Do you suffer from Tokophobia? (Fear of child birth) [Archive]

tru

12-03-2007, 16:57

No judgement intended people! - just curious about if sufferers of tokophobia who want to have elective c-sections have tried conquering their fear of child birth or aren't interested in trying to?

I was a bit scared of giving birth so did a course on hypnobirthing and it took away all my fear and resulted in a wonderful natural birth and speedy recovery (I was up and walking around with my baby immediately after the cord was cut). It really was the most empowering experience I've ever had, and I wish all women could birth without fear. The mind is such a powerful thing and I believe with the right techniques, our fears can be eliminated.

So just wondering what other women have done to help themselves eliminate the fear :)

Also, have you thought about if you were unable to have a c-section for whatever reason, like going in to early labour and there was absolutely no way you could get to a hospital, like if you were trapped in an elevator or natural disaster or something? Wouldn't it be good to learn some coping techniques just incase you don't get the c-section you're hoping for?

kita

12-03-2007, 18:06

I defintly suffer from fear of childbirth!!! I am planning on having a c/s no doubt about it nothing will change my mind. If i go into early labour i will be rushing for emergncy c/s but i mean if i had no choice but birth naturally i dont kno how i would handle im having panic attacks now so i wouldnt hae a clue how id deal with it

tru

12-03-2007, 18:33

Thanks for sharing that, Kita :)

I wish you all the best with your birthing experience, and Im sure if you had to birth naturally you would be ok because your body would take over and do it all for you.

reAllytee

12-03-2007, 18:46

stompy

12-03-2007, 19:38

Tru, I know that it's not what you were trying to say, and I understand that you were asking a genuine question, but........................

I still can not comprehend why there is still such a stigma attached to women who elect to have caesareans. I have a phobia of child birth and have not looked in to conquering it. I am happy to have my c sections and never have to face my fears. Whether people think that makes me weak, stupid or childish I don't really care. All I know is that it makes me happy, and to me that's all that counts.

kita

12-03-2007, 19:41

thankyou stompy:thumbsup: :thumbsup:

tru

12-03-2007, 19:47

I have a phobia of child birth and have not looked in to conquering it. I am happy to have my c sections and never have to face my fears. Whether people think that makes me weak, stupid or childish I don't really care. All I know is that it makes me happy, and to me that's all that counts.

Yes :thumbsup: Your happiness is all that matters to you, and good on you for going after the birth you want. I really wish you the best of luck on a positive experience.

I just don't know how fear can mean happiness :confused: and wonder why people don't want try to remove that fear

threepigs

12-03-2007, 19:48

I'm interested to know what exactly constitues the phobia. I mean, lots of women are afraid. I was totally petrified but let nature run its course....not sure I understand at what poiint normal every day fear stops and phobia starts?:confused:

kita

12-03-2007, 19:51

I guess phobia is the women who arent willing to conquer their fears and try nature take its course "like myself" and have no interest in anything but a c/s becoz i am that afraid.

tru

12-03-2007, 19:58

I have a fear of childbirth...

...im hoping to have proper counselling in regards to my birthing experience before this bubs arrival. Im then hoping this will lead me to a decision as to whether i should have another vb or go down the c/s road.

Counselling is a great idea, allyoo! :thumbsup: Talking about fears is a great way to beat them. Best of luck in your journey.

mumski

12-03-2007, 19:59

I have a fear of childbirth.
I have now hit the denial stage of this pregnancy where im denying im pg & dont want to accept i have to give birth again.
I had a traumatic vb with my son that resulted in 3rd degree tearing, a prolapse & incontinence. They were the physical scars but the emotional run even deeper.

Bubhub has helped me talk about it a lot more but its still not enough im hoping to have proper counselling in regards to my birthing experience before this bubs arrival. Im then hoping this will lead me to a decision as to whether i should have another vb or go down the c/s road.

Hi Ally,
I had prenatal depression with 2nd baby due to a v. difficult and frightening birth with my first. I talked to my midwife - a lot- I had her home number too just in case I ever needed to call and went for counselling too. It really helped to talk through the birth from beginning to end especially understanding why everything had gone so wrong and why I'd needed intervention. I'd felt really guilty but talking about it, and writing a birth plan, made all the difference and when the time came (he was 12 days late but that's another story) I really felt ready for it and had the birth I had been hoping for in the first place bringing much needed closure to an upsetting experience. I would definitely recommend talking to a counsellor to anyone going through this anxiety.

SassyMummy

12-03-2007, 21:57

I have a fear of childbirth - I think a lot of people do. I don't, however, suffer anxiety attacks just thinking about it or anything like that... but it's still scary.

For me, personally, my fear is more about NOT being able to give birth vaginally than the actual pain involved. That might sound a bit odd, but I'm scared of having another caesarean, and at the same time, scared that vaginal birth will be so intense that I'll just go "OMG CUT ME OPEN!" I'm scared of birth because of what it may bring - I'm scared that I'll fell trapped in hte moment, and give in to doctors whinging at me to have another caesarean. I'm scared of that most of all.

I don't know WHAT birth is like though, or labour for that matter, so I can use my rational thought to at least use that as a decent arguement. I mean, I've never had a terrible vaginal birth experience to intensify any fears I do have... but instead have had a caesarean which makes me want to have a VB even more. At hte same time, it's scary because at least I KNOW what happens with a caesarean. No idea what to expect when it comes to birthing...

reAllytee

12-03-2007, 22:00

Hi Ally,
I had prenatal depression with 2nd baby due to a v. difficult and frightening birth with my first. I talked to my midwife - a lot- I had her home number too just in case I ever needed to call and went for counselling too. It really helped to talk through the birth from beginning to end especially understanding why everything had gone so wrong and why I'd needed intervention. I'd felt really guilty but talking about it, and writing a birth plan, made all the difference and when the time came (he was 12 days late but that's another story) I really felt ready for it and had the birth I had been hoping for in the first place bringing much needed closure to an upsetting experience. I would definitely recommend talking to a counsellor to anyone going through this anxiety.

Thanks for sharing Mumski i appreciate you telling me how well things went for you it gives me hope !

I have a psychologist i see regularily as it is due to other depression issues i have but the birthing experience isnt something i can go through with her. If that makes sense :o .
I have finally found someone who deals with birth counselling which will be much better !

tyler's mum

12-03-2007, 22:07

I had a very traumatic birth, im seeing a psychologist which is helping also bub hub is,

i still can not have sex from the fear i may fall pg, i strated seeing one of my ex's when tyler was about 14 months, we had sex a few times and i was so scared i have never felt anything like it b4,

i still find it pretty hard to talk about, i still have nitemares. just to think about it makes me wanna break down.. i have always wanted alot of kids but not anymore..

i always knew it would hurt to give birth, i just was not ready for how much could go wrong and the long lasting problems after,,

kiah

12-03-2007, 22:12

All i can say is im glad i had to have c-sections for both my kids coz of med probs with me. Would prefer not to give birth.

But.....if it woud be the only way for me to bring my kids into the world and i didn't have a choice i would def do it. I luv kids, i would die for them...and experience pain if i had to. I'm just a wimp that's all.

icugal

12-03-2007, 23:22

My fear of childbirth revolves mostly around the fear of third degree tearing and the long-term consequences of same. I desperately wanted an elective c-section, but the medical team at the hospital wouldn't agree to it.

In the end, I was willing to endure a vaginal birth only if the epidural was going to be left on enough to allow me to push, but not enough to feel all the pain. Thankfully my doctors were willing to do that, however, my baby had other ideas and got stuck in the birth canal and went into distress. Needless to say, I ended up with the caesar that I had so desperately wanted (though not under ideal circumstances).

It really makes me happy to know that when I have another baby, I won't have to fight to have another caesar.

becca74

13-03-2007, 02:46

previous traumatic birth experiences didnt stop me from having faith that birth works....2 c/sections and I still had an instinct that it could/should be better. I hired a psycologist, went to Birthrites meetings and read up on everything I could to plan a better birth experience....

I am a birth addict....so I had to vote 'other'....I've never feared birth itself, except before I knew my options after I got pregnant with DS4 and feared I'd need another c/sec, so my fear was more about putting my life in the hands of obstetricians - but my natural attitude that the cup is half full, and my natural positive mind-frame made me put up a fight and stubbornly plan and achieve the birth of my dreams.....no obs for me, just the loving care of my midwife!

Each time, I've cursed and f'd and blinded whilst in labour, each time swearing that that would be the last time, but I keep wanting to go back for more to try and improve on the experience.

I love the feeling of empowerment and the natural high you get after you have a baby....it is soooooooo addictive! If hubby would let me, I would get pregnant again, I am that in love with having babbas!!

zaxmumma

13-03-2007, 07:20

For me, personally, my fear is more about NOT being able to give birth vaginally than the actual pain involved. That might sound a bit odd, but I'm scared of having another caesarean

I too am petrified of having another c/s. mine was an emergency after being so close to having him naturally (I could feeling his head when they told me to reach down for encouragement with the pushing) I was deeply disapointed & it hurt...

bambikins

13-03-2007, 22:28

I ticked the first box..........
This is one fear that I have no wish to conquer because I easily eliminated my phobia by choosing to have a caesar.

From the day I was born, the word "birth injury" was something which I had to live with, which after 31 years resulted in one big fear. The years of pain on my mothers face and looking at my paralysed arm everyday is a constant reminder of my birth.

What I have conquered though was my fear of being a useless mother because of my physical limitations. I have proved myself wrong and am having the most awesome time at being a mum and raising my daughter the best way I know how.

Ana Gram

13-03-2007, 22:43

I can safely say that yes I fear childbirth due to DD's birth. I will not have another child. I no longer have sex, mostly because of the agonising pain but as I fell pregnant very easily last time, I don't want to take that risk.

I also picked the first option as I have no need to conquer the fear as I am not having any more children.

tootiredtosleep

14-03-2007, 09:56

I fear having another baby, and not just the pregnancy part, but also if they will be healthy.

I will have one more bub via csection. If I can't have a caesar then I won't be continuing the pregnancy. I've had one though, so I dont think that it will be an issue.

I am terrified of pap smears now too. I just hate the thought of doctors coming near me.

brtijo

14-03-2007, 11:02

hi all ive allways had a fear of giveing birth and i still do with my first bub i went to give birth but she got stuck and i had to have a vaccum with secend bub i went to have a vb and he in the end i had to have a emerancy c section as he went into disstress and i was so close to loseing him so , now im pregnet again the hospital says i could have a vb or a cs its my choice im leaning more towards a cs im to scared to do vb as when ive gone to give vb ive almost lost my babys and it stresses me out and scares me its hard enough trying to explain how i feeling anyway thanks for reading cheers jodie

tru

14-03-2007, 11:26

...with secend bub i went to have a vb and he in the end i had to have a emerancy c section ...

... its hard enough trying to explain how i feeling anyway thanks for reading cheers jodie

thank you for sharing that with us jodie. :hugs: you were very brave to face your fear a second time around. just wondering if you considered trying to overcome your fear with counselling or courses of any kind?

lilpearl

14-03-2007, 13:39

I don't fear birth - but the thought of having my birth power taken from me via a c-section is very scary. I had a caesarean with my first child and would hate to have another one. My second birth was a fantastic experience, and so I'm chosing a homebirth this time round to ensure I have the best chance of a straight-forward birth and safe outcome. I think doctors and hospitals are the scary part! After all, birth is a natural life event, a social event, and not a medical event. I think a lot of women have hung onto bad birth stories or have had a traumatic birth experience and choose to hang onto that as though it's a good portrayal of what will probably happen if they birth again. Not so though - wow, my second birth was a natural breeze! I wish all those who are traveling the pregnancy journey right now all the best in achieving an empowering birth experience - it is, truly, the most important thing in life - how we all get here, and what will impact on the rest of our lives more than anything...I think it is crucial that all women work through their childbirth fears - even if they plan on never having another child...otherwise, it will always be something that holds you back in other areas of your life. there is nothing like a great birth experience to give you the confidence to climb all of lifes mountains. It's the biggest right of passage there is. If one chooses a caesarean in the end, this should still be made to be a beautiful journey, not simply a medical procedure. There was a women in Australia who pulled her own baby from her body at her caesarean, and I think that's terrific! :)

tru

14-03-2007, 17:13

...I think it is crucial that all women work through their childbirth fears - even if they plan on never having another child...otherwise, it will always be something that holds you back in other areas of your life. ...:)

I agree about working through fear. :thumbsup: It feels so good to not be afraid anymore. It really IS possible to overcome our fears, no matter how big or small. You will thank yourself so much when you can live without fear. If I can do it, anyone can!

Leeny

14-03-2007, 17:17

14-03-2007, 17:49

There are so may phobias associated with pregnancy and childbirth!

Melusiophobia/Tocophobia/Parturiphobia/Lochiophobia - fear of pregnancy or childbirth

Tetarophobia is fear of bearing a deformed child

Mine is a Nosocomephobia (fear of hospitals) and Tomophobia (fear of surgical operations - ie a C/S)
which makes my life far easier if I birth at home!

Also Neopharmaphobia (fear of new drugs) which may be administered to me on the sly in a hospy setting.

Some people may have Odynophobia which is fear of pain

becca74

14-03-2007, 18:00

Mine is a Nosocomephobia (fear of hospitals) and Tomophobia (fear of surgical operations - ie a C/S)
which makes my life far easier if I birth at home!

Also Neopharmaphobia (fear of new drugs) which may be administered to me on the sly in a hospy setting.

These must be my phobias :yes: ....I even had a small anxiety attack visiting my nephew in the NICU the other day.....I'm not even pregnant! Hospitals make me feel nauseaous!

Africamum

15-03-2007, 01:53

Hi,

I always planned to have a C- Section
It was a positive experience, I was fortunate, I recovered quickly and healed very well, and I will have another C-Section

I have enjoyed reading everyone elses comments though, thanks.

brtijo

15-03-2007, 10:57

no i havent thought about any type of counselling or courses for it couse i just thought it was me being paranod and silly until i sew this post so yeah might look into it though :)

Alaterial

07-06-2007, 18:20

tru

07-06-2007, 18:59

Firstly, welcome to Bub Hub Alaterial. We're so glad you're here to share your journey with us. You will find a lot of support here and hopefully get some helpful advice that you seek.

I think you've made a big step forward in addressing your fear and that is so important. I get the feeling you are a very strong woman with a lot of love to give a child, whether it be your own flesh and blood or not (I'm adopted by the way :) )

I understand that this fear of child birth is real and very difficult for some women, and I believe that you can overcome it. Im not saying it's easy! but possible.

It it was me, I would probably start with a professional like a GP or counsellor.

I did a hypnobirthing course which I found very helpful but that might be a bit much for you just yet as it was very graphic right from the beginning.

Perhaps you could try a private hypnotherapist who specialises in tokophobia?

Hope this helps some. Best of luck to you in this journey. Look forward to seeing you around the forum.

becca74

07-06-2007, 19:07

Ever since Adolescence came into play I have feared anything to do with human nature in the reproductive category. I feared sexual intercourse more than anything at first, but as the years have grown, tokophobia has gotten hold of me so strong that I can't control the symtoms I get if someone is watching birth on t.v, seeing it in magazines. It's pushed in my face everywhere I go, in everyday life, because people talk about it, I see pregnant women walking around and due to my own fears I fear for them. I'm not too controlled by the fear of pregnancy itself, it's the birth that takes a hold of me... I often vomit due to all the anxiety, fear and stress of it all. I am due to get married in the near future, and as understanding as my fiance is, saying that we could always adopt it will be ok... I somehow feel like it wouldn't feel the same if the child wasn't my own flesh and blood, and yes I really do want a child of my own... But this fear gets in my way of trying to live my life. I want help, but I need to begin with having the strength to get it, I'm quite close to rock bottom with this phobia, i'm so lucky my fiance is a good man and is standing by me all the way... Please could anyone give me any advice?

Huge Hugs, what you're experiencing sounds awful!! :hugs:

Do you mind if I ask a few questions?

What do you think was the initial trigger of your fear?

What bits about birth frighten you the most?

What sort of counselling have you recieved for this?

If you have a true phobia, which it sounds as though you do, then professional counselling is necessary, as for example, I have a phobia about spiders, but seeking help from someone who keeps spiders as pets isnt going to help me much, iykwim.

In reality, alot of women have straightforward and even boring births, and even those who talk of the power of birth will say afterwards how the exhiliration of holding their newborn erases what they have been through.

There are also ways to 'tweak' your birth experience to make it better. I admit, I have had an extremely traumatic birth experience with my 3rd son, but afterwards I researched and educated myself and went on to have a wonderfully ecstatic birth last year (and I want to go back for more!)

A great book that you should be able to get a hold of in most librarys is "Childbirth without Fear" by an obstetrician called Grantley D*ck-Read. It explains the birth process, and how pain of birth is more related to fear, and if you reduce fear, the feelings of contractions are more like 'power' than pain. This has actually been my real life experience. It is a light-bulb moment book.

I hope you are able to find some resolution and peace from these fears....much love to you :hugs:

fai firinne

09-06-2007, 16:26

I still can not comprehend why there is still such a stigma attached to women who elect to have caesareans. I have a phobia of child birth and have not looked in to conquering it. I am happy to have my c sections and never have to face my fears. Whether people think that makes me weak, stupid or childish I don't really care. All I know is that it makes me happy, and to me that's all that counts.

That's the beauty of choice. You go, girl.:kiss:

Who doesn't want to avoid birth trauma? It's totally understandable to be scared of that and want to go to great lengths to avoid that.

What I don't understand is how it can be so easy in the current system to elect for a c/s as one (valid) way to avoid birth trauma, but so expensive and difficult to achieve the other way of avoiding birth trauma - natural birth, homebirth, gentle birth etc.

I think the current system would be a lot more fair to women and a lot more respectful of women, if both choices were equally available, accessible and affordable.

Lirael

09-06-2007, 16:30

are you serious? it is not as easy as you think to have an elective c unless you pay for it or have health cover. if you cant afford either, too bad. go read my birth story, and then you will see why I want a c section. i could not afford a c sect with my second bub, and had no choice at the public hospital where i went(only one in town) i had an ok second VB but would rather not do it again, sorry, not goona take a chance on a good or absolutely horrific VB. I do agree about homebirth funding etc though.

fai firinne

09-06-2007, 16:47

Emevity, that just sucks and I feel for you. It is outrageous that any woman in Australia should have such difficulty avoiding what she fears will be an unnecessarily traumatic birth - whether she chooses c/s, or homebirth, or even freebirthing as a way to avoid it. I'm really sorry to hear that you had a struggle to get what you needed. I totally hear you when you say: "i had an ok second VB but would rather not do it again, sorry, not gonna take a chance on a good or absolutely horrific VB."

I think that the increase in tokophobia is an indication that way too many women are experiencing trauma in the current system. And whichever way you try to avoid that, it seems like it is way too hard to do. That is not right.

From elective c/s funding to homebirth funding, the funding and support and CHOICE should be there.

Emevity don't be mad at me, I'm not against c/s and the last thing I want to do is offend or further traumatise anyone who had had one - by choice or necessity.

In my work, it has broken my heart to see so many awesome women go through the system full of hopes and dreams, trusting a system that was not honestly telling them the truth about their options.

It is really hard to see a woman you care about get so hurt in body and spirit, when with different care in a different institution you know it was highly likely the outcome would've been different.

I think it is about time all birth services had standardized feedback forms to give women and their partners a forum to express how it was for them. How can real change happen without that basic 'consumer research'? It gives me the impression they don't really care about women's views, experiences and opinions.

Lirael

09-06-2007, 16:51

im not mad at you, i just dont agree that c scets are easy to access for anyone. the point is you need quite a few thousand to have one. even paying private helath cover.

and i realise its the same for home births. but so many women just sit down and shut up, when they should be vocal about their bad experiences to those who get to decide where money goes

fai firinne

09-06-2007, 16:52

so many women just sit down and shut up, when they should be vocal about their bad experiences to those who get to decide where money goes

hear, hear.:thumbsup:

heiress

13-06-2007, 09:22

:wave: hi there .... i ticked the first one .... afraid of birth ... that's me!!

When the time comes I'm grateful that I'm able to choose an elective c/s and that's what makes me feel empowered ... the choice to have the birth that I want. And that's what every woman should have ... regardless of her reasons, the choice to have the birthing experience (whatever that is) that she desires :smiliedance:

summerlump

14-06-2007, 13:55

I didn't have fears of childbirth as I prepared for a natural birth through water/hypnotherapy.
I was really looking forward to it..
Then when I had to face the possibility of a caesar due to breeched position, it made me fearful of both forms of childbirth.

I'm trying to work through this in the next few weeks as one way or another, the baby is coming out.

melannh

14-06-2007, 15:07

Hi... I read that 'stompy' had elective caesars - and feels good about it. I wanted to initially have an elective caesar, but my Dr. spoke to me in detail about both options (different to many ladies who have commented on being pushed in caesar!)... I decided to go natural (with epidural) as I felt it was the best thing to do, the natural way!!!!!!!! I have a phobia of needles that is quite severe, but my fear of complete natural childbirth was so extensive - I just had to get over my needle fear. I put myself through a harrowing time with the epidural - 4 times they tried (i cannot describe the pain) This was due to many different things, shape of my spine, unable to bend in right position etc.... I thought it was all good - but NOPE.... Baby's heart started dropping with each contraction - and I had a 'window' so could feel the contractions in one spot (where it turned out her head was pushing against my pelvis.....) My fear was having to go through labour - and also, due to feeling pressured to have my baby 'naturally' I was really pi--ed off in the labour ward, as my baby was now in trouble also.... Hence - MAJOR EMERGENCY CAESAR under general anaesthetic.... I have mixed emotions about the experience, and I wish I had elected a caesar due to the outcome and the distress it put my baby through.... In my mind, it was my baby's health etc. that was most important. If I have another child - it will be a caesar, both medically and as a choice of my own.... I take my hat off to the ladies that go through natural childbirth - and in ways I wish I were able to experience it, but I support those of you who 'choose' caesars and I hope that you are proud of your decision..... Take care everyone... :)

nut

14-06-2007, 15:20

I chose other as I am blessed to never had had any fear of childbirth. My heart goes out to you wonderful women suffering this fear. I hope things ease for you and that you can have the births you want.:hugs:

shymmer

15-06-2007, 13:28

I fear a traumatic/complicated vb. I have had such a negative and devastating experience with morning sickness that I am not prepared to go through anything so out of control and potentially traumatic again. I now dislike being pregnant and am trying very hard to find some enjoyment in this. I have much more faith in todays medicine and doctors skill that I do in my body giving birth without injury to me physically and emotionally.
I do not believe counselling will relieve this feeling. No one can say a vb won't be complicated or traumatic. That it won't scar me emotionally.
It's my job to educate myself on whats is best for me . . and if I am more comfortable with an operation then that is the best way I can look after myself.

susmamma

18-06-2007, 22:08

I think your post comes from a good place.
I also think birth is one of those unknown, unquantifiable moments in life when anything can happen and you may not be in any position to do anything about it.

Some times the only way one learns the truth of that statement is to actually experience it.
A beautiful, natural, easy birth is wonderful and hypnobirthing certainly prepares you for that if it comes to pass that no other complications arise. If however something goes pear shape, as things are want to do occassionally, then hypnobirthing is not going to act in the same manner that it might have had everything gone text book.

I am a hypnobirthing grad, spent $450 doing the course, refused to listen to negative birthing stories prior to my own labour, and pretty much poo pooed that anything could go wrong, that intervention would ever be needed, and that drugs had any place.

Took 15 months to heal emotionally from that birth, and i can tell you, i was extremely angry at the hypnobirthing people for setting me up for total failure.
I have since revised my feelings about hypnobirthing and do see that there is a place for it and that it has value. It just offered no value to me, in my hour of need, on the worst day of my life.

Thanks for reaching out, I think the more we all try to help each other and support each other, the better a world we will inhabit and pass on to our little ones xx

tru

01-07-2007, 16:32

...Thanks for reaching out, I think the more we all try to help each other and support each other, the better a world we will inhabit and pass on to our little ones xx

That's what we're all here for... to help and support each other :yes:

Thanks for sharing your thoughts susmamma :hugs:

WizzFizz

08-07-2007, 20:58

By the end of my pregnancy with my daughter, I was like "BRING IT ON!!" I had had enough. I just figured, what went in, must come out, even though what was inside was now a 4 kg baby!!
I got to 10cm, after 2/3 days of labour, being induced, gas, epidural etc etc, so I was completely ready to push my baby out. However, bub had different plans and turned posterior, so I had an emergency c/section.
But getting back to the subject - nah, I wasn't afraid!!:thumbsup:

Ilovelily

16-10-2007, 14:44

I have a fear of birth. I had a pretty bad pregnancy with constant morning sickness all the way through. Then when it came to the labor which started 30 mins after I fell asleep that night , I could not stop vomiting prob about 14 times all up (could not keep anything down) In the end I had ketones in my urine and had a canular inserted which was a pain in the **** while I was pushing..... I was absolutley exuasted by the 22 hour, and then my placenta would not come out so I ended up getting a placenta manual removal (Which I have now developed a nightmare about, Having a doctor sheering my placenta out with his hand up in my, Which is what happened!)

I dont know how Im going to have another child, Im not going to be able to get out of it though my partner comes from a large family and wants more than one child.

Has anyone else had bad morning sickness through pregnancy or vomited cont through labour?

tru

16-10-2007, 16:29

Thanks for sharing your story, Ilovelily. Im really sorry you had such a bad experience bringing your first child in to the world.

You are not alone at all. There are many women who have gone through similar traumas. I know one who had the morning sickness throughout the pregnancy. She was pretty much bedridden for the whole 9 months. Another friend had the same problem with her placenta and the doctor had to reach in and pull it out.

If you read through some of the traumatic experiences on this forum you will see that really aren't alone.

It's up to you whether you want to carry any more children. Have you considered other options, like adoption?

Counselling may also help you to move on?

Best of luck to you :)

alicesmum

21-10-2007, 20:02

I have these....

Nosocomephobia (fear of hospitals) and Tomophobia (fear of surgical operations - ie a C/S)

naiwen

21-10-2007, 20:35

I ticked other because ....

I have a fear of having another emergency c/s at 30 weeks (or earlier)

I have a fear of me and my baby ending up in intensive care again.

I have a fear of going through the excruciating pain of my liver becoming distended again

I have a fear of feeling like I failed my baby because he had IUGR again

I have a fear of leaving my baby without a mother because I chose to risk another pg

I have a fear that my baby will resent having been an only child if I do not get pg again

I have a fear that my next baby will be so premmie it will not survive

I have a fear of getting PND again

I have a fear of feeling like I did not give birth to my baby as they could not even break my waters I was so closed, no contractions for me..

I have a fear of feeling useless for not being able to carry my baby to term again

I have a fear of my doctor telling me not to have more children

I have a fear of my doctor telling me I may have more children

I have a fear of my baby having feotal distress again

If you have read all of this thankyou!
:crying:

I feel heaps better now I have got that out :yes:

tru

21-10-2007, 20:42

Thank you for sharing that with us naiwen. I hope you can work thru your fears and feel better about the wonderful mother you already are, and the beautiful body that has made you one.

...I have a fear that my baby will resent having been an only child if I do not get pg again...

I can tell you that I don't resent my parents one bit for me being an only child. They are amazing people and I am happy with or without siblings :)

sockstealingpoltergeist

28-10-2007, 15:34

I had a terrible birth experience with my first child. I didn't know what to expect and I almost lost her due to complications. I had a labour that lasted 30 plus hours- and I believe 24 hrs of hard labour. She was also posterior, it would take me about an hour to describe all of the terrible things happened, so i won't. It ended with me having an emergency c section and having 8 days in hospital after, due to all the damage that was done to me.
After this I was terrified of c sections and natural birth.
It took me 12 yrs and some convincing from husband to get me to have another. I also got to witness some positive birth experiences from family members - both c sections and natural.
After much reading and self education I decided to have a planned c section and it turned out to be the birth i had been wanting. All of that fear and anxiety is gone and I'd like another now- however only via c section , as this has turned out to be what is best for me.

sasa1980

23-05-2008, 18:44

Tru,

Thanks for being so open about the subject. I feel I have been judged so many times that it is really refreshing to hear women who are happy about childbirth try to understand another side of the story. Primary tokophobia is when you have not given birth and when it started during your teenage years. It can be caused by sexual abuse or trauma (seing something).

I don't really know which have caused mine but it is so severe that i have almost killed myself earlier in life. It is completely out of character as I love life, comes from a tight, happy, loving, well educated famlly, i am well educated myself with international background and diplomas and i am a succesful professional. There is basically no reasons in my life to feel like i should end it.

But since i was 15 years old, i have suffered nightmares and night terrors to the point of insomnia. Intrusive and reccuring thoughts about graphic, traumatic birth. Seeing myself dying and loosing control and humiliated. All this every day and every night of the year for more than a decade. I have anxiety and panic attacks every time i hear or see a pregnat woman or anything related to birth.

It has affected me in so many ways. I often brake up perfectly good relationships either because i can't bear the thought of possibly facing being pregant or because i find it unfair for the person who is with me who might one day want children.
It makes me feel like a failure because I DO desesperatly want a familly. I know that if i was forced to go through natural birth, I would commit suicide afterwards.

C-section have been offered to me, but the scenarios you have mentioned, even if it is the smallest possibility in the world, are driving me mad and not able to face it.

I have had counselling and hypnotherapy but nothing works.

I think the hardest part is to face the humiliation of sharing this. Especially with boyfriends. They can't really understand or appreciate the degree of the situation and come back with things like "too posh to push". I feel so embarrassed talking about it and the taboo surronding it makes it very hard for me to explain it.

twotrunks

23-05-2008, 20:14

Sasa1980 just wanted to say thank you for sharing your story... this is not a phobia which I knew anything about previously, but my heart goes out to you. Try not to be ashamed about it, as whatever caused it is certainly not your fault or in your control. It sounds like you have done well to live with it so far, and I just wish you all the best for coping with it in the future. Big hugs from me and again, please don't blame yourself or feel embarassed about it, it is not your fault.
TT

Sarahmum24

26-05-2008, 12:57

Hi, I think I am the opposite, with my first I was induced and then was in labour for 17hrs and nothing so I was rushed for an emergency C/S. After I woke up I was in absolute shock, I could barely and couldn't lift my baby.
With my second she was an elective C/S only because I was having this C/S 1yr after my first and was told it was too soon. I was soo scared it made me physically ill, I had an epi and I thought I was going to die, I hated the feeling of it, I hated the feeling of them pushing and pulling on me and I couldn't feel anything but pressure.
Then 3yrs later I had another elective C/S, and I had forgot the feelings I felt with my first 2, well I thought I would be fine as I had done it before, and again it made me soo sick I couldn't breathe.
I will be having my 4th C/S in December and am already scared and feeling sick from it.

So even though i had a bad experience trying for a natural birth I would rather 40hrs of that pain then to have another C/S, but I have to.

0BleSseD0

26-05-2008, 19:50

Mine is a Nosocomephobia (fear of hospitals) and Tomophobia (fear of surgical operations - ie a C/S)
which makes my life far easier if I birth at home!

Also Neopharmaphobia (fear of new drugs) which may be administered to me on the sly in a hospy setting.

I must have those too. Not as much the hospital ones..
but Tomophobia. :yes: Most definitely.

Scares the living daylights out of me.

Benji

26-05-2008, 20:01

I had zero fear whatsoever when I was pregnant about birth - when I started going into labour I was so excited and happy, I wanted a drug-free birth. Until things started going wrong.

Now I fear it. I fear that pain, the tearing, the episiotomy, the forceps, the baby being in distress, the epidural.

But I am going to try again should I ever fall pregnant again.

The fear of being cut open scares me more. Especially feeling my belly being tugged at :barf:

Fuchsia!

26-05-2008, 20:04

Tomophobia! Thats what i have! I always wondered if there was a name for it! I had to have a C/S and it was awful to go in, but surprising i was calm and was ok through it all. When i had a previous Operation i had to be sedated before they even got me into the operating theatre cause i was freaking out so much! I think they sedated me so they didn't have to hear me!

lealea4435

10-01-2011, 08:48

I am 18wks pregnant with my first child which was totally unplanned and I believe I have tokophobia amongst other phobias involving the genital and anus area.

I have a complete fear of labour, and also anything of size going either in or out of my nether regions back or front lol.

I have had this since birth and planned to never have children even thou I always wanted a child but I couldnt put myself through the thought of not being able to have a c section. But I got caught just over 4 months ago and I couldnt even begin to think of an abortion I do not believe in them nor could I go through with it because of this phobia I have.

It took me a little over 10 years to gain the courage to have a routine smear and internal... and only had this because I was having problems and had the support of a wonderful female doctor.

For the last 3 1/2 months since I found out I was pregnant I have been experiencing around 8-9 panic attacks a week more if I am left alone with my thoughts and I have my first proper midwife apt in four days time and the attacks have gotten worse by the thought that I might be turned down for a c section

I know that this is not good for the baby or myself and I would be more than willing to try and over come my phobia but after having this phobia for well every second of my life I dont believe I can overcome it within the next 5months to deliver normally.

I am also considering having a hysterectamy (cant spell) after the baby is born so that I cannot go through this again.

I know people will say I am taking the easy way out but I believe that a csection is much much worse than a normal birth... the whole to posh to push drama in the media and having csections for cosmetic reasons dont apply to me I'm no super model and I'm comon as muck haha.

I have never had to deal with this phobia before as I could put it down to IBS and telling people who ask that I 'dont like' children even though deep down it hurt to say that... but now I am pregnant its far to real and painful and until I get a definitive answer from my consultant that I can have an elective c-section and if I go into labour early an emergency Csection then I will continue to put both myself and my unborn child at risk and through emotional stress

wow rant over I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who suffers from this and I hope people who dont can understand its not a fear that can be over come easily

xxx :)

Liddy

10-01-2011, 09:24

I went from one extreme to the other. I was first totally frightened about c-sections, that was untill i had a long and traumatic first labour that ended with an emergency c-section. After that I was totally affraid of birth with my 2nd bub, didn't know how to give birth. I had an elective c-section with her and loved it! I felt so accomplished and proud, and after that I just couldn't wait to do it again.

I will never give birth naturally but i've accepted that, and i'm so excited about giving birth next time.

mum2drew

15-01-2011, 20:28

Before the birth of my DS I was nervous about the unknown of birth but was willing to give it a go! I didnt have a birth plan but knew I would not have an epi (can't even handle the thought of a needle in my back) so if things went pear shape (which they did) my only real request was a general for a cs if needed.

I have never had bad feeling about my DS being born by emerg cs and bonded/breast fed him straight away.

After experiencing what I did trying to birth my DS (prosteria 9lb10 bub) I never want to try to birth naturally again - I have absolutely no desire - instead I now have a very real fear of birthing naturally that I have no intention of 'fixing' as I am happy with my decision to have an elect cs especially after my positive emerg cs (not positive because of the situation in which I needed to have it but positive in recovery/bonded/bfeeding etc)

I am currently due on 29th of this month and last night had the most excruciating pains that reminded me of my DS labour - I full on lost it and cried as I'm so anxious I'll go into labour before my cs date. I know I will be given cs regardless of if I go into labour or not but I don't want to experience even a little bit of labour to remind me of the hell I went through with DS.

beebs

16-01-2011, 10:58

Yes I do. When I was pregnant with DS1 I was referred to the maternity psychiatrist because I was so terrified at giving birth. She was a bit "whatever, she'll be right" about it all.

Anyhow - long story short is that I had an awful VB - still have problems to this day and had to have 3 years of therapy and 18 months of anti Ds to get some semblance of a normal life. I won't ever do that again. I have since had a c/section (twin positioning) - it was bloody painful and I didn't like it, recovery was very long for me. But it was nowhere near as bad as my VB. So I am having an elective with this baby too.

PS - I am really scared of having this c.section and I am in almost complete denial about this pregnancy. I can't think of names or anything cause that would mean its happening. I had a big bleed at 11 weeks and i half hoped that I would lose the baby :( I am terrified. I know it sounds so bad, but phobia is not rationale!

Last time I had the c/section - my heart beat went insane (really really fast) and my blood pressure dropped suddenly because of my panic - I heard the anesthesiologist say to my ob "That he was going to have to put me under". Ugh. Scary. Luckily he didn't but it was close.