View Full Version : Friends offended at not being bridesmaids..
Has anyone had friends being offended when they find out they are not being asked to be a bridesmaid?
I am having 3 bridesmaids - my sister and my two bestfriends since primary school.
I have another 3 very close friends, who I've been friends with for about 5 years now. ALL of them have there nose out of joint with me for not asking them to be bridesmaids. I have tried explaining to them that as much as I love them I could only have 3 - my sister was a 'must' and my two primary school besties.. well how can I not ask them... but they just won't accept it and keep having little digs at me over it!
What should I do?
I'm trying to think of ways I can include them all in some way but cant think of anything!
They are really good friends so I don't understand why they are acting like this...
My honest opinion, tell them to get over it. I am not having any bridesmaids at my wedding, I have three sisters and a SIL who I am very close to and if I pick one over others they will get jealous so I thought its better not to have any, instead I am thinking about giving them each different jobs/tasks as witnesses (one can sign the marriage cert, another can say a speach or something like that) I have had my two younger sisters ask if they can be bridesmaids which I think is rude (though they are 12 and 15 so I guess they don't understand) I think my sisters expect to be asked because they're my sisters if that makes any sense. If I chose my SIL over my sisters then I can understand them being a bit funny about it so thats why I don't want to single anyone out or chose one over others. I am hoping to have a really small wedding anyway (no more than 20 of our closest family and friends).
Maybe you could get your friends to do jobs or whatever so they still feel important, but at the end of the day its your wedding and if they are going to spit chips like I said tell them to get over it.
I would simply ignore them...if they are so superficial to be upset at you for setting reasonable limits on the size of the entourage, I think that you are better off w/o them. It's YOUR wedding, you get to set the rules, they've got to get over it.
(these women would prob also make your life a nightmare by objecting to the colour of the dresses, the style of the dresses, what jewellery you want them to wear, who was paying for what, :ecomcity:, you've saved yourself a mound of worry :D)
ps get them to do readings during the service :D
I have been where you are.
I decided to have my sister as a bridesmaid and my future SIL that way none of my friends could be angry I chose one of them over the other.
I still know (through the friendship grapevine) that a couple were hurt and disappointed.
I think that as I was the first of all our school friends to be getting married it was such an exciting time for them also and they just wanted to be a part of it. I don't think they put themselves in my position which clearly your friends aren't doing.
To be blunt they need to grow up. Don't want to sound too harsh but you don't need to be made to feel guilty about your decision. This is your day (& your DP).
What I did was I asked one of my friends to do a reading at the ceremony and asked two others to be ushers. This way they became a part of the wedding also.
Your friends will get over it and realise when it comes to their day not all of their friends can be bridesmaids either.
All the best and have a fantastic wedding.
What about having 6 bridesmaids and 3 groomsmen?? I was reading on a wedding site where each guy had a girl on each arm. It certainly sounds different!
I don't think it would be practical for most people though.
Ahh... I knew there was a reason I have hardly any friends (to avoid situations such as this!).
My friend is worried about something similar at the moment - so far she has chosen her DF's sister as a bridesmaid, and has chosen me too. She has another friend, however (who is also my friend) who will be HIGHLY offended if my bestie doesn't ask her to be a bridesmaid.
In my best friend's situation, I think she is better off just having this other friend be a bridesmaid. I can see why she'd get p*ssed off too - the other bridesmaid (bestie's SIL-to-be) has known the bride for only a couple of months... whereas both myself and our other friend have known the bride since we were about 12-13 (and been friends that whole time).
At one stage, the bride said, 'I was thinking of making SIL the Maid-of-Honour' and I was pretty peeved (didn't let on though) because I'M the bride's Bestie, and this other girl is just... well, she's only in the bridal party as a kind gesture to her new family. I think she's not having "Maid of honour" stuff anymore. I won't be in my wedding... just makes people feel less loved...
ANYWAY - I dunno what you should do. I think you just have to LET them be upset. THere are some people you're friends with who will just expect to be bridesmaids because they're close to you - and so it sucks when they learn that they're not as close to you as they would have thought. Just let them be p*ssed. Hopefully, they'll get over it soon enough.
Im with most of the others....they need to grow up.
its your wedding, have who you want and tell them to get over it. If they were true friends, they would just be happy for you!
I'd make a big joke of it and give them some obviously made up titles.
"Susan, will you be my matron of pantyhose?"
Get them to have a bit of a giggle about the whole thing and perhaps they'll finally realise that being part of the bridal party doesn't mean that they won't be part of the day.
I like Beanys idea. :)
Get them doing something else. Maybe they could help with the seating, or they could be greeters for your guests at the reception (while you and your BM's are having photos)....
how awful. They are just going to have to get over it.
I am having one bridesmaid. Luckily for me I am so old that all my friends have done the whole bridesmaid thing over and over and we are all a bit sick of it now. Its fun the first time, not so much fun the second time and by the third time you start trying to get out of doing it at all.
I couldn't think of anything worse than being a bridesmaid again.
Maybe put your bridesmaids in something really ugly, then they will be happy to have gotten out of it.
Or just get them to do a reading or organise the hens night or something.
but mostly just let them get over it. Its not your problem, you are allowed to have who you want - you're the broide.
I dont think they sound like such great friends if they are putting it on you like that.... i had a "friend" grab me at our weddidng and harrass me about her not being asked to be a bridesmaid (she was drunk, i was not).... i walked away from her and havent spoken since. Blllllargh.
I also had issues with who to ask - initially was going to have none but ended up with four. interesting!
I would point out to them that their rudeness of the situation is the exact reason that they're not bridesmaids. And kindly remind them that the upcoming event is about you and not them!
(and remind yourself that too ;))
I too was in a similar situation. I just ignored everyone :p
I had a similar situation - where if I asked one person then I really should be asking three :eek: So I ended up asking none and didnt have a bridal party - and I dont regret it a single bit :)
It also worked out a hell of a lot cheaper :D
I was not big on the whole bridesmaid thing either (women in their 20s up in matching dresses was not our thing thing).It was the best thing and made life so much easier. I just had one old friend as a witness and other close friends I involved in other parts of the service. No one was offended and quite liked having something to do (ie: I had one friend as a driver, one as an usher, floral arrangements etc).
I found that if I recognised my friends talents and asked them to help out in an area that they were very interested or talented in they were very happy. Perhaps you could try that with those of your close friends that are not bridesmaids?:)
thank you all for the replies, I think they need to grow up also I just don't want to offend them more so by telling them that lol
I like the idea of giving them make up makes for things and also of getting them to do a reading too. Thanks for the ideas!
I hope they get over it soon, it IS my day.... they will have there own one day and if someone does to them what they are doing to me they will probably hate it just as much as I am - pity they cant realise that now though!
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