Two under 2 and suffering PND - need tips on coping

[Mummabear]

Hi girls,

I'm suffering with PND pretty badly ATM. I've spoken to my GP about this and she's upped my meds, but it's not really helping too much, plus I'm so frazzled that half the time I forget to take the stupid pills anyway.

I have a 19 month old and a 5 week old and I'm really struggling to cope. I'm in tears every day, all I want to do is shut myself in my bedroom and sleep and forget about reality. I struggle with pretty much everything right now. From getting out of bed, to finding the motivation to get dressed (both myself and the kids), to eating properly (I've substituted sleep for junk food) and even to speaking - I barely say two words to anyone anymore unless it's to bite DH's head off or to tell my 19 month old to stop throwing a tantrum.

I'm looking for tips and inspiration from others that have been or are in the same situation. How do I cope? I know I'll get through this phase, and I know the kids aren't going to be this little and this demanding forever but that doesn't help me cope at this point in time. I really need some advice to help me from going over the edge - I'm so close to losing it completely. Please help me :o

[*Sparkles*]

:hugs: to you.
I have mild PND and that's bad enough.
The things that have worked for me is having more help with bubs and I have given myself a sense of being in control more.
I have also spoken heaps about how I feel to my family.
Where are you located?

[draught]

I don't have PND (I don't think) but have had two a similar age to yours and now have three all pretty close together and young - and you are right to be looking for tips because that is how you can keep it together until one day you find that things aren't as hard as they were (well - that is what I keep telling myself!)

My big tips on two under two is to lose your pride - take short cuts, don't try to be a perfect parent, just do what you need to do to keep everyone alive and healthy. So - use TV as a babysitter for DS1 if you need to and don't stress over it. Make a list of things that work to keep him happy and calm and stick it on the fridge so that when he is getting under your skin you have an easy reference list - playing with bukcets of water, having a bath in the middle of the day, playdough, a favourite video etc.

Then - simplify homelife - get the groceries home delivered (if you can) and work out easy to cook food that has some nutritional value - frozen vegies, pasta, baked beans, sausages etc - might not be exciting but will make you feel better than fast food.

Is there anyone who can take the children for a half day once a week so that you can sleep, go out, go for a walk or anything that lets you be by yourself?

None of these are brilliant suggestions but really - just try and be kind to yourself - it is tough but you will get through it.

[Mummabear]

I'm in Adelaide.

We live across the road from my parents and my Mum is here every day helping with the kids (she does volunteer work during the day but comes over every morning and every afternoon). The help is great and it is the only thing that has kept me from sinking into a heap in the corner of the room, but it also makes me feel like a failure. I've told my Mum this and she tells me not to be silly, that it's what Mum's (and Grandma's) are for, but it's getting to the point where I feel like my 5 week old is going to think that his Grandma is his Mum, yet I can't take control, I'm not stron enough yet.

I'm just soooo sick of crying all the time, and of being so insanely sad. This is supposed to be a happy time in my life and I'm sick to death of it being such a struggle. I've been suffering PND since the birth of my first son and I'm just so damn sick of it.

[~Emmylou~]

My big tips on two under two is to lose your pride - take short cuts, don't try to be a perfect parent, just do what you need to do to keep everyone alive and healthy. So - use TV as a babysitter for DS1 if you need to and don't stress over it. Make a list of things that work to keep him happy and calm and stick it on the fridge so that when he is getting under your skin you have an easy reference list - playing with bukcets of water, having a bath in the middle of the day, playdough, a favourite video etc.

Then - simplify homelife - get the groceries home delivered (if you can) and work out easy to cook food that has some nutritional value - frozen vegies, pasta, baked beans, sausages etc - might not be exciting but will make you feel better than fast food.



OMG draught where were you six months ago when my DS was born this is such good advice.

I'm sorry you're having trouble mummabear. I didn't have PND when my son was born but some days I certainly felt like I was headed for it. I really had trouble coping with my newborn and two year old in the beginning - I was so unprepared for the whole thing, I'd found DD on her own so easy but once I had a newborn everything hit the wall. The first few months were really, really hard and I cried alot.

I have nothing to add to the above advice but I just wanted to say that one day I woke up and it was just "easier". The day to day stuff that I had found so daunting, I was suddenly coping with ok. This gave me a bit of confidence and now I can say for the first time I'm really enjoying having the two of them now. But I tell ya when he first arrived I thought "what have we done" about 20 times a day. As draught said the key for me was lowering my expectations a bit and give myself some space to just "have a hard time" and not think the world was going to end because DD didn't have a homecooked meal for dinner. Hang in there.

[aardvark]

I think you need some "me" time. Based on my own experience, I'd suggest find a gym or pool with childminding, and park the kids while you do aerobics or something. Or get your partner to look after them and go of an evening.

You will feel better from the natural high that comes from the endorphins while exercising, and if you make a regular time commitment to go, it will add structure to your days and your week, and give you a chance for an adult conversation or two.

I had severe PND after #1 and it was 18 months before I was diagnosed. Even after starting medication, and taking it for months, I didn't real I was really improving until I started getting some exercise regularly. Life very quickly improved, but it was really hard getting started.

Home shopping is great, use it.

[reAllytee]

Ok first lets get this outta the way :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
I wish i were closer i would be there to help in a flash !

I totally agree with draught & aardvark.

You need to lower your expectations & realise things dont need to be perfect.
You dont need to be perfect you are human & you are a mum trying her best.

Maybe when your mum comes over in the afternoon you could go for a nice long walk ? This will help get your endorphins going which will make you feel better in so many ways.

Otherwise making time for yourself is really a big must you need to do this to survive & it doesnt make you a bad mum. It makes you a mum who is giving herself time to make her a better mum !

Oh i wish i had great advice but i dont.
Just dont be so hard on yourself hun ok.

[floggadog]

:hugs: to you.
I'm a PND sufferer but not on meds. I am doing a course which I've written about in other threads. So I'll give you the very basic advice that comes to mind.
Firstly meds are supposed to be a stepping stone to help you get out of the house to counselling. You should be able to get access to free PND counselling. Go to your child health nurse & discuss it. We do a thing called the Edinburgh score which tells them how bad the PND is.(suppose you have it too) They should have a list of people who can help.
In the mean time try and organise an activity for yourself everyday for at least 10 minutes that's just about you. Have a soak in the tub, do some craft, read a book, lay & listen to a relaxation CD, go for a walk is a really good one.But do it by yourself
If your Mum comes everyday use that time to have your ME time. Write down how you feel before & after you have your relax session.
Also start keeping track of how you feel when you wake & when you go to sleep. How you really feel deep within yourself. See if you have a pattern forming of really low points & moderate or high points. Work out what is happening at the same time your mood changes & see if you can make life changes for the better.
Seeing daylight is very healthy too. I worked out one day last week I went outside for 5 minutes in the morning & 10 minutes in the afternoon. Your body & mind can't function properly without time spent outside in the sun.
I know it's hard but try some of these suggestions & get one on one help. PM me anytime if you need to chat. You will get through this.:hugs:

[rainman]

The first thing to do would be taking your pills every day at the correct dosage and don't feel bad about it as they are a means to an end.Once you've done this
consistently for a couple of weeks you should notice a small improvement in the depth of saddness you are now feeling and a least shouldn't feel like crying every day.If theres still no improvement you need to go back to your GP and discuss your dosage.

Once you get that sorted it's then time if you have not
already to seek professional help because as wonderful as the advice is from everybody here it's just not the same as one on one professional support.

Good luck you will get there:thumbsup: