i'm convinced the teacher hates my child :( [Archive] - Bub Hub Pregnancy & Parenting Forum

psyminsays

07-03-2007, 21:22

Seekrit

07-03-2007, 21:26

Wow
:hugs:
I would be going straight past thet teacher and making an appointment with the principal to discuss this. There is NO NEED for your child to be treated like this, none!!
I don't believe that a teacher can physically pick up a child unless they are going to harm another student or themselves.

You girl needs a teacher who is willing to work WITH her and any problems she's having, not against.

I hope all is well soon.

SilverStarfish

07-03-2007, 21:30

:hugs: It sounds like a tough situation.

Are you feeling up to talking to Mrs C and telling her how her comments make you feel? If not, or if you really don't think it will do any good, then you should make an appointment with the school principal. Explain the situation and tell him/her that you're not comfortable with the situation. They should suggest some sort of mediation - because it's just unacceptable for things to continue like this!! It's going to stress you out and you DD is going to hate school :thumbsdown:

I hope you can get something worked out...

Aquamarine

07-03-2007, 21:30

I agree with Seekrit.

I would be really annoyed if it were my child.:mad:

SorenLorensen

07-03-2007, 21:37

to be honest my daughter would not begoing to school tomorrow and i would be having a new school sorted for her by monday.
i would also be talking to the principal and informing him as to what one of his teachers have been doing.
i know it might sound like over reacting but your DD is only 5 she does not neet to put up with that, and no matter how sorted the situation got , i would not want that lady near my child
JMO

Chub Chub

07-03-2007, 21:39

Does Mrs C give any suggestions that you can implement to help improve your daughters behaviour or does she always focus on the negative?

I get very disillusioned when people who work with kids only focus on negatives without providing solutions. Is she willing to work with you?

I would front her next time and ask for some strategies on how to get your daughters behaviour up to her acceptable level. I would then suggest to meet with her and the principal to start moving forward for strategies to help your daughter.

It does your daughter no favours to be in the 'naughty' corner for over an hour and miss out on her schooling. :shame: I would bring this up with her as well.

I agree that it isn't a teacher position to discipline children in the classroom but she needs to work with you and your daughter.

Shame on Mrs C:thumbsdown: .

Seekrit

07-03-2007, 21:40

your DD is only 5 she does not neet to put up with that, and no matter how sorted the situation got , i would not want that lady near my child
JMO

this is what I keep thinking.. only 5, she's still a baby, how can people act like this with a baby.

We have preppies where I work and I've only raised my voice once, and this includes them having full-on punch ups.. because they don't KNOW any different right now. It's not even really raising of the voice and it's prewarned "Oh no guys, Mrs M is going to put on her cross voice now!!"
I am so sorry that your little girl has to go through this, please arrange a meeting with the principal.

07-03-2007, 22:26

Honey ... this sounds like this teacher has absolutely no idea how to deal with "spirited" children and needs to be placed somewhere, where she isn't out of her depth!

There is absolutely no reason why a 5yo should be put in a naughty corner for that length of time and I would be raising this issue with the principal! I would also be concerned that she may be telling your daughter that she is naughty/stupid/absolutely shocking etc. This is doing a heap of damage if she is and if the teacher wants better behaviour, learning to focus on positives is a better solution!

Most 5yo's have problems with writing letters and numbers back to front - a lot of 5yo's can't even write thier name accurately by the end of kinder so I don't think that your dd is doing badly at all considering she is dyslexic!

If your dd does have add, then it will probably be better to start her at a new school or at least in another class (if available) so that she can have a positive spin put on things from the beginning rather than constantly being berated for her behaviour!

This sounds like a serious case of a teacher needing intensive further education and a good dose of disciplinary action!

There are several kids in my dd's class (year one) who are disruptive, easily distracted etc and the teachers find that a soft (firm and carefully chosen) word will always be more effective than ranting and raving or throwing their arms up in disgust!

Here's hoping you find a solution soon and that the school doesn't just gloss over the situation.

Mum&bubs

07-03-2007, 22:29

Honestly it sounds like the teacher doesn't have a clue what she is doing. I would sit down & have a good chat with her and with your daughter also to see what is going on. If not, talk to another teacher at the school and see how they notice your daughter in the school grounds. Good luck, I know if it were one of my daughter's I wouldn't be happy at all.

Ange&Seth

07-03-2007, 23:04

I think I would be asking this teacher what she expects of the children in her class, what exactly is upsetting her about your daughters behaviour?

I would be telling her that unless she can work in a positive manner to try and improve the situation, then I would have no choice but to take the matter to the principal.

I think the problem with speaking to the principal though is that this teacher will be bitter towards you and so take it out on your daughter. In the end, she may need to change classes, or if that isn't an option, perhaps she'll need to change schools.

Or, you could just point Mrs C out to us bubhub mummies so we can 'teach her a lesson' :laughing:

Seriously though, I hope you work out a positive solution. :hugs: to you and your baby.

jess_live_die

07-03-2007, 23:46

jus wanted to give you BIG BIG BIG :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

FourAngelKisses

08-03-2007, 04:53

70mins in the naughty corner?????!!!!!!! That is FAR too long for a 5yr old. What did she do for it to be that long, set the teachers hair on fire??

It sounds to me like this teacher doesn't know much about young kids (I'm assuming she doesn't have any of her own) and would be better suited to teaching older ones.

I agree with everyone else, go and see the principal about it. Is there another kindy class that your DD can be moved to?

I had a similar problem with Jacobs teacher yr 1, she had her favourites in the class........those who were always getting spoken to nicely and getting awards at every assembly.
Yet my poor son would get disrupted by other boys and he would think that because it was okay for them to do it, he would join in and as a result, he was the one who got pulled out of every assembly. I would sit there watching and sure enough, even though it was the other boys, it would be mine who got the blame.
One day he forgot to get his bag out of the car when I dropped him off. His teacher knew this but never called me and never fed him either. It was summer, so he had to go for 8.5hrs without eating on a hot day when he was only 6yrs old.

If any of my kids get this woman as their teacher, I will be requestiong that they be moved, if possible (small school).

Will

08-03-2007, 09:43

I also think you should be finding a new school!! It is your daughters first experience with school, if she is forever in trouble she will see school as a horrible place to be and wont ever want to go! you should have at least 7 more years before she doesnt want to go!! I wouldnt have thought a five year old would be able to get detention! Also, after putting a 5 year old who obviously has a lot of energy in one place for 70 minutes telling her not to move, as if she is going to sit and be 'good' i have enough trouble sitting in one place for an hour with something to do, let alone just looking at a wall!! I thought the naughty corner was supposed to be 1 minute for each year, so she should have 5 minutes NOT 70!!

If she is telling you all this stuff, that she physically moved your daughter and put her in the naughty corner for 70 minutes, she obviously doesnt see it as being wrong. Maybe a word to her and to the principal might enlighten her and wake her up. I truely believe there are a lot of teachers out there just teaching cuz they wanted the 'easy life' (as a daughter of a teacher i can tell you it is in no way easy if you are a decent teacher). Most teachers are not like this at all and if you keep searching you will find a decent one.

Being a single parent should have NOTHING to do with you as a person, and yuo should not be targeted because of that.

OK i will stop going on, but i really do feel for you!! :hugs:

psyminsays

08-03-2007, 16:11

thanks girls..i'm seriously sitting here getting a little misty eyed.

thanks for the kind words it really is appreciated. i joined a certain other parenting forum once upon a time and wasn't made to feel very welcome so i took my chances last night and joined up here.

the thing is, i went to my daughters school. it was my primary school from grades 3-6. and my sisters school from prep-6 and we had the BEST teachers :) my daughter goes there because its close to our house and it really is a fantastic school with mrs C as the exception.

what gets my goat is that she KNOWS that my DD is "spirited" she was made fully aware of my concerns for DD's mental health as far as ADD and dyslexia went, she knows we are waiting on a much sought after appointment with a professional.

i don't by any means expect mrs C to treat DD with any kind of special treatment, just a little understanding that i, along with DD are doing the best we can til she is properly diagnosed.
i'm TRYING !!

tell me i'm being silly if you wish but.. i see the other mums and dad's showing up in couples, presenting a united front when it comes to their kids and mrs C always seems thrilled with their childrens progress.. but her face pales and she practically spits venom when it comes to me.

for example.. today, mrs C asks DD to count for her.. DD starts counting away in ITALIAN ! LOL.
i thought it was adorable but mrs C was stoney faced.:thumbsdown:

it breaks my heart that this woman always seems to focus on the negatives. i'm sure DD does great work, i've seen proof hanging up in the classroom..and i know DD is exceptionally bright (i'm not being biased here, i promise) but i never ever hear praise..just "DD did.. X Y and Z today and as a result went to sit in the office, or was in the naughty corner for x amount of time.. ect".

my poor DP. he'll be on the receiving end of an emotional outburst when he stops by later.
but in the meantime i'm going to schedule a meeting with the prep co-ordinator.

:shame: seriously, i don't need to pay fees and send her with a strange woman for 8 hours a day to have her sit in a corner.. there are plenty of corners at home !!

- sorry, i'm waffling on. thanks,

Psymin xx

CJJHRA

08-03-2007, 16:47

:hugs: your poor DD, thats terrible of a teacher to be doing that.

I am at a loss for words, thats just so wrong of her on so many levels!

I would be going straight to the principle to, and telling them its not on, and would be moving schools ASAP, no matter how close it is, or how good the school is. Even if your DD got a new teacher, theres no way, myself, I would feel comfortable there after that.

theres not many 5 year olds that can write their names (I have found) and many of them do write letters backwards, and not in the correct order, usually gets better and corrects itself around mid-end of year one. The main thing is they are attempting it.

theycallmemum

09-03-2007, 11:15

Oh honey, you need to get your daughter out of that class ASAP. Speaking from experience here with a special needs child, this teacher does not know what she is doing and your daughter must just hate it in her class. There are some great teachers out there but there are also some really lousy ones who aren't interested in any child that doesn't sit quietly and just fit in. My son went to two different schools in kinder and then was homeschooled for 2 terms because we just couldn't find a school that he even felt safe going to. I had the principal of one school tell me that 'I was the parent, not my son and that if he didn't want to come to school (he used to hide under his bed in the mornings terrified) I was to drag him up there to her office in his pj's if necessary and she would force dress him and take him to his class. He was just terrified of the place, it was too big, too noisy and he would try to come home. I walked out of her office and my son never went back there.

book_mum

09-03-2007, 17:11

Sorry, but are we living parallel lives?

I have had to explain that my daughter isn't being naughty, she is anxious and acts out inappropriately. I have asked for solutions, 'what positive strategies are you going to employ?'

I go into the classroom every week for volunteer time and what I see is a child who has difficulties and children who react to difference. It is the whole tribal thing and the best we can do is be an assertive advocate for our children.

Everyone I have spoken to over the last 5 weeks have said that good teachers are hard to find, you want the young committed ones that are intelligent and see it as a career. We have an old battleaxe who just won't be able to change her habits. Its adapt or move for us.

good luck, keep us posted.
M

Roopee

12-03-2007, 12:25

I would just like to say that NO child should ever be made to sit with their backs to the rest of the class!! How humiliating for your poor daughter. Also if your child is already anxious, imagine what this does to her? I feel deeply for you and her- thats a shocking thing to do to her.
I would most definatley be arranging a meeting with the principal and the teacher as well- its hard too as you dont want to get this teacher p!issed, she might m,ake it worse for your DD.
This teacher, clearly, has no social skills or tolerance- i think she needs to find a new profession!:yes:

psyminsays

19-03-2007, 10:32

hi girls...

i've given it a few days.. and nothing has changed. friday, i was told that DD had had "another bad day".. then, Mrs C presents me with all of DD's unfinished work and says, "take this home, get DD to finish it and bring it back on monday". yep, fine no problem.

Apparently, she doesn't sit in the naughty corner anymore, instead she's sent to another classroom ?? what is that likely to acheive ?

i look in her reader bag, and there's 2 readers and a note, "please make sure DD reads these"
why 2 ? apparently she's not quite up to speed with her reading as everyone else.

so you make her do double the work ? :confused:

:banghead: :banghead: :banghead:

i was having a bit of a think, if i can't get her classes changed, how about maybe a teachers aide ? someone to work 1 on 1 with DD ? does anyone know how i can get one ? do i have to pay for it ?

Argh !! to top it off, i'm having the week to end all weeks as far as PND goes, i've been a wreck.

Thanks,

Psymin xxx

sunnyflower

19-03-2007, 13:05

oh my goodness.now she's getting homework!!!She's 5.and getting sent to another classroom.what can't the teacher handle her.i'm sorry this teacher sounds quite strange.if it were my child i would not allow him to attend another day.and readers to read.she's 5.oh my goodness!

big hugs to you

Holly_Golightly

20-03-2007, 05:38

I think there needs to be less emphasis on labelling your DD as naughty and more focus on her behaviour. This is a pretty straightforward teaching philosophy.

Having worked with my fair share of 'difficult' kids last year, some successfully, some not so successfully, I will try give some ideas.

Although the teacher is reporting to you everyday try to set up a formal meeting with her to actually discuss some strategies. If these strategies are not implemented or she is still not working with you set up a meeting with the Principal to work out some solutions, maybe with the teacher in attendance.

Most kindy classrooms use a sad chair or time out strategy. Typically used is a sad/happy face list or three strikes and you are out. 70 minutes is far too long and probably did nothing but give the teacher some respite. If the child still repeats the behaviour and continues not to respond normally they are removed from the classroom and sent to a neighbouring class. This is used to let the child calm/settle down and refocus. I only used this strategy twice and this was when the child was at a point where they wre physically throwing themselves around etc and needing to be removed from the stimulation of the whole class staring at them.

How about a communication book? All behaviour is recorded but the positives are highlighted. The child is aware of the book and it is sent home each day as material to discuss/praise etc. I always tried to greet the parents with a positive. Most kids love that.

Look, personally, even the kids that at times made me want to tear my hair out, I still had a genuine soft spot for them and them for me and that's what got us through. The teacher does need to take a different perspective.

Can you visit the classroom to monitor her behaviour or be a parent helper. A teachers Aide solely for your child can be impossible to get unfortunately but most Kindy classes will at least have periods during the day where there are Aides or parent helpers that would generally be assigned to children who need the most assistance. You don't pay directly for a TA. They are allocated according to the child's disability.

Readers and homework can be quite standard for some kindy's. My class were given a reader each day as well as h/w. My DD had 2 home readers each day. What is the reason for your DD not finishing her work? Is it too difficult or is it a behaviour problem? It is difficult if they continually do not/cannot complete their work as they fall even further behind.

Good Luck. I know it can be heartbreaking. I wish you and your DD the best of luck.

hippee

20-03-2007, 09:28

.

Most kindy classrooms use a sad chair or time out strategy. Typically used is a sad/happy face list or three strikes and you are out. 70 minutes is far too long and probably did nothing but give the teacher some respite. If the child still repeats the behaviour and continues not to respond normally they are removed from the classroom and sent to a neighbouring class. This is used to let the child calm/settle down and refocus. I only used this strategy twice and this was when the child was at a point where they wre physically throwing themselves around etc and needing to be removed from the stimulation of the whole class staring at them.

How about a communication book? All behaviour is recorded but the positives are highlighted. The child is aware of the book and it is sent home each day as material to discuss/praise etc. I always tried to greet the parents with a positive. Most kids love that.

Readers and homework can be quite standard for some kindy's. My class were given a reader each day as well as h/w. My DD had 2 home readers each day. What is the reason for your DD not finishing her work? Is it too difficult or is it a behaviour problem? It is difficult if they continually do not/cannot complete their work as they fall even further behind.
.

Yep my DS had readers everyday sometimes two in Kindy plus the usual homework that they had a week to complete. Does the teacher think that maybe if the does the work at home at least it is being done and she isn't falling behind further?

I'm going to ask this and please take no offence because I mean none, but if DD is 5 is she a young 5? Is she ready for the structure of school? I only ask because we had a couple of students when DS started that just were not ready for big school and started again this year and are much more settled and going great.

Whatever happens I hope you can get it resolved soon.

psyminsays

20-03-2007, 15:24

Hi Girls,

First, i'll give you a bit of an update and then i'll address the points some of you have raised, okay, here we go..

today, i go to collect DD, peep through the classroom window and DD isn't there ? i look over to the "naughty corner" no, not there either, then, DD appears by my side.

Mrs C appears and says.. "oh, you found her, did you ?" apparently DD had been in time out with the "prep principal" in the office, Mrs T.
DD was in time out due to being disobiediant ALL day. but on being escorted back to the her classroom before the bell, DD wandered away.

:eek:<< thats how i felt. "wandered away"? why wasn't she followed and guided back to her proper classroom ? apparently Mrs T was called away for something important.

Alrighty, DD and i head over to the office, track down Mrs T and have a bit of a chat. basically, i voice my concerns, am told to "put my faith in them, they want the best for DD too".

Today, DD was involved in an arguement with a boy, the boy hurt DD and she hurt him back.
the boy had nail marks in his arm from DD, upon questioning DD, he hurt her first, but because there were no visible marks on DD, she was the one punished. lunchtime detention. i know my child, she's not violent (unless provoked). how ever, she is very very cheeky and highly arguementative.

it's gotten to the point where faith simply isn't enough anymore..i suggested an aide, was told i had slim/no chance..i told them i was very unhappy with DD being in Mrs c's class and was told that it was the best place for DD as Mrs C is "older and more experienced". i told Mrs T that from what i can see DD just clashes with Mrs C.

i was offered the assistance of a family support worker..someone to discuss my concerns with..
Mrs T suggested a "sit down" with herself, the worker, Mrs C and me, to discuss strategies as far as DD goes.apaarently the family support worker is there to support me, what is this ? a me Vs them situation ? I am currently waiting on the family support worker to call me.

Hippee... Hi, no, DD is by no means a young 5, she's very advanced, Very "switched on" according to Mrs T, but also very arguementative..(alarmingly so for a 5 year old) i don't mind her doing unfinished work at home, that's no problem.. but double the amount of everyone else ? the poor bugger is generally exhausted after school, as we speak she's starfished on the floor. lol

Holly_Golightly... I agree completely, less emphasis on DD being "Naughty" thanks for the communication book tip..brilliant idea, i will suggest that tommorow. as for DD not finishing her work, she has very little focus and a great difficulty keeping attention..she's a bit of a wanderer they tell me..they also tell me she's very stubborn and extremely arguementative.
i can understand Mrs C needing respite sometimes as i do too. :) as i explained to Mrs T, i think DD finds working in the large class group a bit overwhelming..because for example, working 1on1 just us doing homework and what not, she works really well, i think she'd really benefit from a gentle nudge and little reminders to help her stay on track and wander alot less.

sunnyflower... yes, i agree, i think DD's teacher is strange too.

Book_mum.. i'm not alone, that comes as a great comfort. i see what you mean when you say "old battleaxe" we are in the same boat..
as i said earlier, DD seems to just "clash" with Mrs C.:no:

Thankyou so much girls.. will update after i have spoken with the family support worker. :hugs:

Psymin xx

viperpt

20-03-2007, 15:38

Have u thought about a sticker system. My DS was having the same problem as well as being a bully and we tried the sticker system and it worked great. Plus I did some research on food additives and cut alot of things out of his diet, I also started giving him fish oil supplements as that can increase concentration.. Good luck..

FourAngelKisses

20-03-2007, 16:02

I swear by fish oil (I used Eye Q), I used it on Jacob and his teachers noticed a HUGE change.

psyminsays

27-03-2007, 11:40

Hi Girls,
Just popping in with a bit of an update.
thursday (22/3/07) we gave fish oil a whirl for the first time (natures way, kids smart) so far, so good, DD will eat them without a worry, however there haven't been any behavioural changes as such.

dropped DD at school this morning at 9, and have just gotten home from the meeting with the school social "support" worker.

she basically gave me the same spiel that mrs T did last week, that Mrs C is the BEST teacher for DD..i'm still not convinced.

i suggested a communication book, and Marie (the social worker) strongly discouraged it, saying my DD would get the wrong idea, that she would be convinced it would be a book based soley on her negatives.(not true, i just want a bit of extra insight, you know, examples of good and bad behaviour)

she also told me that i was double punishing DD. that if she played up at school she shouldn't be punished at home (no tv, no dessert, ect) how else do i make DD see that bad behaviour at school isn't acceptable ?

and i STRONGLY emphasised that i will NOT tolerate DD being sent away to other classrooms when mrs c has had her fill. she either works with DD, or not at all. i basically told marie that DD responds to the gently, gently approach.. ie: you have to repeat yourself half a million times but, if you give a small amount of praise and encouragement (especially as far as completing work goes) she'll get there in the end.

she does not respond well to being pushed from pillar to post, she'll see being sent away as a new set of boundaries to test.

she asked loads of questions about DD's dad.
and that's a WHOLE other kettle of fish. he's one of those dads' that is father of the year in public.. but the second coming of satan in private. for example, i invited him to the meeting, he refused. at the begining of DD's behavioural issues at school (getting detention)
i rang him to see if he'd have a chat with DD.. his response.. "ring me if she's bleeding. unless she's hospitalised, i don't want to know".

typical, she'd have to be on her death bed for him to care.:banghead:
he's also very spiteful, basically anything i say no to, he'll say yes to. just to get up my nose, he doesn't see the detrimental effects it's having on DD. (a 30 year old with the mental equivalent of a 4 year old) For example, i asked him for sole custody, for him to never see DD again, but because i want it, he refused, he never voluntarily sees her !! his MUM FORCES him to see DD for 1 weekend a fortnight. he's NEVER EVER EVER rang, just to see how DD is, or chat to her on the phone. NEVER calls to say "hey, can i take DD to the park for an hour, or to the zoo for the day, or to maccas" Blah blah ect., i'm sure you get the point.

Grr !! it's very frustrating, he parades around in public like the father of the year,but when it comes to REAL parenting issues such as this, everything is my fault and my problem.

Here's hoping he's hit by a bus..him and his brand new motorbike..(So, THAT'S what my child support looks like !!):rolleyes:

thanks for listening,
Psymin xxx

PunkyDiva

27-03-2007, 11:51

As others say this teachers behaviour is totally unacceptable and although talking with her again first may be a start, don't hesitate to take it furthur. Removing your child from the school is a bit knee jerk reaction and leaves this teacher free to continue outdated teaching practises.

Naughty corner, negative name in itself, it is a time out corner and used for max 10 mins for extreme behaviour and gives the child and adult contemplation time/a breather.

She is not allowed to physically pick up your child unless your DD was physically hurting another and even then it's a grey area.
Wouldn't suprise me to hear that in the past she was one that used locking children in a box as discipline, inexcuseable especially by a teacher who is expected to be up to date with constructive teaching/discipline methods and has a support network for difficulties.

:hugs: for you and your DD

Sorry, just read your update and:thumbsup: .
Fish oil will take 6-9 weeks to show signs of working.
Not to worry you but just something to ask your specialist, children can suffer small abscences where their brain blanks out (basic form of epilepsy) and one of the first sign of this is the need to have things repeated many times because they didn't hear it and taking a lot of time to complete work/falling behind because they've missed instructions.

marcelsmum

27-03-2007, 13:37

I think you need a new school, It sounds like your communicating your worries to them, but they are not willing to meet you half way. Sometimes some teachers are just unable to handle some children.

My DS has ASD, he was diagnosed years ago, after attending special preschools it was decided to try him in a mainstream school, He had two wonderful years of massive progression in his mainstream class with a teachers aide visiting only 2 half days a week... I was so happy when his teachers told me he was not top of the class but he was not bottom of the class either.... A great acheivement for him.
He was always happy, loved school and had many friends (he is not antisocial by any means). Then I got transferred with work to another state so it meant leaving this happy environment.

I did a lot of research into schools in the area we moved to and thought I had found a great one,, we moved 1 week into the last term last year, so it was always going to be hard..
From the first day we had trouble with Marcels teacher, much the same as what you mentioned, She would tell him off all the time, there was no Positive reinforcment.. only punishment... He even got in trouble for being bullyed (backed up by some other teachers who saw the incident) We spoke to the teachers and the principal asking for him to be put into another class, we were told there was just no room... It culminated in us being told that DS was not smart enough to be in a mainstream classroom and we should put him full time in a special unit. (apparently he couldn't read, write or do maths- this I know is NOT true.) I kept saying that it would get better, It never did....
Eventually with only two weeks of the school term to go we pulled him out of that class and put him into the special unit (where the teachers aides were available to help him) hmm- surprise surprise he started enjoying school again..
This year he is back in a mainstream class with a teacher who is able to handle him, and get the best out of him. Unfortunately we did repeat him as he ended up being so behind in his work.

Dont just hope that it will get better, It sounds like they are determined that they are right and you are wrong.. You know your daughter best, what she is capable of, Talk to other schools be honest with them see if any of them are happy to take up the challenge,

I think you will both be happier...

k2ma

13-04-2007, 16:28

Hello :hugs:. I feel so much for you. School, especially the early days, should not be like this.

I was wondering if you had specifics from the teacher about the alleged 'appalling behaviour'. Could there be a physical problem e.g hearing or eyesight? It would not need to be a huge problem to cause difficulties in a new environment.

Often kids who cannot hear instructions will not follow them and consequently do not do the appropriate things - thus 'acting up' getting in trouble etc etc.

Might be an idea to take her to the GP to get that sort of thing ruled out too.

Are there days where she is worse than others - the teacher should have this documented - this is why a communication book IS a good idea. Maybe there are particular events on this day e.g sport, a speaker, a different classroom assistant, assembly etc which may trigger a reaction.

How does your dd feel about learning and the activities she does in class. Have you discussed that with her? Maybe she is finding it challenging or not challenging enough.

So many things can influence littlies behaviour in school and they can be totally different little characters there than at home, BUT the teacher and the school should be providing you with workable options to help resolve the problem.

With regard to the home /school cross discipline that you mentioned...reward the positives. SO instead of no TV / ice cream/whatever when she gets a negative, try giving a fun activity or treat when she does something - no matter how small - good...then gradually drop the rewards so that they are only for more notably excellent behaviour. You will need to deal with the negatives but I would advise against doubling discipline at home...unless it is a particularly heinous act!!:D Generally I would suggest discussing the what why who how and what to do next time strategy for negatives. Show your displeasure, express you rdisappointment and be firm but use it to teach coping skills so next time dd can do differently.

It will be a long and difficult process, especially if you are not helped adequately by others, but please persevere. I am sure you will resolve this.

Good luck. We are all here to support you and listen.

book_mum

16-04-2007, 19:39

Hi there,
K2Ma is right on about other difficulties that you may be unaware of like eyesight and hearing.

My daughter (5yrs old) has just been assessed and have been diagnosed with Auditory processing disorder.
She cannot discriminate between sounds and filter/process auditory information. With therapy and auditory retraining the behavioural problems should settle right down, according to the assessor. Because her cognitive abilities are up she has been able to mask her real weaknesses and her hearing test at 3 years old was perfect.

I urge anyone to have a full assessment done as we have been labeled as ADD, ADHD, Aspergers, autistic, you name it , it has been bandied around to my utter frustration. Quite often it is misdiagnosed and goes undetected.

I am so relieved that finally I can be taken seriously when I say, 'she didn't 'hear' you, its not that she is being naughty or beligerent'

good luck

M

preciousboys

15-03-2010, 11:51

Hello, I know this is an old post but was very interested reading it. How is your daughter doing now? I have a child in grade one now and prep wasn't a very good year. Very interested to hear what happened :)

crazymuma

15-03-2010, 12:16

hi ladies,
first time poster in DESPERATE need of advice.. the situation is this, my daughter (5) has just started grade prep and is having a few "teething problems" as far as settling in goes..
she's already had detention ! i was horrified at this.. but it seems that her teacher (mrs C) never ever has a nice thing to say about my daughter. no jokes, at 3:10pm everyday mrs C will single me out and tell me how difficult my daughter was that particular day.
today, mrs c pulled me aside and said that my daughter was "absolutely shocking" and thus spent the first hour and 10 minutes of the day facing the wall in the naughty corner.

how would you react to being told your child is absolutely shocking ?

last week mrs c. informed me that she was forced to physically pick my daughter up and move her to the naughty corner when she refused to go. ?? is she allowed to do that ??

mrs c. knows i'm a single parent with my daughters father having very little to do with my daughter, mrs c also knows that i suspect that my daughter has dyslexia (i have it too)
and she's also aware of my suspicions that my daughter may have ADD.

we have an appointment with a behavioural therapist (dr. susie gibb) but that's not til next month as she's very very popular. It WAS going to be june, but our GP insisted that my daughter be scheduled for an emergency appointment.

my daughters' main problems are trouble with focusing and conerntration and the fact that she's easily distracted. (aren't most 5 year olds ?) she also writes letters back to front and not in the right order (especially in her name).

any help, advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

- a mummy at the end of her wick. :)

- Psymin xxx

Haven't read any of the other posts but have a few things to say.

My sister is going through the same sort of thing with my nephew. He is currently being diagnosed with many suspected issues.

She too felt that the teacher was being nasty so the teacher invited her to sit in one day to see exactly how disruptive my nephew was - she was surprised at how well the teacher was managing with him. The teacher doesn't hate him like she thought she was just trying to find a way of dealing iwth him while also running a classroom with 24 other children. She didn't have time to sit and get him to focus otherwise the other students would miss out so in a lot of situation she had to use time out. No one can expect the teacher to spend the whole day dealing with a disruptive child - then she will just have 20 other parents complaining that their children are missing out - sad fact is majority will have to win.

I WOULD be questioning the amount of time spent on time out - 1 hour in time out at a time really defeats the purpose of it.

I suggest maybe you sit in for a day and see just how bad the problem is.

I truly believe for a teacher to take the time to tell you just how bad the day has been with your child it means they are really struggling with them.

I think getting a full assessment of your child is a great idea as if needed she may then be able to have a teachers aide which will free up some of the teachers time to deal with the other students.

Mum2Mimi

15-03-2010, 12:39

:hugs: i would be going straight to the principal, i dont like the thought of her sitting facing the wall for an HOUR & TEN MINS! she wouldnt even know why she was there after such a long period thats apauling and this isnt the first thread ive seen with something like this happening latley its disgusting :thumbsdown:

goodluck with the speacialists and school

FionaV

20-03-2010, 20:05

Well, as she was sitting facing hte wall for an hour and ten minutes three years ago, I assume that problem has been solved. It's completely pointless to have time out for that long, even for a much older child. For a 5 year old, it's ridiculous.

I would be interested to see how the op and her daughter are doing, but I don't know if she's still around.

20-03-2010, 20:30

I'd be very interested to know how the OP is doing as well, in Tylers year 1 class there is a girl who sounds similarly spirited, and she is sent to 'buddy class' most days (a year 5 class where she has to sit in the corner and do her work alone) or is sent to the RTC room (detention) which also happens pretty frequently.

I REALLY feel for this girl, she is just lovely, she just bounces off the walls is all!!

But, as I am at the class 5 mornings a week reading with the kids and helping with spelling etc, I can see she is being left behind, (if she is there, and not in RTC) and it breaks my heart.

I empathise with her, as my 4 year old is very similar in temperament, and I'm really scared he will be given the same treatment as her... :(

I found reading "Raising your spirited child" was VERY enlightening (very positive lovely book) and I think the teachers of children who are spirited like this need to read this book as well. I will certainly be asking Louies teacher next year to read it, I want her to have SOME understanding of him, it seems kids like this are just pushed into a corner to be quiet, rather than being worked WITH. :gloomy: