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sharvs
24-02-2007, 09:49
I've tried talking to friends, family, a social worker - nothing is helping. Maybe getting it out here will help.

My partner has been overseas with the Army since Sept. This deployment has been really hard on both of us. We have a 14 month old son & he's been away for about 11 months of his life. We've been together 6 years, engaged for 3. Early this year he asked me to take off my engagment ring because he didnt feel ready to commit.

Since then things have gone from bad to worse. We cant talk to each other anymore without things getting nasty. He wants to live a single mans life and cant see why that makes me angry. He is coming home early April - it will be the first time he has seen us in 7 months - hes told me he will be home for 2 weeks, then he is going to Europe with mates for 2 weeks before he goes back to work. He cant see why that makes me so angry.

He had the opportunity to come home for 2 weeks in January but he chose to go to Europe with mates instead.

We are trying to seperate now but i think neither of us really wants it, we are just saying stuff to hurt each other. He is messed up - im messed up. I'm here in QLD with my son, all my family is in SA - i have friends but i think they are getting sick of hearing all my problems - its like im stuck in a soap opera because everytime things start to look up, he drops another bomb shell on me.

He's admitted to me that he doesnt know why he is acting the way he is and he will probably live to regret the decisions he has made but he isnt helping himself - Im thousands of kilometers away and i am useless to do anything.

motherhoodlmb
24-02-2007, 14:25
I'm sure people who are in your situation would be able to answer better than me, but absence doesn't necessarily make the heart grow fonder.

I'd be angry too if my husband decided to go to Europe instead of coming home to see his son (and you!)

Unfortunately by living apart, for whatever reason, you're not learning to live together and perhaps his feelings for you have simply changed. Aside from that, I'm not sure where he's posted, but is he seeing and experiencing things that may make him messed up?

Is it possible to get counselling while he's back?

trina73
24-02-2007, 14:32
I'm sorry to hear that your in this situation all i can offer you are :hugs: :hugs: and i hope you can work it out, it wasn't fair of him to go off to Europe with his mates though, he should of been with his family. all the best to you and your little boy.

BaDaBing
24-02-2007, 14:53
perhaps he is acting this way out of guilt. Maybe he feels guilty for missing out on so much of his son's life and he maybe sensing some resentment from you (if it was me hun, I would be resentful!) and doesn't want to be reminded of how he is failing as a father.

I don't know this could be way off, I just thought it was a possible explanation.

You sound like a really strong woman for putting up with this as long as you have, you deserve better :hugs: