Another baby after Down Syndrome Diagnosis

[mysonroger]

i lost a baby 4 weeks ago , when i was 16 weeks pregnant. The baby was diagnosed with Down's Syndrome at 13 weeks and died somewhere between 14.5 - 15.5 weeks. He would have been my 3rd child.

Now i'm getting tired of poeple's attitude toward me when i talk about trying again. People seem surprised...but not 'good' surpriesed but more like 'oh dear?' surprised. Or say things like 'perhaps that's a sign you should stop at 2 kids' or 'that's your body's way of telling you that you're only meant to have two.." ; all that sort of stuff. I even had an aunt who suggested i get my tubes tied while i was getting the D&C.

i have to remind myself that these people are speaking with uneducated opinions...but it does get to me. i start thinking ...maybe i should stop, maybe the rest of my children will have a 'syndrome', maybe they're right......:crying: . And i'm worried that i will lose my confidence somewhere along the line.

Has anyone else experienced this???

[V8]

I'm sorry to hear of your loss and to hear that people have very negative and ignorant reactions to you wanting TTC again. If it were me, i would go again regardless of the outcome, and i don't think that just because you had one baby have down syndrome it doesn't mean that any subsequent babies would. I'm no genetics expert, so i don't know the circumstances. I'd chat with your GP or OB and see what their professional opinion is. :hugs: to you.

[SorenLorensen]

:hugs: i havent gotten it to the degree you have, but i do get the whole "oh but what if this one is like hannah" and the best is "oh good on you for not caring" (in that, wanting to sound supportive but think i am crazy voice).
what does it matter to them, if your baby is born with different needs then so what, how does that effect them. if you are prepaired to big another baby into the world and love it then i say you should.....

oh and i understand you concern but there are plenty of people who have had a child with DS and other different needs and then gone on to have a child with out them.

:hugs: dont let people get to you, it is the lack of education that separats you from them

[Becteria]

MSR i am sorry you are feeling that way, and sorry for your loss. Please stick with your intuition and dont let others negativity affect your choices.

:kiss:

[Jinglebells]

:hugs: :hugs:

I've delt with this alot, I just choose not to listen to them, people just don't think, and it is totally hurtfull what they say, even if it doesn't to them

only you know whats right for you, so only you can make the decision

i'm sending more :hugs: your way, if you ever need to chat you know where to find me :hugs:

[mysonroger]

the Dr's and the genetic specialists are all very supportive of me trying again, and feel it is highly unlikely that something could affect the next baby....but, you know, after hearing it all the time, it does start to wear the confidence down a little.
anyway, hopefully, i can start trying again soon.

[mysonroger]

:hugs: :hugs:

I've delt with this alot, I just choose not to listen to them, people just don't think, and it is totally hurtfull what they say, even if it doesn't to them

only you know whats right for you, so only you can make the decision

i'm sending more :hugs: your way, if you ever need to chat you know where to find me :hugs:

thanks for responding gizmo, i was actually going to pm you about this.,.....

[Mum2Bug]

Aww hun!:hugs:

As you said, they are speaking with uneducated minds. Maybe you could be the one to educate them during this journey and then if they still want to be unsupportive, tell them to please keep their opinions to themselves as it is upsetting to you!

You have every right in wanting to TTC again and I wish you well for your future journey!!!

I'll also be here to support you with it hun, as will all of us night chat girlies.:hugs:

[sam's mum]

November 04 I lost a little girl at about 14 weeks. She had ds and a heap of other probs. My family and friends knew that I was going to try again straight away and were all very supportive. The OB told me that there was no reason to believe that my chances of conceiving a DS baby were increased at all. She said it isn't believed to be genetic, so happening once means nothing. She said to try again when I felt ready. One period and then I was pregnant again. :yelclap: Sam is fine (although small). Perfectly formed, nothing like my little girl.

I am sorry that people aren't supportive, maybe you should just let them know that it isn't genetic and the doctor told you to 'have at it' as it were.

:hugs:

[V8]

the Dr's and the genetic specialists are all very supportive of me trying again, and feel it is highly unlikely that something could affect the next baby....but, you know, after hearing it all the time, it does start to wear the confidence down a little.
anyway, hopefully, i can start trying again soon.

Be confident in the drs and specialists, your friends and family aren't experts, i'm sure they are just concerned but can't really show it or say it in a compassionate and supportive way.

And you got all the support here at bubhub ;)

[bronny-jane]

:hugs: im sorry.

[Jinglebells]

thanks for responding gizmo, i was actually going to pm you about this.,.....

feel free to pm me anytime chicky:hugs:

[Jodiee]

Hun
I was going to PM you and ask how you went on.
There isnt any worry of a second child having it, the attitude of some people make you wonder sometimes. Its your body, your children, your decision. I dont blame you for trying again straight away either,I think I would too..

Just want to give you lots of :hugs: :hugs:
and wish you the best of luck!

From Jodie

[little kingdom]

I'm very sorry to hear about your loss.. my SIL lost her first and third baby during pregnancy, only #2 survive, but that doesn't stop her to have another one.. so don't let other people's opinion effect you.. :)

[Resilient]

I lost my third son, Daniel, 16 months ago due to a placental abruption, which I almost died from as well. I've summoned up the courage to go again and for eight weeks glimpsed how healing it would be to have a child after sugh a tragedy. Now at 15 and a half weeks I have just had a fetus diagnosed with Down's Syndrome - today. With a 50% chance of stillbirth/miscarriage with Down's babies and my history I can't risk dying for my 3 yo and 5 yo's ke. They need their mum. At 42, with a past history I think my risk will come down to 1 to 20. Will I have the courage to try again? I am in tears and so confused. We really want a third child and can see how healing it will be if we succeed, but how much pain can we endure on the way?:crying:

[Femme la Phoenix]

It seems as though there are so many people that don't know what to say, or how to react when you miscarry and if the baby had a chromosome abnormality they end up :footinmouth::footinmouth: and you end up upset and wondering why your being treated like you have leprosy(so to speak). Which is why now your beginning to listen to their advice, your questioning your wanting of another child. I've read in these threads many a time, of mum's being informed their baby has a chromosome abnormality and go on to have another child that is not affected. I would recommend getting in to a FS (Fertility Specialist, more than just a GYNO/OB) and then requesting genetic counselling to discuss your fears and find solutions.

Good Luck:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

[~mia&ryan~]

My older sister lost her first bub when she was 7 months pregnant, he had been diagnosed with trisomy 13 (cant remember the actual name, preggy brain). They have gone on to have a healthy little boy and are expecting another baby in august. No-one has been anoything but supportive, and I really feel for you. Just ignore their negative comments and go with what your heart is telling you.:hugs: