How to convience my dp to have another baby?

[maybe1more]

Hi all,
Im in a bit of a delemia, my son is 28months and i badly want to have another baby, i tried to give Connor a sibling that would of been due in Febuary but it wasnt to be. My dp and i are living with his brother inlaw and we will be untill our house is built which will take about 12 months, my dp wants to wait untill then to start trying, but he has also hinted a having "just the one" due to one income. I understand his reasons but im going to be at home with Connor for the next 4 years so, i think its perfect timing to have another baby. Hopefully if i was to fall pregnant in the new year or there abouts, our house will hopefully be finished. Any ideas on how to convience him, i dont want to force him, but at the same time why should it be his decision. Thanks heaps for any advice :)

[Sarie]

Number two decided for himself.
But when I started thinking that I'd really like to try for a girl, all it took was an off hand comment of
'If we ever had another...' (I had GD with my last pregnancy and I was saying that if we were to have another, hopefully it would be planned so we could be on the GD lifestyle properly for a few months before hand!)
About two months later his boss was here (hubby has a home office) and hubby said to him about 'Then next one being a couple of years down the track'
He'd gone from in the line up to having the snip 8 months ago to being excited about trying again. I was utterly shocked!

[Peaceangels]

Try this little excercise - which will help you both see and understand each other's "reason's".

Both you and DP sit down separately with a pen and a piece of paper. Divide the paper into two columns:
(1) Reasons for having another baby (2) Reasons against having another baby

And write your own reasons for and against, then swap and read each other's.

It may not get you anywhere (apologies for the wasted time), but it may help "swing" a result in someone's favour! ;)

Goodluck! :D

[maybe1more]

Peaceangel- nice one! Something so simple, and hopefully very affective! Ill start off by cooking him a nice dinner! (blackmail) and letting him relax, ill then put Connor to sleep, then ill get out the stationary. A shot of alcohol wont go astray either, just to calm the nerves :o

[MilkOnTap]

Good luck with it Firstbub!

DH and I are kind of in a similar situation. I mean - I am literally counting days to ovulation and he wants to wait until he gets back from sea (at the end of August!) I figure, why wait that long when I can have a bun in the oven (or at least TRY for one) before he goes and then he will get back just before its due.

He says he doesn't want to miss out on the pregnancy - but I figure, he isn't going to miss out on much - right? Apart from Ultrasounds and feeling baby move... So long as he is there for the last couple of weeks and for labour then thats all that matters to me.

And then I have the Angel sitting on my other shoulder whispering that perhaps it WOULD be a good idea to wait... I can get my weight under a bit more control plus it would be more time so we can save a bit more $$...

I am just so IMPATIENT and I desperately want a baby...

[Sarie]

Ally,
hugs to you honey!
It took us a long time to fall pregnant with number one. My DH came to every doctors app with me. He was great (though he did laugh at my 24 hour a day sickness), so I can understand your hubby's point of view. But they really don't understand our maternal cravings for a bub.
I hope you manage to get your way and fall (safely) soon!
Best wishes love,
Saire

[maybe1more]

...

I am just so IMPATIENT and I desperately want a baby...


I know what you mean, its better to get the ball rolling so - speak!
I dont blame you for being impatient, your married now (yippy) and your ready for the next step! Especially after your tragic losses, a beautiful baby would be the iceing on the cake! From your photo hon, it doesnt look like you need to keep your weight under control, you look fab!

[stellaj]

jenny- accidents/suprises happen..........or is that cruel, but you do know that Mario is a good dad so why not. Try giving him the line about Connor and the baby not being too far apart in age and that you don't want to be older parents etc. I bet he'll come around. :)

[andrewsmum]

OMG - you too? I thought I was the only one feeling like this...

I am so desperate to try for another baby. I miscarried twice this year so thought, let's try again sooner rather than later. The urge to have another baby is so strong.

I am in the same boat - I don't want to force my hubby either but he is so adamant that we don't TTC till next year. I'm not on the pill so he has the power. He controls the condoms while in bed, and it really angers me that he won't take a chance. He's made the decision and I can't negotiate with him or discuss it because he says it's a definite NO! :mad: I only bought those condoms so we could enjoy sex while waiting for AF to arrive after the second miscarriage.

I have had 3 AF's since the miscarriage!!! How much longer do I have to wait???? It was only supposed to be one month! :eek:

Anyway, I'll definitely be trying Peaceangels suggestion for finding out DH's reasons in the next few days. Thanks for the suggestion. :)

[JATS]

LOL

My hubby and I both agreed before we were even engaged (2001) that when we were ready to start having kids we'd stop birth control and not start using birth control again until we were finished having kids. :D

We both want our kids as close as possible, and when it took 2 yrs to concieve our son it cemented the agreement!

The problem I foresee is that DH wants to stop at 4, and I am not sure I will want to stop there!!! I guess we'll see how we feel when it happens!

You just never know!

[kimmariee]

Hi i'm kim and i know how you all feel i have 3 lovely boys my youngest is 20months and i would love to try for another one would love to have a girl but not too worried just want another one. Hubby says no wait till youngest is at least 5 but i say why wait i'm at home any way and am only 26 will be at home studing so want to have this last one now so when finish degree all 3 boys be at school and if have 4th they will be able to go to daycare and i can start working am also wondering how to convince him so any suggestions most appreciated good luck to the rest of you.

[MilkOnTap]

...it doesnt look like you need to keep your weight under control, you look fab!

Thanks - but you cant see BELOW my chest! Hmmm... all the other photos make me look like a beached whale.

Even so - I just dont want to wait!!!

[Shazbutt]

I'm sorry, i don't have any suggestions for you, but I just want to wish all of you gals wanting more bubbas the very best of luck!

[maybe1more]

Kimmariee and Andrewsmum- you have both make me feel better knowing im not the only one. What a relive! Kimmariee i can understand why you would love another bub, but to wait till your youngerest is 5.... Your son will be in school by then, and i agree with you, your at home with a 20 month old so its best to try now (hopefully for a girl :D ) but its so hard to convince our men :rolleyes: .
Andrewsmum, my dp and i planned bub number two (after i begged him) then when i lost the baby, i thought we would be trying again as soon as we were allowed to, by my dp said 'things happen for a reason and maybe we should just stick to the one') :eek: We know what we are installed for after already having a child, and we do 90% of the looking after them so why is it left up to them?
Im at the stage were im getting desperate,and i know that may sound a little strange to some people, but my urge is so strong. Ive tryed the condom thing too, but he insists on using them!!! As been suguested by some of the ladies, i might have to sabotarge the condoms and i know its not the right thing to do if all else fails i might have too.Desperate times call for desperate measure, hey ladies ;)

Thanks all for your replys, Shazbutt thanks for your well wishes, it does mean alot!

[SAVINA]

i dont know u tell me ?:(

[Shan]

WOW i feel so much better knowing that im not alone!! I wish so much that we would fall pregnant, and i start counting the days untill we can try! Im in the same boat as my hubby isnt ready yet for a second! Our little angel is 16 months now! I would love for her to 'grow up' with a sibling and to be close in age! Im 1 of 7 childern and i believe that you need someone to grow up with!!!

Having another child is all i think about! I think of different names, the birth the lot! It really is taking over! I try and not put any presure on my hubby, but sometimes its so hard! I would love to fall this year, for so many reasons eg i would be pregnant over winter and that the childern would be only 2 yrs apart! I only would like 2 childern so i cant see why this has become so impossible!

Its so hard for me and i now that sounds very selfish, but having so much time on my hands its all i dream about!! :eek:

I guess all i can do is wait :(

I respect his choice but its so hard!!!

[maybe1more]

Well i tryed talking to my dp about having another baby, and the awnser is still no:mad: I know it should be a joint decision but i couldnt take it anymore!!! So i sabotarged the comdons, yes i know how naughty i am, but the desire i have to have another baby is consuming me, i end up cut the tip off 3 of the condoms and puting them back in the packet;) , so hopefully those 3 chances have made me conceive:D , i think my dp is a little suspect of me though, but i told him it must of been a bad batch!!! He`s not too happy about the possability, but im stoked!!! So i have my fingers crossed that it worked as i cant keep doing this as he`s no dumb and i dont want to get busted!!

[JATS]

PMSL

You're braver than me Jenny, although the pull to motherhood is insanely strong, I know that much, I'm just lucky in that DH is as nuts about being a parent as me!

Good Luck

*giggle*

[Tike Tyson]

Hey, I think it would be better to wait until you are in your own house, it may get a bit cramped and stressful having a new born as well as your bubby while sharing a house? You could even try taking the pressure off Daddy, let him think the urge has passed somewhat, it may take on the effect of playing hard to get?? The age thing is a big carrot, for you two and the kids, plus you can remind him the longer you leave it the harder it may be to fall pregnant, the clock is always ticking! (darn getting old):eek:

[Crazy Monkey]

We are not ready t o have another bub yet, DS is 8 months tomorrow, but we were talking last night about when to start TTC for #2... I said when DS is about 1.5 years, we should try and he wants to wait until DS is in school... I can see I'm going to have a fight on my hands when the time comes... DH does get clucky around new borns, so hopefully someone we know will have a bubs at the end of the year, to get him interested and then it will be easier to convince him...

Good luck to all you gals trying to convince your partners..

[mim]

Sorry, coming into this really late. I had sort of the same issue with DF over #3. He was happy with two, but I was desperate for #3. He wanted to wait a few years until our other two were older, but there is no way I would want to go back to the baby stuff after 5 - 10 years. It was hard for us because after DD was born, we both agreed two was enough. Then when she was about nine months I decided that I NEEDED one more. We spent a year talking about it and what it basically came down to was who was going to be the most affected by doing what the other person wanted. My DF decided he would love this baby and be happy once it was here, and that my sense off loss would be worse than just having a 3rd child (gotta love him! ;) )
I hope this makes sense. I wish I had the magic formula to make him say yes. I think you just have to keep talking, make him see how important it is to you. You have been through a lot and my fingers are crossed for you.

I could always come and kick him up the bum for you :p

mim xxx

[Shan]

Mim, im with you sweetie!!! Its so hard because it means so much to us!!! My hubby thinks its taken over my mind, it has in a way! It sounds VERY selfish of myself but im thinking of our little girl aswell She is 16 months old now! She needs someone to grow up with!!!

Time is ticking!!!!! :eek:

Good luck! Fingers crossed for the both of us!!! :)

[our little treasures]

ALLY84 I know how exciting the thought of becoming preggars is but maybe wait for hubby's sake!! Ultrasounds are just such a special thing and my hubby never missed one of either of my kids appointments... When you first see baby in U/s thats the first time you see him her....... Let him be a part of it your lucky most men don't want to be that involved..

[ZAKA]

I am have trying to convince my DH for the last 15 months with no luck. I don't think there is an argument I have not tried! He is very sure he only want the two we have. His reasons are mainly financial and mine obviously very emotive. Lately it has been really depressing me as I am trying to come to terms with not having that third. I have to try and respect that he really does not want another but it is very hard!

[maybe1more]

[QUOTE=mim]I could always come and kick him up the bum for you :p

I love it!! Thanks Mim you made my day, btw does your hubby have a brother... lol:)

Shan- i know where your at, my ds was 15 months old when i started bugging my dp for another baby, it took me 6 months of nagging for him to finally say "yes" it only took a month for me to concieve and i was thrilled as my ds was 21 months and the gap would of been perfect, but i lost the baby and i was deverstated, as i was sooo looking foward to this baby!My bub would of been due in febuary this year, so i want more then ever to be pregnate, its been 8 months and my ergu is stronger then ever, i hope your hubby comes around as its still takes time to conceive would could even take 6 months and then pregancy so all up it could take a year and a half! Good luck!!

Tike tyson- i understand were you are coming from, but my dp keeps changing him mind!!! He doesnt want to build our house now,he wants to sit on the land for a while and then build in about a year, so if i wait for our house to be finished could be 2 or more years away, and i cant wait!!

Jacksmum05- its not easy hey! I thought i would be easier to have the kind of close so they can grow up together and whilst at home with one you might as well be home with two! If you hubby wants to wait untill Jack goes to school, then you have just gotten one off your hands (so to speak) and your doing it all over again, and being at home for another 5 years, were as having them close in age, one goes to school and two years later the other one goes to school, rather then waiting almost 10, for both to be a school.

Karentrolley- no worries i understood where you were coming from, no offence taken at all!

Zaka- its not fair!!! Why do men always have the last say??? After all we are the one that will be doing 80% of the looking after them and we know what we are installed for, and you want to have kids while you still can, as the fertility rate drops as we get older, thats what i keep tell my dp as he is 10 years older and he is a smoking, so im trying to play on the fact that his sperm count is constainly dropping. The emotional side is stressfull enought especially when my sister just told me she is pregant. Best of luck to you and i really hope your hubby rethinks his decision.

[3agirls]

I have 3 beautiful girls but i am yearning for a 4th baby. I have been feeling this way for over a year and my husband will not budge. All about the money!!!!! It is eating me alive and causing much stress between us. Any Advice!!!:banghead:

[mumma_jessy]

If anyone knows of any magic formula out ther, i'll pay for it!! Lol!

I have been trying to convince my Df but with no luck so far, i even decided he was right a few months ago, but denial doen't work very well for me, and now we are back where we started.

Growing up i never knew what career i wanted or anything, but i was dead sure that one day i was gonna be a Mummy to three kids. I ended up doing it all backwards, i did envisage the career first but still, i can't let the thought of that last one go.

Only time will tell i guess, i just hope it's a short amount of time, lol!

[mumma_jessy]

Anyone else wish they had talked about it more before they hadthe first one?

Don't get me wrong I love my DF more than ever, but if i knew that the number of kids to have would have been such a strain on our relationship maybe i would have done things differently?

I don't know it's a hard one, it's something that you will regret the rest of your life if you want the last one, and something that can cause so much resentment too...

Is it just me that thinks this way, i hope not :confused:

[mumsluv]

Mumma Jessy

I feel exactly the same. I thought that I had been clear that I wanted more than 1 but it seems that I wasn't. When I talked about having KIDS, not KID, he never said that he didn't feel the same way and I wish now thAt I had pursued the subject more keenly. I guess I just presumed that if he didn't object then he agreed.

This has caused huge pain in our relationship and we are now seeking counselling to help us work through it. He has told me that I must choose: him or a baby. What a choice!! Right now, I'm not sure which I would choose, which is a horrible thing to admit to yourself. Trying hard to focus on what I've got already and its a moment-by-moment effort.

I hope it all works ou for you soon. I read your other thread and can totally empathis with you.

Mumsluv:fingerscrossed:

[1+1=5]

i just found this thread....looking at your signature firstbub, it looks like your 'method' worked! lol

my DH is the same as many of yours on here. i do all the hard work at home, he comes home at night and tucks DS in and yet he has been dragging his heels about having another one. lucky somebody up there is on my side and we managed to fall pregnant by chance (we were on contreception) and i'm one happy girl :smiliedance:. bless my fertile body and DH's little swimmers for being so efficient. if it were up to DH, we would only have one child or not have a second one for another 10 years. i refuse to go on hormonal contraceptives till we are well and truly done (or wwhn i feel like i'm done) so its almost up to me how many kids we have :). DH wouldn't dare tell me what to use. on a serious note though, i wouldn't purposely get pregnant if DH didn't want another one until i exhasuted all avenues of convincing him.