Whats in a name?

[Mum2Monster]

Something has been bugging me lately. What started out as something exciting has nearly become something I feel the need to cover up.

My DP and I have been living together for about a year and despite the random "Dad" was commonly known as "......". Then after one weekend about a month ago with his real "Dad" my 4yr old DS got in the car and said that ".....was his dad now" and starting calling him so. I thought it was so cute and took it as a sign that my DS was happy. My Ex is a Pr!ck and has never been a real dad anyway.

My problem is that people that know he isnt his real dad must think that we have been encouraging him to say this and have started looking down on us about it. Although we have had a lot of positive remarks about it aswell.

Has anyone else had this problem or what do your kids call your partner?

[Tam-I-Am]

Not me personally - but my sister had a baby to a "man" when they were both 17 - 18. They broke up when my sister was 7 months pregnant with their son, and, whilst he keeps sporadic contact with my nephew, he is no father.

On the other hand, my sister married a lovely man when my nephew was about 4 or 5 - and they now have a beautiful baby together.

My nephew's step-father is more of a father to my nephew than the bio dad EVER was - or could be now. My BIL is such a lovely, caring, father to my nephew, and, as you'd expect, my nephew eventually came to call his step-father "Dad". He ALSO still calls his bio dad "Dad", he differentiates by calling them by their first name after dad (ie "DaddyJohn" or "DaddyFred") when he feels its necessary to make it really clear who he's talking about.

I think its lovely that your son obviously feels so close and lovingly toward your "new" partner - and I would basically ignore any negative comments. YOU know you haven't encouraged it, other than by encouraging a good relationship between them. I'd just try to laugh off the rudeness and ignorance of other people for exactly what it is.

Good luck!

[Billy]

Hey I think its great hun! :yes: :thumbsup:

There is a lot more to being a father than what is biological :hugs:

[MummyCharmzy]

I think its great too!

My DS is 4.5 and my partner and I have been together since he was 9 weeks old. His bio father is not in the picture at all... we see his grandparents but not bio father ever... DS doesnt even know who he is. Therefor when DS started calling DF 'daddy' when he was around 18 months we thought it was gorgeous. He heard DSS calling him it all the time so he just started copying :)

As far as DS knows so far DF is his daddy, when he is older we will explain things to him but for now we dont have the need :)

[SorenLorensen]

dont let it get to you...

a boy (5 at the time) i use to look after use to have deep talks with me about how he wanted a "real" dad (his father was one that would call and thats it.
now his mother has remarried and he is calling his step father dad (around a year ago), his face still lights up every time he gets to say it. its wonderful to see because i know how much the word dad means to a little boy.

:hugs: to you, your son and his "DAD"

[shed]

Don't find reasons to be unhappy. Everything sounds wonderful and anyone who doesn't think so needs to mind their own beeswax.

:yelclap:

That's what I reckon.

[gcoastgirl]

Hi, I have 4 children. 11yr DS 10yr DS 3 DS and 2 DD. My partner and I have been together 4 yrs and the older two aren't biologically his but they call him dad. They started calling him 'dad' within a yr of us being together. They actually asked us could they. We all sat down and talked about it. We asked them why they wanted too and they said things like 'cause he does things for us and takes us places etc'

Yes my boys were older so we could talk to them about it, but if you met my boys and my partner, you wouldnt know that bioloically, they weren't his children

My ex husband has basically had no contact with them since they were about 3. His choice. My boys know they have a 'bio' dad but say the as far as they're concerned, my partner is their dad and always will be.

I love it this way. My boys have even taken his my partners surname as theirs and when my partner talks about the boys, he ALWAYS without hesitating, says my sons.........

This may bring tears to your eyes though. Just over a year ago, my DS 10yr had a concrete wall collaspe on him. The only person he wanted was his dad. And when he came home he said that he never wants to be away from mum and dad.

[spoon]

Don't find reasons to be unhappy. Everything sounds wonderful and anyone who doesn't think so needs to mind their own beeswax.

:yelclap:

That's what I reckon.


Me too!!! it is awesome!:yes:

[Mum2Monster]

I love it this way. My boys have even taken his my partners surname as theirs

I have to ask gcoastgirl, how did you do this? I was naive enough (at 19) to think that my X and I would be together forever and gave my child his last name. I would love for him to go back to mine and kindy and drs know him as this. Did you do it legally?

Thanks for all your advice. It is really appreciaited. I do think that I need to let it go and know it my heart that it has been entirely my sons decision.

[gcoastgirl]

Hey M2M

I'm in the process of doing it. If, only if you ex allows it, he can sign a a form form registery of BDM andits much easier but I'm going the long way round. Have to apply to courts to have an 'order' done requesting name change then you have to apply to Resgistry of BDM to have it changed

At school, doctors, hospitaletc, basically everything, my kids are under the new name and you are able to do this. They have been for about 3 yrs. The only thing I need to have changed is their bank accounts but need their new birth certificates to do this.

Hey I was also naive ...lol....I was 20 when I had my first children(had twins first time - one twin died) and used my ex's name. I thought we'd be together forever....

[Missy75]

DD did the same thing at about 3. I was a bit worried also, but I just made a point to tell the people who might be affected (the paternal family) that it was her choice. They all seem to have accepted it ok. Too bad if they don't. A child's feelings and emotional wellbeing are more important than a dead beat dad's ego.

[rollercoastermum]

My children have asked if they can call my DP "DAD" and I said they could ask DP.. of which they did and he said that they could if they wanted too.
This came entirely out of the blue and we dont push them at all.
They know who their Dad is and have contact with him.
But if they want to call my DP "dad" then they can.

Just like I will not push my DSS to call me "mum", if he wants to he can.
But he has a mum it is a shame she is not the right kind of mum to be able to have him in her care.
(3 out of her 5 children have been removed from her).