Troubles

[Melissa1983]

Just wondering if anyone else has problems with Mother inlaws

Big story cut short

It all started 6 years ago when Ben and i first got together, he was in year 12,, i am distraction as she said so ben broke up with me, 2nd time around we always agrued about his mother as she didn't want him to see me and stuff, and just after i had Mikayla (Ben isn't her dad) we met up at the bank, and he invited me for dinner and that, as soon as she find out that i had a daughter, she warned
Ben away straight away and saying you ain't ready for an instant family and that. When i found out that i was pregnant with Abby, we went over there and sat them down and started to talk and she turned around and said to you are trying to tie my son down and it isn't going to happen. The following April we got engaged and she tried to talk Ben out of it and at the engagement party she didn't talk to me or my family. When i started to lose Abby a few times she offered to have Mikayla every Sunday so i could have a rest, that never happened. As Ben worked nights my mum helped me out. When i was 6 months with Abby a few truths came out about Ben that he has lied to me and that so i kicked him out of the house, his mother rang me and turned to me and said its all my fault. (drugs)
Feeling guilty i took him back and then everything started getting better until Abby was born, she never had Mikayla once while i was in hospital, Mum was working from home and had her fulltime.. When i got home she didn't visit me once unless Ben was home. That Christmas after i had Abby we had Christmas at our place, she cracked as she thought it would be to much for me but mum was helping organise it and my house was air con.. They came out under protest, and totally ingored my parents, When Ben joined the navy (after losing him job my fault too) he told me he wouldn't cope and if anything happened it was my fault,. Mikayla was just over 1 and Abby was 4 months. I was raising them on my own with mums help, and then she didn't have them once, i rang her to see if she could have them for a night so i can go out with mum, she turned around and said i'm to busy.. WHAT TO BUSY FOR YOUR GRAND CHILDREN! just before Ben finished recruit school, i was planning our wedding, she told me you are putting to much stress on him,, and i thought stuff you, i didn't tell Ben anything that was happening as it would have stressed him out. After all the wedding plans were done, she wanted to see my dress, and i turned and said NO, as no one has seen it except Mum. She turned around and said i am being lefted out of this and i'm not happy about it. Its meant to be My and Mum day for wedding growns and preparation. At my hens night she came out to it and everyone said god she has a stick up her ***. When mum done the talks she asked Mary if she wanted to say anything, all she said is these two little girls (mikayla and abby) are going to be beautiful, nothing about me at all. 2 days before the wedding, ben rings to see how the plans are going and she tries to talk him out of it. I had been doing the table arrangments, trying to do the right and mix the families together to meet and that, nope thats not good enough so at the end her family sat one side of the room and mine sat the other.. My parents can't stand them now.. When i was up there in June this year, as Ben and i were having troubles i tired talking to her about it and she turned around and said its all my fault, her son can do nothing wrong. Thats when i broke down and mum took me to the doctors, and yup had post natal depression. And again didnt have the girls once. When she came down this time she was fine to my face but backstabbed me, we have a lap top, she turned to ben and said why does mel have a lap top and you don't he turned and said no we have the lap top. And then the car, You should be driving the new car not mel.. F**K SAKE its a blooding car.. and when they found out we are coming up to surprise everyone, i got abused because Ben is working like that is my fault.. What am i meant to do, sit at home and do nothing for christmas, when i could be spending it with my family


anyway that my story cut short! Sorry if it is hard to understand

[melfunction]

Oh Mel, you need a hug dear.
She sounds like a real troll!!! Can Ben not see what she is doing?? Another control freak MIL. God, why don't they just stop trying to interfere. She can't live his life for him.

Ben needs to know how you feel and he needs to speak to the troll himself and tell her to butt out and mind her own business.

Mine tried this sort of thing once and she won't do it again. Dh told her to butt out. It helps that she lives overseas too.

Hope you can work it out :)

[WeThree]

mel your mil sounds like a nasty, manipulative cow, sometimes confronting someone with the way they have been treating you can help. ask her why she says this, or does that, and tell her it really hurts your feelings. i did this recently with dh's ex wife, and it's like it made her see me as a real person or something, and we were able to have a decent chat instead of her carrying on like a lunatic. anyway, give it a go, you might find it will really embaress her and she will try to be nicer. (or she could just continue to be really awful, but at least you tried!!) (((HUGS))))

[Mamaduke]

Hi Mel,
First big hugs to you!
I don't know what to say - my 'smother-in-law' is a witch (my dad calls her a terrorist) - I think of it this way, toddlers have tantrums, mother in laws have *****iness, catiness and rudeness. It's their way of dealing with the fact that 'their little boys' don't need them anymore. They have been the 'woman' in these men's lives for a long time, and then they (meaning us) come along and take them away. They can't seem to understand that by putting a wedge into their son's marriage, they are driving their sons further and further away. I don't know what to say that hasn't been said to me "don't worry about it", "ignore her", "don't let her upset you" - but it's all easier said than done. My confrontations with my MIL are legendary - she's even announced that she had a 'mini stroke' after an altercation to try and make me feel bad.
When I was in labour with our first son, she came to the hospital, faking a 42 degree temperature, and wanting to take DH home with her "there's nothing you can do here, come home with me and get some rest"
You can demand that your DH sever all ties, but who wants to put their partner in a position that he feels he has to make a choice between two women that he loves.
You say that she never helps out with the kids - would you really want her to? I dread it when MIL comes over to take our eldest son out for the day, I am unsettled all day and I hate him going with her, but do it for my husband.
I don't have any magic answers - you could have a big talk to her but it sounds like her mind's made up about you.
I've been battling mine for 7 years now, and just when I think she's behaving herself she does something or says something which makes my blood boil.
She wanted to see your wedding dress - mine told me that I should wear a long flowing top and long flowing pants to my wedding as it would suit my figure more -I told her I wasn't marrying Imran Khan and besides princesses don't wear pants, and my mum and dad want me to look and feel like a princess!
It seems that with some of these MIL's it doesn't matter what you do - they've got it in their minds that we'll never be good enough for their babys...never mind that when I met her 'baby' he had no job, no licence, ******** mates, no prospects - now he has a well paying, job, owns two new cars, owns a house, has two beautiful healthy boys and is doing fine without her
LIGHTBULB MOMENT...
maybe that's her problem (and maybe yours too)...
she can see that once DH escaped her clutches his life completely turned around - aha, I think I've got it - she hates me because she realises that once he met me, he made something of himself - something he couldn't do when she was the woman in his life!
This should be our mantra - say to yourself everytime she starts carrying on.
Good luck
Carly