical, this can be harder to do. I'm saddened to hear so many women with negative body experiences and wish that we could all have healing from these issues. Everyone in our lives, as well as us, would benefit so much!

I want to talk about my own experience to give you an idea of what I mean. I imply no judgement with what I'm saying, I'm coming from a place of love and the desire for us all to have lives which reach their full potential. When my son was born I was utterly, totally devastated by how the hospital treated me. The PTSD was truly appalling and by the time he was 6 months old, I was suicidal. I tried all sorts of places for help but unless you're prepared to be diagnosed with PND (which I absolutely totally didn't have) there's no government/council help at all. I went to see a woman who specialises in birth education and debriefing and between her, my naturopath who gave me herbs like St Johns Wort and bushflower essences, starting and participating in a group for the other many traumatised women and starting the Australian home birth network, I got lots of support for healing. I felt that I just couldn't be the effective parent my son deserved with PTSD dogging my every move, making me cry so much, having terrible flashbacks and all the other nasty stuff that comes along with it. I've spent the last 2 years working on healing from it not only so I could parent my son in the way he deserves but so I could have another baby at some point and give them the birth they deserve as well. If my fear was too overwhelming, I might hesitate to go to the hospital if I really needed it or my baby really needed it, so I needed to work through the terrible fear of another birthrape occurring so I could safely birth another baby at home as I planned in the first instance. I feel that my child doesn't deserve to carry the consequences of my experiences and decisions but should have the peaceful beautiful birth all babies deserve, or a mother who has no hesitation in seeking obstetric assistance in the unlikely event that I'd need it a second time. So now I'm pregnant again and very confident that whatever arises, both DP and I are better equipped to deal with it this time. Hindsight is a wonderful thing ;)

[Mamaduke]

Before my children were born, if someone started breastfeeding in a cafe etc in front of me I would get up and leave - I personally thought that it was revolting!
When my first son was born I always thought that I would NEVER breastfeed...then everything changed - he was born 4 weeks prem and weighed 4lb 1oz!! I made a decision that I needed to just get over it and get on with it - this poor baby needs me! My friends were so shocked to see me expressing in the 'dairy' with the other mums of the SCN, and even though I loathed every second of being in that room - I needed to do it. I didn't actually breastfeed for long once he got home - he was putting on weight and thriving and I was the sort of person that would not go out because I just didn't feel comfortable with breastfeeding in a public place...that's just me!
When my second son was born, at 8lb 9oz I did try and breastfeed (a little) while I was in hospital - I would ask all visitors to leave when I needed to feed because I was just so uncomfortable with it. I ended up getting an absolutely wonderful midwife who ASKED me what I wanted to do! I said "I just want to give him a bottle" to which she replied, "well then, let's do it!"
You need to do what you feel is right for you and your baby!

[reAllytee]

JanetF - I think it is great you have come out of all you have been through with the power & great strength of courage. I too have fought my battles & i have come out the other side of it all & feel great for it but i have tried all thats needed to lose those flashbacks & i cant. I cant even allow my partner into the bathroom with me due to something that happened to me in a bathroom. The only time he has "showered" with me is after i had bubs he came in to help me & even then i was not a happy chappy but i knew i was safe so it had to be done.
Not to put a dampener on things because yes we all know the benefits of bf etc but it seems funny that my sisters & i grew up healthy without any childhood illnesses bar my sisters getting chicken pox at around 8yrs & me getting german measles at around the age of 10yrs. We didnt even get any stomach bugs whereas my cousins all 5 of them were bf exclusively up until the age of 3yrs with one continuing until 5yrs all had everything & by everything i mean diarrohea (sp?), tummy bugs, colds & flus, chicken pox, measles, german measles, mumps as well as bad constipation from time to time. So even my aunty now laughs at the idea of bf stopping all problems as she said "all my boys were always sick yet you 3 were healthy as !" so its not always a case of bf being the "best" thing.
My dad & grandfather were also bf & both got cancer a number of times & the above aunty was also bf & she even managed to get scarlet fever as a bubs & nearly died.
I just think its wrong to tell mums they are making their bubs sick or something of the like if they dont bf. Im not trying to be nasty about it again as i said earlier because we do know the benefits of it all etc. :)

[JanetF]

I don't understand the logic here, Ally. So should we not tell people about safe sleeping for SIDS? Or car seats? Should we tell people it's ok to smack their kids for fear of offending them regardless of the impact on the child? Should we pretend that drugs in labour are fine? Or is it only formula about which we shouldn't discuss the negative effects? We're not really choosing if we don't know what we're choosing, are we? It's great that your family hasn't suffered, as far as you know, from being fed breastmilk substitutes but why risk it? Countless other families have chronic health problems from being given formula. Ff babies in Australia have a far far higher rate of hospitalisation than breastfed babies. It is fact that formula is substandard in comparison with breastmilk and surely babies deserve the best? Thing with ff is that we may have a child who grows up healthy, or we may not, but have we produced a child who is growing up to be the best that they could? Babies choose breast feeding, remember ;) The perfect food source, on tap, free, easy and simple and yet somehow it's become optional. The depths of risk involved in breastmilk substitutes are not given to mothers in this country or we'd have far better rates of breastfeeding. Instead we have doctors and MCHNs *encouraging* it's use! Shocking! Support and information is all it takes since everyone wants to give their baby the best, right? :) It's not just about feeding a baby, it's about growing a healthy adult too.

[veve]

Babies choose breast feeding, remember ;) The perfect food source, on tap, free, easy and simple and yet somehow it's become optional. .

I have to say JanetF (and I DO understand that you are a very passionate lady about many things:) ) - that I disagree with this .. at least the way you worded it.

I dont think there are many women here who would CHOOSE to not breastfeed... I know that when I can - I do... but if I am in pain - crying ,... and then upsetting my little man cause he is hungry and I just cant bare to latch him on- I am gonna reach for the bottle so that we can actually enjoy each other again. I know that having that bottle for the occasional feed has really REALLY improved the relationship I have with my son - I no longer resent him for the pain he unintentionally caused me- which was not fair on him... or me.

Formula often isn't an option for women... it is often used to regain their sanity. Many women in this world CANT breastfeed - my MIL.. and SIL are two - and they spent many many days crying over the guilt of their inabilities (which is disguisting to me... that they have to feel so guilty!!!)

Since in today's world we no longer have WET NURSES to feed our kids for us - formula is one of the only alternatives. Why cant we all just accept that every baby and every mum is different... instead of making each other feel guilty and inadequate in our own choices???

xxx

[draught]

Okay - time to calm things down here. Can we all agree that while breast feeding is the best source of nutrition for babies, some women cannot or do not breast feed for reasons of their own, and that the decision they make, as long as it is a fully informed one, is the decision that is best for them. Hopefully Amy has found the support she has been looking for and the information on where she can obtain further information.

[reAllytee]

No im not saying that at all but i think its a decision a mother needs to make at the time she has bubs. I for one never listened to the "safe" sleeping with SIDS why ? because my bubs refused to sleep on his back no matter what i tried & he also liked to cover his face to sleep as i do. What was i to do keep at it & have a very unhappy baby just so i did the "right" thing ? or let bubs choose how he wanted to sleep in turn making him more settled & happier ? Sorry but i chose the latter even with the horrified gasps from people around me. And its the same with bf yes of course there are added benefits etc no one not even i denies this but to say your making a child sick or growing an unhappy adult if you ff is a little rich. I will also add my partner was bf & has had many numerous problems including what he going through now but i still believe genes have the majority rold in deciding whether a baby or adult will have problems. But of course there are many babies & adults who are / were bf with no dramas either & of course it has done them the world of good.
And as ive stated elsewhere i refused to take to the breast & so did my sisters so not all babies "choose" bf my mother tried everything with us to get us to take it just didnt happen. Even using a lactation consultant with me as i would not even open my mouth to suck in fact if i was put near the breast i would turn my head & scream she was even shocked as she had never seen anything like it before because as you said babies usually "choose" bf but there are always exceptions. I had a MIL who harassed me any chance about it saying how good it was for bubs & bonds you both etc yet all her boys were bf & have problems as i said earlier my partner has had many plus she has never been "close" with any of her boys & in fact they have all moved interstate to get away from her !!!! Silly me wanting to come back to Syd hehehe.
I guess i find it sad that women are made to feel bad or hounded for not bf when for whatever reason they havent done so yes i believe you should at least try it but if your heart isnt in it then it doesnt help yes show all the pluses etc let mums make an informed decision.
I do think its great your very pro active with things btw dont get me wrong ! As i believe its people like yourself who make sure women get info they wouldnt always get if asking certain health professionals !

[reAllytee]

draught - Sorry im just having a debate so to speak & its great to do so with someone like JanetF ! She is full of great advice etc i just dont always agree :D
Probably not the thread to do it on though sorry my apologies !
veve - YES !!!! Bring back the wet nurses heheheheheheh.
Will shush now :D

[veve]

Okay - time to calm things down here. Can we all agree that while breast feeding is the best source of nutrition for babies, some women cannot or do not breast feed for reasons of their own, and that the decision they make, as long as it is a fully informed one, is the decision that is best for them.

yes :)

that is pretty much exactly what I wanted to say - cept... calmer :D

((hugs))

[Mamaduke]

Bring back the wet nurses heheheheheheh
ugggghhhh ((shivers up my spine))

[veve]

ugggghhhh ((shivers up my spine))

LOL - wouldn't it be a great ice breaker at parties???

'Hey - what do you do for a living??'

:)

[Liam&Sienna'sMum]

I fed my son for 4 years, and at the beginning, yes it was hard. I had mastitis twice, thrush, and fought with attachment issues for weeks. I also suffered excruciating pain due to a condition called White Spot . I am SO glad I persevered. My now 10 month old daughter was born with a cleft palate, meaning she couldn’t attach properly, hence she was unable to breastfeed. There hasn’t been a day that I haven’t grieved that we don’t have that lovely breastfeeding relationship I had with my son. Fortunately, we’ve made up for it in other ways-by co sleeping, baby wearing, and lots of skin to skin contact. Loads of nurture and lots of love have overcome in many ways this deficit. Still I feel a sense of loss. :( I have expressed for my daughter since her birth, and am still expressing for her. Now she has had her operation, I hope to teach her to breastfeed. I have spoken to others who have triumphed whilst facing even greater obstacles than Sienna & I. It CAN be done, & in fact we have had many small successes recently. :) Still, while solely expressing, my supply cannot keep up - and I do now need to comp with formula. This fills me with sadness-however I am grateful that we have access to formula-without it my baby may well at the very least go very hungry between expressing sessions…


The reason for all this waffle is that I need to emphasise how hard bottle-feeding is, compared to breastfeeding. When my son was hungry, I would simply pull out the boob. When he was sad, or hurt or tired, I would just put him on, and within minutes he’d be settled and drifting off to sleep. When my daughter is hungry, I have to get the ebm out of the fridge, warm it up, clean and sterilise a bottle. This all takes several minutes-in which I have to hear my baby in distress, all the time remembering how quickly I could satisfy my son’s hunger/discomfort simply by putting him on the boob. If I have no ebm ready, I must prepare formula. Every time I go out, I must remember to pack ice packs, ebm or formula pre prepared, teats, extra bottles, sterilised water (i.e. boiled). When I went out with my son, I just went out whenever I needed/wanted to without thinking. Night time feeds are harder too-I express before bed-even if it’s past midnight and I am almost falling asleep. I take a cooler bag and ice pack to bed to keep the milk cool beside my bed. I also have an electric bottle warmer. However, if we happen to run out of ebm, I get up, and stumble around the house, preparing formula. With my son, I simply let him attach himself, and barely had to wake up.

I am so glad I was able to give my daughter the gift of exclusive breastmilk until she was 7 months old; however I wish with all my heart she was breastfeeding even now. I honestly feel every mother owes it to her baby and herself to give it all she has. If you really honestly can’t breastfeed, there is no shame or guilt to be had in that. Formula is a wonderful second best. But it can never replace “the real thing". Its a sad indictment on our society that breastfeeding is seen by some as “gross” and a thing to be hidden away, if done at all. It is how our babies are supposed to be fed! There are a very small percentage of mothers and babies who cannot feed-for physiological or psychological reasons. There ought to be a LOT more babies breastfed than there are. The main reason that they are not is lack of support for new mothers, and lack of correct, positive information.

I would urge anyone who is having a hard time breastfeeding to seek out support and assistance. The ABA http://breastfeeding.asn.au and http://www.kellymom.com are two great places to start. It really *is* worth it!

[JanetF]

No one can *make* us feel guilty. If a woman feels bad about her choices then she needs to work on that, not blame others for "making" her feel that way. I've had a c-sec but I know that they're not an optimal way to bring a child into the world and the likelihood of me inflicting that on a second child is slim to nothing. My son had 24 hours of formula in the first week of his life because the trauma of his birth stopped my milk production. I don't feel bad or guilty about it, why should I? I did my best, I made choices based on what my options were at the time, I'm sad I had to alter his gut in that way but it was better than him being dehydrated after 5 days with no milk. I think it's tragic that so many women apparently feel so guilty about the choices they've made but it's not my fault LOL. Perhaps that guilt needs counselling? Perhaps it needs to be channelled into improving your circumstances so you don't have a repeat next time? I know that the likelihood of me having a 2nd surgical birth is very slim because I've set it up that way, using what I learnt from last time. Guilt is not a reason for us to close our eyes to facts which can enhance our lives and parenting. Our lack of breastfeeding in this country isn't a sign of poor mothering, it's a sign that women are undersupported and underinformed so actually if I had to lay blame anywhere it would be with government agencies and our uncaring society which doesn't support mothers emotionally or physically. I never ever attack mothers for the choices they make and I'm always puzzled that it's assumed I am. We make our choices for complex reasons and often without full information. How about we learn from what we've done in the past and work on improving what we do in the future instead of attacking those who do think it's worthwhile supporting women and providing information to promote real choices? We can't make REAL choices without REAL information, can we? And *we* are not our choices, we are parents who have used different tools in our parenting for different reasons. And surely we're on this journey to learn and improve our parenting to the benefit of our children? Anger, defensiveness and attack do not help us, discussion or our children.
Peace to all as usual :)

[JanetF]

This is great for support if women feel grief over breastfeeding:

MOBI is for women who are/were unable to breastfeed, feel unsuccessful in breastfeeding, are/were experiencing severe breastfeeding problems, or experienced untimely weaning.
http://www.internetbabies.com/mobi/

And for those who would like to, there's always relactation!
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/adopt/relactation-resources.html

My experience of traumatic birth has only fired me to support women by providing information so they can avoid the mistakes I made through ignorance and the effect they had on my life and my son's life. Maybe if we feel really bad about the loss of our breastfeeding relationship we should offer more support to women who are struggling to help them avoid the pain we know it can cause?

Peace as ever!
:)

[Oscar's mum]

YES !!!! Bring back the wet nurses heheheheheheh.


They somewhat are bringing back wet nurses. Their are banks where you can give your breastmilk to now. :)

[Goosie22]

Yes that is true if you look at the WHO recommendations for feeding infants in the first 6 months of life you will see this is what is recommended:-

1. Breastfeeding
2.Your own Expressed Breastmilk
3.Donated Expressed Breastmilk( you can get it pasturised at QML if you have person to donate to you)
4.Artificial Infant Milk

I would also like to put my hand up as a WET NURSE:eek:I have feed my sisters baby as a new born with a high SBR (jaundice levels) from my breast in the hospital infront of the staff (not a word was said funny looks yes but I can cope with that:cool: ) I also expressed for her prior to the birth as she was Gest Diabetic and didn't want the baby to be given formula.

Also to the debate about potential health risks. The risks are all based on Statistics and very scientific studies, Its all about gambeling and I am not prepared to gambel with my health or my babies, or even my sisters baby for that matter:D

Merry Christmas to all you Merry Mummies HO HO HO

[Refresh]

No one can *make* us feel guilty. If a woman feels bad about her choices then she needs to work on that, not blame others for "making" her feel that way

I wholeheartedly agree with this. :) If there is truly no guilt there, the opinions/presented facts of others wouldn't matter:)

Janet, L&Smum and Goosie were trying to offer advice and support for the OP if she does want to give bf a go, that's all. I agree with them, information is so important. No one is condemming anyone for formula feeding, simply presenting facts, opinoins and support. I agree with the comments about counselling etc. as I truly believe that there is no problem that cant be overcome.

I believe that by knowing all the facts, the Op might have a better chance of giving BF a go..we all know bm is best and if you can try then why not? I believthat the ladies here were simply encouraging her to find ways that she may be able to try it, I dont think it was anyones intention to condemn any bottlefeeder. At the end of the day, we all have to live with the choices we make and stand tall in them...then the mere opinions of others that happen to differ from ours wont affect us:) I believe in maknig truly informed choices and this comes from having information as has been presented here.

[draught]

TanUch
You need to empty your sent box as well as your in box in order to be able to receive more messages.

Your previous post was deleted as it is Christmas and time to just be nice to people.

Thank you to all who posted in support of Amy G's original question.