problems with sister

[1stbaby]

I just wondered if anyone else had problems with their sister (or any other family member) when they were pregnant telling them having a baby was no big deal.
I'm just over 38 weeks pregnant with my first baby and I am really close to my mother so asked her to attend the birth. I also asked her to attend antenatal classes as my husband couldn't and she stayed with me for a short period then. DH will be attending the birth though. He also is happy to be the only one there if my mum can't be there.
My mother is retired so doesn't have any commitments except for an older brother who has a slight disability but often stays on his own for periods when mum travels etc, and she contacts him regularly while she's away. My mother lives quite a distance away and if I went into labour, she would find it difficult to attend the birth. I have an older sister who doesn't have any children herself(she chose not to) who is ringing my mum up to tell her not to stay with us while i have the baby as I should do it on my own with my husband. My mum wants to attend the birth and is worried that she will miss out if I go into labour and she wants to stay after the birth to help me out with the baby. So its not like I"m forcing her to stay. I have told her to do what she feels comfortable with and that I would cope on my own. My sister is constantly saying to my mum"having a baby is no big deal" and "plenty of people do it on their own, so why shouldn't she" My mum is just ignoring her, but I find it really upsetting having her ring and I wonder if I am being a wimp expecting my mum at this time. She has had 4 children and has a positive attitude to her births etc so I thought it would be nice to have her there. But i dont want to start world war 3 over it. I should mention that my sister has visited my mum twice in the last 4 years and lives only 40 minutes away from her so hasn't taken a great interest in her welfare before. Anyway i have had a rant and i feel much better just writing it down.

[melfunction]

Hi there,

My sister has been an f'n pain in my a*** for my entire life..She doesn't have any kids and its no biggie to her either. Like she would know..

I think its wonderful if you want your mum there..Isn't that what most girls want?? After having four babies herself she would be of great value to have around.

Tell your sister to bugger off and mind her own business. She sounds very jealous to me...Bit like my own sister..

Good luck for the birth and I wish you and bub a safe journey :)

[matty's mum]

My sister is constantly saying to my mum"having a baby is no big deal" and "plenty of people do it on their own, so why shouldn't she"

I feel for you. sisters can be a pain, I have 3. we all parent differently. I just wanted to say.

yes plenty of woman do have babies every day, but it is a very big deal. So many mums suffer PND and have lots of difficulties with Breastfeeding, lack of sleep and just recovering from birth getting used to being a mum. I felt jealous of my sister as she married an Italian man and oh boy the support she had, cooked meals you name it his mum did everything to make life easier for her, what a blessing.

Having your mum there could make all the difference, and even if your not prone to any of the above (PND) how lovely for yourself and mum to have this time together. Doing it on your own with just your partner is great and I'm sure you would manage. It might help your husband too, while he’s a work or out and about he knows your mums there with you this would help take some of the pressure of him as well. It's great that he is feeling ok with being there with you if your mum cant be, we had my MIL this helped my DH. We did it on our own last time and it was nice both ways.

best of luck your sister if obviously jealous and has issues about you being pregnant (like you said she choose not to have any herself) having your mum by your side will be wonderful. :)

[Maghan]

You have your mum there, forget your sister, she's probably jealous for one reason or another...

Enjoy your mother and have her in your life as much as you can whilst you have her, no regrets, live your life, not your sister's... Your sister will get over it.

[draught]

Ignore your sister. I had my mum with me for the birth of my first daughter - when DD1 came into the world I had my mum holding one of my hands and DH holding the other and it was wonderful. When DD2 was born mum was at home looking after DD1 - but both times she flew in from overseas to be with me and stayed with me, and kept me company as I waited, and waited and waited (2 overdue babies) and helped me prepare, then helped with bringing them home etc and I wouldn't have had it any other way. Part of the reason I wanted her there was that my sister raved about how great mum was when she had her son, so I knew it would be great to have her there. Ignore your sister and enjoy sharing this great joy with your mum.

[nemosmum]

Yep i hear ya!

I have two older sisters and the eldest used to be my best friend until that is I got preggie!

After I told her my happy news she just went really wierd and blew me off, after 2 years of being estranged I have finally realised that she is just jealous that I had a child before her and the first grand child. That may sound harsh but my sis has always been the Golden child in our family and it didnt sit well with her that her much younger sis was going to be a mum before her.

She is very career orientated and both her DH and her enjoy a wonderful lifestyle that just cant accomodate a baby (her words) but I also think she is jealous and secretly wants a bub of her own but her DH isnt into kids IYKWIM.

Any way we still dont speak, we see each other at family dos but thats it. Yes its sad and it makes me depressed somethimes thinking about how close we used to be but I have come to terms with it.

Sad but true, sisters can be your best friends or your bitter rivals :eek:

[Bonnie77]

I agree with the others. Ignore your sister if she wants to keep going with this sort of crap. Have you got caller id?

With my first bub I wanted to do it all on my own with just Hubby. With No2 Mum came and looked after Hayden and stayed for a week after. I can't believe I didn't get her to stay the first time. It was so much easier with another pair of hands around. Mum is pretty cool and I really appreciated her help.

It sounds like you would be disappointed if your mum didn't visit. It all comes down to what YOU want.

Good luck with everything.

[Lil X-men]

My mum couldn't be at my sons birth and I would have given anything to have her there. Please ignore your sister, as everyone else said she is so obviously jealous and just playing down the importance of having a baby to make herself feel better about not having any of her own.
Please have your mum there, it such a special and important time and you it would be great shame if you weren't to share it together.

[reAllytee]

I had my mum with me for the birth of my son as well as my partner & aunty.
So i plan to have it that way the second time also.
I worried my mum might have been a little harsh as sometimes she can be all no nonsense about things but she was great & im a bit of a sook when im sick as all i want is my mum ! hehe
You sister sounds like she is jealous for one reason or another as the other mums have said so i would try to ignore her as best as possible & if your mum wants to be there so be it !
Do what YOU want & have who YOU want there after all this is about YOU !
Good luck with it all im sure you will be strong enough to cope with whatever lies ahead for you :)

[1stbaby]

Thanks everyone for your support. I feel much calmer today about the whole thing. I am going to just enjoy time with my mum and look forward to bubs coming. I dont have caller id but I know when she rings so I dont bother picking up the phone. Just when my mum is here, mum picks up the phone and gets into an argument with her trying to justify being with me at this time. My mother says she's deeply unhappy and we should just try and understand her because maybe she regrets some of her decisions..so you may be right about the jealousy. Nice to know I"m not the only one who has such issues with sisters, I'm jealous of those people who are close to their sisters and their kids grow up with their cousins.

[Sarie]

You can only give them so much though. She made her choices and just because she's not happy doesn't give her the right to try and make you misserable.
I had a lot of help from my mum when we owned our shop. And after we sold it I used to go and visit her fairly often.
My sister was happy when we moved three hours away. She said to me 'That's good now I'll get my share of the babysitting'
I have only left my kids with my parents a handful of times, when we've gone to functions and couldn't take them. My sister has her little one at my mums a lot more often than I ever did. But the bit that makes me angry is she doesn't ask, she tells.