"You're Not Gonna be a Bridesmaid" - When to Tell?

[SassyMummy]

I'm not a bride, but a friend of mine is getting married, and I'll be one of her bridesmaids.

At first, she just had myself and her SIL-to-be. She was unsure about adding another friend, Felicity, to the list because she was unsure about how Felicity would fare as a Bridesmaid. Felicity has always been very childish (to the point that her idol is Lizzie Maguire and she can't get enough of Sabrina the Teenage Witch), and is also a bit melodramatic at times. Still, she's there when you need her and offers support if you need it. She's a nice girl, and a good friend.

My friend who is getting married, is also planning her 21st birthday party for April this year. Felicity drives and had a reliable car, but her mother said, "I don't want you driving there at night" so Felicity has whinged about the venue of the bride-to-be's party... making the bride-to-be make her decision to NOT make Felicity a part of the bridal party (she figures if she's whinging over a birthday party venue, she'll be one hell of a bridesmaidzilla. Fair enough).

She's now decided to have another friend as a bridesmaid. This is all well and good - I couldn't care less.

But all along, Felicity has no idea that I will be a bridesmaid, and she will not. She has no idea that the bride has chosen two other women (who the bride hasn't known for all that long) to be in the bridal party, but hasn't chosen Felicity.

I know this will hurt Felicity when she finds out, she thinks of the bride as her best friend.

The bride STILL hasn't told Felicity about any of this, and I'm expected to keep my mouth shut too. I feel really bad, because Felicity is my friend. I don't expect the bride to make Felicity a part of the bridal party, but I do think it'd be a good idea to tell her sooner rather than later. I'm getting sick of holding this secret.

So, when should the bride tell Felicity that she's chosen her bridesmaids and that Felicity isn't one of them?

[kimbo]

I think definately the sooner the better especially if Felicity is assuming your friend would have her as a bridesmaid.

Perhaps your friend could try and include her in the wedding some way such as doing a reading at the ceremony or hand out the pamphlets (sorry can't think of the right word at the moment). That way she doesn't have to say 'oh you aren't going to be a bridesmaid' but say 'we would love it if you could do .......... for us on the day.' That way your friend will realise she isn't a bridesmaid but still may feel importnant.

hmmmmm she will probably still be disappointed but maybe not as badly disappointed.

I hate these situations to be honest.

[Mum&bubs]

I would say definetely sooner rather than later. The longer she leaves it I think the more it will hurt her friend. If the friend knows for a while before the wedding that she is not a bridesmaid I think she will have time to adjust to the idea and maybe 'get over it' by the time of the wedding iukwim.

I reckon maybe tell your friend that is getting married to let her know soon. I think no matter how you do it or when you do it, if Felecity is a close friend of the bride she is going to be disappointed no matter what. But it's the Brides choice on who she wants, I just think it's fair and honest if she lets her know soon rather than letting everyone else know but not her. If any of that makes sense lol.

[xkwzit]

I think we can all agree tha sooner is better - but this is absolutely NOT your news to break. If the bride doesn't want to tell her yet - that's her decision.

Just sit tight and keep the faith - bridesmaid-zilla need never know that you knew. This is someone else's problem that you have no part in.

Cheers

[MummyCharmzy]

I'd like to say the sooner they better but one of my friends still doesn't know who one of my bridesmaids is because I don't think I'm ready to deal with her reaction about this certain friend being a bridesmaid and her not being one..... my friend sounds much like your friend, very young for her age...

Yes I think the sooner the better, but I totally understand why she wouldn't have been told yes... if your 'bride' friend is similar to me shes probably a bit scared to tell her lol

this thread is really promting me to tell my friend tho :S