Should I stay

[kbeck84]

Hi, Where do I start
I have two beautiful children DD 3 1/2 and
DS 14 months old. My husband and I have been together for 7 years but he has lied to me for the past god knows how long for about so much stuff I dont even know where to begin.
I know that the love for him has gone and we have spoke about that but he just palms it off and doesnt talk about it again.
I have told him that mabye we should separate but he doesnt take me seriously he just jokes around about it. I have spoke to my family and his family about it and they reckon that we should work it out because it will affect our children to much.So basically stay with him for the kids sake and be unhappy.
We argue alot and the kids see that I would of thought that arguing would affect them more?
We are going to see a counselor tomorrow but in all honesty I dont know if it will help because they really is no love there anymore.
I would like to know if anyone has been in the same position and came out on top,or stayed even know you were unhappy?
And if we separate will it be my fault that the kids are going to be affected, because I dont want to hurt them?
I hope this all makes sense

[SorenLorensen]

i am so sorry i cant help you with this hard choice
but i can give you lots of :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: and hope that with whatever path you go down you will all be happy

[BlakeNatsMum]

Hi.. I offer you :hugs: It is not easy being in this type of situation.. However, I believe staying with someone just for the sake of the kids can have more of an adverse affect on them than what it would if you were no longer together. I would attend your counselling session and see what has to be said there. But honestly if your heart isn't in it anymore, then I say move on.. Staying where you are is only going to create more misery and unhappiness for yourself, and in turn your children will see that too. They would like nothing more than to see their mother be happy and not sad.

Goodluck.. I hope you can move on from here and find happiness..!

[mumofcaleb]

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this :hugs:

My DP and I went through some really rough patches too and we got councelling. That is really what saved us...besides that fact that we both decided to change how we were treating each other.

Maybe just see how the councelling goes first. It's amazing how great you feel after you have let it all out, especially to a professional. It's great to get feedback too and to have someone be a mediator between the both of you.

I really do know how hard this must be for you.
Thinking of you :hugs:

[aden2005]

hey hun :hugs:

im going to say this and i pray it doesnt come out mean :(
But you married this guy because you loved him, and you saw yourself been with this man for the rest of your life.
Maybe the councelling will work, and you can learn to love this man again and be a happy family like you used to be :)

I hope everything works out ok for you hun !

Luv,
Katherine-xx-

[munchkin05]

And if we separate will it be my fault that the kids are going to be affected, because I dont want to hurt them?
I hope this all makes sense

weather you decide to stay with your husband or leave that is your choice BUT ............. it will not be your fault that the kids will be effected by this
the way you have to look at it is you stay and your kids see you fighting and being unhappy is that what you really want

i hope that councelling works for you and you can get that love back for you and your husband

but what ever you do you are doing for your kids and their happiness
i personally dont belive in staying with a partner just because of the kids
but i do believe you must try to make it work before you walk away completly
good luck

[jess_live_die]

hey hun 1st i wanna give you a big :hugs: 2nd i dnt think you should stay with someone if your unhappy and to be honest i think the kids will be happy as long as your happy

[Chanelc]

Sending a big hug... :hugs:
I will say if you are unhappy and arguing in front of the kids that will affect them more than being with happy parents that are separated.
But only you can make the decision.
Try counseling and see what happens I think each journey is unique and only you know what is right for you.
remember happy mum happy kids.

[daddaddad]

Now there is a familiar story. It sounds a lot like the world I and my ex were in, a few years back. When we split, DD1 was 4 and DD2 was about 8 months.

Firstly let me say that your children are young, they absorb love like a sponge but (in my experience) they will not strongly remember the times that you and he argued - if it is not reinforced. Your have not ruined their childhood, there is time.

My ex and I tried counseling, we both walked out of the first session, agreeing for the first time in months, we agreed that the counselor was a joke. A regret I have is that we didn’t try somewhere else, thinking that they were all the same.

I too took the ostrich defence and buried my head in the sand, thinking that things would change, thinking she would find happiness in something and we would come out the other side. I doubt I’d be the first guy to check out emotionally. For me, I was mainly just trying to avoid the next argument but that always came across as disinterest.

We both tried and tried in our own ways, walking around on egg shells, until she left.

18 months of so later, she found the want to reconcile but by then I had built a wall, not wanting to be crushed again and I wouldn’t let her back in. Over the rest of the time, we’ve learnt to get along without being together.

My suggestion is assume that he is interested and if he says he wants it to work, he genuinely means it – he may just not be equipped with the communication skills – like most of us. Give the counseling a decent go. Take the time to discover your feelings and allow him to find his.

Either way, you’ll all be fine – one day.

I can’t comment on the lies.

[kbeck84]

Thank you everyone for all the feedback I really appreciate it.
We have our first session today, so I guess theres a start.
Hopefully we can have some direction in the way we are going to choose
I will keep you all informed on how things are going.
Thank you once again Im glad there are people out there who listen and care.:hugs:

[kbeck84]

Hi, Well we went to the marriage councilor and she said it would be a good idea to have a separation period from each other.
So we have decided that dh will go and live with his parents for 2 weeks and I will stay here.
I hope something comes out of this.
He has got the kids tomorrow for the day which will be good for him to spend some one on one time with them without all of the arguing.
But Im going to miss them like crazy I wont know what to do with myself:confused:

[V8]

I hope it goes ok, TBH, i don't think 2 weeks is a long enough time to seperate to sort yourselves out, but see how you go with it. Goodluck. :hugs:

[SamanthaJane]

Me and my ex broke up during my pregnancy. After Charlotte was born we got back together. I guess it was a bit of a honeymoon period and we were really happy for a while.... but soon things went back to the way they were. (Basically him being a selfish pr!ck) We stayed together for less than 3 months and then it was over again.

And i can honestly say its so much better without him. I miss him and sometimes i fantasise about how good it would be if we were back together. But in reality we'd just be stuck in that same old unhappy rut again! So i'd rather be without him!!!!!!!!!

I hope you can work things out, i really do! And of course it's worth a try :hugs:

And there's always bubhub to keep your mind off things! :D