Not sure how people feel about this..

[catalicious]

I have wanted to donate for a long time.. However I have had trouble coming to terms with it all and have therefore decided its not for me...

I just.... really respect firstly people that can do it and I truly believe that everybody has the right to be a mum.

I just wanna know how the donors feel... LIke the reason mostly i have decided not to do it and DP doesnt want me to either is because we feel weird about the fact that technically we would have a biological child out there somewhere..

I know and believe that they would be treated properly and all that, but I would feel like I have given a baby up for adoption kind of... And that one day they would come knocking on my door, when technically i wouldnt feel like there mum because I hadnt actually given birth to them...

Im sorry if im offending anyone I just dont know and have trouble coming to terms with it...

[Roxy]

I have regular contact with Miss Melbourne - the little girl I helped to create through egg donation.

How do I feel? I honestly don't feel any different to how I did before I donated. I know that my children have a half-sibling, but she isn't "out there somewhere"...I chose known donation so I could know EXACTLY where she is. No surprises years down the track, no worrying about the child I helped create...just the reassurance that I know where she is, my children know where she is, and she will know where we are.

When I nurse Miss Melbourne, I do not feel a connection with her. She does not feel like she is my child. Yes, she is my genetics, but I didn't carry her, it was not my body that gave her life, and it is not my breast that nourishes her.
Egg donation is not for everyone, hon, and you should not feel bad about feeling that its not something that you can do. It's better that you come to that decision now, rather than later when you have been in contact with a recipient.

[Mother Duck]

I have thought long and hard about this one too. I would dearly love to give someone the baby that they had always wanted

The only way I could do it is by known donation for exactly the reasons that you have described

It would just be too hard to know that a part of you is out there somewhere?

I am still thinking about it - but don't know that my health would let me, its on the backburner for us until our family is complete!

[nicoleE]

I have offered to be an egg donor to my sister if she resumes TTC in the future and if it would help (she is nearing 40).

Although I have not gone into councelling about it or anything yet I believe I would donate to others, and perhaps may in the future when I have finished with my brood (im only baking my 1st now).
I dont feel a connection to my eggs, we nearly went down the IVF path (got preggers last try of FSH!) and we thought about what to do with unused embryos, and figured we would probably donate them, again once we had completed our family. I know the pain of TTC and what I felt was only the tip of the iceberg. I strongly feel that people going through this feel that these chances and these babies are so precious. It would be nice to know the recipient and keep in touch with them but it isnt something that has to happen for me. However it may open the doors to donating to them again if they wanted another child with a biological link to the first.


However i also respect those who feel differently and cant bring themselves to do it. Im certainly NOT trying to say you should or anything. It is such a personal and HUGE decision no one can tell you how to feel about it. If you dont feel you can thats completely Ok :thumbsup:

[hoping123]

Don't feel bad about your decision hun. I respect people like you for their honesty right from the start. there would be nothing worse than going 3/4 of the way through with a donation and having a change of mind. You need to be sure right from the start. It's just upsetting that there are not enough angels to go around.

[~Emmylou~]

I dont' think you should feel bad either. It's so important to be brutally honest with yourself when you're considering doing something like this.
I've also been thinking about donating for some time. To me, I don't feel like I would have a biological child that I'd given up...we aren't planning to have any more kids so I guess my take on it is that if I don't donate these eggs to another couple they will just go to waste. It's not like I would have ever had another baby, that baby just wouldn't have "been" y'know?

I feel like it takes much more to be a mum than just ovulating an egg - I would never feel like I was missing a child. Mother's carry their babies, and birth them and get up to them at night, comfort and love them and I wouldn't be there for any of that. I get what youre saying though because that's a grey area to be in when you're already a mother to your own kids.

I do think about the fact that my kids will have a genetic half-sibling and wonder whether it is my right to make this decision on their behalf as well. I'm still thinking about that and not yet sure where I stand.

[leisurly]

Hiya

I think you desrve a medal for putting in the time and emotion to think it through. And as others have said, you have to feel 100% comfortable that it is what you realy really want, and if you read a few posts here, you will see it is a very complex picture where there can be hurt and tears for donors when their dream of what they felt was how they wanted to donate (ie known donation) only turned out to be not so, so you have to take on all the negative points as well, it really isn't for some people.

I am presently pregnant with donor embryos and my mind is a constant mine field of concerns as I don't know the couple who donated the embryos or the egg donor who donated to them. My children will have full sibblings and half siblings, I'd feel so much happier for them to have some contact as if they were cousins, just to save them having to turn up on someones door when they are young adults and not knowing what they will face if they need to find those bits of information. I got photo's the other day of my nephew and the person holding the baby (you only see a hand) is possibly my dad but could be my brother but their thumb is so like mine it really shook me as my babies won't have any of that, oh who do I look like or who do I remind you of.

I hope you can see that we recipients also have lots of thoughts about the genetic links and how that will affect our children in their lives.

You say your dh also doesn't agree, give your self a pat on the back for being so lovely to think of others but don't beat yourself up it is better to be true to your feelings.

Lxx