How Long...???

[c2p08]

Ok, me and my partner got engaged umm, best part of 12 months ago, but i dont feel that he wanted to really, i feel he felt he had to and it was a 'cool' thing to do. We have talked since and he says that soemtimes he doesnt wnat to- other times he does.

We have a 3 month old daughter, and are both going through depression, plus on top of that stress he had to quit his job because the environment was not suitable for him there, and is now looking for a different job, and we are moving (today infact). plus we broke up twice just over 2-3 weeks ago.

I was jsut wondering- should i be worried that my partner isnt serious? he use to always say stuff about our future, like getting a property together and the house we want etc, but now its usually just the property he wants, and what he wants to do. every now and again its 'our property'. but he doesnt seem to want to talk about a future with me.

is he stil serious about me and our life. (keep in mine he is just 19, had to get full time work cause of bub, and when bub was born he had to grow up from being able to drink every w/e with his mates, to being a full time dad/ full time worker.)

[Widget]

Be patient...

Your lives have BOTH had a major change!

DF and I don't talk about anything but $$ now - and and the occasional excited phone call from me to tell him that DD did something!!

It's very likely that he may feel abit lost and pressured... He has gone from having a fun-filled party weekend life with his mates to a DAD in such a short time... My DF is 27 and is still warming up to the idea that HE is a DAD - it's been 7 months for him.

The pressures of a new job, to support his new FAMILY would be tremendous.

I'm not saying that you need to go easy on him, just that, males seem to come into parenting from a different frame of mind...

Maybe one of the guys on here can explain better??

IMO just give it a little time... once he settles into his new roles all should be sweet again.

:hugs: try not to stress too much about it your DD will pick up on it...

I know it's hard not to - trust me, I know - but you have to try - I nearly left a few times a few months ago, was thinking DD would be better off with 2 parent's that love each other, not that pretend to get along... But we have both since warmed into our new roles and I'm so glad I hesitated in leaving...

Being a new parent really does play with you, you get so confused and upset and you can't think straight... You really do need to play it out as much as you can...

[mum2bubba]

He is only 19 like you said, just give him a bit of time there is no need to rush anything, I am 24 and Grant is 28 and we have been engaged for just 3 years and still haven't set a date, we want to get our relationship on track and even buy a house before we tie the knot. Maybe try talking to him your future together but like I said theres no need to rush. Best of luck.

[katherine]

its the hardest time when you have a new baby. it puts stress on any relationship.

my partner and i dated for 3 years before we got engaged.... and i asked him!!!!! so i felt like times he only said yes cause i asked.....

and it sounds like you have alot on your plate with moving and jobs and everything else.... talk to him, but maybe jsut give yourselves another 6 months or so.....

[Taddy]

DF and I were together for 5yrs before we got engaged, we have been engaged for 1.5yrs and have decided to get married in October.

My answer to you is :hugs: :hugs: and stick with him obviously you two are going through alot at the moment. We also have a new bub who is almost 3mths. At times its hard and yes we do argue but the main thing is that we both love eachother.

If you want to talk just PM me. :hugs:

[JATS]

My husband proposed to me before his 18th birthday! We'd been together less than 12 months. We stayed engaged for 2.5 years before getting married, we'd still be engaged if I hadn't set a date for the wedding!:laughing:

[c2p08]

My husband proposed to me before his 18th birthday! We'd been together less than 12 months. We stayed engaged for 2.5 years before getting married, we'd still be engaged if I hadn't set a date for the wedding!:laughing:

***** proposed to be about 12 months ago, when we found out that i was pregnant with bubs, we had planned her... but i jsut feel like he felt like he was trapped into asking me to marry him.

he was just 18 at the time and i was 19. we had only been together for about 3 months!!!

I guess im jsut worried that he is only wiht me now because of our baby...

[TeganRheana]

My hubby was 28 ...I was 19.....when we had our son...It took him 7mnths to get used to the idea, start helping out amd even acknowledge that we had a baby, he even openly admitted to me that he "blocked it out" for that 7mnths until I was fed up and gave him "options" to say the least lol....BUT he did get better, he did start getting involved and I swear the man he is today is 10x the man I fell inlove with....just give u'r man some time, talk to him LOTS and remind him that you both made the decision to have your child, you both have had to have major changes in your lives and you both need to work together....it will happen:) Keep u'r chin up!

[belinda1976]

I voted Maybe, give him some time but also wanted to vote No, he's just stressed and dealing with alot etc. Your baby is only young and that as first time parents is a lot to take in, your whole life is turned upside down. My DD is nearly 5 months and I'm still adjusting. Plus I think for most it's harder for male partner to adjust to this new change.

You guys are also young so what's the rush. My DH and I were engaged at 26 and we waited 2.5 years until we got married - I'm glad we waited that long. We had just moved in together and that was hard enough learning to live with each other. Plus it gave me heaps more time to organise the wedding etc :p

[Widget]

I voted Maybe, give him some time but also wanted to vote No, he's just stressed and dealing with alot etc.

It is multiple choice, I DID vote for both of those...

[Hokey Pokey]

Sounds like he is very down at the moment.:hugs:

[Herchy]

I don't think you should be worried!
I think you should give it some time!
Heck , I've been with my DP 5 years.... still nothing!! I'm not too fussed, I know he's in it for the long haul.
We moved in together after 2 months!! Pretty fast, but it's turned out ok!!
You are still both very young. Not that you can't be married and happy at 18/19!!
I just think you should take the time to get to know your baby, and each other a little better.
I m/c'd last august, but in the 5 days we knew I was pg, DP came up to me and seriously asked.."so, what do we do about getting married?"
I told him I didint want to get engaged just because we were having a child, I wanted him to want to get engaged.
I just think you should give each other time. It's not the biggest deal in the world!! concentrate on your little bundle of joy and see where life takes you!!
Good luck;)
Nicky

[TeamAwesome]

I just wanted to say on the age thing. My DH was about 5 weeks from his 19th birthday when we got married (we'd been engaged for about months) and I was 20 weeks pregnant when we got married.

Before we found out I was pregnant he kept moving the date around cos he wanted to be financially secure, to be able to fully care for the two of us and to pay for the wedding.(we only ended up moving forward by a couple of months btw)

So talk to him about it. Men tend to worry more about their "role" as "the provider" when it comes to these things.
I hope it gets sorted out for you soon.

[Feral]

Hugs to you SiLeNt AnGeL you are brave.
I am only preg now with my first at 28 but have been with my partner since we were about 18/19 (10 years later, still not married!)we both suffered depression and I can totally understand what your going through in terms of that and unemployment and relationship worries etc. can I jut say depression affects every part of your life and is very hard on your relationship, If you can try to find ways of treating the depression, (I eventualy convinced my partner to go on anti-depressants for a while as Ifound they helped me.)This may help you to be able to deal with the other issues, think clearer etc.
Change is a huge thing, always identify changes that are happening and say to your self ok it will take time to adjust, guys deal with change differently, so give your man time and remember relationships take time and hard work and I know mine wouldnt be what it is today if we hadnt struggled through our ups and downs, this is what makes us stronger.
I hope this helps,Hang in there.

[Hokey Pokey]

How are things going silent angel?

[damien's mum]

I think you will know when it's right. :hugs: