Do you bribe your children?

[nemosmum]

Ok when I want to do something with DS (eg get him dressed in the morning or get him out of the pool or get him back in the pram after playing in the park)
I will often use a form of bribery to help him comply without any fuss/tantrums etc

Usually DS is well behaved and he doesnt have tanties all the time but I sometimes want to minimise the risk of a tanty (especially in public places :p)
So I offer DS a toy or food to help distract him from whats happening etc

I find that if his got food in his hand or a great toy that his interested in he is happier to do what I want him too.

What Im wondering is do other mums do this as well???
And is this bribery or just good parenting (distraction technique)???

If you have used similar techniques to these, how old was your child before they didnt need these types of distraction???
I only ask coz I really dont want to be giving food to a 10 year old just so he can get out of the pool LOL :D

Also I want DS to be able to respond to my directions without having to use food or toys as a bribe etc I know he is still little (only 16 months) but they learn so quickly IYKWIM

Thanks
Sarah

[the_queen]

Hi Sarah!
It's not bribery.

Bribery is when a logging company pays a member of parliament in return for his vote in favour of deforestation :p

What you're doing is distraction - but I know what you mean about wanting him to do things for the right reason. My DD is 4, and I don't bribe her anymore - if we're stuck on a point and she's refusing to do something, I'll "make her a deal". I think it teaches her that in the world we live in, sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do, in order to get the things you want.

PS you sound like a wonderful mummy!

[mummycloud]

Bribery is another word for rewarding for good behaviour, which is terrific parenting :D

[veve]

when teaching - it is called 'reinforcing!!' :D

we dont bribe... we reinforce the good behaviour!!

xxx

[sopolicha]

Hello, my name is Catherine and I bribe my children. - I do prefer the term reinforcing good behaviour. I say whatever gets you through the day!!

[nemosmum]

Queen- your too kind :)

Mummy cloud- Hmm yes I agree

Veve- LOL Why is it I have no problem teaching other peoples children, but when it comes to O Im lost :eek: hehehehe

Sopoli- I prefer positive reinforcement too LOL :D

Thanks for all the support girls ;)

[WeThree]

lol Sarah, remember that day at cronulla, and i wanted to get coops off the beach? 'come on cooper, quick, come to mummy and we will get an icecream':D sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures :) :)

[Elfin]

Hey what a great thread. When I read the title I thought hmmm yes guilty as charged over here. But now after reading this thread the only thing I am guilty of is being a great parent :D Thanks ladies you have made my day :cool:

[aardvark]

DD#2 is campaigning for a "singing Care Bear".

I'm campaigning to get her to be patient enough to bother sitting to learn to tie her shoe laces.

I've told her that she can have the Care Bear when she has learnt to tie her shoe laces.

So far there seems to be no great danger of me needing to buy one for her!

[kimmy]

well next time i tell my DS if he does that ill give him this i wont feel so bad thanks guy's. :D

[nemosmum]

lol Sarah, remember that day at cronulla, and i wanted to get coops off the beach? 'come on cooper, quick, come to mummy and we will get an icecream' sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures


LOL Erin I know I know :D But somedays I just feel like Im the only mum who does this kind of stuff and I feel guilty!!!

I see some mums struggling to get their kids to do stuff (like get out of the pool!) and I feel guilty coz I just wave a vegemite sandwich O's way and his out in a flash :D

ps stole your smilies, sorry :o

[sopolicha]

So far there seems to be no great danger of me needing to buy one for her!

That is beauty of it - half the time you don't have to fork out, because their half of the deal hasn't been met.

[funnyfarm]

Geeeezzzz

I do this all the time and i never really thought about it until reading this thread. I think it is a survival instinct for all parents, isn't it.

Janet.

[Rell]

I think we are all guilty of this at times. I only see it as a problem if a child refuses to do anything they are told unless they get a treat. I do know a 3 1/2yr old like this. She gets treats for; brushing her teeth, having her hair brushed, going to the toilet (althought she has been toilet trained for 12mths), not crying at swimming, behaving at the shops etc..

[Shazbutt]

If Mac's REALLY getting up my nose, or on a bad day when she just won't listen...i won't hesitate....I need to keep my sanity! I don't do it all the time though...only when i HAVE to.... :rolleyes:

[moonblossom]

Hi, I have seven children and bribery if you want to call it that LOL works wonders. I've had the youngs three sitting in a row like little angels when i've visted the ante natal clinic with other mothers looking at me like HOW THE HELL DO YOU DO THAT...and i'm thinking...BRIBERY LOL

Good on ya, its better than threats or smacks.

You really love them for their good behaviour and they adore you for their treat LOL

Many blessings

[SixtiesChild]

I don't think that this is really bribery. I think it's a natural parental reaction.
It's the very beginning of creating boundaries for our children. Boundaries are needed, so that children can learn what is acceptable and what is not. It's so that when they are adults they can make healthy decisions for themselves based on what we parents have taught them.
I think it's ok to use food as a distraction when they are little but later on when they are old enough to understand switch to rewards for good behavior such as going to the park or the beach etc....

One new boundary that I use every day is that if my dd who is a 5 year old goes to bed at 8:00 pm on the dot, she gets a story read to her.
Also she must brush her teeth and get her pj's on as part of the deal.
If she chooses to go to bed at 8:30pm there is no story.
Bedtime is strictly 8:30pm at the latest
And there are no exeptions to this rule unless there is a national emergency.

This works because, she has been given a choice to some point and figures that she has some power to choose between 8pm and an exiting story or 8:30 and no story. She is an extremely strong willed child but I am finally learning to compromise and work with her. It hasn't been easy.
Another reason this is working is that the story I'm reading her is something she is really exited about and so she looks forward to it.

[nemosmum]

Good point Nadia, its sounds like its working too which is great huh :D

[tickle]

What other parenting techniques are there?:p
We bribe, try not to do it too often. I think it is ok, especially when their language is still developing.
Nadia you make some great points about choices. If O wants something that he can't have, I find it easier to distract him from it if I offer a choice of two other things if that makes sense.
I think you need to adjust the techniques you use as they get older and understand more. But you know all this anyway Miss Early Ed.;)

[nemosmum]

Are you talking to moi?????

Yep I soooo know all this stuff but when it comes to O I am just as lost as the next first time mumma :eek:

Seriously its totally different when its your own bub, you have such a huge attachment to your own its crazy all my years of education and hands on experience just fly out the window..................................:p poor O

[tickle]

LOL so true.:)