Centrelink payments

[grrr_blue]

Hi, does anybody know what sort of help is available to me if I was to leave my husband? We have two children but I wouldn't drag them off with me.

Thanks

[carls]

It depends on your circumstances - if you own a home, rent, if you work, if hubby works and how much he earns. My friend receives about $480 a week - $380 from Centrelink which includes rent relief and $100 a week child support for one child from her ex.

Probably best to ring Centrelink and ask them but they have some useful info on their website.

[Kamaikia]

i am a single mum with 1 child. I receive approx $760 a fortnight without rent assistance.
If you own your home then you will still get the pension but without rent assistance. You will get a health care card, discount on rego, electricity and phone.
You will also receive 1 return train ticket that you can use to go anywhere in your state for about $5 I think it is. If you work (this is just approx) you can earn $130 a fortnight (or maybe its a week?) without them touching your pension then they take 40c in the dollar - you still come out on top.
You receive up to 50 hours free daycare a week.
Your are also eligible for housing commission - although this can take years.
You will have to claim child support - no choice in it I'm afraid.
I would def look at the wesite - www.familyassist.gov.au
Feel free to ask anything else if you want?
Oh and carls - your friend you talk about - she must be in a relationship to be only getting that much - am I right??

[WeThree]

i noticed you mentioned you would not be taking your children, if this is the case and you do not work then you are only eligible for new start allowance, not parenting payment single, not sure how much it is a fortnight, but i know it is not very much at all, and signicantly alot less than parenting payment, so hopefully(for your sake) you are working. (also if this is the case it is you who will have to pay your ex child support)

[pegasus]

The child support thing is nothing to do with a partner's income.

It is currently worked out on a percentage after a certain amount is set aside for the payer (think it's about 13000 if they don't have a child, and goes up to about 22000 and add another 2000 for subsequent children). If you have one child, the maintenance is 17% of the payer's taxable income (before they pay tax) and 27% if you have two children. If the payer has a loss from a rental house etc this isn't taken into account. The amount of maintenance is only reduced when the payee (receiver of the maintenance) earns over a certain amount (in the case of my husband's ex - her exempted amount is 39000). For people receiving what seems like only a little amount (like carls friend receiving 100 p/w - that would mean her ex is earning about 43000. (or very clever with his books). ;)

[Kamaikia]

blue could you please explain your post - I took you not wanting to drag your children away as you wanting to know your options first. Is it this or are you planning on leaving them.
Oh and carls I just read your properly - she gets that per week - I was thinking per fortnight. :rolleyes:

Oh and the child support thing is a load of s***. I haven't received a cent in over 12 months - what does the child support agency say - they can only contact him so many times - they can't harras him. He doesn't do his tax so there is absolutly nothing I can do to make him pay.

[WeThree]

i agree kamaikia, i wasnt quite sure what it meant either, whether she is leaving but is not taking the kids,

or she wants to leave but doesnt want to uproot the kids. please explain so we can help you!! :)

[grrr_blue]

I'm thinking of just leaving it all. I love my kids dearly, but I'm so sick of being treated like a slave by my dh and I've had enough. Some days I'm so over being a mum that I feel that it would be best to leave the children where they are and make a new start on my own. I am not working, that's why I need to find out what I can do for $ while trying to get on my own two feet, and be a real person again.

[MamaFour]

In that case all you'd probably be entitiled to would be Newstart Allowance, which is only about $360 or so a fortnight.. the Centrelink website is down right now so I can't look it up for you.

Can I ask, not knowing much about your situation apart from what you have said so far, did you ever have PND after the birth of your kids? It seems to me from an outsiders view based on the information you have given so far that perhaps you did, and perhaps it is still lingering? Or are you just so resentful towards your hubby that you're perhaps trying to push your kids away so you don't have to ever deal with your hubby again?

Have you tried marriage counselling or talking to your husband about how you feel? Have you tried anything along those lines to try and work this out or is it really that bad that you want to leave both your husband AND kids without a second thought? It would be a shame for your kids to lose their mother without her making a really good hard effort to sort things out.

My questions and thoughts might be annoying you but I cannot believe that any mother would want to just leave their kids behind, especially without trying to resolve any issues there are first. I had a girlfriend once who gave her baby away when he was aged 9 months and kept her toddler, she was a nasty horrible girl with no conscience what-so-ever. She had no regrets, she did not even think it through. The new man in her life told her that he didn't like babies, and so she gave the little boy away. In hindsight the little boy is better off because he was unwanted by her anyway, but do you see my point here? (and it's not that you are horrible for wanting to leave the kids, either)

I had PND and when my son was 2 weeks old and my relationship was falling apart I was ready to call it quits and leave, walk away from everything. I sought Dr's advice and counselling and whilst the relationship didn't survive I at least walked away with my son. I don't know how I would have ever lived with myself if I had left my son behind.

Please give us a little more detail about what is happening.. you have really given us nothing except that DH treats you like a slave and you are sick of being a mum. It makes it really hard to try and suggest things to help.

This probably would have been better in a PM, but I feel my thoughts and questions are valid and might help anyone else in this situation.

Please understand that I am not being judgemental, just trying to understand and assess if there are other ways for this to be sorted out than you just leaving.

[redbaby]

Sorry to be a little naieve here,..but how on earth could you consider leaving your kids? I really don't think that you should be entitled to anything, if you walk out on your kids and your responsibilities. How do you think that you leaving will affect them? If you are sick of the way that he is treating you, how could you leave the little ones in his care? Are you not worried about the way that he would treat them?

[MilkOnTap]

Oh and the child support thing is a load of s***. I haven't received a cent in over 12 months - what does the child support agency say - they can only contact him so many times - they can't harras him.

Kamaikia - My mother still had my sister at home with her and she just completed year 12 this year. The child support agency just took the money straight out of my fathers pay before he had a chance to do anything. Providing you know where he is currently employed, there are channels available to bypass him and go straight to his employer. You should also be eligible for backpay!

Blue - Good Luck making your decision. It is a BIG decision to make - one that I helped my mother do last Novembr. Things were a bit different in our situation though - my mother was at great physical threat if she left him and she wound up having a nervous breakdown. For a while there it was up to ME to look after her, my sister and all of her finances etc. But now, looking back - we wouldn't have it any other way. She is much happier now (had to take out an AVO - but thats another story) and she has met someone else. If you want to talk at all - your more than welcome to PM me.

[MilkOnTap]

Sorry to be a little naieve here,..but how on earth could you consider leaving your kids? I really don't think that you should be entitled to anything, if you walk out on your kids and your responsibilities. How do you think that you leaving will affect them? If you are sick of the way that he is treating you, how could you leave the little ones in his care? Are you not worried about the way that he would treat them?

In my parents situation, it would have been best for my mother to leave my sister with my father. I dont know anything about Blue's situation, but I do understand that in some unfortunate circumstances, it is best for the child to remain with the person who is the sole income provider. Blue has said "so sick of being treated like a slave by my dh and I've had enough..." That alone is enough to say what degree of bitterness is in the household...

Forgive me Blue if I have totally mis-interpreted the message you are trying to get across.

[Ana Gram]

All she asked was if anyone knew about what centrelink payments she could get if she left her husband, not a bunch of judgemental comments from the peanut gallery. Wouldn't it be better for the kids to stay where they are, a familiar environment, with someone with a wage other than uprooting them , disrupting their routines with a parent who will then have to go through the stress of searching for a job????

Grr_blue, you would only be able to get Newstart to look for a job without the kids with you. And once you did find a job, you would then have to pay child support to whomever is caring for the children.

[WeThree]

you have a good point chelle. none of us know her situation, it is not for us to judge.

society seems to think that all woman have this earthy inner mother or something in her and that it is our role to give up everything no matter what, but some ppl arent like this and dont feel this way.
grr-blue, thanks for getting back to us, like i said before, if you are not working newstart is what you will be eligible for, they can also give assistance with finding work or doing courses, and can refer you to emergency accomodation etc.

[whatwasithinking]

All she asked was if anyone knew about what centrelink payments she could get if she left her husband, not a bunch of judgemental comments


Well said Chelle!

[Oscar's mum]

I think you need to go to your doctor and explain your situation to him/her and perhaps they may be able to help you with the feeling like a slave etc.

[mumof2girls]

Have you told your husband how you feel? maybe you should tell him that you are no longer going to be treated this way and he needs to change or you are leaving. At least this way it gives you both a chance to make a difference before you do leave (if this is what you choose). I would go into centrelink and have a talk with someone about all your options and what is available to you, that way you know what you can and can't do if you choose to leave. Our emotions to tend to overtake us at times so go and see what is available to you and then make a decision that is good for YOU!

[the_queen]

When I was about to leave my husband, and I went into Centrelink they arranged for me to speak to the social worker/counsellor they have there. It's free, they give you info on what payments you'd be entitled to etc, and they can point you in the directions of other agencies that can help you. In my case, they pointed me to a Domestic Violence service, because even though mine didn't hit me or throw dishes at the walls, I didn't realise that the way he treated me was actually emotional abuse. Yelling at me, calling me names, making me cry, being completely unreasonable and hostile towards me, controlling me financially, constantly criticising me, intimidating me with his physical presence, etc etc. I had 2 different proffessionals (a marriage counsellor, and my personal counsellor) tell me it was domestic violence, and I literally scoffed at them. "He doesn't hit me" I said. But he was hurting me, with his words. He was destroying my soul with his behaviour.
Not saying that's what you're going through, but that was my experience.

[grrr_blue]

Thank you to those of you who have answered my question.

To jane&scarlett I would like to ask why I'm such a bad person for wanting to leave my kids? So you're the perfect woman/mother/daughter/wife/sister and everybody has to be like you? Thanks for making me feel like s***! As if I don't already.

I only asked a basic question, asking for a simple answer which thank you to some people, I now know that I would be entitled to Newstart. I didn't go into too much detail as I think this is a private matter. To those of you who are judging me, I would like to ask .. oh I can't be bothered to finish this.

Thank you again to those who answered me.

[WeThree]

your welcome grrr blue. i hope all works out well for you :)

[brooke]

Grrr_blue,

Good luck with making your decision... I am sure you will make the right decision for you and your children!

I am disgusted that people would be so judgemental towards you when They dont know you or your situation! God hope that they dont ever have to make a hard decision like yours!
All the best! It doesnt make you any less of a person or a mother if you leave your children with your husband! Maybe they would be happy there!
I know when My mum went to leave my dad once I chose to stay with him!
Good luck and all the best!

[Lucybelle]

Do what you gotta do Blue.

The info already posted on here is pretty right so far - I just wanted to point out that you are also entitled to part of the Family Tax Benefit depending on the times the kids are with you if its an overnight stay.

I didn't take note of what state you are in, but in Vic the Office of Housing can help you with a bond, places like Anglicare can help you out with furniture (if you need it) and can stream you into help and support like counsellors of you need that too.

You local Clink office should have a list of place that can help you out as well.

[Jaileth]

also, you can apply for a bond loan if you don't have the cash for a bond to move into a new place.

Best of luck!

[redbaby]

Wooahhh Back there,...... Just tell me why the government should support you if you walk out on your family? There would be no reason why you couldn;t work,..would there? I don't think that I need to make you feel bad,...you seem to be doing that by yourself,... I don't want to judge you,..just don't do something that you will regret down the track,.... I am not the best wife/mother etc in the world,..but I tell you what,.I put my baby first always,.... Do what is best for your kids here,..yeah?

[whatwasithinking]

Wooahhh Back there,...... Just tell me why the government should support you if you walk out on your family? There would be no reason why you couldn;t work,..would there?
jane&scarlett,
If you'd bothered to read all of grrr_blue's posts you would have read that she is currently not working but just needs assistance in order to get her two feet on the ground then she can work. So your comments are uncalled for and disrespectful.

She only asked a question and didn't deserve the types of comments that have been written by people like yourself.

Everyone is intitled to their opinions however this question was not asking for opinions just a simple answer to a simple question!

End of story!

[brooke]

jane&scarlett- I agree 100% with miss understood!
Read all of the posts not just what you select out of it!
Why shouldnt the goverment help this mother get back on her feet until she finds a paying job!??? They help people who a worthless bums all the time!
This woman just wants to get a job and feel like a real person! There is nothing wring with that!

By the sounds of it she will be making the right decision for her children....

Just because a man doesnt make a great husband doesnt mean that they arent a fantastic father! And therefore would be capable of looking after his children!

Try and have a little more respect for a fellow woman and mother and be a little less judgemental!

[Kamaikia]

Oh I just have to add on the child support matter - you're right they can just take it out of the fathers wage but they need a previous tax return to work out payments. I don't know where he is currently working and child support can'd help me. He did a tax return when he was 16 or 17 and earnt s*** all - so little that I am entitled to $6 a fortnight until his next tax. They can't even take that $6 for me!

[MilkOnTap]

Oh I just have to add on the child support matter - you're right they can just take it out of the fathers wage but they need a previous tax return to work out payments. I don't know where he is currently working and child support can'd help me. He did a tax return when he was 16 or 17 and earnt s*** all - so little that I am entitled to $6 a fortnight until his next tax. They can't even take that $6 for me!

Bugger! $6 and they cant even subsidise! What bas**rds!

[redbaby]

Sorry Guys,... but I guess we should agree to disagree on this one,. I was not aware that the Government Payments were there to help people to 'get on their feet' before they could start to work?!

I apologise if my remarks are in anyway disrespectful.

[WeThree]

hi jane :) i dont think any of your comments were particulary disrespectful, maybe just not that relevant to her question :) to everyone else, if you have ever read any of janes posts you would know what a lovely lady she is and would in no way purposefully try to upset anyone, comments like 'ppl like you ' etc arent called for.

anyway this ladies questions have been answered, so i dont see any need for anyone else to really add anything else to this conversation, cept maybe some apologies to jane (if you wish) seeing as she so graciously did so herself ;)

[Odessa]

Perhaps Jane was suggesting that instead of leaving with no money and relying on Centrelink payments (which are not very good), that getting a job before leaving would be a better, more stable move?

Just kicking in my 2c, not having a go! :)

[Mummy-2-2]

well putting in my 2c as well then, maybe it would be a case of Grrrblue needing some time to realise that she is worthwhile and not a "slave" before she feels that she can emotionally deal with finding work and all the hassles involved with that.

Finding a new job is stressfull at the best of times without having a husband who treats you like dirt and to look after the kids while doing it.

Someones mind is a VERY powerful thing and if it takes extreme measures that perhaps you and I wouldnt do (because we've never had to deal with the same stuff, or the fact that we all have different tolerance levels) then those measures should be taken to preserve the persons sanity.

Imagine if nothing was done because "all you people" condemned her, and she got depressed, and more depressed etc and it led to far worse things than what is being thought of now.

I apologise to Grrr-BLue for talking about you not to you, and I apologise for the small minded people whom you are bound to face, but do what you need to sweetie. And if that is letting your ex/husband look after the kids for a while or forever, that is completely up to you. Dont let anyone say that you arent doing the right thing. The right thing is making sure you are the best person you can be, someone for your kids to look up to. And it doesnt mean leaving your kids, it means, having them live somewhere where you can visit them when your mind is happier. :)

[grrr_blue]

Could I make up a situation for you, Jane?

If you were, say, in an abusive relationship, your children were suffering, you had no money, didn't have a job, blah blah blah, had no family nearby, would you stay because you didn't have the money to get out?

That's not my situation, but I'm just interested in what you would do then . . .

If you decided to get away from that situation, taking your children, where would you live, with no money, how would you feed your kids, you couldn't afford to buy food, you'd have no money.

[the_queen]

Just my 2c worth....

If anyone is in an abusive relationship it is NEVER the right thing to leave the kids with him. Even if "he's a great dad but a crappy husband" ... a crappy husband will keep your kids from you, just to spite you! And if he's a crappy husband now, think about how much of a crappy EX-husband he's going to be!!

There are Domestic Violence Services all over the country who will provide anyone (not just abused wives, i might add) who is escaping an abusive relationship, with somewhere to live, food vouchers, emotional support.... Crisis Care will give you free nappies if needed, Centrelink can give you a one-off lump sum payment to help with initial costs (this is only available with a letter from your DV social worker) The Housing Trust will pay your bond (again, you need a letter from your social worker). FAYS (or whatever it's called in your state - Family Services) will provide you with financial counselling, which can include paying a couple of bills for you while you get on your feet. There are charity organisations that will give you an appliance (EG when I left, I had a fridge, I had beds, but I had no table and chairs, and I had no washing machine. The Salvo's bought me a washing machine. And when I found some table and chairs at a 2nd hand shop that I liked, FAYS paid for them.) There are "soup kitchens" (here in SA they're called Fred's Van) that will give out food (not just soup - sandwiches and rolls, fresh fruit, etc) no questions asked. There are housing agencies specifically for women and their children, where the rent is calculated as a % of your weekly income. There are support services available. My DV social worker had so much information on where I could get extra help, and I never even knew that this help was available.

I stayed in a bad marriage because I didn't have the money to get out. Then when I swallowed my pride and reached out for help, I realised that to put finances above the safety and well-being of myself and my kid, is just silly. There are people and agencies who can and will help.

I know this is all "off-topic" but I had to respond.

Grrr_blue I'm on your side BTW, I know what it's like to be in a situation where there seems to be no solutions to the mountain of problems you're facing. I hope you can find your way out of what sounds like a horrible situation you're in right now. And it's only natural to get defensive towards people who are judging you. I'm not judging you. I am not telling you what to do. I am just telling you what I did in a similar situation, and what help was available to me. PM me if you want to chat more.

[redbaby]

Hey Grrr-Blue,..... It is way easier to sit on the outside and tell you how/what you should be doing,.....more difficult to get a perspective from the inside,.and I appreciate that,... All I was trying to say was that I would be concerned for your kids if you left them behind,..emotionally and physically,. and I don't even know your partner,. I just figure that if he treats you badly, then he is likely to do the same to the children,. I believe that where there is a will there is a way,..if you really want/need to get away, then there will be a way to do it,. even if you have to stay with a friend/drop in centre etc,.... Please,..just think about your kids,...Sorry to have been so negative,.

[shanz]

hey there,
Grr Blue my mother was in a situation that was mentally damaging to her and when i was 7 years old she made the same decision you are facing,my father wasn't the best husband to her but would never do anything to harm us kids,it meant mum had to believe in him and for a few years mum was looked upon as a bad mother by some people but others that knew the extent of the situation respected mum and her decision as in our case it was in our best interests to be left with dad. we never went without anything and i will admit that at first i held it against my mum but when i got older and she explained the situation to me from her point of view i am now glad she did what she did and am looking forward to giving her a grandchild to love very soon. She is my mother and she has and always will love me whether she slept in the same house as me or not. She has a healthy relationship with me and both my brothers. As a mother i'm sure the option you are leaning towards is one that you have looked into very deeply and you feel it is the right thing to do.
Anyway PM me if you need to chat anytime.