How did you deal with it?

[SugarBlossom]

Hi all,
I really want to b/f till codie is at least 2 years or when he's ready to give it up.
But when I tell SOME ie: MIL, and others I get the worst looks and comments. :mad:
Not thats it's their business or not that it will stop me, but I was wondering how the rest of you feel or how you deal/dealt with these i people?.
I beleive b/f needs encouragement and support, cos it really is the best....I love b/fing! :)
On the MIL subject, she basically says my attachment parenting is quote "bloody bulls!*T and ridiculous!! And she dosen't yet know we co sleep and are anti immunisation! (I'm too scared to tell her that :o )

Thanks in advance beautiful mamas ;)

[BIANCA-mummy of 2]

Hey Mamma of Codie, Look you know whats bull its that every mother eg MIL has had thier turn and think they know wahts best there will always be someone saying " Oh you shouldnt do that!!" You do what makes you happy I know someone who fed their kids til 4. I wouldnt personally go that far but I think by the time bubs is 2 he wont be feeding much anyway as he's prob on solids and water?? My boy is 1 and he has a bedtime feed a goodmorning feed then solids, water and cows milk through the day in a cup Gp figure?? LOL. :p

[aardvark]

Blatant disregard or open contempt of other people's comments worked for me! I made it quite clear that I'd do as I fancied, and it was none of their business.

I fed both DD#1 and DD#2 until after their 3rd birthday. I got the most support from my grandmother.

One of the mums in one of my antenatal classes before #2 asked the instructor when was a good time to stop b/f'ing. The instructor was also a lactation consultant, and her comment was that the child would stop when they no longer needed it.

I'd agree with that comment. If they still want it, then they need it, either nutritionally, or emotionally, and either way, it doesn't matter.

As someone who fed older children, I can say that it was good to be able to feed the toddlers when they were unwell, and refusing all other food/fluids, too. A lot less worrying than having a child with a cold or gastro who would take nothing.

Then there is the World Health Organisation statement which is that all babies should be b/f'd until at least the age of 2.

All of that said, once the girls were over 2, I did try to avoid feeding them when we were out. Over the age of 2, they had an understanding of the concept that it was something we did at home.

[OM]

Hi all,
I really want to b/f till codie is at least 2 years or when he's ready to give it up.
But when I tell SOME ie: MIL, and others I get the worst looks and comments. :mad:


My mother thinks I should have stopped BF when DS turned 6 months :eek: Don't you wish people would just trust your judgement with what's best for your baby.

[the_queen]

My Vallerie had a cleft lip, and after her surgery at 14 weeks she refused to breastfeed anymore (fair enough I think - stitches inside her lip, outside her lip and inside her nose) But it absolutely broke my heart.
This time around, I am planning on breastfeeding until the child doesn't want to anymore. I think I will get a lot of criticism too - but I think the best way to handle people like that is to make it seem like it's THEM who are crazy and weird. I honestly don't know why anyone would CHOOSE not to breastfeed.
People say formula is easier and more convenient - WHAT THE...???
People say your milk is "no good" after a certain time - scientific research completely refutes that ridiculous claim; plus, breastfeeding is not just about nutrition.
People say that breastfeeding is too much work and the mother needs "me time" - but I can't think of any other more time consuming job than sterilising, preparing and heating bottles. Let alone the expense of bottles, teats, formula, sterilising products etc.
People say that the baby needs to bond with Daddy, and feeding is a good way to do that - but so is bathing, changing, playing, rocking, etc etc.
People say that AP parenting techniques "spoil" the child - How exactly can you spoil a baby with love?? Sure, a baby won't cry as much if you never pick it up. That's because he will learn that you don't care.
People say that a baby "needs to cry, their lungs need it"....... what a crock of sh!te. My response to this is "here, let me cut your arms open - after all, veins need to bleed!"


Keep your chin up mama!!! You are doing a FANTASTIC job and don't you dare let anyone make you beleive otherwise!!! They're your children, you know what is best for them.
Good luck!!

[Rainbowbrite]

I LOVE everything the_queen has said. I was told to stop bf my 6month old by more than one Dr because I apparently need "me" time. If I wanted that, i wouldnt have chosen to have a baby :rolleyes:

I have all intentions of bf MJ until she wants to stop. Why pay for something that I make for free. We also cop a lot of flack because we co-sleep, dont let MJ cry, practice baby wearing etc.

I think the people who comment are just nosy. What business is it of theirs how we raise our children. They've had their turns.

Do what you think/know is best. Always remember, we are here to support you :)

RB

[SugarBlossom]

Ahhhhh...thanks guys, you really know how to make a mama feel better!

I think letting baby cry....not so good, wearing baby....love it(although he is getting a little heavy!!) co sleeping.....fantastic, using natural remedies......awesome......... Anyway, I do have a point.....I'm not letting anyone make me feel bad for what is instinct!! And neither should anyone!! ;) So all I'm gonna say to next rude person is Does Codie look unhappy/unhealthy to you?? No?? Well, Mind your own business!! ;)

[Baby Girl]

As far as I am concerned - parenting for both mum and dad should be an instinctive process - heck do other animals ridicule each other for they way they raise their young? BIG FAT NO!!!

Humans could do with taking a good look at the animal kingdom and get back to trusting their instincts and letting others do the same.

Whether it is AP, bottle feeding, feeding solids, even down to folding a nappy, someone is going to disagree with the way you have chosen to do it and it is 'human nature' that they just have to say something.

You do what feels right for YOU AND CODIE (and your partner) - tell your MIL to stick her head in the sand!!

Or you could just tell her you have changed your mind and are going to keep b\f until he finishes high school :eek: !!

[JanetF]

What a great thread :)

[alicesmum]

i don't have any more advice apart from what's been said, just wanted to say that I SOOOO sympathise. I don't really know what to say either, except just to smile and say "uh-huh" to those "well-meaning" ppl (my MIL is exactly the same...in fact she seems to think vaginal birth is "too stressful for the baby" and that breastfeeding is quite strange....she did neither, so I think it's just feelings of wishing she could go back and do it all over again which she is reacting to. She had bad advice IMHO all those years ago about birth and feeding. anyway, I digress....)

Alice stopped feeding by herself at 11.5 months and I was very sad as I had wanted to go until 2 as well. I didn't tell hardly anyone that we co-slept for 2 months, as when i did, i got told i was creating "a rod for my own back" :mad:

next time i think i won't tell anyone about things i am doing which i think they will disagree with.

:p

[tickle]

I also use the silent method. We don't bf any more but we do co sleep and have many different ideas on parenting to a lot of my family.
I have found not talking about it the best way to avoid problems. If they bring it up I just nod and smile. ;)

[Sarie]

I haven't b/f either of my boys. But I don't think it's up to anyone but you and your bub to decide when to stop.
I cop a fair bit of grief over when I should start feeding solids (both of my boys were big born and my MIL decided that when they were2 months old I should start giving them solids) I just told her they're my kids and when I think they are ready (ie a bottle isn't enough to fill him, or they show signs that they're interested in what we're eating) then I'll start.
Mind you my youngest is 8 months old and she tried to give him a lolly snake the other day, one he's 8 months old, two she didn't ask me and three he has no teeth......... Not happy Jan :mad:

[tickle]

Mind you my youngest is 8 months old and she tried to give him a lolly snake the other day, one he's 8 months old, two she didn't ask me and three he has no teeth......... Not happy Jan :mad:
Aren't family just unbelievable sometimes!!! :eek: In a way it is sort of funny that she thought it would be appropriate. LOL :rolleyes:

[Sarie]

At first I was too stunned to say anything so I took it out of his mouth and left it on the table.

[Rainbowbrite]

i dont let MJ leave me around family anymore. At my mums on the weekend & my SIL kept trying to feed MJ sausages, pasta salad etc :eek: DH & I both went off at her :mad:

RB

[Rockett]

FIL tried to give DD a lollipop yesterday..what the :eek:

[SugarBlossom]

Hmmmm....more on the MIL, we were invited round for dinner last night.....so okaayyy....off we go :(

We stay a little late, Codie goes to sleep, wakes up for a feed and cries. MIL tells me to leave him "he'll eventually cry himself to sleep" WHAT?? :mad: And I thought....what planet are you from?! So I told her that was the most ridulous I've heard and went and fed my little angel. Then I go back into the lounge.....and.....BUT wait theres more...."you should be giving him more water, and why haven't you even started him on egg custard" HELLO?! :mad: So I told her that I will when I"M READY! And not for another year at least....and I might b/f till he's 10, lol....got the dirtiest look with that comment! And I won't even start on the "why won't you christen him, it gives a good start in life" :rolleyes:

OMG, I'm never never never going to leave Codie with her....or even go round there again! Why do we have to have Family in laws??

Ahhhhhh....thanks for the vent!!

Luv Jazz


((( HUGS )))

[Sarie]

ahh Jazz, hon I hear you!!

[Baby Girl]

Jazz honey, I can sympathise completely - why indeed do we need them!!

My DP is vietnamese and as lovely as his family are they all live each others lives!! No privacy what-so-ever. I put my foot down fairly early in the relationship and before we even had kids told them that enough was enough and if they wanted to try and run our lives for us then they would never see any of my children!! DP backed me up (knowing that really it was an empty threat as he would have taken them to visit) and they have been okay since the girls have been born - they do have their moments but we see very little of them and that suits me just fine!! If there is a family event, usually DP goes and takes the girls. That way I don't have to argue with them about what we are doing and he has his hands full chasing after them so he doesn't have time to argue with them either!!

Sorry got a bit carried away....you just come and vent to us whenever you like!!

[reAllytee]

Well even though i had to stop b/f i can understand about people especially your in laws telling you how to raise your child.
I had the opposite problem in that i was made to feel an inadequate mother for not being able to continue b/f due to bubs biting me & making me bleed as well as him having a tongue tie. My MIL's exact words were "oh your a wuss !" i mean like i wasnt having a hard enough time already !!!! We then also got the " Oh your spoiling him " because we would go to him when he cried errrr sorry but im not going to let a 2wk old baby cry its heart out just because you think im spoiling him !!! I also got told off about carrying him around either in my arms or in the baby carrier. I used to have to grit my teeth, what did she want me to do put him down so he would cry as he wants his mamma !!! Oh how i could go on about it all. I never ever told them i would often co-sleep either i dared not to cause myself more grief. My mum isnt a huge fan of co-sleeping but she did it with me as a baby & young child as it was the only way i slept & this was the case for me with my bubs he was a colicky & clingy baby who refused to sleep most of the time so it was easier to solve this by keeping him with me. If its what works then why change it ???? I used a baby carrier through the day otherwise my arms would have fallen off & he would often sleep with us nite & day that way i could actually get some sleep ! And guess what putting that into place with a few other things & he has become a happy easy going baby funny that. I think as mothers we should do what we want with our child as im sure we know them better than anyone else.
I think MIL's think they know best cause they raised their sons ! Has anyone else noticed how they always know best & we are never good enough for their sons let alone grandchildren ? Or maybe its just mine ! I think my MIL disagrees with me just cause she doesnt like the idea of agreeing with me.

[JanetF]

My MIL was parenting youg children when people gave the same bad advice about bf they're giving again now. So when her breasts started to feel less full at 3 months, she was told she was running out and to give them cow's milk. AAARRRGGGHHH :eek: She has been curious about why we parent as we do, and even said to me once that crying was good because it develops their lungs. See my response to that in another thread on that exact topic ;) I gave her some pamphlets to read from an AP parenting group in Melbourne so she would understand it wasn't a random selection of parenting choices we'd made but that they were based on study, logic and understanding. She was also told (as so many people still believe goddamit!) that to "make" (sigh) my dp more independent she should just leave him at kindy. Sigh. Of course that doesn't work, people! Scarred him for life! He's pathologically shy and it's held him back his whole life. I can see some of those traits in Conor but because we support him to do stuff in his own time and would never put him in daycare because it would freak him out to the bone, I'm hoping for a very different outcome. We can't all be the life of the party but hopefully he'll be more confident than his dad because he'll come to it in his own time not just get thrown to the wolves. Dp didn't speak till he was 3 and I'm sure that was a big part of it. His mum really regrets doing it now because she realises how bad that advice was but she was scared by the white coated professionals telling her she was going to make him a wuss. Someone save me from that crap! :mad:

[OM]

Oh Jazzpete

I am glad that you stuck up for yourself the other day. I can't believe the nerve of some people. So your baby is what like 4 months old and they want to shove egg custard in it's mouth, OMG :eek:

It's frustrating isn't it. It's your baby your life, and you lead it the way you want.

I think you are doing a great job. :)

[SugarBlossom]

wow guys, it's so nice to have such support (sniffle)
I only have one person here who understands why I am doing things this way. Thanks , You are such a beautiful group of people. :D

[reAllytee]

Oh & i forgot to point out my MIL was wanting my partner to "share" his ice-cream with him when we went to visit one time while Harry was 12wks again i gritted my teeth because i knew my partner would say something to which he pretty much told her to go away & of course he couldnt have any. My MIL proceeded to talk to Harry saying how mean Daddy was for not sharing & how unfair it was etc ! AARRRRGH !!! Then a few weeks ago i had left the room to go get a drink as we were finishing our meal to start on dessert & boy how i will never do that again ! I came back in to find my lovely MIL giving Harry pavlova !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAARGGGGH !!!!!! Oh how i wanted to yell & scream at her i just managed to pull out what was in his mouth ever so subtlely & say yeah i think thats enough thanks when she tried to give him more. Im finding it harder to bite my tongue especially when im already a "bad" mother i dont want the grief of telling her off about what she gives to him when im sure with her being as vindictive as she is i will get told how im doing "X" wrong.
I now make the comment to my partner saying "oh yeah she has more say cause SHE gave birth to him after all".
I guess all we can do is feel safe in the knowledge that what we are doing for our kids is the right thing.

[SugarBlossom]

OMG Allyoo!
Pavlova?! :eek: That is soooo wrong. Why O Why do we have have MIL's?? It sounds like your being a great mum....don't let her make you feel any different!

[Rainbowbrite]

You guys make me glad that my inlaws live interstate. I had enough after 3 days last time.

RB

[reAllytee]

RB honestly we have pondered moving interstate but then i think about holidays when they would come to stay :eek: it would mean having them in my home for a minimum of a week so i would never get away from them especially when my partner would go to work & i would be stuck with them :eek:
No i will just bide my time with our monthly visits luckily thats about as often as we see them as my partner has even had enough of me being treated so badly he refuses to see them as much as they would like.

[Foxymoron]

It's so hard isn't it! MIL's seem to want us to defer to their superior knowledge just because they've been there before us! No matter WHAT the criticism is my rellies level at me I tell them pretty much the same thing..
That babies brains are shaped BY THEIR EXPERIENCE! And that I keep up to date with all the latest recommendations for babies health and wellbeing. Breastmilk has just the right long chain fatty acids to aid that brain development and your body produces the exact same QUALITY milk whether you feed for a year or three years. It also promotes a feeling of wellbeing and bonding for baby and mother!
If anyone persists beyond that... I usually smile and ask if they'd like me to go on, because I can and I will, for an hour or so complete with references to recent studies as to why I parent the way I do.
What irks me the most is that I'm just doing my own thing, I'm not rubbing anyones nose in it or offering advice I wasn't asked for, yet my mainstream elders seem to see it as their duty to inflict their views on me... and have the gall to be offended when I defend my views... labeling me as some kind of extremist :eek: HELLO?

[Liam&Sienna'sMum]

I fed Liam until he was4..he still has occasional boobie even now :) mY mum was rather sceptical about the benefits of extended breastfeeding-so I not only told her about the WHO recomendation that breastmilk remain a part of a child's diet until they were at least 2 years old, but I found some articles on the benefits of extended breastfeeding to give her. I chose carefully; I knew for example my mum always respects the word of doctors and medical professionals, so I printed articles by Dr Wiliam Sears and Dr Jay Gordon etc lol ;) She then accepted it and stopped asking when i was going to wean. Since most people who know me knew I fed Liam a long time, they dont even bother questoning why I express for Sienna (born with a cleft palate so unable to bf)...

Anyone who gave me a hard time, just got met with a blank smile and a statement of the WHO guidelines. I also have articles printed out to give to non believers lol. They soon learned to just not ask ;)

[giggles]

Yeah, me too! I think any opportunity to tel MIL to stick it should be grasped :p Just kidding!!!

You go with what you think is best....

Schmell, you have such a great way of saying things so they are black and white! Well done.