When to start a routine??

[onelasttime]

My DS is 6 weeks old & a couple of friends have told me they have their child into a routine ie. feed at every 4 hrs, bath @ 7, bedtime by 8 etc.
I feed my DS when he wants it, if he wants to sleep I put him down. It's been working fine for me and him but unsure if it's the right thing to do? Should I set a rountine up for him or just continue what I'm doing?

At nights he has a feed about 11-12 then again at 4-5am. Is this normal? At what age does a baby sleep through the night?

Any suggestions...

[drewid]

Hey

Sounds like you are already onto a good thing! Its my opinion that following your baby's cues for feeding and sleeping is a great way to go - especially in the first 3-6 months.

At around 6 months my son had sort of evolved his own routine, and from then on, it has sort of remained the same, but we remain very flexible.

Do what works for you!! If its working, don't muck with it!!

His sleeping habits sound great for a 6 week old!! Don't get hung up on 'sleeping through'. According to the 'rules' sleeping through is a 5hr uninterrupted sleep, so you are already there! You'll find that naturally, as he grows, he will start to sleep in longer stretches. Just take it easy!

Sounds like all is well in your world!! You're a lucky mama!

[loobeelu]

Sounds like he is happy and you are happy. Why change what aint broke!
You will probably find that you will gradually drift into a general routine that suits both of you without having to worry about clock watching.
I agree with the night sleeping thing, it sounds like you are getting a reasonable stretch, babies sleep through any time between 2 weeks and 5 years :rolleyes: depending on the child, and the parent.

You are doing great, don't let others make you second guess yourself, if you think its working, it is.

[Snugglepot]

It sounds like you are doing a great job! I am a bit of a routine Mummy, but everyone is different and different things work for different people. I am not sure if you are part of a mothers group or not, but that really showed me that everyone parents differently and every kid does things at their own pace. No use comparing, it just upsets you!

A feed at 11 then one at 4 ish is a great pattern for your bub to be in. Slowly he should streach out a feed to a bit later and then bingo, a good nights sleep for you and bub. I would say you are on track for a happy and relaxed time with your baby, so keep up the good work

[MariaO]

My baby is one week shy of eight months and I have not worried too much about routines. We have a very vague, breakfast, lunch, dinner, night time feed pattern. I find that, even with the mums who have routines, the baba's behaviour changes as they develop anyway.

each to their own.....

Mind you, I know that if I was a working outside the home mum, or had other children I might have a different attitude!

[BJelly]

Wow, I am amazed that people expect a 6 week old to be feeding four hourly! Maybe that's the go if bubs is bottle fed, I'm not sure how you are feeding bubs.

I remember going to my CHN when bub was 4 mths, and she asked if I was feeding her every four hours yet, and I lied and said every 3 hours :o - it was more like 2 hourly during the day, and 4-6 hours overnight - I breastfed - sometimes you feel like you are supposed to conform to some "ideal", but I don't know why we put so much pressure on ourselves and young mums to fit a certain mold. Not only will each Mum and bub have their own way of doing things, as your baby gets older, your "routine" will change too (usually just as you begin to think you've got the whole mothering thing worked out, they reach a new developmental milestone, and everything changes, and you need to come up with new strategies to get them to sleep etc).

Like the other posters have said, our routine gradually evolved, and it is really more of a rhythm than a routine set by the clock - except for bedtime, now that Laura is 9mths, I'm getting her into a regular bedtime routine at 8pm. I still give her a feed at 2am and 6am - but that's because my husband can't cope with her crying during the night, otherwise I would try to CC at those times - every family needs to find what works for them.

Again, if what you are doing is working for you, don't change it just because others needed a strict routine - maybe their babies were more demanding, so they needed to take more control of their baby's routine so that they could get through the day.

[andrewsmum]

Hey, sounds as though your 6 week old is already in a good sleeping routine!!

As BJelly said, it is more of a rhythm pattern rather than a routine set by the clock.

You may find at six weeks the rhythm is a cycle of feed then play then sleep then feed, maybe around the three hourly or four hourly mark.

Dont worry about the need to put your bubs into a routine - just do what's right for you and bubs. It's all going well for you as it is, why change it? :)

[onelasttime]

Thanks so much for all your replies. I feel so much better. I was stressing a bit because I thought it was the best thing to do is put your baby into a routine. I will keep doing what I'm doing & just enjoy him. I happy & he is happy that's the main thing.

Rachael

[Crazy Monkey]

I agree with all the other posts, do what works for you... You seem to have a very happy and settled baby.. I wish my DS had slept about 5 hours at night when he was 6 weeks... He was up every 3 hours (nearly to the dot) until he was about 3 months and then started sleeping the 5 hours.... Even now he sleeps maybe 6-6.5 hours if I'm lucky.... I try and do things in the same order each day but all depends on DS as to what time it gets done...

When you think you have some sort of 'routine' set, they change it anyway, so there is no point setting exact times for everything, IMO..

Cheers

[Sarie]

I read in a sleeping book 'Start the way you want to end up'. This is great in theory and it does work, but I read this book before my first was born. Most of it was common sense, but my boys were dramatically different.
Nat started sleeping through 9 hours a night when he was 3 weeks old. PJ was 7 weeks before he started doing the same.
Routines also change for them, I've only just gotten PJ back into waking up at 6am. After the last week of him waking between 3am-5am for a bottle.
You sound like you've got a pretty good thing going. Most babes get the routine (of four hour feeding) going themselves, though this also depends on whether you breast feed or bottle feed.
Keep it up, you're doing well!

[Baby Girl]

6 weeks seems so tiny to have a strict routine. With all the growing bubs do, their needs change on a daily basis. If you are happy and so is bub then what you are doing is YOUR routine.

We don't really have a routine of sorts. More a routine for each activity ie. sleep time, feed time, bath time etc. I found with both my girls that as long as I did the same thing the same way all the time, they knew what to expect and at about 6 months they pretty much had a routine sorted on their own. Both times it seemed to just fit in with my (very) loose daily routine.

All kids are different. My DD1 is a routine junkie, she wakes up, goes to the loo, she has the same thing for breakky at the same seat at the table every morning, after that she brushes her teeth and asks to get dressed. From then on she is pretty easy going until dinner, bath and bedtime and then it starts all over again. DD2 has formed her own routine and I just go with the flow. I think bubs just adjust their own natural routine to fit in with what goes on around them each day, kind of like adults.

[SixtiesChild]

My dd was 6 weeks when to our amazement she suddenly began sleeping right through from 12 am to 7 am. I am not sure why she did this but I think it was because we had a strong routine ourselves and she sort of just went with the flow.

I think that babies thrive on routine but the results are not always immediate.
I also remember that I deliberately made a clear distinction between night & day. Eg: I opened the curtains every morning to let the sunshine in and made it obvious that it was daytime.
The baby eventually picks up the difference between night and day and if other members in the household use nighttime for sleeping then the baby will soon learn the idea.
Also when we incorporate certain rituals such as bathtime at a particular time of the day or night - the baby learns to associate this with whatever comes next. Eg:
sleeping or feeding etc.... whatever you decide is best.

Goodluck and enjoy your precious bub!:)

[LilShenanigans]

I had a very old fashioned nurse who wanted me to feed every 4 hrs, and thats just it, it's VERY old fashioned.

Guess it made time for those 50's mothers to clean the house, and prepare dinner.:rolleyes:

Relaxed attitude towards motherhood is a great exhibit for other mothers as it is such a stressful 'job' to do with all those mixed messages floating around!

[JanetF]

Your baby sounds very normal and sadly, very fortunate in these days of forcing babies into unnatural routines. If it works for you and your baby is happy and thriving you're obviously doing the right thing! We've never had a routine here, my son has slept when tired, eaten when hungry and played when he wanted to. Simple ;) We've never perceived nightwaking as a problem since it's a perfectly normal, and biologically programmed part of being a baby. Sure a small minority of babies sleep longer than 5 hours at night but most don't. My son never has but because he sleeps with me I've never gotten out of bed and never been sleepless. You're doing a great job in supporting your child in *his* needs, rather than forcing him to sumbit to yours, and what could be better than that? Btw, bfing 4 hourly is REALLY BAD idea that can lead to loss of supply and an undernourished, dehydrated baby. Let's just feed them when they ask for it, ok? :)

[elissas]

Hi,

I agree with all of you. I have a friend who has told me that she believes all bubs should be in a "regimented routine" :eek: as soon as possible, so that they know how things are meant to be.

I was a bit taken aback at the time, but then, she is one of those people that doesn't like to be inconvenienced, and is probably trying to ensure that her little one doesn't encroach on her time.

I call it "Baby Boot Camp" ;) Everyone gets a laugh out of it. She is certainly going to be in shock when she sees us raising our newbie (due in 2 weeks).

Guess I'm yet to find out, but at the moment I believe in "Rhythm", not so much "Routine". They're two very different things. I figure one flows with, while the other tends to carry more resistance against nature.

I hope I can follow the "rhythm" as well as you all have.

Lis

[Baby Girl]

Lis,

That is a fantastic explanation. Rhythm - I love it.

Life is so regimented for adults these days and people are always saying that our kids grow up too fast in our current social environment, so, in my opinion, why should we enforce routine and strict guidelines upon them when they should be at their most free.....

Can I steal your wording as my new mantra......:D

Follow Life's Rhythm!!

[elissas]

Hi Kelly,

Steal away! The sooner we start using words like rhythm in our lives, and our children's lives, the lighter life will become. After all, isn't it meant to be our experience, unique to everyone else's? :p

I agree totally with you. There's so much of our lives bogged down by time and routine, that the longer I can spare my kids from being, well, adults really, the better.

Not to say I don't believe that consistency and flow are important. But routine often conflicts with those anyway. And they wonder why there are so many individuals living in torment - with behavioural, emotional and social problems - they're not being true to the rhythm of their own lives, instead feeling like they have to subscribe to the "norm". And people now want more from life on all levels (emotional, spiritual, mental, physical etc), we demand more for ourselves, than our parents ever did, or their parent's could even conceive of!

I want my children to be able to roll with change - adapt, accept and grow through life's cycles. I feel that regimenting our lives, and focussing on time and routine, teaches the opposite.

:D

[Mrs Little]

Hiya all.

I'm new to Hub Bub. I have found it very useful and supportive. I started looking around and found this thread.

I have to say that some sort of routine is necessary. Children thrive on it. I have been an educator for 6 years.....children need security and boundaries. At the same time they do need to learn to be flexible.

Since my bubs was born in sept. he has been on a consistant routine of feed wake and then sleep. It's important to help stabilise their metabolisim after having food available 24/7 when inside and teach them when night time and day time is. At night time there is no wake time...just a feed. Without these routines the children don't understand night and day and their metabolism will be haywire. We don't eat all time....you need to slowly adapt the babies metabolism to match the kind of meals they will eat when they get to starting solids and eating meals with you.

My bubs is now 3 months and has been sleeping through the night since 8 weeks (10.30pm till 7am). I have had him on a FLEXIBILE 3 hour routine and am beginning to stretch him to a flexibile 3 1/2 hour routine and slowly bringing the late night feed to 9pm. He has thrived on this routine and is a very calm baby and very alert. He has gained weight very well and is a very healthy baby.

As mothers i believe we need to be flexibile IN a routine so that our babies know that we are looking after them and ...everything is safe and secure. The flexibility you display in a routine will teach baby to be a flexible person, in times needed.

Stick to your routines that you like or are happy with.....but be flexible....remember this baby is part of your family so you will bring it up to fit your lifestyle.

Have fun too!

Mrs Little & Son.

[rebeccamum]

elissas, boy my mum is going to applaud you if she reads this :D She has the same attitude and always cringes when she sees me reading parenting books (you know those that talk about routines blah blah blah). She doesn't believe in so-called baby's experts and thinks modern western culture is ruining the beauty of baby's nature (we're from asian culture).She's quite old-fashioned and that's how she raised her 3 kids and always follows her kids' "rhythm" :D

I'm sure a lot of people will say we shouldn't allow babies to control our lives by giving in to their demand. I admit I want my life a bit more convenient and am tempted to make my baby fit in my lifestyle, but that just doesnt happen (my mum is making sure it doesn't).

My question to everybody is, what if you can't follow your baby's rhythm and your lifestyle is messy because of all attention your baby needs? It seems every book think the best way to put your life back into normal pace and organize it is to set a "routine". It sounds so good if your baby feed-play-sleep accordingly, isn't it? But is that possible? Do I expect too much from my baby? Am I being selfish and too uptight? I'm willing to sacrifice and devote my time to my precious baby, but is this the only way to do it?

[drewid]

I agree, it would be nice to have a baby fit conveniently into your life, but I think that is the exception rather than the rule. Baby's dont "demand" they "require". Once a mum gets her head around that, its generally not so difficult to sort out a lifestyle that suits both mum & bub.

Routines aren't for everyone - sometimes they work sometimes they don't. If it works for you - great! But don't be disappointed if it doesn't. How many grown ups live on a to-the-minute routine?

[Baby Girl]

Hey all,

I think everyone of us has the right idea but in different ways!!


I want my children to be able to roll with change - adapt, accept and grow through life's cycles. I feel that regimenting our lives, and focussing on time and routine, teaches the opposite.

I absolutely agree with you Elissas! But at the same time, I think routine has a place in raising kids but I don't think they need to be regimented. I think they need to be able to keep a routine if required (obviously more necessary as they get older, ie. school, not while they are still so little) but I also think they need to know that they have the ability to adapt, accept and grow. I think they need to know that they can have choices about what they do, what they play with,when they play, when they sleep, when and what they eat etc. I think my little family is living proof that routine can work without interrupting life's natural flow......at least that is my opinion.


My question to everybody is, what if you can't follow your baby's rhythm and your lifestyle is messy because of all attention your baby needs? It seems every book think the best way to put your life back into normal pace and organize it is to set a "routine". It sounds so good if your baby feed-play-sleep accordingly, isn't it? But is that possible? Do I expect too much from my baby? Am I being selfish and too uptight? I'm willing to sacrifice and devote my time to my precious baby, but is this the only way to do it?

Rebeccasmum, as far as I can see it is the only way to do it BUT that doesn't mean you have to lose your life, if you adapt your bub's routine to fit in around the things you would like to do, you may be pleasantly surprised that bub may like going out or staying home or whatever..... If you are feeling happy, it rubs off on your bubba and makes life easier all round. The best piece of advice I have ever been given is...... The more time you give your baby the more time you will have for yourself!! It is the truest thng anyone has ever told me about having kids.

I just re-read my post and I seem to be doing a lot of thinking tonight.....no wonder my head aches.....

[onelasttime]

Thank you to everyone with their thoughts on routines. Well I never followed a strict routine, my DS now has adapted to his own way. He is bottlefeed approx every three hours & sleeps & plays during the day when he wants to. But every night around 7-8 he has a bath, feed & he falls asleep right up till 5-5.30 (he his now 10weeks & has been sleeping all night for the past 3-4 weeks).

I don't think I should follow a strick rountine, he is his own person why should he follow what I think is best, he will let me know what he wants. Thats me belief I follow.

Thanks again for all your advice, I feel I'm doing the right thing.

[cjssmummy]

Hi there,
this is my first time on the forum and i am a new mum to a beautiful 5 mth little boy i named connor:) . And i just wanted to say that my son did the same thing for the first 6 weeks and i was totally confused on the whole routine thing but like everyone else has said just do what works for you. Connor now will go to bed any time between 6 and 9 and will normally wake between 4 and 6. i have found what works for me is if he has a feed at 6 and gets sleepy around 7-7.30 i give him another bottle of 100 mls so he has a full belly and since ive started that he nearly always sleeps for 6-7 hrs. So just do whatever works for you.

[Refresh]

Rebeccasmum, as far as I can see it is the only way to do it BUT that doesn't mean you have to lose your life, if you adapt your bub's routine to fit in around the things you would like to do, you may be pleasantly surprised that bub may like going out or staying home or whatever..... If you are feeling happy, it rubs off on your bubba and makes life easier all round. The best piece of advice I have ever been given is...... The more time you give your baby the more time you will have for yourself!! It is the truest thng anyone has ever told me about having kids.

Perfect, I love it and totally agree:D