Can any dads help?

[sharvs]

I'll try and cut a really long story short.

I have a 15 month old son. My partner has been overseas (Army) since Sept 06, due home early April. Prior to his deployment he was away for 6 months of our sons life. He was given the option to come home for 10 days over Christmas but declined to go to Europe with mates instead. When he comes back to Australia in April, he says he will be home for 2 weeks, then he is going back to Europe with mates for 2 weeks before he starts work again in May.

He can not see why this makes me so angry. Of the 15 months our son has been alive, he has been away for 12 months & yet he wants to spend more time away. His job takes him away & I understand that but my gripe is with him choosing to go overseas with his mates instead of being with his family.

I want to get a males perspective on this. A friend said maybe he is feeling really guilty about missing so much of his childs life that he doesnt know how to deal with it. I have no doubt in my mind that he loves our son with all his heart but i cant comprehend why he is making such bad decisions. He's not a bad person and this is quite out of character for him.

[tru]

Firstly, :hugs: for you. It must be very hard being without your partner for so long and for him to want to spend his holidays with mates. What's with his priorities!

I just asked my DP to get a male's perspective for you. He asked how old is he? He said if he's only young then he may be immature and thinking more of himself. If he's older then it sounds like he doesn't have much interest in his family. He said it's hard to know what his deal is without knowing him. DP said he would want to spend more time with his family if he was away for that long, or take the family on holidays with him, instead of mates.

I hope this helps. Try and stay strong love, and do what is best for you and your son. At least your son has you and you are doing your best to be there for him. More :hugs:

[rainman]

There is no excuse for this and you are gonna have to let him know that and tell him to pull his head in.

I know all this has been very hard on you but unfortunately as it is for alot of mothers out there you are going to have to be the one to fix the situation by confronting him about it and not accepting this behaviour again.

Good luck:thumbsup:

[V8]

Ok, i'm not a man, but i used to be an army wife and still have friends that are married to army guys. When you are married/defacto and have a child, there is no excuse for him to not spend time with you. And to not even comprimise, he could at least spend half the time with you and half in Europe. But i really think he is selfish and only thinking of himself. I don't think i could be married to someone like that, he needs to work out his priorities and fast, or i'd be doing a 'dear john' on him!

[steve]

Hmmm
I can tell you …Most man can only see in a straight line and they can not see the full picture. For an example… some males love there Xbox and PC more then there children and wife’s while others might think going to the pub all the time is the right thing to do. They don’t have a open mind to see the pain they are creating for there love ones. Some males can change there life style to be a good supportive husband while others just cant let go of the good things in life.

This might sound harsh but some males just think of them self’s and no one else.. and at the end of the day if the guy doesn’t change is there any reason to be with him? For what you know this might have a big impact on your child’s life in the future… get it sorted out.

[no1daddy]

look I don't know what's wrong with the fella, but I missed 6 months of my daughter's first 8 months and i felt guilty as hell, so to make up for it ive tried to spend every possible moment making it up to her and mum.
It was hard at first seeing as she didnt reconise me as her dad for while but after a week she came around and since then weve been pretty much inseperatable. all i can say is pull him up and really let him know how u feel or he'll never know. good luck

[tomtom]

I'll try and cut a really long story short.



He's not a bad person and this is quite out of character for him.


I hate plant the seed of doubt, but maybe he's "seeing" someone overseas. People usually behave out of character when this is happening

[3kidz]

hi i am a dad to 2 beautiful boys and gorgous little girl.there is nothing in this world that would stop me seeing my kids and partner if i had been away for so long.i dont understand why he would not want 2 spend time with them but thats me, i know guys that are in the army and they were not ready to be dads but still chose to have one.sounds like you r doin just fine on your own and would b better off without him maybe he will realise what he has missed out on good luck

[marz]

Hi ,
Im a dad of 7,3 of them are step kids and he rest are mine.So i had a ready made family before i had my own with my wife.I have seen in my step kids life how there dad wasn't there for them even though i was .Every time he made a promise or said he was comming to see them and didnt show, made them very upset.What im trying to say is there real dad is 40 and still hasnt showed interest.Some guys have fatherhood in them and some don,t.Maybe he might be scared of what to do? If he is doing right or maybe trying not to disapoint you?
But at the end of the day we are all parents and we are without a doubt going to make mistakes.

[Africamum]

Hi,

I have just shared this story with my husband, you may prefer not to know what his initial comments were, however he expressed doubts towards you DP's motivation to be in a relationship.

I hope all is well