Routine or no routine?

[kitty1kat]

Hi all - just wondering if people, especially us first timers, had given any thought to how you're going to start off with your baby - I mean in terms of routine, feeding, etc.

I have spent a lot of time pondering this over the past twelve weeks, and talking and watching friends with young babies. I bought 'The Contented Little Baby' by Gina Ford on the weekend and read it cover to cover. I know people find her very controversial - some people worship her ideas, some people think she's the devil!

I have to say, I think I am verging towards the highly structured, highly routine that she talks about. I know it's extremely personal choice etc, but have people given this any thought yet? Would love to hear....

Cheers.

[nicoleE]

As organised as I like to be I have not really given this much thought yet! I guess I am leaving the 'parenting' side of things to research later in the pregnancy fearing I will forget all I have read if I start now! :laughing:

I would like a routine of sorts but feel that it will take a while to get into a natural one. I think I will feed on demand not every X hours etc however do need more advice on this fron those who actually know what they are talking about!

Im not going to put the pressure on myself to have a routine and have everything perfect at first (which i would normally do) as being our first to I think we will be struggling to survive those first few weeks (gee I hope my Mum offers to stay over :D )

I see a huge importance in reading up on things during the pregnancy though and getting an idea of how you would like things to be done... we wont have any time after bubs is born thats for sure! :laughing:

[kitty1kat]

Hi Nicole - happy Monday to you - hope everything is coming along well?! I like the sound of your organisation - I am an anal freak and it would suprise no-one I know to hear that I am anally researching everything I can on every topic I start fretting about. Of course, I know a lot of this will be of little use once i finally get the little one home, but it makes me feel much more comfortable to feel like I know a little bit!

One thing i would advise people to do, is to actually read the Gina Ford book before making assumptions - I had heard a lot about her ideas and methods, (ie, controlled crying, 'parent centred as opposed to child centered methods), but found that lots of that wasn't true. I got a $10 second hand copy at a bookshop (that's how dubious I was, didn't want to pay full price!).

The other thing I am starting to do (ok, yes, I am completely obsessive) is surveying all my friends about the things they would do differently, and the things they thought they did well - I plan to put it all in a document which I'll post up here at some stage if anyone is interested. I've already got some really interesting comments - I'm especially interested in the ones that come up time and time again. Getting DH to give baby the 10pm feed by expressed bottle right from the start seems to be a really common one... Interestingly, Gina Ford also highly recommends this one - would be interested to hear from the more experienced if they think this is a good idea...

[Kewe]

well with this baby, i'm planning to demand feed for at least the first mth, from then start getting into a routein slowely but surely, I demand feeded DS for the first 4mths, and then only routeninly afterwards, it worked really really well, i'm just going to take one day at a time, as raising babies is all about trial and error, what works for some doesn't work for others, Parenting is all about learning

[zenifa]

With my 1st pregnancy I did lots of reading (as I didn't have many friends with young children) including the 'baby whisperer' by tracey hogg and I was given the gina ford 'contented baby book' (by a friend in the UK who has been a nanny (mainly babies to 2yrs, multiple births) for over 10yrs and uses the routines) plus I was also given the 'baby wise' book by the Ezzos (my tip, stay well clear, this is even more controversial than gina ford).

Every child is different and I guess if you follow the basic routine of feed, activity, sleep (& you time if you are lucky), then its a good start for both you and baby, but I think its too stressful to try keeping to a strict/rigid routine. I bf my DD and will bf this baby, so I demand feed and it was roughly every 3-4hrs, but I didn't look at the clock. When she awoke, I changed her nappy, fed her, played with her, then sleep and we would do it all again in a matter of hours.

Try not to stress too much and just remember to enjoy your baby and those precious early days, they go so fast, you won't believe me, but its true!!

[BigGeorge]

No routine/plan for me here... I'm going to trust my instincts - not the info I get out of a book :D . Sorry, but I feel very strongly about this issue. When Mitch was born, I read up on heaps of these parenting books, and they just made me feel worse. Like I was a bad mother, that I was doing something wrong. Every time Mitch would act or do something different to the info I gained, I thought there was something wrong with him. I'm a complete stress head, have panic attacks etc, and this did nothing but turn me into a complete emotional wreck.
My advice? Don't make your mind up about HOW you're going to raise your child until they're born. Trust your instincts - every baby is different! And don't worry - enjoy being a mummy!

[harvey123]

we had our dd in oct 2006. whether you do a routine will depend on you and your bub. all you can do is go with what works for you. speak to as many people as you can but pick what you want to do. we had no routine for the first 3 weeks or so and i was a zombie. we co-slept and fed on demand. my husband suggested trying a routine and i was pretty unhappy about it but for us it worked. just accept that the first few weeks will be pretty scary and just get thru them the best you can.....it will end. just enjoy your bub, they are only that little for a short period of time.

try no to take things you read in books as gospel opinions on baby topics are all so different, just look after you and bub. i'm against the early bottle feedng if you're going to bf you unfortunately need to keep up bf to get your milk to come in and also the more you try with bf the quicker you'll get the hang of it.

the best adice i got was from a midwife when we left hospital, she said the it's your baby so only you know what's best for them, and no one knows them as well as you.

[Grizabella]

I am just going to do what I did with Brion - GO WITH THE FLOW. I always gave him a bath in the morning and night though. Which helped him learn his own routine.

[luckie_me]

same here tankgirl, I never had a routine with jackson just went with the flow and he put himself in a routine anyway

[michblb]

Hey girls

Was really interested in this thread and bought Gina Ford's book last week. Wished I'd looked on ebay first cause there are a few s/hand ones for sale. I've flicked through it, wow it seems very strict.

DH has twins from his first marriage, who stay with us part time. They are 10 y.o. now but were born 10 weeks early. After spending a lot of time in ICU, DH learnt from the hospital staff how to put the boys in a routine early on and it worked for them.

He is a very stong advocate of a routine, although I'm a bit more moderate. I think you have to go with what works best, whether its routine or no routine.

Mich

[jaq]

Hi all,

I've just had bub no 2, and am rereading my Gina Ford. DD1 has been sleeping 7 to 7 since she was about 8 months old, and at one point was having 2 naps, each two hours long, each day AS WELL. It was bliss.

Now, this might have just been her. But I am pretty damn convinced that the routine got her used to having that amount of sleep, and actively looking for it. She may just be an extraordinary child who happens to like routine, but I suspect most kids do, if allowed to get into one.

I didn't follow Gina Ford religiously, we started when DD1 was about 4 months old, and gentled her into the timings over about a month. The daytime sleeps were actually the hardest to establish - she was sleeping 11 to 2.30am, feeding quickly and going right down again and then sleeping until 7, within days of us starting the routine.

But I just kept persevering and she was happy to have the three, then two, daytime sleeps within about 3 weeks. And I never let her cry for more than 10 minutes without picking her up.

With DD2, who is 6 weeks old tomorrow, I am trying to establish the noon sleep first, then will focus on the 7pm bedtime next. At the moment, she is quite colicky and has a bit of reflux, both of which are worst 6pm to 10pm, so she won't usually sleep in her bed before then. (Happy to sleep in the Baby Bjorn, though. My poor back!)

I think the upshot of all of this is take away what suits you from Gina Ford, and specifically, the idea that MOST babies like routine. And her routines generally make a lot of sense - her thoughts on demand feeding and how it can CAUSE colic and wind ring very true for me, for example.

But don't force yourself to make it happen overnight, or endure controlled crying unless you really feel the need. Try out her ideas, and then do what works for bub and you.

Good luck!

Jaq
******************************
DD1: Annika (cheeky monkey) 12/07/05
DD2: Sofia (cuddly possum) 29/03/07

[Grace3]

I never had a routine with the kids when they were babies, we just went with the flow. Did the same with breastfeeding.

But I know one of my husbands friends wife (if this makes sense) and he complains that his wife is to strick with routine. They don't go out and nothing as nothing can interfer with her routine.

But any way, she can choose what every way works best for her I say :thumbsup: But I do wonder about the hubbies concerns.

Grace

[Mumma]

I tended to go with the flow - but to be honest I feel like I can't really remember that well! We did have arough routine, sleep play feed (or was it sleep feed play???). But I wanted as much flexiblity for both baby and me.

My SIL was a routine nazi and therefore it meant that all other things were dictated by baby's sleep time. It was a big pain (for me and probably her).

I think little babys can usually sleep anywhere (this could be wrong and could just be mine), so no need to always be in bed.

Now that DS is 20 months his cot is his sleep place and that is it, so we do have to work around that. But still he doesn't have a set sleep time.