HELP with sleeping through the night

[Julia]

Hi. I have a 12 week old daughter who hasn't yet slept through the night. Since she was born my husband has given her a bottle at 10pm and then she wakes anywhere between 2 and 4 for a feed. This feed is very brief and she goes straight back to sleep, usually on the breast. I have tried EVERYTHING to get her to settle without this feed but so far no go. She never wakes on her own for the 10pm feed so she doesn't drink a lot - only 100ml or so. CHN suggested that I offer her a bottle after the breast at 530pm as my supply might be down at the end of the day. I tried this and it made no difference. I am given her her last feed at 530-6pm for a 7pm bedtime. I know I may be expecting too much but I'm sick of talking to other Mum's who's baby's of the same age have been sleeping through the night since they were 8 weeks old. I am so frustrated. I am thinking of not waking her at 10pm and then just feeding her when she wakes, this way I only have to drop one feed instead of two. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

[Lucybelle]

DONT LISTEN TO THEM!!!!!!

If all your friends (or mothers you talk to) ALL have babies that sleep thro the night already, they are bloody lucky or full of crap. Four hrly feeds at 12 weeks through the night is completely normal. Baby is hungry, thats why she wakes. Or she may just want a cuddle, but she's SO little! I know the early morning feed is a killer but it won't last forever. Lots of babies don't sleep thro until 10-12mths!!
Geez, some toddlers can be buggers too.
Its great that she drops off so quickly in the a.m! I have a few friends with babies that wake for this feed and then want to party! She may drop this feed on her own hopefully. When she is older, and you can be sure it can't be hunger you can start to resettle her instead, but if she won't take no for an answer, you can't deny a hungry baby.

On the 10pm feed, it didn't work for me either, and have since been told the success rate on the "rollover feed" isn't huge. I reckon, if she doesn't wake for it, don't bother her.

Some mums can get a real competitive streak and this can be completely demoralizing to others with NORMAL babies. Like you and me.

Seriously you are doing everything right and so is your daughter, try and block out the unhelpful stuff and hang in there. Have a look at some of the times people have posted - theres a whole community of mums/dads up at all hours.

Good Luck ;)

[xkwzit]

Yay Lucybelle - preach it sister!!

Hi Julia
I know that it may seem that most babies sleep through, but that's only because we Mums only tell everyone the great (or intelligent, kind, gifted) things our kids do. You will not often hear about the baby who wakes their Mum every 2 hours during the night - maybe we are competitive (I like to think that we don't like to complain too much :rolleyes: )

But let me tell you that it is COMPLETELY NORMAL for your small baby to wake during the night for a feed esp if she doesn't take on much at the late night feed. Both my babies would not wake for a feed after 6 - 7 pm at night (but would wake for a 2am feed and the go straight back to sleep). I tried really hard with DD1, changing her nappy to wake her up, playing with her feet. When I got to the point where I was expressing milk into her half open mouth and she STILL DIDN'T WAKE, I gave up - and it was seriously the best move to make :) . I could go to bed early if I was tired (sometimes before 7:30 pm!). I big advantage is that you and hubby can have civilised meals together after baby goes down. Even better, is if you like to go OUT, your baby sitter only needs to supervise a sleeping baby (which is really low pressure) and you don't have to leave a feed or hurry home to give baby breast or bottle.

DD1 never slept through until she was around 7 - 8 months old. DD2 did sleep through from about 5 months, but then started waking for a feed again at 6 months (again this is COMPLETELY NORMAL, but no-one will tell you that until you say that it has happened to you). Sleeping through is not a goal that you achieve and that's the end of it, there will often be periods of interrupted sleep through sickness, teething, lost dummies, being too hot / cold, the more important thing is whether you can quickly get them settled so you can all get back to sleep. There's usually some good reason for them to wake in the first place.

So try to relax and go with your baby's needs. They are all individuals and there is a wide spectrum that covers what is NORMAL. The successful solution is the one that you can all live with - healthy, sane Mum and baby is the objective - how you get there is not important.

Cheers

[nickosmoo]

I think sleeping through is something baby controls - nothing we can control. My Nico wakes up around 1 am and then again at 3 or 4 am. Thankfully he's not staying awake as long as he used to but it's still a drag.

I've resolved that I just need to accept it until he learns to put himself back to sleep on his own - hopefully sooner rather than later. Every baby is different - have you read the book Baby Love - there is some info in there about sleep and the patterns of sleep that might put your mind to rest. It's a good read

[Kassiasmum]

Hi Julia,
My daughter didn't sleep through the night until she was about 9-10months old and then it is for about 8-9 hours.
You just have to do what is right for you and your daughter, they are all different. What does your heart tell you to do? One morning I woke and she had slept all night herself, it will come eventually. she is still so little that I don't think you could expect her to sleep all night yet.

Good luck
Tracey

[lilsmum]

Hi Julia,
At this age your baby should be feeding every 3 hours, some need every 2 hours. I agree with the others that people extend the truth a bit when it comes to sleeping through, some don't sleep through the night until they are 12 months old. I know sleep is the most important thing to most mothers, but know you are definately not alone when it comes to sleep deprivation.

[Lachlan's Mum]

Hi Julia

I agree with the other mums that 12 weeks is still very young to expect bub to not need night feeds.

My DS did not sleep through until about 5 mths....once he was established on solids - it was not until then that he was getting anough food during the day to "fast" (because effectively that is what they are doing) for 10 - 12 hrs.

Every baby is different and I did not post to say "when" bub should sleep through, but rather to tell you that I believe you should just "go with the flow" re feeding (day and night) and give bub what she needs and let her decide what happens - so I would not wake for the 10 pm feed (this is just my opinion and I did do a bit of trial and error myself...now I know better than to experiment with a baby smarter than me! :p ) I ended up just letting Lachlan sort it out and sleep when he was ready......

Of course when a bit older bub might play on it a bit and then you have to decide whether she is waking from hunger or habit...but at 12 weeks I'd say hunger every time.

[veronica]

Julia - try not to worry! Some babies do sleep through from a very young age but they are quite few. At your babies age it is hunger and guite natural as well. I have certainly found with mine that feeding her hasn't hurt and she weaned herself off night feeds after a while. It was quite convenient as well as mine also went back to sleep very easily and I've heard lots of stories of babies having to be rocked for ages. Recently she went back to lots of night feeding at 6 months but at her age now I've been able to sort the hunger from the attention and have her back to sleeping from 7 to about 4am (cross fingers!). So good luck to all those whose babies slept through from 1 week old but they change as they get older anyway and often need to be resettled - only natural with all the develpoment.

The other thing that surprised me was the CHN comment :( about giving a bottle in the early evening as your supply would be lower then. Well your supply will naturally be lower then but it will only decrease more if baby relies on supplements. I really believe the only way to stimulate more supply is by suckling and then baby will be satisfied and gradually go longer at night. :) I say keep up what you are doing, your bub sounds like mine was with the night feeds but easy settling and one night you'll wake in shock and realise your baby hasn't waken, your breats will feel like they're going to explode because of the missed feed and you'll be rushing to see if bub is alright!

Good luck!

[Ffrenchknickers]

Find a new CHN or don't see one at all. I can;t believe how often they suggest using formuls. No wonder so many mums doubt their ability to feed their own babies when formula is "pushed" so often. Your baby needs to be fed at night if she is waking for a feed so all you can do is feed her. This wont last forever. I think it is a good idea not to wake her for a feed, just let her tell you when she needs it. Go with the flow and follow your bubs lead.

[willsmum]

My 6 month old wakes up anywhere from not-at-all to twice a night for a feed. Whatever they want is NORMAL unless they are sick, and you will know when that is! DOn't panic and go with the flow. As for the advice about formula - what a load of crap. Give Breastfeeding Australia a call for advice rather than getting hooked into completely unnecessary (and expensive) formula traps.

By the way, I too have nodded off in bed at 7.30pm - whatever works!

[vickster]

Hi Julia,

I agree with Lucybelle too! Not every baby is THAT perfect! My baby is breastfed and was doing the exactly the same thing, but is 5 m.o & still doesn't "sleep through" the 10 - 12 hours some mothers brag about. Information on how to parent our children is so confusing. A breastfeeding counsellor told me to do whatever works for me to survive. I use to feed her to sleep every sleep just so I could try to get some too. Sometimes at night she would wake so often, sometimes hourly after 12pm, I was so tired that I could never get anything done during the day. After attending a sleep group through my local baby health clinic, I've been trying to teach my baby to go to sleep by herself ( the program described in the book "Sleep Right, Sleep Tight" by Rosey Cummings) for the last 2 weeks. It requires a great deal of perserverance and is completely heartbreaking, there have been LOTS of tears!!But I am starting to see some results and know other mums and babies who have benefited from this. Tresillian told me to give her a feed around 10.30pm, no more than 4hrs after her last feed, but before 12pm and that it would help her sleep till around 4am. I know your little one is younger than mine and said that this feed time wasn't working, but my little one doesn't wake for this feed either and I am getting 4-5hrs uninterrupted sleep for the first time in 5months! I have more energy to play with my baby and do housework. She is sleeping so much better at night, daytime sleeps are better, feeding is so much better and she is a much happier girl! I wish that I had tried this sooner.My advise to you is to talk to your clinic nurse and Tresillian - they are extremely helpful. And read the book, I really think it will help. Hang in there, I know how you feel!! :)