Please help!

[maddysmama]

I am a first time mum of a beautiful 5 week old girl and I am so confused about conflicting advice i am receiving about her sleeping routine. Basically she is quite hard to settle to sleep and i need to rock/ nurse her to sleep. She has also become very reliant on the bouncinette (me rocking with foot) to go to sleep. This can take quite a while! I have been told I need to teach her to self settle, or she'll always need parental help to snooze. I'm particularly worried about the bouncinette as she seems to be rejecting the bassinette more and I am having to transfer her there after she is deeply asleep.

A CHN told me a technique of calming her in the bassinette, then leaving the room. If she cries again go back and stay with her till she's calm and repeat the process till she falls asleep. Well I tried that and we gave up after an hour and a half as she wound herself up to hysteria and it took a long time to soothe her. She is not interested in co- sleeping, if there is no movement there is no sleep!!

Should I persist with that technique, or am I expecting too much from her? I am just worried that I am not helping her by assisting her to sleep. My mum says to just let her cry as it doesn't hurt them to cry a bit, but I haven't been able to bring myself to do that.

Sorry if this is rambling but my sleep deprived brain is struggling to put a sentence together!

[veve]

hey ..

I cant answer this (my little man is 4 weeks old) - but he tends to fall asleep on the boob!!! (typical man) ... otherwise he is pretty much asleep as soon as he burps!!

I just wanted to send you a ((hug)) - the little guys are so frustrating at this age!!! you just want to do what is right.. .

((hugs to you and DD))

xxx

[meshan]

Try rocking her from side-to-side while she's in her craddle. Place her on her side put your hand on her side and back and gentley rock. As she falls asleep SLOWLY roll her onto her back. It sounds like she has got used to having motion to fall asleep and this can be a way to do it that means when shes asleep you don't have to wake her by moving her.

Anyway it worked for me - good luck.

[Crazy Monkey]

Hi,

Firstly, welcome to BubHub and congratulations on your little girl.. I hope that you find all the answers you need here. Everyone is very helpful..

I know exactly how you are feeling.. I have a 7 month old son, and he was the same... I would have to rock or bounce (on a fitball) to sleep and then wait until he was fast asleep before I could put him in the bassinet.. I tried the rocking and patting in the bassinet to try and teach him to settle himself but I could do it.. The crying just got worse and he would make himself sick with all the crying...

I believe you do what you are comfortable with and if you are happy to help your baby to sleep for the moment, then go with it... Do what is best for you and your baby...

Good Luck

[wattle]

Hi Maddysmamma.

I remember week 5 being the hardest week for me, so take a deep breath and relax for a bit, it can be so difficult, tiring, confusing and wonderful all at the same time.

Ds is a real rocker. Always has been. He needed to be rocked to go to sleep too, it's just his nature. He still rocks - in a chair, on the floor, he loves it. Perhaps Maddy is a little like that too. We used a swiss ball, the big exercise ones, and wrapped ds up tight and bounced him up and down on it until he fell asleep.

He didn't start to self settle until about 12 weeks. we found the ball was relaxing for us, and put him to sleep quicker than the rocker or rocking the bassinett. Then we'd pop him in the bassinett and he'd be fast asleep. (We always crept out of the room just in case though :rolleyes: ).

Have you tried wrapping tightly?

Ds also slept better when he moved into his cot at around 3 - 4 months.

[maddysmama]

Hi,

Thanks for all your suggestions...

I have tried rocking her in the bassinette with no luck... she just screamed more.

She seems to hate being wrapped...she becomes agitated and no matter how firmly i wrap her she will work at it like Houdini and escape!

But I feel better for sharing and hearing from mums with similar experiences! Hopefully she will settle better eventually, and if not I will have a muscly arm and lose this baby weight a little quicker from pacing the house! :D

[veve]

dont worry too much abour the swaddling...

Jack HATES it (he even screamed in hospital if they restrained his arms..) - he now loves to sleep with his hands about his head (as if being stuck up in a bank robbery - so cute :D)

man- I HAVE to get me a fitness ball!!! for the odd nights Jack is whingey... (not for fitness purposes of COURSE!! eww exercise???)

hope tonight goes well for you maddysmama!!

xxx

[Sonja]

Hi Maddysmama,

I have a 15 week old girl and remember very clearly how hard it was around 5 weeks with her - we would spend up to three hours every night (between 6 pm and 9 pm) trying to get her to sleep while she cried, sometimes hysterically. We did two things which saved our life:

1. if you can get your hands on it, read the Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Carp. It literally saved us. He has 5 methods for calming unsettled babies: swaddling, shushing, swinging, turning them on their side and then sucking on a dummy (the 5 S'). With Lucy, the swaddling, shushing and giving her a dummy were a god-send - it was like turning off a switch in terms of calming her down.

2. once she settled, we would lie her on her side in her bassinet and hold her with one hand and pat her back / bottom until she went to sleep. if she cried, we would shush very loudly across her ear (not into it as you can damage their very fragile ear drums). This method is described on the huggies website (www.huggies.com.au) in the sleep / settling part and is the method used by "It's Time to Sleep", which is a very helpful dvd put out by one of the Victorian sleep schools. We don't use this all the time as it can be exhausting.

I'm no expert in babies at all, but I think 5 weeks is too young to leave a baby alone who is crying - they are simply too young to understand that you are coming back. Personally, I also believe that 5 weeks is way too early to worry about self settling - I was almost obsessed with that and swore I'd never use a dummy etc, but my approach became whatever worked to get her to sleep (and stay asleep) and which gave her comfort and calmed her. Harvey Carp refers to the first three months of a baby's life as the "forth trimester", and refutes any suggestion that babies can be spoilt or form habits during this time - having now seen how Lucy can resettle herself throughout the night having done a lot of things some would say we shouldn't have I'm glad I stopped worrying and just got on with settling her.

Good luck

[rynosmum]

I'm a big fan of controlled crying (although a softer method with regular patting and not letting crying to get out of control etc). We did this for our son at about 3 months and it was fantastic and has given him a real benefit of being able to self-settle.

I think 5 weeks though is way too soon. I agree with Sonja - you can't spoil a baby at this time. Rocking, holding, bouncing etc. All cuddles are great at that age.

Best of luck ! :D

[Harmony83]

There is so much pressure to get your new born to self settle isn't there!
I think people seem to forget that they are so new and scared and of course they are going to want to be comforted to sleep! We had the same problem, and it is so hard and exhausting but what I think made it harder was the pressure and everyone telling me not to comfort him to sleep. It would sometimes take hours to get him to settle!!! I would just keep doing what you are doing, its called mothering, and by the sounds of it you are doing a great job of doing it!!!
Oh and welcome to Bubhub!! We are always here for you!!!

[xkwzit]

Hi
I found both my girls to be totally different. From day 1 DD2 would self settle in her cot, we couldn't rock her to sleep or bring her to bed with us, she just got cranky. We were so surprised, because DD1 was awful to put to sleep.

DD1 never liked going to sleep on her own. We would do as the books say, pat her bottom until she was calm and then leave ... and then have to go right back in, because she would cry as soon as we left. The only way was for her to be so close to asleep that she wouldn't notice us leaving. DH and I would be up and down like jackrabbits to her for ages as she would wake up and realise that she was alone. I can say it does change. At almost 1 yo, it was almost like a switch, DD1 started settling in her cot on her own and all of a sudden, she would just sleep. It was heaven and your DD will get there too (hopefully faster than my DD1) :D . We never did CC.

Cheers

[reAllytee]

Try not to stress too much ... Take deep breaths ! & welcome also :)
I had a bubs who would only sleep if he was rocked in his rocker or rocked in my arms my solution ? I kept his rocker by our bed & thats where he slept i guess we were lucky as we had a rocker that had many positions so could lay down as well as sit up was the best thing ever ! Other than that i used a baby carrier as i couldnt find a sling anywhere maybe this may help (?) as bubs just wanted to be close to me through the day & this soothed him. I didnt care what anyone else had to say on the matter because it was what worked for us ! We had many a comment from my MIL about spoiling him but seriously i needed sleep myself & this was the only way to do it. Oh & i also had bubs swaddled & on his side he resisted the swaddling for a bit but by 6wks or so loved it & wouldnt sleep unless he was done but this isnt always the case your best to try different things & see what works for you all. By 8wks he would often co-sleep or be in his cot i found he only slept on his side & yes this is bad for SIDS but if thats the only way your bubs sleeps well sometimes its what you have to do i used whats called a safe & sounds sleeper it stops them from rolling onto their tummy worked wonders. I also found a dummy a god send i wasnt going to use one but it soothed bubs so again whatever works use it !!!!
Dont worry too much about what others say about you needing a routine or what right or wrong just try & find something that works for both you & bubs the routine will follow it just may be something different than the "norm" as each bubs is different.
Good luck ! :)

[maddysmama]

Thanks everyone, and thanks for the welcome!

Over the last couple of days DD has turned into a sleep fighter and will not sleep from 9am till 9pm, no matter how much rocking or walking!! :confused: However she gave me hope last night by sleeping well and self settling! (obviously exhausted herself out!)